My son bites

[daisyduck123]

Haven't read any of the replies, but I don't think it's common.

Neither of mine ever bit anyone, & neither did any of my friend's children. The only time I ever hear of toddlers biting...is here on the DIS.
I would have been mortified if one of my children had bitten anyone and extremely if they had ever been bitten.

 

[bumbershoot]

"We always used to say babies bite, animals bite...are you a baby or an animal?"

Since she reported that he bit b/c two children were calling him a baby, saying that to him probably wouldn't be the absolute best way to deal with him.


I don't think that it's common for a non-biting 3 year old to suddenly start biting, no. Younger children can go through a biting phase; by the way, the *bite the kid back* thing might work for some people, but it did NOT work with us...I watched his eyes and saw him realize that I just showed him that despite my words, biting was VERY MUCH OK, and it took me months to get him back to normal.

(by the way, in case this preschool has foods he doesn't normally have, my guy became much more "normal" and nowhere near as frustrated, when I eliminated high fructose corn syrup from his diet...that means no Uncrustables or apples with cheap caramel dipping sauce, etc...I read labels for everything now...so many juices have it, too...regular corn syrup and corn syrup solids do it to my guy, too, so I have to be *careful*. You might want to look into the food he's having at preschool!!!)

But with a 3 y.o. I think that words would be much more effective. Maybe not being punished once he got home, but if he likes this place, the knowledge that he will not be allowed to go there anymore could be a very effective end to the biting!

If he were mine I would definitely follow-up with the teacher, making sure she knows that you don't find his biting acceptable, but that she should know it was being done to get other children to stop teasing him. When my 3 year old gets really frustrated, he sometimes lashes out at us, and feels sad at the same time, so I can understand why a 3 year old in a new environment, finding himself being teased, could feel the need to lash out. But, as my Montessori school teacher said all the time, "use your words" is something he'll need to learn!

Good luck!

 

[DVCJones]

My youngest DD went through this not that long ago. She bit the same kid each time. It turned out that the other child was invading her personal space and that when she tried to use her words he didn't listen. so, she took to biting. The other child got the message It doesn't make it right but, it was a little funny at the time.

I ended up asking the school to keep an eye on the other kid too. I also told my DD to run and yell HELP if the other child got to close. It worked!!

The other child was nice and all but, he just really really liked my DD. It was at the point where he would hug her and pull her down to the floor. He also would pin her to the wall trying to sneak a kiss

Thankfully, the teachers saw this behavior and didn't blame my DD 100%. They worked with both kids and it hasn't been a problem since.

You may want to ask the teachers what is going on when she bites. What are they working on? Is it the same kids? Is your child being pushed around?

It is very typical for children who are not able to express their needs verbally may resort to biting.

The good news it should pass! Good luck!

 

[minkydog]

I have a biter and a bitee, so I empathize on a lot of different levels. My oldest didn't have good language skills early on and he was veeeery oral--everything went into his mouth until he was well into elementary school. He would bite kids just because they happened to be standing there, It was maddening!

Everyone told us to bite back, but this seemed wrong. How could I say "no biting" and turn around and bite him?? No, we don't bite anyone for any reason. Instead, I bought a bag of lemons. Since he was old enough to reason with, about 3, I explained to him that we don't bite and whoever breaks the rules has to bite a lemon. I took the lemons to school. Well, wouldn't you know, DS had to bite someone. TEacher whipped out a lemon and had him bite it. Ewww! That got his attention. I won't say it stopped the biting immediately, but it really broke the cycle fast. Very shortly all we had to do was show him a lemon with a reminder of the "rules" to ensure compliance.

He's 21 now. No more biting

 

[MiniGirl]

Both of my girls were biters. They bit out of frustration. My oldest had stopped by the time she was 3 though. Not my youngest though. She was a late talker, so she still didn't have the communication skills and resorted to biting longer than usual. However, by age 3, she was biting only her big sister who seems to aggravate her more than anyone else. We told them both that this was unacceptable and would not be tolerated. My oldest stopped pretty much right away. My youngest was harder, but she stopped as her language skills developed.

OP, I see this is your one and only. If he is new to this kind of environment, it could definitely be frustration. Let's face it.... at home he doesn't have to share for extended periods of time day in and day out. He doesn't have to take turns with a dozen other children, etc. Like others have said, he is old enough to understand absolutes, and biting is absolutely NOT allowed. No matter what someone may be doing to you -- including biting -- you do not bite back.

If biting hasn't been a concern in the past, then it hasn't been addressed. If it hasn't been addressed, he doesn't know it is wrong. Now he does though.

I'm sure it'll be fine.

 

[Camno's Mama]

"We always used to say babies bite, animals bite...are you a baby or an animal?"

Since she reported that he bit b/c two children were calling him a baby, saying that to him probably wouldn't be the absolute best way to deal with him.

I actually disagree. You, as the teacher or parent, are not calling him a baby. You are simply asking him if he believes he is one. Obviously, he is bothered by the concept that anyone would think he is a baby, so this might have a positive effect with him. The animal one would get us in trouble sometimes though...

I understand the urge that people have to protect their kids feelings, and obviously I don't promote name calling, but if he thinks that people might view biting as more "babyish" he won't want to do it. Especially if you are constructive with it, and teach him how to handle it like a big kid.

