Need help!

[fkj2]

I was 15, her and my mom bought the car for me. I know I should get them the tickets, but I don't know if their going to be happy I did it for them. Also We have the DP so they would have to eat alone or at the condo they rent. I guess if they don't care, it's only money right? It's my money so HD said "Do what ever you want." Let me just say AAAHHHHHHH!

If the money for the car was a loan, you should try to pay her back. Like others said, either repay the money or offset the value in the ticket price(s). Just sit down with her and the two of you come to an understanding that this is part/all of the loan repayment and both of you sign off on it, so there's no misunderstanding later about what exactly was "a gift" and what was the "loan repayment."

Regardless of your age at the time of the car loan, if she and your mom bought it for you with the understanding you'd repay the loan, I'd encourage you to do that. If that's repaid in cash or in equivalent ticket expenses, it's a debt that's nonetheless repaid. Not addressing the issue is more than likely to create hard feelings down the road.

 

[jtoast]

IShe inherited 300K and where all that is now, I don't know. She never had to work for her money, she has everything handed to her. I love her and i'm not cheap, but we work so hard to save up our money, I don't know maybe i'm a bad sister?

Well, I don't know about the other $297,000 but $3,000 of it went to you and that means that $3,000 needs to be repaid. Even if it wasn't a loan, to receive a gift like that when you really needed it and to then refuse to repay it because "she didn't have to work for her money" is just wrong. How hard did you have to work for the $3K she gave you?


I won't say you are a bad sister but maybe it's time to sit down and take a look at the things you value.

 

[Ozymoe]

Well, I don't know about the other $297,000 but $3,000 of it went to you and that means that $3,000 needs to be repaid. Even if it wasn't a loan, to receive a gift like that when you really needed it and to then refuse to repay it because "she didn't have to work for her money" is just wrong. How hard did you have to work for the $3K she gave you?


I won't say you are a bad sister but maybe it's time to sit down and take a look at the things you value.

...I think it was her mother who received the inheritance, not her sister.

...to the OP: are you sure your mom didn't pay your sister back the 3K when she received this inheritance?

LOL...now that I read it over again...I don't know who got the inheritance!

 

[tarheelmjfan]

If she loaned it to you, you should pay her back. If she gave it to you as a gift, she's a very generous sister. IMHO, she deserves the same in return.

 

[sharonmickey]

Why don't you pay your sister back ($3,000 plus interest) then it is her choice whether to use that money for a trip to Disney or not.

Also, just because she isn't getting free dining doesn't mean she and her children have to eat alone. They can still eat with you but just pay for their meals. We went with friends last summer. The friends had the dining plan, we didn't. We still ate together. They used their dining plan to pay for meals, we paid.

 

[rainy~daze]

when she loaned the money for the car and senior year stuff, how was it given? was it said it wouldbe paid back when, or if, you can, or was it just to help you out and a gift?
If it was to be paid back, I'd send her as much of it as you can and if she uses it for Disney it is her choice. If it was a gift, I wouldn't feel guilty about having to match a gift you were once given.
Loans should always be repaid, but gifts are about giving not about what you get in return.
But it was seven years ago, it doesn't even seem like it should be in the equation at this point, unless it has been being discussed like it was an issue for the last 7 years.
Good luck!!

 

[tarheelmjfan]

when she loaned the money for the car and senior year stuff, how was it given? was it said it wouldbe paid back when, or if, you can, or was it just to help you out and a gift?
If it was to be paid back, I'd send her as much of it as you can and if she uses it for Disney it is her choice. If it was a gift, I wouldn't feel guilty about having to match a gift you were once given.
Loans should always be repaid, but gifts are about giving not about what you get in return.
But it was seven years ago, it doesn't even seem like it should be in the equation at this point, unless it has been being discussed like it was an issue for the last 7 years.
Good luck!!

Personally, I wouldn't feel right about accepting such a generous gift, if I wasn't willing to do things for others also. When someone does something kind for me, it makes me want to return the kindness even more.

 

[ScottCI]

I'm the husband. Let me try to clear up a few things.

First off, the car was a gift.
DW's mother wanted to buy her a car for her 16th birthday. Her Sister offered the mother to pay for $3000 to help for the birthday present.
Then the Mom turned around and bought the Sister a car as well to repay the $3000. The Sister sold the car for money after getting all she could out of it.

So technically there was no "loan" that even involves her.

