My vent for the day: The child should repeat kindergarten!!

[maddiesmom0116]

Wow- My Daughter turned 5 in January and couldn't start Kindergarden until next year. She reads a little even and of course knows all her letters and numbers. I would never not set my child up for success. She barely knew any letters last summer and I knew she was behind, so it became my focus with her and I enrolled her in a summer course to learn letters and a love for reading. We do letters/phonics almost every night. That mother needs to grow up!

 

[Anne34]

Ohio has half day kindergarten.

Most districts in Chicago suburbs have 1/2 day kindergarten too. Also our cut-off date is September 1st -- my youngest dd turned 6 a couple days after school started.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

Not all educators know what they are talking about -

My DS started his new school in lst. grade in March. We moved from NJ to SC. School here is very different, they teach Everyday Math, he didn't use that in NJ. He was behind in reading for lst. grade in SC. With the cut off in NJ he was one of the older kids.

The teacher in lst. grade wanted to hold him back, we told her we would have him tutored over the summer. She was still insistant on holding him back. We went to the principal and spoke with her about tutoring over the summer and he would take the reading test in Aug.

My neighbor was a wonderful teacher who tutored him 3 days a week over the summer. He past the reading test and moved on to 2nd. grade. He also had a wonderful 2nd. grade teacher. This year he is in 3rd. grade and on the A/B Honor Roll.

Honestly, I am so happy we didn't listen to his lst. grade teacher or the curriculum leader. They just were set on holding him back, even with tutoring. Some parents have to fight for their kids, not all teachers have the answers.

Yes, they did know what they were talking about. At the time the decision needed to be made your child wasn't ready. I am sorry that this is distasteful to you but according to what you have posted that is the case.

What you need to realize is that you went above and beyond as a parent. Kudos to you. However, that doesn't change the fact that, by the deadline according to the data provided, it was appropriate to hold your child back.

Again, kudos to you for going above and beyond and finding an educator to give your child that little boost that was needed.

 

[quentina]

Wow, what state do you live in that still only has 1/2 day kindergarten? The year my DD started kindergarten, she turned 5 in mid-October and I thought that was late. I can't imagine not turning 5 until February. That's just too late.

We are in PA, half day in our district.

My daughter is delayed, did not qualify for full day because she had an IEP? I will never understand that.

Then we decided to have her repeat K. I had to fight...argue...threaten lawyer due to the "no child left behind" law. I am guessing it throws off the beloved numbers.

So, we send her to 1st grade in full time learning support and make them sign a document stating that if I want to hold her in 1st grade, I will not have any issues.

We decide this week, we are holding her. I made my announcement and got an attitude.

They will keep the kids in LS for ever and be happy.

My daughter and youngest son are adopted....their bio family did not feel it was important to feed them. My daughter was life-flighted to Hershey medical center not once, but twice.

Know, I'm no genius however, during the infant months...no food....delays will happen. She has the ability to learn however, no one ever taught her or nurtured her. SHe was 4 when she came to live with us and had a 5 word vocabulary.

We need to give her time to catch up....it's common sense to me.

So, we do 2 private tutors at night to help. It is working....I want her to know the basics, not just push her through.

 

[GJM]

The issue me and DH had with my DS lst. grade teacher is - she wouldn't even listen to us about tutoring over the summer, and she told us even if he did get to his reading level she still didn't feel that he would do well in 2nd. grade.

She typed up a letter to put in his file that even if he did meet his reading level he should still be held back. Honestly if we held him back that would have been the worse thing for him. I think he would not have had any confidence in the work he could do.

I thank the teachers he has had since then many times for how wonderful they are.

 

[JVL1018]

Former 1/2 day NJ kindergartner here! Holy cow! It's STILL 1/2 day there?

When we lived in FL there was a couple who lived behind us that had a little one in kindergarten. They planned to go back to NY. When they talked to schools up there, they were told that their son would need to repeat kinder in order to "catch up" with the other kids.

I can't imagine not having a full day kindergarten.

