My son told he can't go to the bathroom during math class - what to do?

[Selket]

I am really upset about this! My son who is 8 yrs old and in 3rd grade was told by his math teacher yesterday that there is a new policy - just for HIM - that he is not allowed to go to the bathroom during math class anymore for the rest of the year.

Apparently he had finished some work and needed to have a bowel movement and when he went to ask the teacher she would not let him go - and told him he will not be allowed to go to the bathroom at all during her class. He has math from 11:00am to 12:30 every day with her. I asked him many questions - was he playing in the bathroom, etc. and he said NO. He told me that he usually goes to the restroom 2x in the morning - once during reading (with his homeroom teacher) and then once in math.

I'm especially concerned because he often has problems with diarreha/constipation (seems to have bouts of it occassionally - dr. can find no cause). Most of the time he is fine however. But he said that this is normally the time of day he needs to have a bowel movement.

He told me he was in a lot of distress yesterday not being allowed to go to the restroom. I just can't believe it! Can she do this?

I plan to go up there today because I don't know how else to resolve this before he has math class again. I don't think she would see an email. She is teaching so I can't exactly talk to her either! Should I try to talk to her or talk to the prinicpal or ? I told him I would not let this continue another day.

Any advice? I can't believe a teacher could put out a blanket policy like that for one student. What does she expect him to do? Have an accident?

 

[Alicnwondrln]

you need to call the school
I had a teacher do this to me in 5thgrade. What she didnt know was that I could nto hold it. I had had several surgeries as a child on m bladder. My parents were up at the school the next day. If a child has to go they should not be forced to hold it.

 

[Marseeya]

My DS had chronic constipation when he was young and I ended up having his pediatrician write me a note that I took to the school. He basically had permission to go to the bathroom whenever he needed, BUT I put the fear of Mom in him if he ever abused the privilege.

He never needed it, but the peace of mind was good for both of us.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I think talking to the teacher is exactly what you need to do. She needs to know he may need the bathrrom, and you need to know why she is restricting him.

I know I am finding out my kids, while they don't lie about what happens in school, I don't get the full story, and many times things don't makes sense until I talk to the teacher.

 

[tar heel]

This would make me mad. Definitely talk to the teacher, but see the doctor, too. Going to the bathroom twice other than at lunch time/regular bathroom break time is a lot. Many kids never take extra bathroom breaks.

One of my boys is an extra bathroom break kid, and some of his trips are just field trips. He might need to go but not so badly that he really needs to miss class -- if he were doing something he really didn't want to miss, he would not ask to the bathroom at that point. I suspect your son has gone during math so many times that his teacher thinks he doesn't really need to go.

 

[Marseeya]

One of my boys is an extra bathroom break kid, and some of his trips are just field trips. He might need to go but not so badly that he really needs to miss class -- if he were doing something he really didn't want to miss, he would not ask to the bathroom at that point. I suspect your son has gone during math so many times that his teacher thinks he doesn't really need to go.

I found that out about my DD too!

I was observing her class for something I was doing in my grad classes. The teacher was having a class discussion and I got really excited when DD raised her hand to participate. "May I please use the restroom?" I was there for two hours and she went to the bathroom twice.

I talked to the teacher and found out she did it quite a bit, so between the two of us we put a stop to it.

 

[chell]

You have every right to be upset over it too. Hope it goes well when you talk with the teacher. Maybe she just doesn't understand that he really does need to go then.

I believe I have the world's smallest bladder. In the past I had one employer that I had to get a doctor's note for because they thought I went to the bathroom too often.

 

[Selket]

I don't think they have scheduled bathroom breaks during the day but I will find out. I did ask him if he was going more than one time to the bathroom during math class and he said no. I asked him extensively if friends were going with him, did he take too long, did he go more than once, etc. He said he only takes as long as he needs and he doesn't play. He told me he had finished his math problem. He said he needed to go while he was working on it but "held it" until he was done.

I agree that sometimes our kids don't relate the ENTIRE story! However I can't think of a scenario that ends with me saying "oh...ok...continue to not let him ever go to the restroom during math class."

It just seems that if there is a problem she should have let me know. Even so I can't think of a logical reason for her to never let him go to the restroom again.

 

[TiggerTails57]

I would try and get a note from your Dr. explaining when he's 'gotta go he's gotta GO'!........
We have had to deal with over zelous teachers for a while, my DD is in High School.
One teacher gives out just so many passes and when they are gone they are gone. She gives the same amount to boys as well as girls, which I find unfair ((if you know what I mean?)). My DD has come home at certain times of the month in a very messy way.
Stick to your guns and go to the school board if you have to. Any work your son misses in class could be finished at home.
Good Luck!

 

[floridafam]

I would talk to the Principal. DD had problems with constipation due to an undiagnosed medical condition and I can't imagine her being told she can't go to the bathroom.

I'd also find out the reason as to why the teacher said this.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I wouldn't do anything until I got the teacher's side of this story.

 

[Dakota_Lynn]

When I was a kid I had several bad experiences where I had to go to the bathroom and was told no. When my daughter started school, I told her that if she ever had to use the bathroom and the teacher said no, to get up and go anyway and that I would not punish her if she got into trouble. But I did tell her that if she ever abused this I would ground her butt until she was 18. It has never come up and she is now 14. But it was very important to me that my kid know that if she has to go to the bathroom, that she can darned well go!

 

[Disney1fan2002]

I agree that sometimes our kids don't relate the ENTIRE story! However I can't think of a scenario that ends with me saying "oh...ok...continue to not let him ever go to the restroom during math class."
It just seems that if there is a problem she should have let me know. Even so I can't think of a logical reason for her to never let him go to the restroom again.

