My teen doesn't want to go

[longboard55]

I got tired of losing money on cancellations so we really dialed back vacations at that age

 

[cruiser21]

The last thing you want to do is drag a teen along who doesn't want to be there. They can make sure no one enjoys the trip if they're moody enough.

Agreed.
It's easy to say you won't let a minor dictate vacation choices, but I don't consider it me letting them dictate vacations or usurping authority. I consider it me doing what I got to do to keep my sanity.

 

[bcwife76]

My oldest is about to turn 9 next month and she's dying to be at the age when she can go to Edge and then go to Vibe. She keeps looking at DCL videos on youtube of these spaces - she just can't wait to grow up lol (which to her is any age older than the one she is now!) So I wonder, when she's 16, if she too will want to skip the cruise and vacations.....*sad* Although I do applaud your son for not wanting to miss any school; at 16 (grade 10? grade 11?) it can be rough to miss even a couple of days.

 

[brewcrew]

I pay for a vacation, they go. They are not in charge as teenagers. And I have 4 kids. They usually come around. He can stay in the cabin and sulk if he wants.

 

[cruiser21]

It is, but I think the better question we need to step back and ask ourselves is should school be so stressful and move at such a more rapid rate? Considering that there is nothing that shows it does anything to improve their education and may in fact be detrimental, I would say we are still doing something wrong in our educational system.

Could be the reason so many kids are so stressed out. Anxiety issues and depression seem pretty prevalent with teens. My son deals with anxiety. I've also noticed many of them lack critical thinking skills. I work with new college grads. They seem to know more about the Kardashians then current events.

 

[MandLBee]

I feel you! My 14 year old has declined to go to Disneyworld with us and it's breaking my heart. We won't force him, he will stay with his grandma, but I will really miss him.

 

[PrincessShmoo]

Just told my 3 kiddos that I booked a 4 day cruise in January. 2 were excited but my 16 year old not so much. I booked this particular cruise because he has a few days off from school that week. He's pretty adamant he doesn't want to go and I'm not sure it's worth it to make him. He has been on 5 other Disney cruises so it's not like he's never been, but the idea of him not coming along makes me so sad. His grandmother said he can stay with her, so I wouldn't have to worry about that. Anyone else have this issue? And do I or don't I have him go?

Just going to toss my $.02 worth in here:

At 16, I'd let him make the call. Yes, it hurts, but by then they need to start making decisions and living with the consequences. Just be sure he's aware that he can't put a guilt trip on you when you return from the trip (that he didn't want to go on) about not taking him along.

I'm speaking as a mom of 3. And, if I were in the same position, with a grandparent willing to take him for the time you're gone, I'd let him sit it out.

 

[Jamesfam]

In the last 14 years we've probably taken over 30 trips with the 4 of us. We've made some great memories. I just took a trip to WDW with my youngest son and have two cruises planned with just him and I. I don't mind it all. I don't have to deal with all the fighting and drama. My kids used to be best friends, but they don't get along right now, and I can't make them. It's the number one reason my oldest son would just rather stay home.

My husband is taking my oldest son on a couple of trips over the next year. He's actually excited to spend time with his dad and not have to put up with his pesky brother. I get to spend some one on one time with my youngest son which is something I've never gotten to do since he came second. There's always a silver lining you just have to look for it.

Families are all different. The dynamics are different, and they evolve and change as the kids age. Instead of forcing things to be the way I'd like them to be or the way things used to be I've decided to adjust and do what works best at the moment. "Adapt and overcome" is my motto for dealing with teens.

I love this, as some of what you said is also an issue in our family.

 

[Jamesfam]

I'm going to assume, since the OP already booked the cruise, that this 16 y/o's parents don't agree that missing 3 days of school would have such an adverse impact. I'm further assuming that the parents are correct in their assumption.

For me, there would be a fundamental problem with a 16 year old so blatantly disregarding his parents' authority. That's a much bigger issue than missing 3 days of school.

I didn't know that kids under age 18 got to dictate to parents what they will and will not do, once the parents have made a decision in that regard (such as booking a cruise for the family).

I didn't know that kids under age 18 got to dictate to parents what they will and will not do, once the parents have made a decision in that regard (such as booking a cruise for the family).

Thanks you for your input, but my son most certainly does not "dictate" to us what we'll be doing. I respect him and he respects us. We talk, I listen to what he has to say and we make a decision that works for all of us.

 

[AussieNSW]

I think it's important to have family time altogether. We are pulled apart so much with work school after school activities that we don't get to spend much time together. I think we are in a different situation because we are coming from Australia so it is a big trip.
Our 16yr old boy said he wasn't keen on part of our trip and wanted to fly out latter for the parts he wanted.
He was told that he was coming for the whole trip and was expected not to sulk for any parts he didn't like.
He didn't want to go to Hawaii or Disneyland but was excited about Alaska and Canada.
I made sure that he did an activity in Hawaii that he really wanted to do. He wanted to try diving and in Disneyland I catered a little more to his teenage boy love of food. It actually worked out well.

 

[Jamesfam]

I'm going to assume, since the OP already booked the cruise, that this 16 y/o's parents don't agree that missing 3 days of school would have such an adverse impact. I'm further assuming that the parents are correct in their assumption.

For me, there would be a fundamental problem with a 16 year old so blatantly disregarding his parents' authority. That's a much bigger issue than missing 3 days of school.

