My roommate smells

[cheermom1]

In situations like this you can't be PC doesn't work! i don;t care if you will offend her. No matter what you say or how you say it she WILL get offended period!

I don't agree with not saying anything as she might not even know it and she might have a med. problem that she doesn't know she has and without someone telling her she will never know. YOU might just be the person that she could very well thank b/c it is better to come from your roommate then a boyfriend while trying to be intimate with.

I know you said you only want to know what will work on getting that smell out but the answer is really to jsut tell her b/c that is the ONLY way you can get rid of that smell. There are a # of things that can happen but if you are afraid of hurting her and want to live with that smell then don't do anything.

As I said there is no way of putting it to her that won;t offend so you will have to do as sensitive as you can but remember she will be offend and it will be very difficult for both of you. However it is the best sulition especially if she has no idea it is an issue. I know I'd rather someone TELL me I stink and be embarrassed then to live with like that and be talked about behind my back.

Good luck.

 

[AlwaysMoving]

You could always take the "Do you ever get that not so fresh feeling?" approach.

OP, what is the age of your roommate? Reason I asked is often young women neglect their female health, because they think it is only necessary for birth control or pregnancy. Delicate topic, and depending on how brave or forward you may feel, maybe when both of your roommates are in the same room, you could play dumb and ask for a referral to a gyn or other doc who can do yearly exams, since you are due one and understand the importance of making sure everything is ok, but don't have a doc right now. If smelly roommate says she doesn't have one, you could take that as the right time to tell her the importance of it and encourage her to make an appointment. Might be the only way to get the odor solved, if that is the source.

 

[daisyduck123]

OP, thank goodness you've started the communication process with her about this.


If the odor isn't taken care of, eventually (and it could be sooner, rather than later) ALL OF YOU are going to start carrying that smell. It will be on your clothes, in your hair. I don't think you want to start that.

 

[gillep]

I think it is great that you have opened up the lines of communication regarding this issue hopefully you all can get this issue eliminated.

for an odor neutralizer I swear by freshwave (recommended by someone on the DIS) I love the odor eliminating crystals, I open a jar and leave it in the middle of the house and have had no odor issues in our new home, even with a dog. Also I use the pearl pack sachets in my vacuum and I have no more vacuum smells in my older vacuum. They do not mask odor as they only have a very light eucalyptus scent but they do seem to be able to neutralize and eliminate odors. Good luck

 

[bellebud]

I have to laugh because it brings back memories. My roommate and I had the same issue with our 3rd.

I was the one to tell her because the other one wouldn't/couldn't.

I waited for her to come home (to our room) and I just said "Mary, I don't know if you're aware of it but me and Jane have been noticing a really strong odor on you." Mary gave me a WTH look without saying anything, and I said "We care about you and I really had to tell you before other people notice. We girls have to stick together."

After a few angry and then embarrassed OMGs, she said "I know, I don't know what to do about it." She started to cry and I hugged her, we talked, Jane came in and we talked some more, and let's just say we got to cause of her problem and she was fine after that. I made it the focus that if it were me, I hope she'd tell me, and the same with Jane. It was actually a very bonding, growing experience for us all.

I love this approach!!!

 

[mickeysgal]

Glad you've started speaking (emailing) about the smell.

Questions:
1. You said her room is a mess. If it's that much of a mess, how would she know what clothes are clean vs. not clean?
2. Have you noticed if she has done laundry?
3. Have you noticed if she showers daily? Have you noticed her ever taking a shower?
4. Have you seen her bring food/plates OUT of her room?
5. Have you noticed her wearing the same clothes daily or frequently but yet haven't seen her do laundry? She may be showering but putting the stink back on via dirty clothes.

Good lord, hopefully she is changing her pads frequently during that time of the month. The thought of that smell - it could invade her clothes and if she is rewearing them without washing them, well that could be the it right there.

Good luck. No doubt this is a tough, touchy subject.

 

[kwelch10377]

Glad you've started speaking (emailing) about the smell.

Questions:
1. You said her room is a mess. If it's that much of a mess, how would she know what clothes are clean vs. not clean?
2. Have you noticed if she has done laundry?
3. Have you noticed if she showers daily? Have you noticed her ever taking a shower?
4. Have you seen her bring food/plates OUT of her room?
5. Have you noticed her wearing the same clothes daily or frequently but yet haven't seen her do laundry? She may be showering but putting the stink back on via dirty clothes.

Good lord, hopefully she is changing her pads frequently during that time of the month. The thought of that smell - it could invade her clothes and if she is rewearing them without washing them, well that could be the it right there.

Good luck. No doubt this is a tough, touchy subject.

1. There were clothes that she had in totes from her old apt that she thinks that she may be the culprit of the smell, but as for daily laundry I think she throws stuff in a laundry basket. I don't go in her room, just walk by it and there is just stuff everywhere, mostly because she never really unpacked a lot of her stuff from when she moved in.
2. She has done laundry a few times since she moved in
3. I know she showers each morning before work
4. I know for the most part she does brig food/plates out of her room, but I have also noticed that she keeps snacks and such in there
5. She does frequently wear the same clothes. She is a bit overweight and she has told me that she doesn't have a lot of clothes becasue she has problems finding stuff that fits.


