My weekend family drama. What'd I do wrong?..LONG

[JerseyJanice]

See, the whole problem is that you can't argue with a drunk. Of course, you didn't do or say anything that should have riled up your sister, but in her drunken state, she was being completely illogical. What will be scary is if she wakes up and still somehow believes she was in the right for demanding to get changed and smoke at that moment.

I had a terrible battle with my sister a couple of years ago that sounds a lot like what you went through with yours. My sister was bombed and behaving horribly, but the worst part was that she believed she was in the right and then tried to cause all kinds of trouble for me with other family members to prove how right she was. WTH? She easily could have gotten up the next day, realizing what a drunken fool she was, apologized, and that would have been the end of it. Instead, she turned it into a feud with me and our lifelong friend who was with us the night it happened.

Last spring, she got into a serious accident (while she was drunk) and nearly killed herself. We've been speaking since, but our relationship has definitely changed. She has proven herself to be volatile and untrustworthy, which is sad because I think a sister could and should be a confidante.

 

[BelleWDW]

I believe she already stated that she doesn't drink and was doing her relatives a favor for their party the next day

That's why its IRONIC.

 

[Magic Mom]

I think the only thing you did wrong was agreeing to drive them to your Aunts house after the wedding. You knew they were drunk, and you knew how your sister behaves while drunk, so you should have just made an excuse of "too tired," slipped out to buy the next day's beer, and then went to bed. If the rest of them wanted to go to the party bad enough, they could have called a cab. Driving a big group of rowdy and obnoxious drunks around a strange city in a borrowed car is a recipe for disaster. It sounds like an episode of Judge Judy waiting to happen.

 

[MissyDVC]

That's why its IRONIC.

I don't think she moaned about everyone being drunk, she just used it as an explanation as to why they may have been acting over the top. And just because she herself chooses not to drink doesn't mean she can't or won't buy beer for a family party. I actually find it great that she wasn't passing judgement on her family for drinking at the wedding or at the party the next day.

 

[Carly_Roach]

My other sister and my mom and dad seem to think this is de rigeur for Sally when she gets drunk. I think it's completely unacceptable behavior. So, did I do something wrong?

Yes.

You knew that Sally gets this way when she drinks. You knew you'd be going to a wedding event where alcohol would be flowing freely. You expected Sally to behave in a way you thought she should be behaving when you had foreknowledge of her typical drunken behavior. Then you got all passive aggressive when your other control techniques didn't work.

Lower your expectations, learn from this situation, don't let it happen again. The only person you can control is yourself.

On the bright side, you now have a convenient excuse for not booking a hotel room with Sally (or chauffeuring Sally around when she gets drunk) in the future.

Personally, I'm with the posters who are wondering why you were having a hissy fit about one person who might have smoke on their clothes getting into your MIL's van when you were stuffing it full of drunks who had the smell of alcohol on them. They were also more likely to puke as well. Smoke (and alcohol) on someone's clothing when they ride in a car can be aired out by keeping the windows open; maybe using Febreze if needed.

But vomit not only causes a lasting smell that almost never comes out unless you have it professionally cleaned, it also leaves a stain.

In any case, that's neither here nor there. Already done, can't be changed. The only thing you can change is your reaction so I'll repeat what I said above: Lower your expectations, learn from this situation, don't let it happen again.

 

[mikki'smom]

Did everyone think they would have "fun" by getting rip, roaring drunk? I think you're all doing it wrong....I'm sorry, but I see so many people who have "real" problems that when I read about something like this I guess I'm just fresh out of sympathy...You probably don't want to hear this but I promise that I don't say it in a mean spirit...this is all wrong on multiple levels...the drinking, the cussing, and the sister in the next room sleeping with her boyfriend....all NOT good

 

[Magic Mom]

Did everyone think they would have "fun" by getting rip, roaring drunk? I think you're all doing it wrong....I'm sorry, but I see so many people who have "real" problems that when I read about something like this I guess I'm just fresh out of sympathy...You probably don't want to hear this but I promise that I don't say it in a mean spirit...this is all wrong on multiple levels...the drinking, the cussing, and the sister in the next room sleeping with her boyfriend....all NOT good

Jennasis asked what SHE did wrong....not what the rest of her family did wrong. She can't control who drinks or who sleeps with who. She didn't do any of those things you listed.

 

[MissyDVC]

Jennasis asked what SHE did wrong....not what the rest of her family did wrong. She can't control who drinks or who sleeps with who. She didn't do any of those things you listed.

And she had the good sense to know not to let any of them get into a car and drive

 

[Jennasis]

Did everyone think they would have "fun" by getting rip, roaring drunk? I think you're all doing it wrong....I'm sorry, but I see so many people who have "real" problems that when I read about something like this I guess I'm just fresh out of sympathy...You probably don't want to hear this but I promise that I don't say it in a mean spirit...this is all wrong on multiple levels...the drinking, the cussing, and the sister in the next room sleeping with her boyfriend....all NOT good

Judge much? The BF in the room with my 38 year old sister next door is proposing to her in a few weeks on a vacation they have planned. They also LIVE together. This isn't some fly-by-night bootie call.

I hear everyone, and I wish it were that simple. I live in NC and my sister lives in NY. I don't see her but once every other year and I honestly have (had) NO idea how she got when she drinks. I didn't know she smoked.

I shared a room with her because money is tight. So tight in fact that DH couldn't come with me. Otherwise I would have had my own room.

I was the designated driver, so I HAD to drive the "happy" gang to the after party. I HAD to go to the after party because I LOVE MY AUNT and she would have been heart-broken if I didn't. She is also the mother of the groom and I didn't want anything to upset her...it's her day as much as the wedding couple (sort of). The after party was soda and meatballs/sausage and peppers. No booze.

