Need help on how to approach friend.

[fraggle551]

Ask him how he'll feel betryaing his 3 daughters and wife for some 'fling' cause its not fair that life maybe have another 'one' for him. He will ruin his entire family. He will ruin EVERYTHING. You can never take this back. Ever. Tell him to grow up and get away from it now, before he makes a mistake he can never take back.

Your dad is supposed to be one man you can always count on in life. Ask him how he'll feel taking that away from his children. If their father isn't man enough to realize what he is losing, make him see it.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

This is the 7 year itch - tell him to work through it! Is this the first time a woman other than his wife is flirting with him? The reason why she seems so attractive is because she is forbidden, the same reason she is attracted to him. If he leaves his wife, this guy is a divorced dad of three - definitely not a catch.

Tell him to go by a sports car. Geez.

I'm pretty sure it is. He has always been shy and reserved. Never really had a lot of girlfriends growing up, and usually had to be approached, rather than him doing the approaching.

He's also had a rough time at his work fitting in, so it's really the first time he's had a work friend at all.

 

[antmaril]

You know the answer to this and so does he. He is a married man and a father. It's really very simple.

 

[fraggle551]

Try asking him what he would do if one of his daughters was in this situation. What if her husband was acting this way? He needs to stop thinking with his anatomy and start using his brain.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

When he brought this topic up it had little to do with "fooling around" or anything like that. I've never seen him like this, he was really confused about everything.

It shouldn't need to get to that point.

He's straying and if he's not careful, he'll lose everything. Respect, his family, and most likely that tart.

He is a ******* for even hosting the IDEA of her. Tell him to grow up and realize where "home" is. If he's not happy there, then he needs to move on, but tell him to be prepared for one hell of a storm. He'll destroy his wife and crush his children - and most likely, the thought hasn't even crossed his mind.

Ask him this... if he does CHOOSE to continue a relationship with the tart and sacrifice his family, how is he going to explain that to his kids when they are old enough to know what daddy did? Will he be able to look them in the eye and tell them the truth? Is it worth it? How would he handle that situation for his kids if they are in that type of a situation when they are older? Is he going to be able to comfort them when he too, was guilty?

It's not worth it. Period.

 

[Toad_Passenger]

Try asking him what he would do if one of his daughters was in this situation. What if her husband was acting this way? He needs to stop thinking with his anatomy and start using his brain.

Interestingly enough, for the type of guy he is, I really think it's his brain that is causing all the trouble here. He's never been the "typical guy" when it comes to sex and such.

 

[Aimros]

I think the grass always seems greener on the other side, the problem is the other side can be blinding to reality. I can only agree with every other PP... your friend made a commitment, and perhaps he might be feeling like things are getting a little "stale" and now he has this "opportunity". I think what he needs to do is take his wife out, for dinner, for a weekend, and revive their marriage. He needs to remind himself of what he has and how good it is... don't let him make the biggest mistake of his life.

Have you noticed any problems in their marriage recently? I know it might not be obvious, but is there anything that might have triggered his new desires (and the thoughts that his life is so "unfair?").

Granted his wife will (hopefully) probably never find out about his feelings, but how horrible would it feel to know your spouse feels like life's unfair because he/she married you? That's just awful.

 

[kwitcherkicken99]

Interestingly enough, for the type of guy he is, I really think it's his brain that is causing all the trouble here. He's never been the "typical guy" when it comes to sex and such.

People change. Especially when they are being pursued. People say things that make others do STUPID THINGS.

 

[focusondisney]

Interestingly enough, for the type of guy he is, I really think it's his brain that is causing all the trouble here. He's never been the "typical guy" when it comes to sex and such.

Well, if it's a mind not sex thing, maybe he should think about this: what would he want his wife to do if this situation was reversed? If it was her meeting someone "interesting" at work?

 

[Wishing on a star]

Everyone here is right....

I LOVE the first response to your thead.

You need to do NOTHING to assuage this guys guilt or offer any kind of acceptance or 'permission'.

Based on his so called 'confusion' and the way you mentioned how this guy is with relationships (both psychological and physical) in your last post, I would be wondering if he needs some professional help????

 

[NHdisneylover]

Try asking him what he would do if one of his daughters was in this situation. What if her husband was acting this way? He needs to stop thinking with his anatomy and start using his brain.

