Need advice..my 21yo brother leaves **UPDATE post #9**

[melanie18]

Air Force basic training on Monday. He still lives at home with my mom. I should probably mention that there is a big age difference between my brother, my sister & I (sis is 42, I am 37 and brother is 21 -- it's like the poor kid has 3 moms ). His Dad is not really in the picture - doesn't even know he going. We wanted to have a party for him before he left (we have a small family), he didn't want one. After some arm twisting, he finally agreed to dinner tomorrow night @ his favorite restaurant.

It is now almost 8pm on Sat. night and he has not packed a single thing. His room looks like he plans on living there forever. He's not really saying much to anyone and he's also not eating a whole lot (unusual for him).

I can't get rid of this feeling that something is up with him. I don't even know how to describe it. I know he's really nervous right now & don't want to put extra pressure on him, but really, he's leaving Monday and is acting like he's not going anywhere! For all I know, maybe he plans on not going.

He's not exactly an active 21 yo (not overweight or anything), but he has not worked out an ounce for the last 3 months. What does he think basic training is going to be? I could go on and on, but I'm just really concerned about him and don't know what to do.

How do you make someone open up to you? Or more importantly, how do you accept what they are saying, even though you feel like they are shutting down?

I am not making sense anymore...

 

[EthansMom]

You can't make anyone open up to you. In all likelihood, your brother is just nervous. Maybe you could offer to help him pack?

 

[Mercy]

I'm sure he's really scared, nervous.... it's probably just sinking in that his whole life as he knows it is going to change. He's also very young. Just be there for him, love him, talk to him, maybe he'll open up. I'm sure he'll be fine when he gets there.

 

[Stacerita]

I wouldn't worry to much about it. Im sure he is nervous about going. Basic training is a big step for someone so it could be a lot of worrying about "what ifs" and such. And the not packing could just be him. My brother leaves for Kuwait at 5am tomorrow, and as of 7pm tonight, he still is not packed. Too bad for him if he forgets clean underware. I should also mention, hes not young either, he is almost 30. .

 

[Blueeyes101817]

i agree with the previous posters--he is probably just nervous..
I have a couple good friends that went to basic right after we graduated high school in 2003..they were nervous, but got through..they have since been stationed here in NJ and have both been to Iraq--they both waited til the last minute to pack too!!

 

[Barb D]

I've never been to Basic Training...but how much packing is there to do? Don't they provide you with clothes? (Or have they already given them to him?) And I would imagine there's not much else you could really take.

I'd be nervous if I were him, too. Give him lots of extra hugs tomorrow.

 

[melanie18]

Thanks for the advice everyone. In a bizarre update, my mom went out last night b/c my DB wanted orange juice. She tripped in the parking lot and fell on her face, knocking out a tooth and loosening 2 others. I feel so bad for her. Of course, she wouldn't let the food store call an ambulance, so she had them call my DB to get her (luckily, he made her go to the ER). She has a severely swollen lip and a gash on it and her knee is pretty bruised up. We're trying to call around & see if any dentists will see her 1st thing in the morning (my brother leaves @ 2:30pm).

I'm also not sure about dinner tonight. Obviously, my mom will not want to go out to dinner so we're thinking of just getting take-out from the restaurant instead.

I'll let you know what happens!


P.S. Stacerita, thanks for the advice -- too funny that he may be the same way about packing at age 30!

 

[Longsx3]

Maybe you could ask him if he has all of the items he needs for BT? The AF provides a list of all of the items that he will need to bring with him. Maybe this could start the dialogue about packing, etc. Maybe you could offer to help hime pack too.

 

[melanie18]

Well, he left today . I have been so emotional all day it's ridiculous!

It was only him & 1 other guy leaving from the recruiting center today. At least he'll have someone to talk to. They are staying at a hotel near base, then they fly out of Philly tomorrow (can't believe they still fly commercial). The recruiter said he is not "theirs" until he takes the oath tomorrow morning.

The recruiter was telling them all of the bad stuff too. Don't look anyone in the eye. Don't volunteer that you know how to drive. Don't eat dessert. They make you drink 3 large glasses of water before every meal (it's 90 degrees in Texas) so don't finish your meal. Don't be the first one to vomit . Good lord, what do they do to them?

She told them that they will despise everyone in the military during basic training and will absolutely hate it. During technical school, they will have a few more liberaties than basic and they will feel a little better.

I'm crying again.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Well, he left today . I have been so emotional all day it's ridiculous!

It was only him & 1 other guy leaving from the recruiting center today. At least he'll have someone to talk to. They are staying at a hotel near base, then they fly out of Philly tomorrow (can't believe they still fly commercial). The recruiter said he is not "theirs" until he takes the oath tomorrow morning.

The recruiter was telling them all of the bad stuff too. Don't look anyone in the eye. Don't volunteer that you know how to drive. Don't eat dessert. They make you drink 3 large glasses of water before every meal (it's 90 degrees in Texas) so don't finish your meal. Don't be the first one to vomit . Good lord, what do they do to them?

She told them that they will despise everyone in the military during basic training and will absolutely hate it. During technical school, they will have a few more liberaties than basic and they will feel a little better.

I'm crying again.

Awww Im sure its very hard but be proud that he is making decisions and taking control of his life. I know that some basics are easier than others or it is in the army. But yes it will be hot in TX and they will be mean lol but not as bad as it used to be or portrayed on television. Just don't write for a bit because it used to be they they would have to do so many push ups for each letter. Congrats on having a good brother.

 

[JCJRSmith]

Relax - he'll be fine. Basic training is designed to break one of one's civilian habits and mold one into a productive member of the military.

Your brother will find something in himself he did not know existed and it will make him stronger and ready to face the world. I learned that I could develop the self-discipline to do what ever I had to do. He will to.

It is okay to miss him - but don't worry. The military takes good care of its own.

 

[DVC Sadie]

Well, he left today . I have been so emotional all day it's ridiculous!

It was only him & 1 other guy leaving from the recruiting center today. At least he'll have someone to talk to. They are staying at a hotel near base, then they fly out of Philly tomorrow (can't believe they still fly commercial). The recruiter said he is not "theirs" until he takes the oath tomorrow morning.

The recruiter was telling them all of the bad stuff too. Don't look anyone in the eye. Don't volunteer that you know how to drive. Don't eat dessert. They make you drink 3 large glasses of water before every meal (it's 90 degrees in Texas) so don't finish your meal. Don't be the first one to vomit . Good lord, what do they do to them?

She told them that they will despise everyone in the military during basic training and will absolutely hate it. During technical school, they will have a few more liberaties than basic and they will feel a little better.

I'm crying again.

Melanie, please don't cry. I won't tell you not to worry but I will tell you that he will be fine. You're probably saying , well how would she know? I know because I am retired Air Force and while I am a female and a lady I not only survived but learned life lessons while in boot camp. Boot camp does not last long and it will be okay. Have faith in your brother and write him daily. I looked forward to letters during mail call. Mail call is HUGE and helps pass the time. Good luck to your brother and to yourself.