I find this comment kind of funny. You're making it sound like my son is a rude, disrespectful kid who rules our family. He's so far from it, it's not even funny. Yes, it's ultimately my decision if my son goes on this trip however I respect his opinion and listen to what he has to say. If the cruise was paid in full, you bet he'd be going however it's not and I can get back his deposit. As much as I dislike the idea of him not going, he's 16 and knows whether it'd be too much for him to miss.

I'm going to assume, since the OP already booked the cruise, that this 16 y/o's parents don't agree that missing 3 days of school would have such an adverse impact. I'm further assuming that the parents are correct in their assumption.

For me, there would be a fundamental problem with a 16 year old so blatantly disregarding his parents' authority. That's a much bigger issue than missing 3 days of school.

 

[elaine amj]

My son is going to be 15 and it's been an interesting year. My little boy is definitely changing and his interests are changing along with him. We always do a fair bit of family time and lately he has been asking to stay home. He would go with us, but often asks if it is ok to stay home if what we are doing doesn't interest him. I was so sad the first time he stayed home - and all we were doing was going to a local festival to watch their fireworks. He chose to stay home to study

Recently, we went on a short family vacation with my mother. He wasn't particularly enthused about going but didn't complain. While planning the trip, I spent extra time working on adding elements that I knew he would enjoy. My mother could not understand why I was putting in so much extra effort and said he should just suck it up and do what the group wanted to do. I explained that he was part of our family group and that means the rest of us could suck it up now and again to do what would interest him.

It is harder at this age though - I don't share many of his interests anymore and really, the number 1 thing he would prefer to be doing is playing Minecraft. So now I make sure I leave some time for him to chill in the room on wifi. In return, he does his best to be present for family activities. We are currently on a cottage vacation and his sister (16!!) wanted us to play Sorry! He suffered through a whole game without complaint and practically no eye rolling (although his dad escaped near the end LOL!!).

 

[barbarossa_hoosier]

My favorite parenting book starts with the line "I was the perfect parent until I had kids".

You can always take him off the reservation without penalty up until a certain date and then up until the sail date with a penalty.

I would never be so selfish as a parent to put my dream vacation over that of my child's wishes. This is a vacation not a duty to ones family like attending a family funeral.

Perhaps I misread the OP. I read it as the 16 year old saying that he *would not* go - not merely saying that he didn't want to go, or expressing concerns about impact to schoolwork, but that he would not go.

 

[barbarossa_hoosier]

It's brutal. I had read your above post and was going to say you should take your daughter out now while you can. Up until 4th grade it was okay. Then it started to get hairy.

We homeschool ours, so I'm sure my perspective is vastly different.

And what you and others are describing is certainly one of the reasons that we decided to homeschool.

 

[barbarossa_hoosier]

Perhaps, but this is not the forum. And my daughter has some challenges that another student may not have so I can only speak for my family. We are currently speaking of taking our children out of school for a luxury cruise. I know some school districts don't even allow that.

I distinctly remember the time when I was in school, and my parents came to the office to tell the principal that they were taking me and my sister out of school for however many days, for vacation. The principal replied that he didn't know if he could "allow" that. My parents then told him that they weren't asking him for permission, but rather were informing him of their decision.

Schools don't own the students.

 

[barbarossa_hoosier]

The OP said he'd miss 3 days of school aNd that was his concern in an update. I agree family time is important but teachers in my son's school counter that's what weekends, holidays, spring and summer break are for. I might not agree with them, but that's why high school education stands at this point.

Not many vacations can be had on weekends and holidays. And while spring and summer breaks might be convenient for teachers (who have off work during those same breaks), it isn't always feasible for parents who don't have those breaks off from work.

 

[barbarossa_hoosier]

Thanks you for your input, but my son most certainly does not "dictate" to us what we'll be doing. I respect him and he respects us. We talk, I listen to what he has to say and we make a decision that works for all of us.

Fair enough. Perhaps I misunderstood from the OP, in that the decision (to take the family vacation) had already been made?

 

[barbarossa_hoosier]

I find this comment kind of funny. You're making it sound like my son is a rude, disrespectful kid who rules our family. He's so far from it, it's not even funny. Yes, it's ultimately my decision if my son goes on this trip however I respect his opinion and listen to what he has to say. If the cruise was paid in full, you bet he'd be going however it's not and I can get back his deposit. As much as I dislike the idea of him not going, he's 16 and knows whether it'd be too much for him to miss.

That certainly wasn't my intent or implication at all. The sweetest, most well-behaved, respectful children still sometimes do or say things that require parental guidance/correction.

 

[littledebbie335]

I distinctly remember the time when I was in school, and my parents came to the office to tell the principal that they were taking me and my sister out of school for however many days, for vacation. The principal replied that he didn't know if he could "allow" that. My parents then told him that they weren't asking him for permission, but rather were informing him of their decision.

Schools don't own the students.

This isn't quite true. There are truancy/school attendance laws in many (most?) states and they do dictate that it is illegal to have a certain number of unexcused absences.

 

[barbarossa_hoosier]

This isn't quite true. There are truancy/school attendance laws in many (most?) states and they do dictate that it is illegal to have a certain number of unexcused absences.

That is true for overall number of unexcused absences. I'm going to guess that a single vacation will not exceed that number? And even then it becomes a matter of who, legally, gets to decide if an absence is "excused" or not.

I would guarantee that, for any parent who treats a cruise or other vacation as an educational opportunity/experience, it will be far more educational than the few days missed from school.