my wife says im cheating on her because

[disykat]

If I told my husband I would only go to a doctor who I could have sex with, I actually think my husband would have a right to be concerned.

I'm guessing your wife is trying to make a point - and the point is that by turning this into a sexual thing, and insisting because of that you see a female because you prefer to be touched by someone with whom you could feel sexual, you are in a way cheating with her. I think she has a point.

Going to a doctor is not sexual. Insisting it is and then choosing a doctor you are willing to be sexual with is just not kosher IMO.

Most people who choose a doctor because of their gender do it to AVOID any feelings of sexuality or embarrassment - not because they WANT to have a doctor from whom they could have sexual feelings!

 

[Angelhalo]

If I told my husband I would only go to a doctor who I could have sex with, I actually think my husband would have a right to be concerned.

I'm guessing your wife's point is that by turning this into a sexual thing, and insisting because of that you see a female because you prefer to be touched by someone with whom you could feel sexual, you are in a way cheating with her. I think she has a point.

Going to a doctor is not sexual. Insisting it is and then choosing a doctor you are willing to be sexual with is just not kosher IMO.

Most people who choose a doctor because of their gender do it to AVOID any feelings of sexuality or embarrassment - not because they WANT to have a doctor from whom they could have sexual feelings!

Exactly!

 

[Disney Doll]

As a female nurse, let me be the first to assure everyone that no matter what part of the body we are seeing, we aren't getting any kind of sexual "thrill" nor are we thinking "I can't believe I have to touch this" or anything else. Having to look at or touch genitourinary organs is no different than having to look at or touch a hand, a foot or an eye. Now obviously, I know that for most people, the genitourinary area can cause some embarrassment, so I do try and deal with that area as delicately and privately as possible. But believe me when I tell you, we think of that area as just another body part...it's very "clinical"...

That being said, if going to an MD of a particular gender makes you feel more comfortable as the patient, then that's fine and most of us in healthcare are fairly understanding of that.

OP, your wife thinking you're cheating by going to a female MD speaks of a lot of issues IMHO. Your desire to not have a male MD touch you "there" speaks of a few issues too, but your issues are more common.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

I can't believe some of the responses here. Maybe the OP did have something that happened in the past, we don't know.

I wonder how many of you would say the same thing to a woman. I bet a lot of you would assume that maybe something had happened to her and she didn't want to see a Dr. of the opposite sex.

Drs aren't offended by this, so why are so many people here.

I don't live my life in the past and always look forward. I'm sure everyone has had a bad relationship, or this or that at some point in their life, you either live in fear that it's going to happen again or live life without fear. I choose the latter.

To the pp that made the remark about jthis being the same as airport scanners, no it isn't. You don't have a choice unless you want to fly. There are a multitude of Drs around, you make your choice of who you want to see.

It isn't the same and I never said it was, please do not put words in my mouth. I said it's almost as bad in terms of insecurity and being prudish.

 

[LunchladyDoris]

I must be enclosed in a passionate affair due to my doctor being a man.


Magic touch.

 

[mhsjax]

I don't live my life in the past and always look forward. I'm sure everyone has had a bad relationship, or this or that at some point in their life, you either live in fear that it's going to happen again or live life without fear. I choose the latter.



It isn't the same and I never said it was, please do not put words in my mouth. I said it's almost as bad in terms of insecurity and being prudish.

Again, it is your choice if you move forward. I am sure there are some people that have had such horrible things happen to them ( not saying that this applies to the OP) that they really can't move forward in some areas.

Drs and nurses understand this, I don't know why you don't. It is up to each individual person to choose what Dr they see.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

Drs and nurses understand this, I don't know why you don't. It is up to each individual person to choose what Dr they see.

When people post on a public forum, they have to understand they're going to get different responses (or at least they should). I agree its ultimately a personal responsibility, but IMO its just for the lack of a better word just crazy to live life in fear or with so many personal walls/restrictions.

Life is too short. Side note, your perceived tone is very condescending.

 

[mhsjax]

When people post on a public forum, they have to understand they're going to get different responses (or at least they should). I agree its ultimately a personal responsibility, but IMO its just for the lack of a better word just crazy to live life in fear or with so many personal walls/restrictions.

Life is too short. Side note, your perceived tone is very condescending.

I am sorry you find my tone condescending. Pot meet Kettle. You seemed very condescending in your post about how you choose to live your life looking forward. Good for you and so do I by the way, however, we really don't know what may have happened in a persons life to make them the way they are and if for some reason there are certain areas where they can't move forward then they may need help not people being condescending to them.

 

[minkydog]

I agree its ultimately a personal responsibility, but IMO its just... crazy to live life in fear or with so many personal walls/restrictions.

Life is too short. Side note, your perceived tone is very condescending.

