Naming baby after one grandmother -- what do you think?

[Disneychix]

My sister is named Maria. My paternal grandma was Marie and my maternal grandma was "Mary" Sue (americanized-from Maria-Asunta (sp?)), we called her Grandma Sue. My grandma Sue was very upset when she found out sister's name and told my mother "well, I see you've named her after Marie." My mother had to remind her that her given name was Maria/Mary!

Yes, you never know how people will react to the name of a child!

 

[happygirl]

Nope, not at all.

 

[powellrj]

I hate my name and its hard because its unusual in its spelling and people are never sure how to pronounce it, so if any one tried to name their kid my name, I would discourage it. My DDILs mom has a cute normal name so I wouldn't be offended it they used her name at all.

 

[leight]

It depends on the family dynamics and personalities. My MIL wouldn't have cared either way but my mom keeps track of what she considers any 'slight'- she used to keep track of the time we spent with her and my brother for holidays vs dh's family (which was chock full of his cousins and their same aged children for our kids to play with)

We had a name picked out for a girl with our first but his older sister had her sonogram before me as she was 3 months ahead and chose the same first name for her daughter. When dd#1 was born, we had a list of names picked out- but she was 4 wks early and so tiny that a few names seemed not to fit. We chose Marissa since it was listed in a babybook as meaning jewel of the sea- and she had such startling blue-green eyes. We used Nicole (the name we wanted-and our neice's name) for the middle name.

When our 2nd daughter was born we used my favorite name Alexandra and paired it with Marie because we have a very long, phonetic italian last name and it sounded right. Marie is also my MIL's name so my mom made the comment - how nice now both are named after your MIL. Can't win with my mom- I never thought of Marissa as being named after my MIL it just suited our itty bitty baby- and I just don't like my mother's name. Its as simple as that.

OP- you have to be happy with your dd's name and how it sounds with your last name. If you honor a relative that's wonderful, but don't let any other family politics come into play- its your decision and you can't make everyone happy all the time.

DisneyChix- wow- that's so funny -because my mom's name was Assunta at birth but she changed it in school to Susanne and her nickname is Sue. I don't like either of her names so I wasn't naming my daughters after her.

 

[Coconut36]

Eh..I think it depends. If you were the Grandma that the child wasn't named for..how would you feel? Would you wonder why they honored her and not you? I think depending on personalities, relationships..etc it could cause upset.

My cousin lost her paternal Grandma at the start of her pregnancy..she chose to give that baby the Grandma's name for a first name (male variant for a boy) and used her maternal Grandma's (still living) maiden name as the child's middle name. Seemed like a very sweet compromise..knowing she wanted to honor the one that had recently passed without forgetting about the one still living.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Even though we're not pregnant yet, DH and I have considered this. Should we have a girl, we settled on Sarah Louise - my mother's middle name is Louise, which also happens to be the same name as her BFF, who we also consider our "honorary third mom." DH's mom is Patricia. BFF Louise suggested Patricia Louise for a daughter, but DH curled his nose at that (I thought it would be fine...we could call her Trish instead of Patti, but he wasn't buying it).

But we're determined to have a boy, who will be Joshua William. No worries there - my grandfather was William and DH's father is Robert William (I had no relationship with my father or his father).

 

[ols386]

Eh..I think it depends. If you were the Grandma that the child wasn't named for..how would you feel? Would you wonder why they honored her and not you? I think depending on personalities, relationships..etc it could cause upset.

My cousin lost her paternal Grandma at the start of her pregnancy..she chose to give that baby the Grandma's name for a first name (male variant for a boy) and used her maternal Grandma's (still living) maiden name as the child's middle name. Seemed like a very sweet compromise..knowing she wanted to honor the one that had recently passed without forgetting about the one still living.

Very true.

In some families, it may not make one bit of difference, in others, it possibly could cause hurt feelings.

 

[duffy]

My 2-week old granddaughter is named after her other grandmother, using a variation. Her middle name is a variation of my husband's mother.

