My Roommate's A Slob

[disneyfav4ever]

She is. She really is. A huge slob. I can't even imagine how it could get any worse.

We used to share dishes, until it became clear that she was never going to wash any. Ever. So I bought my own plates, and now the household ones never get washed. She keeps them in the dishwasher, so it's usually out of sight - out of mind, but I was noticeably low on silverware, (something else I bought my own of,) and checked the dishwasher. The household plates have been there so long, that they've gotten moldy. Like completely crusted in mold. They're gross.

We take turns cleaning the bathroom, we each do it every other weekend. My weekend was two weeks ago, her's should've been last weekend. But she didn't do it. She didn't do it this weekend either.

It's just so annoying, it's like, do I do it myself, so it gets done, and it's not gross, or do I leave it, because otherwise I'll always be the one who gets stuck cleaning everything.

Sorry, I just needed to vent.

 

[NHdisneylover]

That sounds gross. Where did you meet this girl and how did you end up living together without any sort of warning about how disgusting her living conditions would be? I can't imagine living with that. I think a calm talk and agreeing in writing to true ground rules needs to happen. Let her know that if the apartment is moldy from lack of cleaning you could lose your deposits--in addition to you just not enjoying living with the mess.
Maybe you need to (together) come up with a list of what is truly considered cleaning the bathroom (and other common areas) and choose a specific day of the week that it must be accomplished by. Then (again together) come up with a fair penalty if it is not (maybe she would prefer to pay an extra $100 a month of the rent and not have any bathroom cleaning duties?).

About the dishes though, if she put them in the dishwasher why on earth didn't you just stick some detergent in there and run them? It takes maybe 30 seconds to turn on a dishwasher much, MUCH better then having a box of mold in your kitchen (which is what it sounds like you now have as a "dishwasher").

 

[disneyfav4ever]

To answer your question as to why I didn't run the dishwasher, it's because I have my own plates, which she's not allowed to use, and I wash by hand. I just never realized that she wasn't running the dishwasher, as I never looked in it before tonight, and I swear, I almost threw up when I did.

We do have a cleaning schedule, (not in writing,) that the bathroom and kitchen must be cleaned by Monday morning, with each of us cleaning on alternate weekends. So we can do it whenever we have time on Saturday or Sunday, but it must be done by Monday morning.

We also have a "12-hour" pot and pan rule, that all pots and pans, must be washed withing 12 hours of being used. You think that would be simple to stick to, no? But she made macaroni and cheese about a week and a half ago, and the pot is still sitting on the counter. Needless to say, I bought my own pots and pans awhile back, and she's not allowed to use those either.

 

[themilesfamily]

If she's a good roommate in every other way -- pays the rent on time, is a nice person -- I'd just do the cleaning myself. I wouldn't make that big of a deal over it.

It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me -- but if it is for you, then deal with it for now and when the lease is up find a new roommate.

ETA: Maybe she's purposely not cleaning because she's annoyed by all of the schedules and rules -- cleaning schedules, 12-hour pot and pan rules. It might be a passive-aggressive kind of thing.

 

[disykat]

It's clear she's not going to do it - period. I'd suggest she pays you to clean or you move and wish her luck living in her own filth. Meanwhile, you've got the issue of the dishwasher to deal with. I think I'd confront her and have it out. It could very well be the dishwasher is ruined already and you will have a hefty charge when you move out. She needs to deal with it and pay any fees if it's ruined.

I wouldn't want to be in your shoes. She obviously doesn't care, so it's not likely she's going to want to solve anything.

 

[WestCOT]

Yikes. Hope I don't end up with somebody like that this fall. I'd report her to whomever it is that you report people like that to: her behavior is unacceptable at best.

 

[Elmo9607]

EWWWW!!! Now I'm not a neat freak, but mold crusted plates?? In a dishwasher?? OMG.

All that old food sitting around just sounds like a bug/vermin problem waiting to happen. Gross.

It doesn't matter if it's a passive agressive thing. If you're old enough to live out on your own, you should be old enough to do dishes in a timely and efficent manner. Same goes for other basic cleaning duties. Period.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Yea, it sucks to clean up after a slob all the time, but I would rather clean up her stuff than live with her disgusting habits.

I would rather be pissed about cleaning up after her than be pissed about her being a slob and living with her filth.

You lose either way. So make your loss better for yourself.

Move out when your lease is up.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Okay--about the dishwasher--glad you just didn't realize. I think you have to have it out with her about cleaning that because it could really cost you (start nice--maybe she will respond well), but from now on just check it every couple of days and run it no matter whose "job" it is.

Did you come up with the cleaning schedule in response to a problem (one of you preferring things cleaner than the other and always doing the work) or to prevent them in the first place? If the latter, I agree with themilefamily that maybe this is some passive aggressive thing--however I also agree with Elmo9607 that this is beyond that and just into filthy living conditions and not acceptable.

I really think you both need to spend a weekend cleaning up the filth together and then start from square one if possible.

How long have you lived together and has this been an issue since day one?

