Need info on putting a parent into a home

[kbkids]

I don't even know where to start. My mother-in-law is schizophrenic, and honestly, really needs to be in a home right now. Unfortunately, my father-in-law refuses to do so at the moment. However, he is fast getting to the point where he can't take care of her anymore. He has cancer, and she's just simply more than he can handle.

Where would I find info on what's involved with placing someone in a Medicaid/Medicare facility? They simply do not have the finances for a private facility, nor do we. And I really just do not know where to begin.

We're hoping we can convince him that she needs help beyond what he can give her. Someone mentioned that if she signs the paperwork to go on that's it paid for differently than if someone puts her there. How does that work - is that correct?

We're at the very beginning stages of this and really just need some direction on where to start. Our fear is that something will happen to my FIL and she will be even less cooperative than she is now.

 

[minniecarousel]

I'd start with her physician. I don't imagine much can be done without a doctor.

Good luck.

 

[kbkids]

Which is a BIG part of the problem. She won't go see a doctor - he won't make her go. The last time she went, they Baker acted her, and released her the next week - this was about 8 years ago. So, in her eyes, that's what's going to happen again, and she refuses to go.

 

[kacaju]

Do you have a place in mind? Go visit as many places as you can, talk to the directors there.

 

[kbkids]

I hate for it to come down to waiting until something happens to his dad. Plus she's making things miserable for him right now as well. It's really a big mess, which I think he's just afraid to do anything about. Yes, he's a grown man and can make his own decisions. She wants someone to wait on her hand and foot and gets furious when he doesn't, and he doesn't see the toll that it's taking on him.

 

[mickeyboat]

I think kacaju has made a great suggestion. I am sure there is someone on staff at the home who can walk you through the process.

I am sorry you are going through this. It is tough.

Denae

 

[kbkids]

Do you have a place in mind? Go visit as many places as you can, talk to the directors there.

No, I don't. I guess that would be the logical place to start. He just had surgery today, and the family was discussing it in the waiting room, which I guess it's why it's weighing on my mind today.

 

[Chicago526]

I just did a quick google search and found this site:

http://www.caring.com/

I don't know how good/bad this site is but it seems like a good place to start research, anyway. Good luck!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

My MIL is also schizophrenic however she was divorced long ago. At the point where she was out of it, to the point of police intervention, we were able to get her declared incompetent and BIL has power of attorney.

We were able to sell her house, take the proceeds and apply it to a condo for her. BIL owns the condo and she pays him rent.

She is doing very well by the way. On Zyprexa and very faithful to her meds for 10yrs.

I would start with her doctors, psychiatrists, etc...Her psychiatrist/doctor is going to be the liason to getting her in somewhere.

Social workers also deal with situations like this.

Does she see a psychiatrist? Can you put her into a facility to try and get her on meds or evaluated?

 

[kbkids]

My MIL is also schizophrenic however she was divorced long ago. At the point where she was out of it, to the point of police intervention, we were able to get her declared incompetent and BIL has power of attorney.

We were able to sell her house, take the proceeds and apply it to a condo for her. BIL owns the condo and she pays him rent.

She is doing very well by the way. On Zyprexa and very faithful to her meds for 10yrs.

I would start with her doctors, psychiatrists, etc...Her psychiatrist/doctor is going to be the liason to getting her in somewhere.

Social workers also deal with situations like this.

Does she see a psychiatrist? Can you put her into a facility to try and get her on meds or evaluated?

If we could get my FIL on board with us, I think she could be declared incompetent, but he just won't. I understand the emotional issues behind it, and he just feels like he's bailing on her. When she was Baker acted before, he had been out of town for six months with work. Her sister was taking care of her, and her psychiatrist that she was seeing was instrumental in having it done. But now, you can't get her back in to the doctor at all. I know she's scared, and I feel so bad for her, but if she would just get back on her meds, she'd be so much better off. She refuses to take them because they're just "sleeping pills."

Once FIL gets back home, we're just going to have a serious heart to heart. I'm not looking forward to it because I know it's most likely going to get ugly. Everyone involved is in agreement that something needs to be done except for FIL. I'm just praying that he can look at things realistically instead of emotionally.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If we could get my FIL on board with us, I think she could be declared incompetent, but he just won't. I understand the emotional issues behind it, and he just feels like he's bailing on her. When she was Baker acted before, he had been out of town for six months with work. Her sister was taking care of her, and her psychiatrist that she was seeing was instrumental in having it done. But now, you can't get her back in to the doctor at all. I know she's scared, and I feel so bad for her, but if she would just get back on her meds, she'd be so much better off. She refuses to take them because they're just "sleeping pills."

Once FIL gets back home, we're just going to have a serious heart to heart. I'm not looking forward to it because I know it's most likely going to get ugly. Everyone involved is in agreement that something needs to be done except for FIL. I'm just praying that he can look at things realistically instead of emotionally.

OK so you are dealing with a full blown psychosis. I suspected as much.

I am sorry to tell you that your FIL is the one holding the cards here.

The only angle I can see is getting him into a home. That is probably your best bet here.

 

[NotUrsula]

I dealt with this with my mom, and it's hugely complicated. Be VERY careful what you say to any nursing home administrator until you speak at length with her physician and consider a few important things.