This is why you need to talk to the teacher. I re-read the OP and realized you said he goes to the bathroom 2x's a day everyday. Is the teacher aware he has a problem? If not, than to her, he is just the kid who leaves her class everyday. Of course she is going to reach a point where she says enough is enough. I am sure no othere kids, not the same child, has to use the bathroom everyday during math class.

Once you talk to the teacher, I am sure she will understand. I mean, she had been letting him go everyday since September, correct? So, she can't be all that mean.

I know your son has a problem, but it might be a good idea to help him work on self-control. Maybe she will let him go before the start of class, instead of during.

 

[ILUVMYBRIT]

My son used to have chronic constipation and developed a condition that required him to use medication and he HAD to be allowed to use the bathroom whenever needed. This was an ongoing problem between 3rd and 4th grade and while his 3rd grade teacher was very understanding, his 4th grade teacher was terrible. We had a note from the doctor and she still gave DS and myself a hard time. We finally had him pulled from her class because even though she was letting him go when he needed to....she still made his life in class tough.

Good luck and if your talk to the teacher doesnt help...go to the principal.

 

[golfgal]

A look from the teachers side, the one question you didn't ask is does he use the bathroom every day or most days in math? Like someone said earlier, most kids don't go to the bathroom much in school and if he is going every day or most days in the SAME class, it looks a little fishy, especially math class. If he is missing out on math lessons everyday to go to the bathroom, I would be concerned about that more then having him wait a few more minutes to go.

My oldest was a frequent bathroom kid and he didn't need to go as often as he did. Well, he got "caught". He has been abusing his bathroom privileges and the teacher said he couldn't go. Well, that time he really DID need to go and when the class got out he made a mad dash for the bathroom and didn't quite make it. He had to call me from home to bring him clean clothing. He learned his lesson and only asks to go to the bathroom when he needs to and not when he wants to get out of class.

 

[Selket]

He hasn't been in her math class all year - they change teachers so he has had this teacher for math since November I think.

They don't have scheduled bathroom breaks according to him. I know there are no breaks in the morning - like recess. They go straight through until 12:30 when they have lunch.

I suppose having to go to the bathroom 2x in the morning doesn't seem like a lot to me. In order to go to the bathroom AT ALL he has going during some lesson or another.

I can certainly understand if she is thinking he is abusing the privledge that she talk to him - and then to ME. But I can't understand not allowing him to go to the bathroom at all for the rest of the year.

 

[Hannathy]

I can't believe some people want you to go straight to the principal wow. At work would you like it if people immediately went over your head to your boss without consulting you first ? Second I think going to the BR. 2x plus the chance at recess which I am sure they have and then lunch is excessive. How long could that be 4 hours maybe 5. Please look at it from the teachers side if your son leaves everyday during class I'm sure she ultimately has to repeat something if she had to do this for 23 other kids it would be a mess. I would make sure he is using the chances he is given first. Does he go during recess or would he rather play and then go during math. We had a teacher who punished the kids by giving them a punch (they had a card with punches) if they went, as parents we complained during conference and she then allowed them 2 trips per week at times other than breaks. Everyone went along with this, the extra trips decreased and if kids really had to go they took the punch BUT because the excess trips had stopped many, many times she didn't give a punch because she knew they really had to go and that happens.

I would start with your son and then the teacher but IMO she isn't wrong to not want him missing class everyday. Please think of the class as a whole and not just your son could you see the chaos if every child left class 2x a morning every day.

I didn't see your last post before I answered, that seems odd in 5th grade to not have a chance to go to the BR. What do the other kids do.

 

[Selket]

He does *not* have recess in the morning. He has classroom instruction time (reading and then math) from the time he arrives straight through until 12:30 pm. At 12:30 he has lunch and then they get their one and only recess of the day around 1:00 pm for about 20 minutes. Then back to class.

He has 2 different teachers in the morning - one for reading and one for math so he is about half the time with each before lunch.

I can understand her wanting to limit unnecessary trips to the bathroom but how can you tell a child he absolutely is not allowed to go? If she thinks he is abusing the system shouldn't she talk to me first?

 

[golfgal]

He hasn't been in her math class all year - they change teachers so he has had this teacher for math since November I think.

They don't have scheduled bathroom breaks according to him. I know there are no breaks in the morning - like recess. They go straight through until 12:30 when they have lunch.

I suppose having to go to the bathroom 2x in the morning doesn't seem like a lot to me. In order to go to the bathroom AT ALL he has going during some lesson or another.

I can certainly understand if she is thinking he is abusing the privledge that she talk to him - and then to ME. But I can't understand not allowing him to go to the bathroom at all for the rest of the year.

Are you sure she hasn't talked with him about this? I would really doubt she would make this rule not ever having said anything to him before. Sometimes you have to ask questions in the right ways to get the right answers. Try asking your son what the teacher says when he asks to go to the bathroom.

I still think that going to the bathroom 2x's before lunch, considering he probably went when he woke up in the morning, so 3x's, is a lot for a kid unless he is drinking pop (soda) in the morning. Assuming he gets up at roughly 7:00 am, give or take, he is going to the bathroom less then every 2 hours. I also have a hard time believing that there are no opportunities for a bathroom break until lunch. Do they switch classrooms for every class or just math? Maybe he should use the bathroom while switching classes or before a teacher starts her lessons.

 

[RitaZ.]

He has math from 11:00am to 12:30 every day with her.

That's an unusually long class, isn't it? I mean, my oldest is in middle school and his math class is no longer than 1 hour. Why such a long class for an 8 year old?

Anyway, call the teacher right away and ask for her version of the story. Then, go from there.