If it has been an issue all along I think I would try one more time to come to equitable rules IN WRITING with some sort of consequences if she does not do her share of cleaning (maybe she just needs to pay for a cleaning company to come in on her weeks). If that does not work I would suck it up and clean her stuff rather than live that way until the lease is up and then get the heck out of there.

If it is a new behaviour from a previously fine roomate I would try to figure out what changed. Did you spring these rules on her after she missed one weekend cleaning and she is resentful? Do you think SHE wants to move out and is hoping you will offer to take over her part of the lease if she is gross enough? If you can figure out the root cause and work to solve that then things could get better.

Good luck to you and to your landlord when s/he sees this

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I am far from a neat freak, but I could not live with someone as inconsiderate as this. You have made it clear how much this bothers you by buying your own stuff, but she persists.

I would move as soon as the lease expires. Good luck.

 

[wdwmom2]

How long have you been putting up with this???? Didn't you recently live with a family member, grandmother or something?

I would sit down with said roommate and have a serious talk about expectations. If that didn't work, I would start looking for a new roommate!

 

[disneyfav4ever]

We came up with the rules after a month or so, when it became clear she wasn't the tidiest person. I'm not that neat myself, but my "mess" is clutter and just a little disorganized. Her mess is actual filth.

 

[wendy46001]

We also have a "12-hour" pot and pan rule, that all pots and pans, must be washed withing 12 hours of being used. You think that would be simple to stick to, no? But she made macaroni and cheese about a week and a half ago, and the pot is still sitting on the counter. Needless to say, I bought my own pots and pans awhile back, and she's not allowed to use those either.

Had this problem once...we gathered all the pots, plates, cups (he used to leave half full protein drinks around the house –old milk bad), etc. and put them in his room….on his bed

When he got home we told him nicely anything not cleaned would not be left in a "common" room but he was welcome to keep it all in his bedroom

after that he finally got the picture we wouldn’t be cleaning up after him

 

[nancys]

If she is not allowed to use your dishes, and hers are molding away in the dishwasher, what is she eating out of?

Hopefully, she will respond well to a frank conversation about cleaning responsibilities. If not, tell her that you do not plan to room with her after the lease expires.

Not an easy situation, for sure!

 

[ilovejack02]

Not saying this is right, but when my best friend lived with a slob who left a rice pot for two weeks on counter , the gross pot ended sitting in her bed. LOL she learned to clean out her pots and pans quick.


Haha, I see pp had the same idea, looks like that one may be a winner. I totally agree if you don't want to clean it than it must be kept in your own private space. : )

 

[wdwfan16]

Are both names on the lease? How did you find the roommate? Did you know her before? I would keep it clean because I don't want to live in filth. 12 hours for pots!!!! Yuck

 

[robinb]

Had this problem once...we gathered all the pots, plates, cups (he used to leave half full protein drinks around the house –old milk bad), etc. and put them in his room….on his bed

When he got home we told him nicely anything not cleaned would not be left in a "common" room but he was welcome to keep it all in his bedroom

after that he finally got the picture we wouldn’t be cleaning up after him

*snork* I did the same thing with one of my roommates except I left them in front of his door.

 

[luvmy3]

Had this problem once...we gathered all the pots, plates, cups (he used to leave half full protein drinks around the house –old milk bad), etc. and put them in his room….on his bed

When he got home we told him nicely anything not cleaned would not be left in a "common" room but he was welcome to keep it all in his bedroom

after that he finally got the picture we wouldn’t be cleaning up after him

There is a difference between living with somoene elses clutter and having to live in filth, thats really disgusting. I would either take the approach that wendy did or tell roommate that she will have to start contributing more money to pay for a housekeeper to come in and clean up after her. You shouldn't have to live in deplorable conditions and you shouldn't be the one to take care of her filth. If neither of these work I'd be looking for a new roommate.

 

[wendy46001]

*snork* I did the same thing with one of my roommates except I left them in front of his door.

unfortunately he would have stepped right over it, plus his bed was the only clear spot in his room and like people mentioned clutter is one thing, filth (in our case mold) is unhealthy

good luck OP

 

[scottishduffy]

Uggh, I had a roomie who was an absolute slob like that.

I remember telling mine she was not allowed to use my pots and pans, and she completely disregarded it. She would scratch up my pans and never clean them, she also cooked eggs in them and I have a mild allergy to egg yolk. At one point (after talking to her several times), I put a sign on my cabinet in the kitchen saying "DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING IN THIS CABINET". Then inside the cabinet I put another sing taped to my pot that says "Nicole, this means YOU! Don't touch my pans". Of course I came home to find the signs in the trash and my pans with old scrambled eggs remnants in them. That was the day I bought extra shelving for my bedroom and put all my pots,pans,plates, and utensils in my room. My room was always locked so she never could use them again. She actually had the nerve to get angry about it and yell at me for removing my pans and other equipment!

I pretty much stayed out of the apartment as much as possible. I was dating DH at the time and just spent most of my time at his place and then moved out as soon as I could. That wasn't the only issue this roomie had, I think that girl should go done in the "Crazy Roomie" hall of fame. But alas, different story.