Sister enherited the $300k, plus another $4000 every month, so she doesn't work.

We informed the Sister about the DP and told her about what our plans were for WDW, and asked if she wanted to bring her family and spend the time with us, but she said she had something that was preventing her from doing so.

So then we asked the Mother if she would be willing to come. Since DM lives on the other side of the country we offered to pay for her ticket.
When the Sister heard that the Mother was going to be coming, she decided that she now wants to come with us, but we no longer have the ability to help her out since the only money we have left is for emergencies.

I kind of feel that she doesn't want to come to WDW to spend time with us, just the mother, so why should we be obligated to help her out?

We want this to be a treat for the Mother, because she's pretty miserable right now, so we're paying for most the expenses for her as it is.

The excuse the Sister gave us for not being able to come the first time is that her kids have school during that time; but now that the mother is comnig along she's willing to let her kids skip school? To me it sounds like she thinks she'll get something from the mother.
We're treating the mom, and we don't want her to feel obligated to help treat the Sister.

Does it all make sense now?

It's nothing against the Sister or her family, we're just a little suspicious about her reason for coming.

 

[Mkrop]

Much clearer now. Your DW has too much emotion in all this.

Invite your MIL and be done with it. Let sis pay her own way.

Like I posted b4 if you do Christmas /bday gft exchanges some of the ticket cost could be paid for that in lieu of real presents (I would prefer tickets over another sweater )
another than that dont feel guilty and enjoy your trip!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

well, I think you are right in that you are in no way "obligated" to give the sister anything. The fact remains, at one point in your wife's life, this woman stepped up and gave the $3000 to her sister.

Whether you two want to step up this time is entirely up to the two of you. Only you two know whether or not you have the funds available and what effect that will have upon your family.

Given all of the "we have suspicions of this and that" it doesn't sound like it is in your heart to do this.

your choice. You don't need our blessings.

 

[EthansMom]

IMO, you don't owe your sister any money. She loaned the money to your Mom.. and it sounds like your mom paid her back.

Tickets for two adults and three kids are probably going to cost upwards of $1000, depending upon the number of days and such. I would, honestly, say, "I'm sorry, but we really don't have that kind of extra money right now."

It sounds like the sister is accustomed to getting things for free and is trying to see if she can get a free trip like Mom.

If you feel obligated toward your sister, you could offer to pay a small amount toward tickets... maybe $100 or $200, if that's affordable to you. But, I probably wouldn't.

 

[dis ms.]

... what should I do?

My initial response was going to be, "Send her a postcard." But, after reading your other posts, I think you ought to give your sister something.

The fact remains that your sis helped you out once. Every subsequent post lessens your sister's act of kindness. First she helped you buy a car and pay for senior year things, but you didn't repay her. Then it was that she loaned the car money to your mom and your mom paid her back.

You seem to feel as if you should give her something (I believe you even said so in one post), but you keep justifying not doing so by saying your sis has never had to work, that everything is handed to her, that she likely only wants to go on the trip so she can hit up your mom for whatever.

To me, it doesn't matter how she gets her money (whether it's hard earned or not); she used that money to help you when you needed it. No, you're certainly not obligated to help your sister. She wasn't obligated to help you, either. And yet she did it anyway.

 

[spima3]

IMO, you don't owe your sister any money. She loaned the money to your Mom.. and it sounds like your mom paid her back.
It sounds like the sister is accustomed to getting things for free and is trying to see if she can get a free trip like Mom.

Totally agree with both of these! And I never, ever feel guilty about denying moochers, we have one, SIL, in our family as well.

lori

 

[fkj2]

I'm the husband. Let me try to clear up a few things.

First off, the car was a gift.
DW's mother wanted to buy her a car for her 16th birthday. Her Sister offered the mother to pay for $3000 to help for the birthday present.
Then the Mom turned around and bought the Sister a car as well to repay the $3000. The Sister sold the car for money after getting all she could out of it.

So technically there was no "loan" that even involves her.

If the car was "a gift," and any exchange of funds took place between the mom and the sister, the OP seems to be out of the loop, and doesn't have any responsibility in repaying anything as nearly as I can see.

If the sister blew the inheritence, it's not the OP's problem, nor is supplying the sister with a ticket to WDW just because Sis wants to go back and rewrite history. With the husband's explanation, it now seems like it's the sister who needs to grow up and take a little responsibility of her own.