My son did a bad thing

[Mermaid02]

He told one little girl another little girls unflattering nickname for her. I'm not sure why he did it- he considers the little girl who made up the name to be his "best friend" (and he has very few friends). The little girl cried and her Mom called the other Mom and told her off. Of course now everyone is upset with my son.

I apologized to the name makers Mom and I called the other Mom but she didn't call me back.

Should I pursue it or just let it go?

 

[MushyMushy]

If I'm understanding this right, he only told what someone else said, right? I think the apology was sufficient. I don't know how old they all are, but it's really hard for kids to keep their mouths shut when they hear something. The one who should be sorry is the kid who made up the name to begin with.

 

[Mermaid02]

If I'm understanding this right, he only told what someone else said, right? I think the apology was sufficient. I don't know how old they all are, but it's really hard for kids to keep their mouths shut when they hear something. The one who should be sorry is the kid who made up the name to begin with.

Yes that is right. They are all in 4th grade. He said, "Susie calls you itchy Julie Jones" (I'm sure you can fill in the word) These 2 girls have not gotten along for a couple of years.
I already apologized to Susie's Mom but Julie's Mom didn't call me back. Do you think I should call her again or leave it? Julie's Mom is a very direct person, I'm really surprised she didn't call me back.

 

[MushyMushy]

Yes that is right. They are all in 4th grade. He said, "Susie calls you _itchy Julie Jones"
I already apologized to Susie's Mom but Julie's Mom didn't call me back. Do you think I should call her again or leave it?

I would leave it, personally. I think they'll all learn a good lesson from this without all the moms getting involved. Susie should learn not to call names and your DS will learn to keep these things to himself.

 

[kejoda]

I think the blame is being put on the wrong person. Maybe your son shouldn't of said anything, I think he was in a difficult situation and wasn't quite sure what to do. If he wasn't wanting to hurt the girls feelings he should appolize for doing that. If the Mother of the girl who was doing the name calling is mad at your son she has bigger problems.

 

[froglady]

Yes that is right. They are all in 4th grade. He said, "Susie calls you itchy Julie Jones" (I'm sure you can fill in the word) These 2 girls have not gotten along for a couple of years.
I already apologized to Susie's Mom but Julie's Mom didn't call me back. Do you think I should call her again or leave it? Julie's Mom is a very direct person, I'm really surprised she didn't call me back.

If I were the Julie's mom, I would wonder why YOU were calling me. Your son betrayed a confidence, sort of, by repeating something his friend probably didn't want repeated. Lord knows most of us have been there, and know that it ends badly.


They don't like each other, and it's probably not going to change anytime soon, if ever. These sort of remarks are probably made by BOTH of the girls. All you can do is try to prevent your child from making things worse.

These are 4th graders; it's time for them to start handling these things themselves, UNLESS the friction is causing either of them real problems with schoolwork. I suspect we all had someone we didn't like in 4th grade (especially us girls) and talked trash about them to our friends.

 

[Mermaid02]

If I were the Julie's mom, I would wonder why YOU were calling me. Your son betrayed a confidence, sort of, by repeating something his friend probably didn't want repeated. Lord knows most of us have been there, and know that it ends badly.


They don't like each other, and it's probably not going to change anytime soon, if ever. These sort of remarks are probably made by BOTH of the girls. All you can do is try to prevent your child from making things worse.

These are 4th graders; it's time for them to start handling these things themselves, UNLESS the friction is causing either of them real problems with schoolwork. I suspect we all had someone we didn't like in 4th grade (especially us girls) and talked trash about them to our friends.

Really? I just want to apologize for my son hurting her daughter's feelings. Maybe she feels I don't need to apologize since Jack was just repeating what he had heard.

I think I'll just let it go. I hope all the kids learned a lesson.

 

[Principessa Alba]

Really? I just want to apologize for my son hurting her daughter's feelings. Maybe she feels I don't need to apologize since Jack was just repeating what he had heard.

I think I'll just let it go. I hope all the kids learned a lesson.

How old are the kids? I know how you feel, , it makes you feel awful when you are a mom and this stuff happens. I think the most horrible thing is when it's your own kid who has done something wrong. Don't worry, he won't end up in reform school just yet!

If I were you I'd just make sure I have a little talk with him (I'm sure you already have) about people's feelings and "How do you think the girls felt when you did that? " and also, the fact that the one little girl shouldn't be making up bad names in the first place. Just a chance to learn - don't worry too much!

 

[Mermaid02]

Julie's Mom just called me and we had a long talk. She said she knows Jack is not malicious- she ended up making ME feel better. She's really a great lady. I need to be more like her.

 

[In a hurry]

I am so glad you were able to talk with her. She sounds like a lovely person.

 

[mickeyboat]

I am glad everything turned out o.k. If it had been me, I would have probably stayed out of it myself, and instructued my child to apologize to Julie, and leave it at that.

Denae

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I thought that you were going to say that the kids were preschool age to maybe 1st grade or so. I don't think that there's anything wrong with you calling, but it should be in addition to your son writing a letter of apology. He's old enough to know not to repeat that. I'm not trying to come down hard on him--I know that kids sometimes do and say things that they shouldn't do and say (I have 3 kids older than your son and one younger). Hopefully the other child's mom who made up the name (girl, right?) will come down hard on her. I hate the mean names and this is the age that the kids start to get fired up and the more that parents band together and let them know that it's not acceptable, the easier that middle school will be (it still won't be easy, but at least they will have some guideline as to proper behavior).

 

[snowy76]

Ummm... do I have this right? Your DS repeated the name that Susie made up and Susie's mom is mad at YOUR kid??? Huh?? I hope she's more mad at her own daughter!?!

Anyway, if you already called Julie's mom and she didn't call back, I would call one more time ONLY if I hadn't left an apology on her answering machine/voicemail already. Although I don't really get why you have to say anything. If it was your son's error in judgment, he should be apologizing. He's old enough.

But I'm also confused that you said you don't know why your son did it. I'm assuming you asked him about it, what did he say??

 

[poohandwendy]

I would leave it up to him to apologize to the girls involved. The mothers have nothing to do with it.

 

[Mermaid02]

He did apologize, but I felt I needed to apologize to the Mom and let her know that it was addressed here at my home.

I'm not sure if Susie's mom is mad at my son or not- they were upset and she said Susie wasn't sure if she wanted to be his friend anymore or not. I did ask him why he said it and he said he wasn't sure.

My Grandmother used to say never to write anything down or say it out loud unless you didn't mind the whole world knowing about it.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

He did apologize, but I felt I needed to apologize to the Mom and let her know that it was addressed here at my home.

My Grandmother used to say never to write anything down or say it out loud unless you didn't mind the whole world knowing about it.

Sounds like you have your bases covered.

Your grandmother was right--and we have to add e-mail to that list now (which I guess is writing something down ). People e-mail things withing thinking who it's going to get forwarded to.