It didn't occur to me to be hurt.

 

[englishteacha]

Our daughter has my mother's middle name as her middle name. It also is Z's Godmother's first name, so it worked beautifully. My MIL passed away 9 years ago, but my DH didn't want his mother's name as part of Z's. I don't think anyone is bothered by it. If they are...well, she's named already. Birth certificate is on the way!

 

[Gina-Gina-Bo-Bina]

I think that when we try to please everybody, we usually end up pleasing nobody.

I am sure your friend had good reason for naming the baby what she did. No one but the parents of the baby have a right to give their input or their opinion.

Who knows? Maybe the plan is that baby #2 (if there ever is one) will get the other grandma's name (or a version therof, if it turned out to be a boy).

 

[NotUrsula]

We stick to the "college building" rule: no one gets named after you unless you are dead. (Quite a lot of universities have this rule about naming buildings, because if it turns out that the donor goes bad in later life, you don't have to worry about un-naming the building to get rid of the bad association that might cost you donations.)

That said, we had a funny moment about this when we were discussing names for our eldest, who turned out to be a boy. We said that whichever it was, the baby would be named for a grandparent and great-grandparent. Turns out that my DH had not bothered to explain the "not until you're dead" rule to his mom, and she piped up with "Wanda Daisy?" Um, no, not your side, because you're still alive (and thank God, because it was a hideous combination.)

Anyway, the rule always works as a reason, IME, because living people always tend to feel too petty about complaining that a child is being named in memory of someone who has passed.

 

[superme80]

In my family it does not matter. Both DS have middle names that go with their grandfather's names. If we have a girl she will be named after my grandmother and my mother. I love my MIL to death, but I think her first name is plain and her middle name...yeah not going to happen. Thankfully she doesn't care and is just happy with grandchildren.

 

[maddiel]

I'm not kidding myself at all about hurting other people in the family. My maternal grandmother (the only other girls name I would have considered) told me she'd haunt me until the day I died if I named my daughter after her. She hated her name (funnily enough, a very trendy "in" name now (Ella) and thought it was hideous).

So no, I wasn't worried about hurting her feelings. She made her feelings abundantly clear.

My parents wanted to give me my paternal grandmother's first name (she either went by a nickname or her second name) Nana told them I wouldn't be allowed in the house if that was my name, so my parents named me something else. I heard the story and really liked the name so I used it as my confirmation name.

That name is also a variation on my husband's maternal grandmother's name, so we decided to give that name to our first daughter, who is also Nana's first great-grandchild. When Mom called to tell her that I'd had the baby, we were fine, what her name was, etc, Nana had a group of friends over playing cards - and mom heard her brag to all of them that we'd named the baby after her! So maybe she'll change her mind.

My second daughter has my maternal grandmother's first name and my husband's paternal grandmother's name as her middle name - we covered everyone eventually.

I have a lot of Greek friends who they don't use middle names and who have very strict traditions about which grandparent's names get used for which child. It means that most of the Greek kids I know have the same names as their same-sex first cousins.

M.

 

[crashbb]

We stick to the "college building" rule: no one gets named after you unless you are dead. (Quite a lot of universities have this rule about naming buildings, because if it turns out that the donor goes bad in later life, you don't have to worry about un-naming the building to get rid of the bad association that might cost you donations.)

That said, we had a funny moment about this when we were discussing names for our eldest, who turned out to be a boy. We said that whichever it was, the baby would be named for a grandparent and great-grandparent. Turns out that my DH had not bothered to explain the "not until you're dead" rule to his mom, and she piped up with "Wanda Daisy?" Um, no, not your side, because you're still alive (and thank God, because it was a hideous combination.)

Anyway, the rule always works as a reason, IME, because living people always tend to feel too petty about complaining that a child is being named in memory of someone who has passed.

