Need help!

[AmberI]

Ok, I'm going to DW in Sept for free dining with my family and my mom. I have paid for my mom to come and now my Dsis and her family want to come.(her, her bf, and three kids) She has no money really and asked me to pay for their tickets and would pay me back. She keeps telling me how she helped so much when I was getting on my feet..... I'm sure i'll never see the money again, but she is family, what should I do?

 

[sjms71]

Not even sure you can still book for free dining anymore? So, that may just answer that question right away. Other than that I'm not sure I have any advise for you, I know I'm a big help.

 

[AmberI]

Thanks, she would be staying off site and I guess cooking her own food?

 

[sjms71]

Well, what does your DH think. If all else fails I say blame the husband. LOL

If you can go in expecting not to get the money back and you can live with that, maybe she'll suprise you and pay you back. Now of course I don't know you or your sis but the guilt trip thing wouldn't go over to well with me.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

I never loan money to family. I give them what I can and consider it to be a gift. That way, there's no bad blood between us if i never see the money again. So, if you do decide to buy tickets for your DSis, then I would recommend doing it as a gift from the heart with no strings attached.

OTOH, I would not allow someone to "guilt' me into paying for their vacation. I'd just point out to DSis that you saved a very long time to make this vacation possible. There's really no money to spare and you're stretching the budget as it is so that you can include DMom. There is no possible way that you could find the spare $$ to buy tickets for 5 people right now.

And like sjms71 pointed out, the deadline for booking the free dining package has passed. So, they would not only have to pay for their hotel room, they would have to find a way to pay for food as well.

 

[mickeylove2]

I wouldn't do it and I love me family members, but really, if you have to buy her tickets, she may expect you to treat for the entire trip...souvenirs, drinks, snacks, etc...you may get more than you bargained for!

 

[KKB]

Tricky one here.

I would NOT pay for her BF's ticket...sounds like he is getting a free ride!

Can you afford it? Are you close? What exactly did she do to help you get on your feet?

There are nearly 3 months until you go...why doesn't she just save her money and take care of it herself? There is certainly no rush to get tickets.

I gotta admit, it sounds VERY uncomfortable...would the rift be bigger if you say no, or if you say yes, and you don't get paid back.....

Personally I'd say no...blame it on budget or DH

 

[daisyduck123]

I wouldn't do it.
Be strong...you'll be so glad you did.

(And I know what I'm talking about...I had relatives that wanted to tag along on our upcoming Christmas trip, Dec. 20-26), but I got out of that!

 

[Mkrop]

I dont know how much you spend and I know it is early but can this be your "Christmas or birthday present to them" If you even do this sort of thing, this way you dont have to feel awkward about her paying you back or worried that she wont.

 

[AmberI]

Tricky one here.

I would NOT pay for her BF's ticket...sounds like he is getting a free ride!

Can you afford it? Are you close? What exactly did she do to help you get on your feet?

There are nearly 3 months until you go...why doesn't she just save her money and take care of it herself? There is certainly no rush to get tickets.

I gotta admit, it sounds VERY uncomfortable...would the rift be bigger if you say no, or if you say yes, and you don't get paid back.....

Personally I'd say no...blame it on budget or DH

We were close till she married a military and had to move away. (It's hard when you live in different states) I haven't seen her for 6 years till last x-mas. She helped me buy a car, putting 3000 dollars on it, and helped me pay for my Senior year things. We have the money but it would take some time to remake it.

 

[merekc]

I wouldn't pay for it. Explain that it was a big stretch for you to take your family and to pay for your mom to go. Explore ways that you can help her save for it in the meantime. Help her with a garage sale, maybe even put stuff in it to help her out - We always make 800-1000 with our sales. Maybe you, your sis and your mom could all start coin jars to save to help them out. But I wouldn't commit to pay for it.

Helping you get on your feet is different from paying to go to DW which is a luxury not a necessity. Let her know that if she was struggling to feed her kids, you would be there for her. But you do not owe her a vacation. Not to mention what is her relationship with the BF (and are any of the kids his). I'd hate to pay for someone's trip and two months later they break up.

