Need help with appropriate punishment.

[Beth76]

My 4-1/2 year old son broke my excercise ball when he was supposed to be sleeping. I'm not sure exactly what he did to it but there was a giant tear in it and then he hid it before (conveniently) going to sleep. I was going to take away one of his xmas presents. DH suggested actually showing him the present that he would have received and then taking it back to the store. Do you think that's too mean?

 

[clh2]

NO - don't be a grinch.

Christmas is about giving, a "feel good" type of holiday, don't wreck it for him because you are upset with him.

Now, I am not saying that there shouldn't be a consequence for this action. I'm just saying it shouldn't involve Christmas.

 

[jamzots]

My 4-1/2 year old son broke my excercise ball when he was supposed to be sleeping. I'm not sure exactly what he did to it but there was a giant tear in it and then he hid it before (conveniently) going to sleep. I was going to take away one of his xmas presents. DH suggested actually showing him the present that he would have received and then taking it back to the store. Do you think that's too mean?

Yeah I think that's a little extreme. There was a thread on here a while back about appropriate punishment and how Christmas should not come into play. He will remember that forever and it could make him feel bad about Christmas.
I just had a similar incedent when my 8 year old son threw my car keys on the ceramic tile floor out of anger. He broke the remote start key pad in a milllion pieces, I now have to pay $200.00 for a new one. He got the whole talk, he knows he is grounded, and that he will have to work it off. I am making him help me around the house after his homework is done. He is not allowed t.v. or video games. I will make him work it off for about a week or so because I think that is appropriate for his age. BUT I will not take away any of his Christmas presents, because Christmas is a separate issue. Good Luck!! It is so hard trying to be a good parent and trying to find appropriate punishments.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

When my daughter breaks something through carelessness (which isn't very often at all) I find an age appropriate job for her and make her work off the cost. I give her minimum wage per hour for her work. So if she breaks something worth 50 bucks, she has to go out and do yard work for seven hours. Of course, she is 14, so yard work is appropriate. You could have your little guy do other things to help around the house. Maybe teach him to dust, help with the laundry, pick up toys, vacuum, clean up the yard or whatever else you think he can handle! I would also insist on no outside and TV until he does make up the cost. I have no idea how much an exercise ball costs (not even sure what it is!) but if it is too expensive, obviously he won't be able to make up the entire cost of the item, but a couple days of housework will indeed teach him a lesson. I don't think I would take the Christmas gift back, though.

 

[smilingmouse]

FWIW, I like Dakota Lynn's idea. Good luck with your decision!

 

[ChristmasElf]

How much do exercise balls cost to replace? I would go from there and decide what punishment was necessary. He is only 4 so he probably thought he couldn't break it.

 

[Lyn5]

I also agree with Dakota Lynn's idea. I do think this is something you must address now. Yes, accidents happen and I also do not think the value of the ball is what is important. If the fact is he hid the damage from you, that is what I would be concerned with. Goodluck.

 

[crazee4mickey]

Maybe I'm too much of a push over but he's only 4 1/2 years old.
Ask him what happened and why he hid it. Unless there is more to this it was most likely an accident and he hid it because he was scared he might get into trouble.
Taking the gift away or showing him what he was going to get then returning it is IMHO just very mean-spirited.......besides what are you teaching him by doing that?
Would this not hurt a child a lot?
I don't know but if my parents had done that to me I would probably be quite vengeful. Does it teach the child that mentality of "you break my toy and I'm going to do something mean back"?
Yes, there needs to be consequences but remember the age of the child you are dealing with...

 

[eeyore kelly]

I agree with the other posters. Make him work it off, but don't bring X-mas into it.

 

[ilovepcot]

Whatever you decide to dole out as punishment, hope you won't tie it in with Christmas. After all, it isn't a "Christmas Ball" is it? Didn't happen on Christmas day...nothing to do with Christmas. Oh please, I'm begging for the little fella.

