need a moan,cry

[vicky1bfc]

Sorry in advance because i know its going to be a long one.
I have 8 year old twin incase some of you don't know.

I have been having real trouble with one of my dd's regarding school since they went back.Every morning she's crying and complaining of not feeling well but when i still take her to school she cries and cries all the way there.At the beginning of the week when i took her in once she was grabbing hold of me and wouldn't let go,so much so her teacher came out of the classroom and asked me if i wanted him to get her in.I said yes but she still wouldn't let go and really screamed the school down.It ended up with her teacher pulling her into the classroom but, she still had hold of me so he was pulling the both of us.We finally managed to get her off me and i ran out of the school crying my eyes out.

Ever morning is turning out the same way and it's heartbreaking.
I had it with both of them this morning(i actually think one was ill but she set the one that i have had problems with off again) Yet again i went back to my car after the head dragged them into school and sobbed.
I have been on the phone a number of times to the head and he blames in on them not wanting to leave me and with a new first male teacher they have had.I have spoken to there actual teacher and he has no idear what the problem is.I have spoke to both girls and they say that schools fine,teachers fine,not being bullied.

I'm so angry with Dh because he say's the same as the head but, i don't believe it as they are such independant girls usually for there age.I have spoke to him about how it is and how horrible and and upset i feel but he just say's the same think that its because they don't want to leave me.I feel so alone without his help and support and i'm beginning to feel like he doesn't care about how i feel or whats going on with the girls.I just sit and cry when i think about it(like now)

I'm at my wits end and don't know what to do next.
I'm not sure what i want anyone to say but, i needed to get it off my chest.If you have made it this far thanx for reading.

 

[arieljasmine]

Oh, Vicky, you poor thing. I don't feel in a position to offer advice as I don't have any kids, but I wanted to send you a big and hope that things improve for you and your girls.

ArielJasmine

 

[ariel75]

Sorry you are having problems at the moment it seems so strange that this has started so suddenly i can understand how you are feeling at the moment. I am a single parent who even though i have plenty of friends to talk to i never feel i can ever open up properly and have no one that i can cuddle up and cry to for comfort.
You've came to the right place to open up and have a rant no one here minds.
Hopefully your husband comes round to your way of thinking soon and your daughter can find a way round this awful situation.
Here's hoping next week is better. xxx

 

[Boo Boo Too]

I can only think of a couple of things... the first isn't easy.

You need to be incredibly strong. You need to not show ANY emotion infront of your daughters at all. You need to not be upset or to react particularly to them being upset. Just be firm, positive, cheerful and keep talking to them: talk to them about what they are going to do today, who they are going to see/sit next to/play with and put all of it in a VERY positive and cheerful tone (even though you wont feel like it!). Get their minds OFF OF missing you and ON TO what they are going to do that day. Chances are, that after you have left them at school... within a fairly short period they forget about it all and get on with their day (their school work, talking to friends, playing). That isn't that they don't miss you any more, just that they are too busy doing other things to think about it

The other thing that you could do is, each morning, set out a special "treat" for when they come home - IF (AND ONLY IF) they are good and "grown-up" on the way to school. Firstly as a reward for good bahvaiour, secondly as something to look forward to later. When I say treat I mean something fairly simple: a trip to the park together, doing a puzzle together, reading a story together, colouring together, cooking some cakes together. Try to keep away from food rewards or costly rewards as much as possible (since food as a reward is not a good habit and neither is buying them things...). Tell your girls about the treat BEFORE you leave the house (maybe during breakfast) and stress that it is only if they are good and "grown-up" on the way to school. Get their agreement. If on the way to school they begin to get upset/teary, remind them of the the treat (and it is only if they are good). When you get to school (hopefully they have behaved), when you are just about to say goodbye, thank them for being so grown-up and good, remind them that they have the treat to look forward to after school, give them a kiss, smile and (cheerfully and positively) wish them a very good day (better than saying bye I think).