 

[jtoast]

We were close till she married a military and had to move away. (It's hard when you live in different states) I haven't seen her for 6 years till last x-mas. She helped me buy a car, putting 3000 dollars on it, and helped me pay for my Senior year things. We have the money but it would take some time to remake it.

Did you ever repay her for these things? If the answer is no I would probably pay for the trip if I had the money.

If the answer is yes then I would probably try to come to some sort of compromise, although I definately would not pay for the boyfriend. Just the fact that he is the type who would LET you pay his way would bother me.

 

[AmberI]

No I never paid her back She has been with this guy for over 7 years, two kids. Long story they can't get married. I'm gonna try to talk to my mom about it she what she thinks.

 

[sk!mom]

Did I miss where you said what your DH thinks of this request? To me his opinion would be the one that really mattered.

It sounds as if you don't really want to do it- so don't.

I would repay her the $3000 for the car since she will keep mentioning what you may have considered a gift. If she uses it for a trip- it's up to her but I would send a check for $3000- clearly marked with "car loan- paid in full".

 

[jtoast]

If she loaned you $3K for a car along with other necessary expenses that you still haven't paid her back for then I don't see what you are agonizing about.

You need to either repay the debt in cash or take them with you. If you can't afford to repay them then maybe taking a trip to Disney isn't the smartest thing to do right now.

 

[crisi]

If she loaned you $3K for a car along with other necessary expenses that you still haven't paid her back for then I don't see what you are agonizing about.

You need to either repay the debt in cash or take them with you. If you can't afford to repay them then maybe taking a trip to Disney isn't the smartest thing to do right now.

With interest. You borrowed $3000+ dollars from her apparently over seven years ago. You've never paid her back, she is broke, and you are going to WDW? Wow.....just wow.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

So at one point in your life she pretty much gave you $3000+ as a gift of love


and you are now in the position to reciprocate but don't want to because it will take you a "long time" to earn that money back? Did it not take her a long time to earn the $3000+ she gave you for the car and your Senior year stuff?

I'm personally not seeing the difficulty of this decision?????????????

 

[Ozymoe]

If she loaned you $3K for a car along with other necessary expenses that you still haven't paid her back for then I don't see what you are agonizing about.

You need to either repay the debt in cash or take them with you. If you can't afford to repay them then maybe taking a trip to Disney isn't the smartest thing to do right now.

I agree. I'd pay her back the $3000 plus whatever else you owe her...and start a new slate. If she spends the money for WDW...that's her choice.

To me, a sister laying out that kind of money for you...ummm...what a great thing to do!...and she's not ever asked you to pay it back?...even when you got on your feet?...plus she has kids....

LOL...my mom would have been on me to pay my sister back that kind of a loan in installments the minute I got my first regular paycheck whether it was easy to do or not.

 

[AmberI]

I was 15, her and my mom bought the car for me. I know I should get them the tickets, but I don't know if their going to be happy I did it for them. Also We have the DP so they would have to eat alone or at the condo they rent. I guess if they don't care, it's only money right? It's my money so HD said "Do what ever you want." Let me just say AAAHHHHHHH!

I got this car for my birthday, in return my mom got her BF away better car a year later. She inherited 300K and where all that is now, I don't know. She never had to work for her money, she has everything handed to her. I love her and i'm not cheap, but we work so hard to save up our money, I don't know maybe i'm a bad sister?

 

[Mkrop]

I was 15, her and my mom bought the car for me. I know I should get them the tickets, but I don't know if their going to be happy I did it for them. Also We have the DP so they would have to eat alone or at the condo they rent. I guess if they don't care, it's only money right? It's my money so HD said "Do what ever you want." Let me just say AAAHHHHHHH!

You need to pay her back whether it is with the tickets or with cash. Why would they have to eat alone, they are not going to eat one single meal at the parks. That doesnt seem logical, have counter service meals with them and then split up later or something.