 

[icebrat001]

Aww, he's just 4 years old. I think having a talk with him and letting him know that mommy is sad and disappointed and punishment enough. Those little brains can only understand and comprend so much.

 

[Ziva]

Aww, he's just 4 years old. I think having a talk with him and letting him know that mommy is sad and disappointed and punishment enough.

I agree.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I think you should talk to him about the circumstances. He needs to know that you expect him to respect your things and not use them without permission. Let him know that you understand that accidents happen and when he breaks something he needs to let you know. I agree with prior posters--letting your son know that you are disappointed in him will likes make a huge impact--I know it did when my DS was younger. I also agree that he should do some chores to make up for the broken item.

 

[debloco]

I wouldn't link it to anything about Christmas either. What he did and what happened is not related to anything regarding Christmas and I feel it would be confusing to link the two disparate ideas.

I think the best thing is to find a consequence that is logical and related to what happened. He is only 4, so abstract thinking is something he is capable of yet. It needs to be kept concrete and tangible and directly related so he can understand.

Can he help you fix the ball? Can he help with some chores? I think he's too young to "work" for too long to really earn enough over a period of time to pay for a new ball (delayed gratification can't last too long for a 4 year old and again, it's an abstract idea). But to help you with some things for a few days and then go with you to "purchase" the new ball might be an idea.

 

[shortbun]

Does he have any balls? How about taking away one of his balls for a day and a stern lecture about nap time and mommy's things? He's 4 1/2 right? Not like he's 12 and was being malicious. Where was the ball? Where was he napping? How long was he unsupervised and might you reconsider that issue? Kids this young are still experimenting and don't understand the possibilities of their actions. Good luck.

 

[momof2inPA]

If you put a big, colorful ball where a four year old can reach it, do you expect them not to play with it, ever? I think that's asking too much. It must have been on top of a toy or near a big corner when he bounced on it, or it was defective, because I've seen my kids' friends (one a BIG 9 year old) jump all over those things without busting them.

Just ask him what happened and then decide if a tiny punishment is warranted. He's just a kid. Plus, at four, he might be growing or grown out of his nap and is just not tired in the middle of the day. That happens at this age, and there's no use fighting it.

 

[lookingforward]

I don't think I would link his punishment to Christmas. That holiday is too special for him to be sad about it. When my kids were little I would make them do a chore (not a normal one, something different) and the make them draw a card (since he is too young to write) about it. When they got older I made them write apology letters.

Letters around here are important. My kids, now 15, 13, and 7, write letters to loved ones for Christmas, birthdays and mother's/father's day. They have become very adept at expressing themselves in words and we cherish their thoughts and feelings. My parents especially love the cards and feel that they are priceless.

 

[Lisa F]

I agree with what everyone else said here but will expand. I think one of the most important things you can teach your kids is that they can come to you when they make a mistake. I think by doling out such a cruel punishment for such a minor infraction at such a young age, you are going to teach your kids that they better figure out a better way to hide it when they make mistakes because they are really in for trouble if you find out. Maybe you think I am being overdramatic about it being a cruel punishment, but to a 4 1/2 year old, dangling a gift in front of them and then taking it away can be pretty mentally cruel. As someone else pointed out, their ability to reason abstractly is not yet developed.

Personally I think starting the talks about why he hid it and about how it's always better to tell mommy and daddy when something happens than trying to hide it because mommy and daddy will always love him and forgive him and help figure out a way to make it right would be warranted and I like the suggestions for making it right by having him "work off" a new ball for you even if it's literally not working off the same amount of money.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

OT here, but Lisa F., I just adore your cats. Especially the orange and white one

 

[aprilgail2]

At 4 1/2 I would not punish my daughter for something like that she did! I would certainly talk to her and make it known that she should fess up and not hide things she did but to punish her for someting like that, especially being its a ball...what kid cold resist a big ball in their face and not play with it!