You need to be INCREDIBLY strong - it isn't easy, but the girls are HUGELY influenced by everything that you do (both consciously and sub-consciously). If they are aware the the situation is upsetting you, then they will be a LOT more upset.

So be firm and positive and cheerful in all that you do on the way to school.

Best Wishes,
Boo

 

[Funniebunny]

I'm the same as ariel jasmine, I don't have any children but I just wanted to send you some hugs for support

 

[natalielongstaff]

i hope you get this sorted out soon

 

[mandymouse]

I'm so sorry that I can't offer you any advice, but I wanted to send you lots of hugs and I hope that the girls settle down soon

 

[CustardTart]

I really feel for you. I had terrible 'going to school' angst with my youngest son and the only effective way to deal with each morning was to be as bright and breezy as possible right from the moment he woke up. I also resolutely ignored his claims of feeling unwell and the tears that followed. I always took some comfort from the fact that he was fine when I collected him in the afternoon but it was a very wearing and emotional way to start day after day. The behaviour declined over time as he got no reaction from me but it really improved when he started attending an after-school activity that he was very keen to do. Good luck and best wishes...

 

[Queenie]

Can't offer any advice myself but what has been said so far sounds good to me, even if it will be incredibly hard. I hope things improve soon, have a big hug from me!

 

[Jules224]

I'm so sorry for you, i had this with my DD and it's the worst thing ever to leave them when they are so upset, you just want to cuddle them up but know that's not going to make it any easier, i can't offer any advice as each child is different and with my DD it just eventually stopped i think 6 weeks holiday is too long for them as she never wants to go back after summer hols, i really hope you get this sorted soon and the girls start enjoying school soon.
Lots of

 

[magicgirl]

I think that some good advice has been given however I would also listen to your gut instinct. If this has come out of the blue and is not normal behavoir for your child I would agree that something is not right. Be positive about school but talk about what happens during the day and keep an eye on her reactions. keep talking to the school as well. Hope all turns out for you.

 

[jjk]

Sending you a big hug hope things get better for you.

 

[wils]

Boo gives good advice. to you - it just rips you apart when they are upset.

Is there anyone else who can take them to school for you (even once?) - just to take the strain off and to see if it's leaving you that's the problem or going to school?

 

[vicky1bfc]

There's only me,well Dh could take them but as said in my post,he has the can't be bothered attitude at the moment.He keeps telling me to drop and leave them.How can i just leave them when i can't actually get them in the gate.I can't leave them hoping they will go in once they get bored.Anything could happen.

Thank's for all the advice.The girls have never actually seen me cry,i make sure i'm out of the way before it happens.

 

[florida sun]

Loads of hugs for you, I do hope you are able to get to the bottom of this

 

[KayleeUK]

Vick

for you

 

[Miffy2003]

Oh Vicky, that must be a nightmare for you.

I haven't got any advice but I do hope you find a solution soon - do you think there is just an adjustment period after the long school holidays?

The only other thing I could think was that if DD has a special friend at school, could you "arrange" to bump into them in the playground so that DD goes into the classroom at the same time as them (if the classroom door is the problem) - it could be a distraction tool and also maybe going in with her friend might make her feel more happy?

I so feel for you, I can't imagine how difficult this must be.

 

[Lizzy Lemon]

Just wanted to send a hug your way. Sometimes DH's seem so distant from the feelings of their wives, especially where children are concerned,hope he comes around soon, you need his support, get him to take the twins to school one day, let him experience what you are going through. But if I was in your shoes I'd be peeking around the nearest tree to watch what happened!!!

 

[jen_uk]

Is there any chance that dd could be being bullied at school or do you think its the leaving mum behind thats the problem? I would want the school to deal with this better as its upsetting you and dd alot. Hope you can work it out quickly.

 

[carolfoy]

I'd guess that there's something else going on, as Jen suggests could bullying be an issue? its heartbreaking to think of and I can only offer a hug hope its all sorted soon