My son refuses to use deodorant

[Disney1fan2002]

I am at my wits end. He will be 14 in June and has gone through puberty. He has Apserger's and for some reason, will not allow us to even talk to him about his body changing. I have tried, and it always ends up with him in tears, because he wants me to stop talking about it, and I push until he starts sobbing and he gets so upset.

This year, I have decided I need to get him to understand the importance of personal hygiene, and deodorant being a part of it. I sat him down, and started explaining to him how bad a person with BO smells, and he will become a serious outcast. He starts crying, and I ask him why he is crying, he tells me he hates change! He hates the fact that his body is changing, and he doesn't want to have to do anything different. He refuses to.

I didn't want to argue with him, when he gets this upset, anxiety can overwhelm him. I ended up telling him he needs to shower every single day, and when the weather gets warmer, he will need to take a shower in the morning and at night. He readily agreed, but I told him if I start smelling BO on him, he will need to use deodorant. He agreed, but I think it was to shut me about about the subject.

My dad was a firm believer in old fashion soap and water. He didn't believe in deodorant. I don't recall him smelling, and he worked a hard labor job putting down blacktop on hot summer days.

I guess I am going to have to be satisfied with him showering, he is such a stubborn boy. I don't see how I can force him. Not that I would, but usually I can convince him to try something he is afraid of, but for some reason, this subject is off limits.

 

[clarabelle]

Aww

What about a book on puberty? Would he be more comfortable with that? If you just left one laying on his bed?

Or powder?

If he showers a lot maybe it won't be a problem

 

[Pixiedust34]

It's hard to deal with puberty when anxiety is involved. Have you tried different types of deodorant, such as stick, gel, or spray? Would it help if he has a choice in the type to use?

 

[Indiana Rose Lee]

Deoderant isn't negotiable, in my opinion. If you don't do certain things, you don't get certain things.

i don't mean that to sound snooty, but rather, matter of fact.

 

[freckles and boo]

Do you have an autism resource center near you? My daughter is still young but I am on an email list for a couple of places that have social skills groups for adolescents. This is definitely a topic that someplace like that can help you with.

My other suggestion is to find a good book. Sometimes kids just don't want to talk about it with their parents.

 

[agnes!]

Maybe if he talked to a male, his dad or a male counselor/doctor he likes? Maybe that might help with his anxiety?

And here's a .

agnes!

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

He describes his core issue as fearing change. His body will change out of his control, so he will work to control those things he can.

Work to assist him into acceptance of things that are involuntary (like body changes) and use the sidebar issues as a matter that he can control (like to use deodorant or to bathe more than once a day... that sort of thing).

Hopefully, you have access to excellent resources and counseling for his diagnosis.

 

[CF'er]

Can you get the deodorant and leave it in his room or bathroom? Maybe since you've had the talk he will start to use it "on his own".

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Maybe if he talked to a male, his dad or a male counselor/doctor he likes? Maybe that might help with his anxiety?

And here's a .

agnes!

His psycologist is male. I have tried bringing it up with him, to see if he can talk to him, but he won't even allow his therapist to talk to him about it. He won't allow DH to bring the subject up either.

He does have a great relationship with is pediatrician. His yearly check up is in July, I plan on asking his Dr. to talk to him.

I did buy him a book on puberty a couple of years ago, he hated it. He hid it in his room and once it started explaining body changes, he refused to read it.

 

[Disney1fan2002]

Can you get the deodorant and leave it in his room or bathroom? Maybe since you've had the talk he will start to use it "on his own".

Yes, I did that last year. I even bought Axe because I know it is what the kids are wearing. It has sat untouched for a year. DS10 is excited that he is starting to "smell" after a hard day of playing, so I am going to let him use it.

 

[agnes!]

Yes, I did that last year. I even bought Axe because I know it is what the kids are wearing. It has sat untouched for a year. DS10 is excited that he is starting to "smell" after a hard day of playing, so I am going to let him use it.

Maybe when his younger brother starts to use the Axe, then he might want to try it.

agnes!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Maybe instead of the "Axe" you can get something that is unscented. My dd who has anxiety would NEVER want to wear something that "smells".

At least you have a boy and don't have to worry about shaving pits and legs. Plus this year the swim suit is going to be a problem.

There is always the bright side.

 

[hentob]

My dad was a firm believer in old fashion soap and water. He didn't believe in deodorant. I don't recall him smelling, and he worked a hard labor job putting down blacktop on hot summer days.

You were probably just used to his odor

My children wear deodorant and they are in 4th and 6th grade. Yes, even 4th graders can have BO. So, I do think 14 is getting to a breaking point as far as smell goes

Until you can get to your pediatrician, have your son start using and antibacterial soap (Dial) for his underarms. Also, Dove is a great non-aluminum deodorant that even boys can use. It is milder than those “manly” antiperspirants. Maybe the smell of stronger scents bothers him? Try the Dove.

Good luck to you

 

[hentob]

Yes, I did that last year. I even bought Axe because I know it is what the kids are wearing. It has sat untouched for a year.

Smart boy! That stuff smells AWFUL

 

[Disney1fan2002]

OH! I didn't even think about odorless deodorant. I didn't even realize they had that. I will look into that. One of the other reasons he is so against it, is he is afraid the other kids will smell it on him. He just doesn't understand that other kids are using it.

He insists that no other boy in the 8th grade uses deodorant. (he knows this because he takes gym class with them) UGH. I try to get him to understand that probably MOST of the 8th grade boys are wearing deodorant. He won't hear it.

As for shaving, please Lord! He is getting a mustache. Before I realized what I was doing, I kind of made a joke about him having to start shaving soon. EEK! More tears and yelling for me to stop talking about it. I do think once he sees how easy an electric razor is to use, he will actually enjoy shaving. At least I hope, or I am going to have a 9th grader with a full mustache.

 

[java]

Have you just bought one and left in his bathroom? Perhaps if it is in his control- he is the one deciding it. - It's there - he might use it?
That being said know that many non-asperger kids also refuse deodorant at that age.

 

[agnes!]

Another vote for trying antibacterial soap.

agnes!

 

[Sgt Mickey]

Take him shopping and let him see what is out there. Maybe he will go for something more natural or like you just said soemthing unscented but maybe if he actually looks and picks it out it may be easier.

 

[punkin]

Will he shower more often? If he showers in the morning and before bed, he should smell fine. Deodorant just makes things easier, but it is not strictly necessary unless he is very physically active.

I completely understands anxiety. I've got a DD with it and it sucks. Good luck.

 

[*BTMRR*]

Poor sweet boy.

I had a lot of anxiety about puberty when I was that age. It WAS all about change and I didn't want anything to do with it! I don't have Asperger's but I can kind of relate. I eventually adjusted.

How about Certain Dri? I haven't bought it in a while, but I think it is still out there. It is odorless and you just roll it on before bedtime. It is not a deodorant, but after a few uses it stops perspiration very well and most people don't even have to use it every day.