BTW, I was shocked at the keg-stands. Luckily the wedding couple had left by that point. Poor bride was in a car accident the day before the wedding and was hurting really bad.

This weekend was one of those situations where there was NO way I could have "seen" this stupidity coming. However, I certainly have learned from it. Steer clear of Dsis when she's drinking. I am just not around my family enough anymore, to know what any of them are capable of. I tell ya...makes me thankful I moved away!

PS...I Monday morning quarter-backed this whole thing a lot. Coulda woulda shoulda. I guess I was just shocked and saddened by the way she acted and then treated me. I love my sister dearly. I truly do. She's never done anything like this to me before. Maybe she has a drinking problem...maybe she's got other problems...maybe she's just a mean drunk. I dunno. I still love her (and she is still mad at me this morning. She came scowling back into the room 5 minutes ago while I was typing...guess she kept her key...I actually had the security bolt fastened, so I had to go and let her in when I heard the door catch...and grabbed some stuff she left in the shower. I said "Morning!" to her and she grumbled something that sounded like "hi" and left.)

On a brighter noted, the weather looks much nicer today! Might be too cold for the cookout afterall but the sun is shining finally!

I'm just gonna go about my day pretending none of this happened. We'll see what Sally does.

 

[Nancyg56]

I'm just gonna go about my day pretending none of this happened. We'll see what Sally does.

That is all you can do. Last night was a disaster but it is over and it will do no good worrying about it. I think that if you were stuck with the drunks you were saddled with their behavior as well. I hope that today is better than last night.

 

[BelleWDW]

Jennasis-I think you were doing the right thing-being the designated driver.

It did strike my funny bone that you were the one frantically trying to buy more beer before the clock struck 12 and all the drunks were slowing the process down.

Hope you have a good day. it is hard to really know a family member when you see them so seldom_we have family like that too.

 

[Jennasis]

Jennasis-I think you were doing the right thing-being the designated driver.

It did strike my funny bone that you were the one frantically trying to buy more beer before the clock struck 12 and all the drunks were slowing the process down.

Hope you have a good day. it is hard to really know a family member when you see them so seldom_we have family like that too.

Yeah...guess it was kind of funny.

 

[FinallyBoughtDVC]

I'm amazed people do keg-stands at weddings. I've never even been to a wedding where there was a keg.

Hindsight is always 20/20. You didn't do anything wrong. You were trying to honor someone's request to get beer for the next day and were trying to keep everyone on schedule.

Your sister was being an ***.

JMHO

 

[hereyago]

YOu did nothing wrong. I have this theory that when people consume alcohol, it is like truth serum in that people loose their inhibitions. So, your DSis was a .

You are nicer then me, because once we got to the hotel, I would have just left her there, as I don't wait for anyone. I think you should make as much noise as possible today if she has a hangover-lol.

 

[Mermaid02]

You did nothing wrong. If Sally remembers any of it- she'll be plenty embarassed in the morning...........

 

[Mickey's Minion]

Really, you can't expect drunk people to make a whole lot of sense. I don't really understand why everyone had to go with you to buy beer. I think I'd have taken the money and the beer orders and just gone on my own or with the minimum number of drunks required to assist.

I understand your frustration with your sister--she was being a brat. But I believe I would have ditched them all to get the chore taken care of without the "help" of people who were being a pain in the patootie.

Just think--they'll all be hung over this morning and you can talk REALLY LOUDLY.

That is exactly what I was thinking. You acquiesced to all their demands; not stopping on the way home, waiting for them to change, waiting for them to smoke.

I would have just either stopped on the way back to the hotel since they were going to piss and moan anyway, or just dropped them off at the hotel and had a nice quiet moment getting things done.

But I do understand your frustration. As a small tidbit of comfort, drunks don't know what they are doing and don't make good decisions - one of the reasons it is illegal to drive even just a bit tipsy. So, they probably didn't mean to be so obnoxious.

 

[Free4Life11]

What you did wrong was agreeing to go on the beer run for them. Whoever planned this cookout should have already purchased the beer in the advance. It sounds like a sober cookout might be a nice change of pace.

Honestly, this is what happens when people get drunk. They act foolish, say dumb things, and can be generally obnoxious. I would let it go, but remember this is how she acts when drunk so avoid being in situations with her when she is drinking.

 

[kilee]

Is my mother your sister?? Sorry....probably not funny. Some people are just downright unreasonable when the alcohol flows. You can tell them the grass is green and they'll argue the point.

 

[Kath2003]

I was the designated driver, so I HAD to drive the "happy" gang to the after party.

This is the part when you went wrong. You agreed to be the DD. Don't do that again. They can get a cab or sort out some other arrangement.

 

[ksjayhawks]

What you did wrong was agreeing to go on the beer run for them. Whoever planned this cookout should have already purchased the beer in the advance. It sounds like a sober cookout might be a nice change of pace.

Honestly, this is what happens when people get drunk. They act foolish, say dumb things, and can be generally obnoxious. I would let it go, but remember this is how she acts when drunk so avoid being in situations with her when she is drinking.

Sounds like you should have used this line "Poor planning on your part does not mean an emergency on mine."

Seriously, I would not have worried about getting the beer. I would not have worried about sis smoking and getting in the car--oust or fabreeze would have taken care of those odors. I would be more worried about one of the drunks puking all over mil's car and what a mess that would have been smellwise and cleanup wise!

Sounds like you should have dropped them off at the hotel and gone on to the party by yourself!

It is over and done, so let it go. Just learn from it and don't allow it to happen again. Now that you know your sis is like this, start stashing away coins/cash so that when these situations come up again, you have the money to get your own room.

Also, I am confused--in your original post you say that you are not a tea totaller and in post 4 you state "I do not drink...at all...ever." Which is it?