I must assume that you don't have much personal experience with mental illness and sexual abuse. If you did, you would never make such a callous statment. It's not a matter of just deciding to get over it. We have no idea if that is the case for the OP, but I find your platitudes offensive.

I am sorry you find my tone condescending. Pot meet Kettle. You seemed very condescending in your post about how you choose to live your life looking forward. Good for you and so do I by the way, however, we really don't know what may have happened in a persons life to make them the way they are and if for some reason there are certain areas where they can't move forward then they may need help not people being condescending to them.

Bravo.

 

[jlewisinsyr]

I must assume that you don't have much personal experience with mental illness and sexual abuse. If you did, you would never make such a callous statment. It's not a matter of just deciding to get over it. We have no idea if that is the case for the OP, but I find your platitudes offensive.

You do know what the ASSUME means, right?

 

[DVCLiz]

I'm still laughing at "downstairs"...

 

[Laugh O. Grams]

I can't believe some of the responses here. Maybe the OP did have something that happened in the past, we don't know.

I wonder how many of you would say the same thing to a woman. I bet a lot of you would assume that maybe something had happened to her and she didn't want to see a Dr. of the opposite sex.

Drs aren't offended by this, so why are so many people here.

To the pp that made the remark about jthis being the same as airport scanners, no it isn't. You don't have a choice unless you want to fly. There are a multitude of Drs around, you make your choice of who you want to see.

I do agree that Drs could care less about seeing you naked, however, it isn't about the Dr and his comfort level, it is about the patient and their comfort level.

So we're to assume the absolute worst in every ridiculous pretence of every post on this forum? No thanks. Offended...no. Is being afraid of the sexual desires of a doctor of the same sex stupid...yes. It's obviously a joke. That you're taking the OP's side? Priceless.

 

[momrek06]

I'm still laughing at "downstairs"...

Me too.


But seriously, doctors are professionals. They are not in the business to be inappropriate.
That must have been an interesting discussion with your wife, OP, when you told her of your appt with the female MD and she started accusing you of cheating on her..... And then decide to take your conversation with your wife here to the DIS. How bizarre.

You state that you are 40yo but you seem very immature to have an issue with a male MD.

 

[mhsjax]

So we're to assume the absolute worst in every ridiculous pretence of every post on this forum? No thanks. Offended...no. Is being afraid of the sexual desires of a doctor of the same sex stupid...yes. It's obviously a joke. That you're taking the OP's side? Priceless.

Um, ok.
Don't really understand your point. Just pointing out that I don't know why people are so upset over the OP wanting a Dr of a different sex. And no I don't assume the absolute worst. Just offering an explanation. I prefer a male Dr. and no I am not afriad of some sexual desire of a same sex Dr. Who aid he was afraid. Maybe you assume too much. i find it priceless that so many of you got all worked up over him choosing to see a woman over a man. If it wasn't for such silliness, I would never have posted.

 

[Poohbear123]

I have the Opposite Probem...I have a Male Dr. and he DOES not want anyone to undress unless its your first visit...I couldn't even get him to feel a small lump on the TOP of my foot! When I told him "I will find a Dr. that will..." he changed his mind and told me it was nothing to worry about. Yea, OK...time to change Drs...

 

[momrek06]

Just pointing out that I don't know why people are so upset over the OP wanting a Dr of a different sex.

I could care less about the MD of a different sex thing...its more that his wife thinks he is cheating on her if he does go to a female MD...now THAT is what I think is really weird.

 

[mhsjax]

I could care less about the MD of a different sex thing...its more that his wife thinks he is cheating on her if he does go to a female MD...now THAT is what I think is really weird.

I agree, that is the weird part.

 

[Planogirl]

I could care less about the MD of a different sex thing...its more that his wife thinks he is cheating on her if he does go to a female MD...now THAT is what I think is really weird.

It is odd. I wonder if she is one of those women who hate it when their spouse so much as talks to women? I've seen men like that too and always wonder why they're so insecure.

 

[PRmamiDEdos]

Was that necessary?

Oh stop....it's a part of life! All men have to get one. I didn't say "is this the year where the doc snaps the glove on, bends you over and goes to town?". Some people on the boards are so sensitive!

 

[MariDisney]

I have the Opposite Probem...I have a Male Dr. and he DOES not want anyone to undress unless its your first visit...I couldn't even get him to feel a small lump on the TOP of my foot! When I told him "I will find a Dr. that will..." he changed his mind and told me it was nothing to worry about. Yea, OK...time to change Drs...

Remids me of a dermatologist I saw once. I assumed (haha) that they were in the business of looking at skin. I had some moles I was concerned about, and a few were on my breasts. He WOULD NOT look at them even with a female nurse in the room. I totally get having someone else in the room during what might be an examination of more private parts (at the GYN, etc). But, to not look at all? He couldn't even understand why I didn't see his point. I high tailed it out of there and found a doctor who wasn't afraid to look.