Along these lines you can remind him that his daughters will use how he treats their mother as the example that teaches them how to allow other men to treat them. Ask him to think when he acts if he wants to teach his daughter that this is how men (men who love them even) should treat them?

I do think, especially if he is shy as you say that the PP is right about this being such a novelty for him (a woman throwing herself at him basically) that he is too flattered by the situation to judge it properly. Point that out to him. Get him thinking.
Oh, and if you can, offer to babysit SOON so he can take his wife out for a nice evening and reconnect.

 

[cabanafrau]

What on earth does he have to be so confused about? This is hardly a gray area issue.

Gotta admit, I'm intrigued by your defenses, er responses, to the replies your thread is getting. You're either a very loyal friend or . . .

 

[fraggle551]

Along these lines you can remind him that his daughters will use how he treats their mother as the example that teaches them how to allow other men to treat them. Ask him to think when he acts if he wants to teach his daughter that this is how men (men who love them even) should treat them?

I do think, especially if he is shy as you say that the PP is right about this being such a novelty for him (a woman throwing herself at him basically) that he is too flattered by the situation to judge it properly. Point that out to him. Get him thinking.
Oh, and if you can, offer to babysit SOON so he can take his wife out for a nice evening and reconnect.

Exactly. I vote to send him my way. My dad cheated on my mom and it destroyed everything. I will sit him down and set him straight! It took me a long time to realize what you said above. It also creates major trust problems. If your dad, the one man who you are supposed to be able to always count on, can betray your mother and you and your siblings, how do you trust anyone else? There is no need to hurt the innocent people in this situation. And by acting on any of these feelings, emotionally or physically, he is doing exactly that.

 

[NMAmy]

Well, gee, life isn't fair and the grass is always greener. What a shock. If the friend is unhappy in his marriage, he needs to either fix it or get out of it before he starts trying to find a replacement. He made a commitment to his wife and to his daughters. If he wants to end that commitment, fine, but do it as honorably as possible.

I'm not sure why this is so confusing to you or to your friend.

 

[SC Minnie]

I have a friend going through a divorce right now because her husband cheated and thought the OW was `the one`after all.

They have a 15yo DD. The DD knows why they are divorcing and refuses to take the dads calls or answer his texts. He always calls her cell phone. The DD doesn`t want anything to do with him anymore. She doesn`t respect him. Is this what your friend wants

 

[Tinkermommy]

If this were my friend I would say this.

"You are getting a lot of attention from this woman. She's new, somewhat attractive, she pays attention to you and she is flirting with you so its a bit exciting and feels nice to get this attention.

It's easy for her. She is not invested. She doesn't have three kids, dirty laundry, discussions about poop and mortgage payments, spit-up in her hair, etc. Of course, it's going to be interesting and fun.

Sounds like you need to reconnect with your wife and feel those fun, sexy, happy moments again. How about I baby sit for you so you can have some alone time with YOUR WIFE?

Oh and if you choose to hurt your family and tear apart your home for a piece of tail, don't come crying to me when the "spark is over" or she has dumped you for the next guy."

But that's just me.

 

[Motherofboys]

Exactly. I vote to send him my way. My dad cheated on my mom and it destroyed everything. I will sit him down and set him straight! It took me a long time to realize what you said above. It also creates major trust problems. If your dad, the one man who you are supposed to be able to always count on, can betray your mother and you and your siblings, how do you trust anyone else? There is no need to hurt the innocent people in this situation. And by acting on any of these feelings, emotionally or physically, he is doing exactly that.

Same boat here, it took me over 10 years to learn to trust my DH. I couldn't trust any man after daddy took off on the family to have his ego stroked by some young co-worker who saw "an established family man with a decent income" that she wanted for her own use.

And that lasted less than a year, surprisingly it isn't so fun anymore when you realize that all the tart wants is your wallet.....what about all that talk about being handsome, smart, interesting, having so much in common...

 

[Tuffcookie]

Bethenny wrote: NEWSFLASH: He is a ******* for complaining that life isn't fair because something that he thinks is better came along. And you're a ******* for thinking he's got a valid complaint here. I'll take my points now thankyouverymuch

ITA!

TC

 

[focusondisney]

NEWSFLASH: He is a ******* for complaining that life isn't fair because something that he thinks is better came along. And you're a ******* for thinking he's got a valid complaint here. I'll take my points now thankyouverymuch

&

 

[MsDisney23]

The boy needs to find Jesus.