My niece shares my mum's middle name (and mine too). My mum is the only one of the four grandparents who is dead, so it follows your rule and no one is upset (at least, not that I know of).

 

[diznygirl]

The must be dead rule wouldn't work in our family as it seems like there is the same name in each generation ad infinitum. Not to mention huge familes where you think they were just making up names after awhile.

It wasn't until after I chose my daughter's name that I found out that someone on my father's side had it. We weren't trying to honor anyone - we are pretty ignoble that way.

 

[Sarah_Rose]

The must be dead rule wouldn't work in our family as it seems like there is the same name in each generation ad infinitum. Not to mention huge familes where you think they were just making up names after awhile.

That's my DH's family. There are currently 52 great grandchildren under the age of 10, and the names just keeping getting more and more obscure. When DH and I were trying to name our DD, we kept coming up with a name that we liked, consulting the family list, and "ooops!" that name got used 3 years ago! The family has a rule that there should be only one living relative with each name, so a few names have been recycled, but for the most part it's just everyone trying to come up with pronounceable Anglo/Gaelic names (we have a very Scottish last name) that haven't been used before.

But yeah, I think there is the potential for someone to be hurt, depending on family dynamics. We chose to give both of our children middle names that are significant names from my family. Our reasoning is that our children already have their father's last name, and so it's only fair that they also get a name from my side of the family. I don't know if DH's relatives have ever been put off by it, but it's obviously never been brought up to us.

 

[dzorn]

Two weeks ago my friend gave birth and named her daughter after her paternal grandmother. Both of her grandmothers are in her life. She is free to name her baby whatever she likes but do you think it is hurtful to name a baby after one grandmother when both grandmothers are involved in your life?

ETA: the name is the first name (not the middle name).

I don't see the problem with it. Big deal she likes one name better than the other that does not mean she doesn't love both her grandmothers.

One DD has my middle name the other DD has my Mom's middle name, which is also my sisters and SIL middle name. I doubt DH's family thought anything of it.

Denise in MI

 

[SaraJayne]

That name is also a variation on my husband's maternal grandmother's name, so we decided to give that name to our first daughter, who is also Nana's first great-grandchild. When Mom called to tell her that I'd had the baby, we were fine, what her name was, etc, Nana had a group of friends over playing cards - and mom heard her brag to all of them that we'd named the baby after her! So maybe she'll change her mind.

She died 9 years ago.

 

[worm761]

Yes. Feelings can be hurt. My soon to be MIL made it very known that she wanted a grandchild named after her when we found out I was pregnant. I don't like her name. I told him no. I did say that I wanted to use my grandmother's middle name. I love the name, miss my grandmother something fierce, and it is a family tradition on my side that my grandmother started to use that name. None of my siblings or cousins did so I did. MIL tried the entire pregnancy to convince him to change the name. It didn't happen and her feelings were hurt. I didn't do it to be mean. I did it because it was important to me. Though I did get snarky when she started suggesting different names. I told her that she got to name her kids and I will name mine.

 

[cornflake]

We stick to the "college building" rule: no one gets named after you unless you are dead. (Quite a lot of universities have this rule about naming buildings, because if it turns out that the donor goes bad in later life, you don't have to worry about un-naming the building to get rid of the bad association that might cost you donations.)

That said, we had a funny moment about this when we were discussing names for our eldest, who turned out to be a boy. We said that whichever it was, the baby would be named for a grandparent and great-grandparent. Turns out that my DH had not bothered to explain the "not until you're dead" rule to his mom, and she piped up with "Wanda Daisy?" Um, no, not your side, because you're still alive (and thank God, because it was a hideous combination.)

Anyway, the rule always works as a reason, IME, because living people always tend to feel too petty about complaining that a child is being named in memory of someone who has passed.

That's also generally the Jewish rule - naming people after deceased, not living, relatives. It's not forbidden to name them after living ones, it's just you honour the deceased relatives, keep their memory alive for the next generations, etc., by naming someone after them.