 

[eh24fan]

My older DS7 was a biter for a short time. My stepdaughter was a biter and she bit him a couple of times, "teaching" him to bite. One day when he was about 2 1/2, at daycare (My best friend's home daycare) he bit a little girl on the leg so hard it immediately turned purple and he left horrible teeth marks on her!! My best friend, who had full disciplinary license with him as she had been there from the moment he was born, literally, did exactly what I would have done and bit the little bugger. He never bit again.

 

[labdogs42]

I have a biter and a bitee, so I empathize on a lot of different levels. My oldest didn't have good language skills early on and he was veeeery oral--everything went into his mouth until he was well into elementary school. He would bite kids just because they happened to be standing there, It was maddening!

Everyone told us to bite back, but this seemed wrong. How could I say "no biting" and turn around and bite him?? No, we don't bite anyone for any reason. Instead, I bought a bag of lemons. Since he was old enough to reason with, about 3, I explained to him that we don't bite and whoever breaks the rules has to bite a lemon. I took the lemons to school. Well, wouldn't you know, DS had to bite someone. TEacher whipped out a lemon and had him bite it. Ewww! That got his attention. I won't say it stopped the biting immediately, but it really broke the cycle fast. Very shortly all we had to do was show him a lemon with a reminder of the "rules" to ensure compliance.

He's 21 now. No more biting

That is a great idea! My son has been bitten at school a few times (actually, I think we are up to 4 or 5 times now). I hope they find a good solution for the biters (it isn't always the same kid). I also wish I knew if there is a reason that MY kid gets bitten, but so far no one seems to have figured that out. I just hope my DS isn't being a bully and that's why he's getting bitten

 

[tadamom]

I have a biter and a bitee, so I empathize on a lot of different levels. My oldest didn't have good language skills early on and he was veeeery oral--everything went into his mouth until he was well into elementary school. He would bite kids just because they happened to be standing there, It was maddening!

Everyone told us to bite back, but this seemed wrong. How could I say "no biting" and turn around and bite him?? No, we don't bite anyone for any reason. Instead, I bought a bag of lemons. Since he was old enough to reason with, about 3, I explained to him that we don't bite and whoever breaks the rules has to bite a lemon. I took the lemons to school. Well, wouldn't you know, DS had to bite someone. TEacher whipped out a lemon and had him bite it. Ewww! That got his attention. I won't say it stopped the biting immediately, but it really broke the cycle fast. Very shortly all we had to do was show him a lemon with a reminder of the "rules" to ensure compliance.

He's 21 now. No more biting

This made me LOL but seems like a good idea too!

Both of my kids only bit me and when they did it was b/c they weren't getting my full attention at the exact time they wanted it. They were both probably right at a year old so they were just too young to even realize that it hurt. But they only did it a time or two and then quit.

Since I think it only happened one time -- it might not even be a problem. But, if it has happened more than once the OP might want to start a sticker chart for him. For everyday that he doesn't bite at school, he gets a sticker. After a set amount he gets a reward.

 

[famofsix]

"people are not for biting" always worked for me when I was teaching that age group and younger.

I think a lot of good has come out of this thread particularily finding the source of frustration and helping him with better problem solving and coping mechanisms.

 

[MomsOf2boys]

My oldest was a ferocious biter! He would bite down on someone and you could not pry his teeth out of them. It was so bad that I took him out of all social activites to prevent it from continuing. I am not a parent that spanks. My childhood had enough of that in it for all future bloodlines in my family. But my children always listened and never knew that I would not spank them.

I had tried several things with the biting including things that were probably worse than a spanking...ie..mustard on the tongue when he bit, which slowed him down in my presence. There wasn't a time out or punishment that could prevent him until one day... he bit a dog and the dog bit him back. He was shocked more than hurt and the dog was more remorseful than my son had ever been. The dog was afraid of him after that and he would say, "Tyler sorry, I no bite." He then was so worried that other kids would not play with him that he would approach slowly and say, "Tyler no bite you."

 

[CampbellScot]

Biting is actually a normal stage of development...kids have language but it's not quite sophisticated enough to really express frustration etc. It of course needs to be discouraged and if he bites he needs an age appropriate consequence.

In today's world...children who bite can present a major liability to the daycare provider which is why a lot of daycares will NOT keep kids who bite.

As for dealing with it...sometimes biting back will work well. It teaches kids that when they bite others it must be okay for others to bite them...it establishes a boundary...it also allows them to understand that biting HURTS...but it needs to be immediately after the biting incident or it won't make any sense to them.

Biting back can backfire though too...it can make biting a game of sorts or cement in their mind that mommy is condoning it b/c she bites too. You have to know your child when considering biting back.

I'd suggest talking w/ his teacher about the consequences they use at Pre-school...come up with a game plan of sorts. A previous poster had talked about using lemons...BRILLIANT! I may use that with patients! Tell your son clearly that biting is a no no and it has consequences...having to bite a lemon for instance... Sometimes, depending on the age of the child...going through a magazine and cutting out pictures of things that are okay to bite...food basically...and things that are not...anything else...and pasting them to a board...can help them a visual reference. (of course if they are too young this won't do much.)

Mostly remember that biting is a pretty typical stage that most kids go through.

Be firm and consistent. He'll grow out of it as his language and maturity develops more and he understands that biting only leads to unhappiness for him!

The last thing is that I think it is very important for a child who has bitten someone to make an apology to the person he bit. It's a good early lesson in making amends for wrong doing and social development!