Many towns in NJ do have full day K, each town can do it however they choose. All of the surrounding towns here have full day K, but we still have half day K here and I loved it(my kids are in 1st and 3rd now)-got an extra year with my kiddoes still home much of the time.

we have an October 1st cut off date. My DD was late October, so she missed it. My son made it(September birthday) but there was no way he was ready, so I never even sent him that first year he was eligible. Held him out of school until he turned 6(actually turned 6 on his first day of K) and it was 100% the right decision, maturity wise and academically.

ETA: My friend's son was really struggling in K last year, but they do not do resource in K here, it starts in 1st grade, so he left K waaaaay behind and moved up to 1st. The teacher wanted him held back, but the mom and the principal both thought that was a waste of time because he would not get any extra help as a Kindergartner. So off to 1st grade he went.
He was tutored over the summer and is in resource for math and reading and though struggling the beginning of the year, has really started to progress. Howeverm Mom is not against him being held back this year of need be.

 

[foxlore]

I'm dealing with just the opposite situation. DS is in a private school here in FL - apparently about half the boys in his grade were held back. Some were likely not ready - others because it was the thing to do... I am SO irritated, because our child is very bright, but he is young (even without so many being held back) for his grade (May birthday) - cut offs here are Sept 1st - it's insane. So, we've been faced with either moving schools - to find one without so many kids held back, hold him back a grade since he's at a developmental disadvantage being with so many boys who are so much older - one is a full year and a half older - or to just leave him where he is. It's so frustrating. Most of his neighborhood friends are in the grade below him - one of those friends is just three days younger. Here's the problem - he is where he belongs - he just needs the other kids to be his own age too - the girls are fine - they are all age appropriate. Frankly he could likely go up a grade academically without batting an eye - everything is mid 90 - to 100+% - he doesn't struggle with anything and reads several grade levels higher. The problem frankly is that some of the boys are mean - the mean ones have all been the older ones... It's been teasing, ridicule. It's just been rough. It was not a problem at his previous school - the one kid who had been held back (again for competitive reasons rather than need - he's VERY bright) was a dolly. We can't go back to his previous school - we moved out of state. At any rate it certainly has been frustrating- frustrating enough I told DH maybe we should move to an area with later cut-offs.

Ember - I hear you... That little girl absolutely should be held back. Tell her Mother about my son - he IS ready for his grade - he was actually more than ready. There are other issues to consider. If she's already needing OT it sure sounds like she should still be in pre-k rather than kindergarten. I am very anti holding kids back unnecessarily, but I also don't agree in pushing before they're ready - it's a balancing act. I get annoyed when I see people hold their kids so they will be the biggest and oldest and have the edge. IMHO they're dumbing their kids down. I view brains as sponges - I want to nurture my child - encourage him and help him use his abilities to the best of his ability. That being said I would not move him up a grade even if he might love it from an academic standpoint - it's far more than academics alone...

 

[clh2]

You're probably right, but where I'm from, after-care is something supplied in the school, daycare is provided by an entirely different company/babysitter, etc. I guess the bus is what threw me.

There was no daycare at school when my DD was in elementary school. And, I can sympathize with the mom - 1/2 day of day care is just about as expensive as full day, at least in my area. But, if your child isn't ready, they just aren't ready to move on.

 

[Ember]

Okay, seriously?! Stick, meet horse. I have already apologized, admitted a mistake, and taken steps to correct it. I see no need for continual degrading by several posters.

For those who had something constructive to say, I thought I should update that things are looking more positive. Nothing has been decided yet, but meetings have been arranged. I'm feeling more hopeful that either a) the child will repeat or b) the child will have more support going into grade one. Either one is good with me.

 

[DawnM]

That statement is beyond harsh.

IWhy do parents even have kids if they don't want to do what's best for them??