Is she physically disabled as well? Are you speaking of putting her in a nursing home for the aged? If so, you should understand that in many parts of the country almost NO Medicaid-eligible nursing homes for the aged will accept diagnosed schizophrenic patients as new residents; they are just not usually equipped to handle mental illness of that magnitude. If the schizophrenia is diagnosed AFTER they are admitted, then they can sometimes stay, but if administrators know about the schizophrenia going in, you will be very hard-pressed to find ANY home of this type that will take her.

The catch-22 is that residential mental health treatment centers are almost never also equipped to deal with physically-disabled elderly, so they usually don't want to take those patients, either.

It may be that your FIL has spoken to her doctor about it and discovered that there is no good place for her to be. Usually the "home" of last resort for a schizophrenic is the state mental hospital if there still is one -- they are usually not very pleasant places, as these days they most often house the completely indigent and those who have committed criminal acts.

In the end, Mom's doctor lied on her paperwork and fudged her meds a bit to get her into a home that could handle her physical needs.

 

[luvmarypoppins]

I know you said fil is in hosp. now. Will he be able to take care of your mil once he comes home since you stated he waits on her hand and foot etc? You might want to talk to the hospital social worker or the case manager in the hosp. that is assigned to your fil etc. As others have said, you might want to watch how you present the situation etc. Best of luck.

 

[olena]

No advice, but I am sorry to hear about your situation..... It sounds like pure hell.

 

[Gabes_mommy]

My parents had to put my grammy in a home last year after she took a bad fall. In her case she went directly from the hospital to a medical rehab and while at the rehab she decided herself she wanted to go into a home. My father someone got connected with a social worker that arranged everything. The social worker also helped my father complete all the paperwork to have the costs fully covered. The home my grammy was in was really nice too and she was so happy there - sadly she passed in March but we found peace in the fact that her last year was one of the happiest of her recent life - she just loved all the attention she got from the staff at the home where she was. Good luck!

 

[kacaju]

My parents had to put my grammy in a home last year after she took a bad fall. In her case she went directly from the hospital to a medical rehab and while at the rehab she decided herself she wanted to go into a home. My father someone got connected with a social worker that arranged everything. The social worker also helped my father complete all the paperwork to have the costs fully covered. The home my grammy was in was really nice too and she was so happy there - sadly she passed in March but we found peace in the fact that her last year was one of the happiest of her recent life - she just loved all the attention she got from the staff at the home where she was. Good luck!

That sounds too easy!! We were not so lucky with my Dad. My Dad was 64 when he died. He was in and out of hospitals and nursing/rehab places for 15 months before he died. Some places were bad, the place he died in was WONDERFUL.

My suggestion to anyone who needs to place a loved one in any kind of nursing home.... If you have the time... find a few places and sit outside and wait for the visitors to leave and ask them about the place. They will be the ones who will give you the best opinions of the place.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

Where would I find info on what's involved with placing someone in a Medicaid/Medicare facility?

I have worked in nursing homes. The only way Medicare pays is if the person needs skilled care and it only lasts a max of 100 days and must be medically necessary. Medicaid requires a person to spend down their assets before it kicks in.

Social workers also deal with situations like this.

You might try the local department of aging to see what assistance they can give you. They would know the resources for the area.

In her case she went directly from the hospital to a medical rehab and while at the rehab she decided herself she wanted to go into a home.

After three days in a hospital it is easier to start the Medicare coverage.

Good luck.

 

[luvmyeor]

It sounds like you need the help of a county mental health caseworker. It will be difficult to have her placed anywhere if she is not cooperating.

Since she isn't taking her medications has she become a threat to herself or others? You may have to wait it out until she gets to this point and you can have her involuntarily committed to a hospital. Once she is there they can have a hearing to extend her stay and possibly decide that she is not able to return home. My mother is schizo-effective bipolar and I have been dealing with this for many years. She will never volunteer to go to the hospital so I always have to file a 302 to get her admitted.

Good Luck!

 

[chell]

Does she need a nursing home environment or an assisted living environment? How much care does she need?

Like others have said, a social worker is a great place to start. Visiting the types of facilities she needs to be in is also another great step. The social worker can help walk you through the process. Their job is to help you through it.

What state do you live in? Feel free to PM me if you don't want to post it.

Make sure you get a tour of any facility before you even consider placing her there. Also, go online to check the state's records for inspections. Look to see what violations they have. Do they have the same violations every time? Is it something careless that shouldn't have been forgotten? Is it something major that could have resulted in a death?

Unfortunately you will have to go to the doctor because you will have to have an FL2 before they will admit her - I'm guessing that is true in all states, not just mine. Because it is required at our facilities in other states as well.

 

[manning]

By all means get her into something. The stress your FIL is going thru is not helping his battle with cancer. I had cancer 16 years ago and was a basket case. The doctor said the body has two modes, flight and fight, and can't handle both at the same time. When it is in one mode it shuts down the other mode. Stress is part of the flight (fleeing) mode. Your FIL needs to get rid of the stress so his body can get into the fight mode and start producing the hormones needed to help fight the cancer.