Need help with appropriate punishment.

[The Mystery Machine]

OK, appropriate punishment would be to go to bed early, for example. Tie it to bedtime.

Or he has to do some chores before bed, something like that, KWIM.

 

[jenniferma]

Beth-- good luck with him. My DD4 has done a couple of things similar and I get more upset about her not telling me the truth than the things she breaks! I would say as long as he'll admit to breaking the ball, I would verbally punish him.

good luck though... 4 year olds are so much fun, huh?
jen (bananas by dd4)

 

[Ronda93]

I'm guessing that he did something to break it, but I have to go investigate further.

I'd be worried about how he managed to tear one of those things. We know it didn't burst. I'd get to the bottom the how more than the why. If there's something within his reach that can rip through that material, it's a danger, whatever it is.

 

[minkydog]

Beth-- good luck with him. My DD4 has done a couple of things similar and I get more upset about her not telling me the truth than the things she breaks! I would say as long as he'll admit to breaking the ball, I would verbally punish him.

good luck though... 4 year olds are so much fun, huh?
jen (bananas by dd4)

What does this mean 4yos can understand hurt feelings, broken toys, etc. They don't understand verbal "punishment" WHy would he want to admit his mistake if the result is going to be punishment anyway

I always told my son if he would just tell the truth I would not yell. As a result he will tell me anything, even stuff he knows will get him in trouble(like speeding in a school zone ) Even at 4yo I would ask his opinion of his behavior. My DS almost always admits he did wrong and his punishment suggestions are way more extreme than mine.

 

[Pooh Crew]

Let me preface this response by saying that I have five children: a 16yr old daughter, 6 yr old BGG triplets and a 4 1/2 yr old son. Things get broken around here often.

Here's what I would do: first, Christmas plays absolutely no part in the situation. Second, I would use it as a learning experience. I would explain how sad I am because they broke something of mine and then ask how they would feel if a sibling broke something of theirs. Third, I would stress how important it is to tell me the truth and how I am more upset over the lie (or concealment, in this case) than the accident. Obviously, your son hid it because he thought he was going to get in trouble--there's really no mystery there.

Accidents happen. I have told my kids that they will always get into more trouble for lieing to me than any accident they could have. I have also tried to convey to them the importance of telling me as soon as something happens so I can fix it. Use it as a learning experience for him and move on. That's just my two cents.

 

[Beth76]

but to return a gift he doesn't even know about as a punishment makes no sense what so ever.

Seriously, this statement doesn't make sense to me. He doesn't know about it, I was going to maybe take it back anyway and it's the same same price as the ball. This will not be his only "punishment". It's just what I'm going to do. I'm still trying to figure out how this happened. I'm getting bits and peices of this story. He definitely knows he did something wrong.

 

[Beth76]

Obviously, your son hid it because he thought he was going to get in trouble--there's really no mystery there.

Accidents happen. I have told my kids that they will always get into more trouble for lieing to me than any accident they could have. I have also tried to convey to them the importance of telling me as soon as something happens so I can fix it. Use it as a learning experience for him and move on.

Exactly. He breaks stuff all the time that worth way more than this ball. It's that he hid it from me that makes me really mad. But, I'm sure it wasn't an accident. He had to have poked it with something and i'm trying to find out what. He's still "thinking" about it in his room.

 

[Sparx]

Aww, he's just 4 years old. I think having a talk with him and letting him know that mommy is sad and disappointed and punishment enough. Those little brains can only understand and comprend so much.

ITA!
Just give him a time out or something. We had a cat break an exersize ball, so we bought another one. Hes just four! Don't take away his xmas presents for it!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

After telling him that I need an explanation about how it happened, I would then have him think about it in his room until he decides to tell you. Let him know that it's the lack of an explanation that has you most upset. I've always told my kids that they will be in less trouble if they tell my why and how something happened. I don't tell them they won't be in any trouble, just less.

 

[Beth76]

Well he finally came out and told me what happened. He said that he was poking it with a safety pin. Fantastic. And he didn't think it would pop. Yeah right. He did apologize and we talked about not breaking other people's stuff and lying about it. Grrr.

 

[punkin]

I don' see why this is such a big deal deserving of punishment at all. You already sent him to his room and told him you were upset. I broke a glass the other day while washing dishes (it was good crystal - had to be washed by hand). Should my husband take back my Channuka present. Maybe he should beat me so I never break another glass?

 

[Beth76]

I don' see why this is such a big deal deserving of punishment at all. You already sent him to his room and told him you were upset. I broke a glass the other day while washing dishes (it was good crystal - had to be washed by hand). Should my husband take back my Channuka present. Maybe he should beat me so I never break another glass?

Seriously? Did you even read the thread? Where did you get the slightest implication that I would beat my child? And it's been stated that this was not an accident. He did it on purpose (maybe not to break it-but the action was on purpose) and he hid the evidence and then lied about it?

 

[Tinijocaro]

I think you should find another punishment too. Unless destruction of your property is a habit of his.

I will tell you what I did one year to 5 year old ds. He started coming home with things that didn't belong to him, I asked the kindergarten teacher, andshe said he had taken it from her reward box. He did it twice and had to go to the principal's for it! The last day of school before Christmas vacation, he did it yet again!!!! I was so mad. He really wanted this Power Rangers thing, I wrote a note from Santa telling him that I he was supposed to get it, however, stealing is a very bad thing and if he stopped doing it, I (Santa) would get it for him next year. I do think he learned his lesson very well, and wasn't completely crushed. He didn't ask for the Power Ranger thing the next year, and he stopped stealing.

So yes, I did tie Christmas in with his behavior, but it was with an ongoing problem. If this was a one time incident with your ds, I wouldn't tie it in.

Jackie

 

[bananiem]

Well he finally came out and told me what happened. He said that he was poking it with a safety pin.

Well, at least there wasn't a hot iron for him to melt it with.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Well he finally came out and told me what happened. He said that he was poking it with a safety pin. Fantastic. And he didn't think it would pop. Yeah right. He did apologize and we talked about not breaking other people's stuff and lying about it. Grrr.

How did he get a safety pin? You should be glad it was just the ball and not his eye or something.

 

[ChubbyHubby]

My humble suggestion is make him "work" to earn enough money to repay for the ball. It makes a direct cause and effect for the kid.

Chubby Hubby

 

[needanewjob]

After reading all these threads can anyone wonder why kids of the day are like they are. Everyone is afraid to punish their kids when they do something wrong. Geez... Oh its okay junior, you intentionally broke this but thats okay, mommy is mad now go play like a good boy.

 

[tarmand]

IMaybe he should beat me so I never break another glass?

Kind of uncalled for, don't you think?

 

[pattyT]

I think you need to pay more attention to him...

first the Iron
then the screw and now
a safety pin!!!!

 

[Miss Jasmine]

After reading all these threads can anyone wonder why kids of the day are like they are. Everyone is afraid to punish their kids when they do something wrong. Geez... Oh its okay junior, you intentionally broke this but thats okay, mommy is mad now go play like a good boy.

I don't think anyone said it was okay (if there was I missed it), everyone was saying not to relate the punishment to Christmas.