 

[dogluva]

I'm dealing with just the opposite situation. DS is in a private school here in FL - apparently about half the boys in his grade were held back. Some were likely not ready - others because it was the thing to do... I am SO irritated, because our child is very bright, but he is young (even without so many being held back) for his grade (May birthday) - cut offs here are Sept 1st - it's insane. So, we've been faced with either moving schools - to find one without so many kids held back, hold him back a grade since he's at a developmental disadvantage being with so many boys who are so much older - one is a full year and a half older - or to just leave him where he is. It's so frustrating. Most of his neighborhood friends are in the grade below him - one of those friends is just three days younger. Here's the problem - he is where he belongs - he just needs the other kids to be his own age too - the girls are fine - they are all age appropriate. Frankly he could likely go up a grade academically without batting an eye - everything is mid 90 - to 100+% - he doesn't struggle with anything and reads several grade levels higher. The problem frankly is that some of the boys are mean - the mean ones have all been the older ones... It's been teasing, ridicule. It's just been rough. It was not a problem at his previous school - the one kid who had been held back (again for competitive reasons rather than need - he's VERY bright) was a dolly. We can't go back to his previous school - we moved out of state. At any rate it certainly has been frustrating- frustrating enough I told DH maybe we should move to an area with later cut-offs.
QUOTE]


This is what happended to my son. However, nobody on this board wants to hear about "your" child, they only care about what is best for "their" child. My son made the cut off and was academically and socially ready. However, he had to compete with boys and some girls who were almost TWO years older than him. How is that fair? He was where he was suppossed to be but because a mother felt her baby born in Feb. wasn't ready, our son born the next year in November had to deal with kids who were way older than him. He was exposed to things that he just wasn't ready to deal with in his grade. It was hard and continued to be hard for him all through high school. They make cut off dates for a reason but some parents chose to do what they want just because they can (some reasons are not valid). I never wanted to hold my son back but after a few years I wish I had only because he would have beeen with kid HIS AGE. Very frustrating.

They just interviewed a 20 year old senior at my daughter's high school. She just turned 16 and is a Junior. My son is 20 and he is a junior in COLLEGE (and doing very well). I just don't get it.

 

[foxlore]

That's where half the kids in DS' grade at his school will be when they're seniors. It's asinine IMHO UNLESS the child is literally unready. The other stupid thing about it for those trying to get an edge is that others are deciding to "compete" with you - meaning when everyone holds their son back it levels out that "edge". Suddenly your kinder who should be in first isn't a year ahead - he's just a first grader in kindergarten along with everyone else. I think the end result is dumbing down... JMO. Of course that opens another can of worms.

This is what happended to my son. However, nobody on this board wants to hear about "your" child, they only care about what is best for "their" child. My son made the cut off and was academically and socially ready. However, he had to compete with boys and some girls who were almost TWO years older than him. How is that fair? He was where he was suppossed to be but because a mother felt her baby born in Feb. wasn't ready, our son born the next year in November had to deal with kids who were way older than him. He was exposed to things that he just wasn't ready to deal with in his grade. It was hard and continued to be hard for him all through high school. They make cut off dates for a reason but some parents chose to do what they want just because they can (some reasons are not valid). I never wanted to hold my son back but after a few years I wish I had only because he would have beeen with kid HIS AGE. Very frustrating.

They just interviewed a 20 year old senior at my daughter's high school. She just turned 16 and is a Junior. My son is 20 and he is a junior in COLLEGE (and doing very well). I just don't get it.

 

[barkley]

try living in a state that has the highest age at which a child becomes legaly required to attend school-8

that means if you have kid who turns 8 in say december or january when no school is going to enroll them as a newbie (not a transfer) until the following september and you've got almost 9 year old kindergarteners and a whole lot of 20 year old seniors given, kindergarten is'nt required here so allot of the parents just enroll those almost 9 year olds in first grade but DANG, when we moved here and i got a look at ds's classmates i thought there was some kind of super growth hormones in the water when i saw dd with a 5th grade classmate who had a noticable mustache i nearly fainted

 

[foxlore]

Yikes!! What State is this?!? That's just irresponsible IMHO. A lot of people think they have a "right" to things that are truly something that must be earned, BUT education is something every child has a right to and it sure shouldn't wait until 9!! Poor babies... That's setting the bar so low I'm not even sure a limbo pro could get under it...

try living in a state that has the highest age at which a child becomes legaly required to attend school-8

that means if you have kid who turns 8 in say december or january when no school is going to enroll them as a newbie (not a transfer) until the following september and you've got almost 9 year old kindergarteners and a whole lot of 20 year old seniors given, kindergarten is'nt required here so allot of the parents just enroll those almost 9 year olds in first grade but DANG, when we moved here and i got a look at ds's classmates i thought there was some kind of super growth hormones in the water when i saw dd with a 5th grade classmate who had a noticable mustache i nearly fainted

 

[dogluva]

That's where half the kids in DS' grade at his school will be when they're seniors. It's asinine IMHO UNLESS the child is literally unready. The other stupid thing about it for those trying to get an edge is that others are deciding to "compete" with you - meaning when everyone holds their son back it levels out that "edge". Suddenly your kinder who should be in first isn't a year ahead - he's just a first grader in kindergarten along with everyone else. I think the end result is dumbing down... JMO. Of course that opens another can of worms.

It really is. They have cut off an people just don't follow them. What is the point? Then they changed the cut off to like May 31 (no mother sends their kids who are five after this date to K anyway), then the Aprils will be held back. It will never end. Sorry just venting.

I hate that my 16 is in school with 20 year old MEN. My son is 20 and he really is a man, he does not belong around 13 year old freshmen (he wouldn't want to be anyway).

 

[dogluva]

try living in a state that has the highest age at which a child becomes legaly required to attend school-8

that means if you have kid who turns 8 in say december or january when no school is going to enroll them as a newbie (not a transfer) until the following september and you've got almost 9 year old kindergarteners and a whole lot of 20 year old seniors given, kindergarten is'nt required here so allot of the parents just enroll those almost 9 year olds in first grade but DANG, when we moved here and i got a look at ds's classmates i thought there was some kind of super growth hormones in the water when i saw dd with a 5th grade classmate who had a noticable mustache i nearly fainted

My ten year old son has one, very light, but in a year or two, it will be there. His brother had a full beard at fifteen. Honestly. If I held him back, mothers would be keeping their girls at home!

 

[foxlore]

My ten year old son has one, very light, but in a year or two, it will be there. His brother had a full beard at fifteen. Honestly. If I held him back, mothers would be keeping their girls at home!

ROTFL! That's funny, but if you think about this it really is a serious issue. It's illegal for 20 year olds to "be" with 16 year olds, BUT with this happening you could be looking at juniors and seniors... I wouldn't have a prob with my junior dating a senior (would obviously expect her to behave), but I'd ABSOLUTELY have a problem with my 16 year old dating a 20 year old!! I was 17 when I graduated from HS. I can't imagine being 20 and a senior in HS. I was bored out of my mind at 17.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I can't think of any state that requires a child to attend kindergarten.

What would happen if a school refuses to enroll a 7,8 or 9 year old in kindergarten?

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I still don't believe full day kindergarten is necessary. My DDs went from 8:45-11:30 for kindergarten. They came out knowing basic math facts and reading. It can be done. Any time there's a push for full day kindergarten, it's coming from parents who work full time and don't want to pay the $5 an hour for the preschool/daycare program two blocks away that has its own bus to pick up the kids.

OP, does your school have a screening process or a readiness/transitional program? If so, maybe the principal can find a parent of a child in that position to speak at orientation. Our principal did that and it was a great idea. A lot of parents don't know the benefits of holding out a kid who is ready age wise but not maturity wise. Unfortunately, the ones I know find out too late.

Actually, in our area it was the teachers who really pushed for full day kindergarten. They felt tlike they just did not have the time to accomplish everything the state said they had to accomplish in one school year. The differences in how well the kids do are amazing. If the kids in half days go to a preschool before or after they're getting it anyway, but many aren't and they really need that extra instruction to do well in first grade.