There is another issue that my roommate and I *think* might be going on. When she moved in we told her that we can't buy really thick TP for the bathroom, it needs to be the thinner stuff or the toliet will clog. There have been several times that I have gone in the bathroom after she has showered and such in the morning and she hasn't flushed but there is no TP in the toliet (I know sooooo gross) . We think she may be putting the used TP in the trash can as we have also noticed that we must empty the trash can in there 3-4 times a week and it is always overflowing with TP. We have no way of knowing for sure. I did buy TP yesterday and casualy mentioned that I bought the big pack because it is rare that the kind we can use in our bathroom goes on sale. I was trying to get the point across that she can flush it and not put it in the trash can.

 

[pigletgirl]

There is another issue that my roommate and I *think* might be going on. When she moved in we told her that we can't buy really thick TP for the bathroom, it needs to be the thinner stuff or the toliet will clog. There have been several times that I have gone in the bathroom after she has showered and such in the morning and she hasn't flushed but there is no TP in the toliet (I know sooooo gross) . We think she may be putting the used TP in the trash can as we have also noticed that we must empty the trash can in there 3-4 times a week and it is always overflowing with TP. We have no way of knowing for sure. I did buy TP yesterday and casualy mentioned that I bought the big pack because it is rare that the kind we can use in our bathroom goes on sale. I was trying to get the point across that she can flush it and not put it in the trash can.

So she's reusing her own TP? Gross!
I was going to say, does she have diabetes or thyroid problems? I had a girl I knew growing up who always stunk... and I always thought it was a metabolic type syndrome.

I truly hope you get to the bottom of this, I cannot imagine how awful it must be.

 

[AlwaysMoving]

There is another issue that my roommate and I *think* might be going on. When she moved in we told her that we can't buy really thick TP for the bathroom, it needs to be the thinner stuff or the toliet will clog. There have been several times that I have gone in the bathroom after she has showered and such in the morning and she hasn't flushed but there is no TP in the toliet (I know sooooo gross) . We think she may be putting the used TP in the trash can as we have also noticed that we must empty the trash can in there 3-4 times a week and it is always overflowing with TP. We have no way of knowing for sure. I did buy TP yesterday and casualy mentioned that I bought the big pack because it is rare that the kind we can use in our bathroom goes on sale. I was trying to get the point across that she can flush it and not put it in the trash can.

Putting toilet paper in the trash is gross. I once knew someone who did that and well, yuck. They did it for the same reason.....clogging issues. However, while it may create an odor in the bathroom, this would not be the reason for her room to smell. You did say the odor was female, and she leaves the odor wherever she has been in the apartment. If the tp was the culprit, then you could immediately walk in the bathroom and say "yep", but this is not the case. You are going to have to stop worrying about hurting her feelings, because it is going to become obsessive trying to figure out what it is to avoid confronting her on her feminine hygiene.

The more you write, the more this girl seems like a slob......dirty room, house smells, doesn't flush, personal odor, puts toilet paper in the trash can. You gotta be blunt or you are going to go nuts. Did you have a trial period understnading when she moved in?

 

[kwelch10377]

So she's reusing her own TP? Gross!
I was going to say, does she have diabetes or thyroid problems? I had a girl I knew growing up who always stunk... and I always thought it was a metabolic type syndrome.

I truly hope you get to the bottom of this, I cannot imagine how awful it must be.

I don't think she is reusing, I think she is disposing of the used TP in the trash can rather than flushing it.

 

[pigletgirl]

I don't think she is reusing, I think she is disposing of the used TP in the trash can rather than flushing it.

Regardless, that is just vile. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this nonsense. Does she have a boyfriend or another close friend that can bring this sensitive subject up?

 

[kwelch10377]

Regardless, that is just vile. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this nonsense. Does she have a boyfriend or another close friend that can bring this sensitive subject up?

She does have a boyfriend, but it seems like a weird situation. It think she only dates him to say that she has a boyfriend. I don't know of any close friends that she has near where we live. She is from CT and she does go home a lot of weekends to see her sister who she seems pretty close with.

She seemed so normal when we met her. Our old roommate was moving out and we wanted to be very particular about who replaced her. We met with this girl 4-5 times, asked a TON of questions. She seemed so normal and that she would very much mesh with us.

 

[Carnie]

"We care about you and I really had to tell you before other people notice. We girls have to stick together."

I read that quickly and thought it said "We girls have to STINK together".

 

[pigletgirl]

She does have a boyfriend, but it seems like a weird situation. It think she only dates him to say that she has a boyfriend. I don't know of any close friends that she has near where we live. She is from CT and she does go home a lot of weekends to see her sister who she seems pretty close with.

She seemed so normal when we met her. Our old roommate was moving out and we wanted to be very particular about who replaced her. We met with this girl 4-5 times, asked a TON of questions. She seemed so normal and that she would very much mesh with us.

Did you find her on the roommate.com website or something like that? Have you given her an ultimatum? Like, if things don't change XYZ will happen?

At least she wasnt like the girl I lived with who only ate iceberg lettuce and drank Coke. She was anorexic who had major outrages. Needless to say we kicked her out after a few months.

 

[kwelch10377]

Did you find her on the roommate.com website or something like that? Have you given her an ultimatum? Like, if things don't change XYZ will happen?

At least she wasnt like the girl I lived with who only ate iceberg lettuce and drank Coke. She was anorexic who had major outrages. Needless to say we kicked her out after a few months.

She was a co-worker of a some I know, not really a friend though.

We really can't just kick her out unless she is in violation of the lease, she has a lease thru next Aug.

 

[Jennasis]

Regarding the no flush of toilet paper...certainly not how we roll here in the good ol' USA, but please don't go visit Greece. They DO NOT flush there as a rule. Their plumbing system simply cannot handle the paper.

 

[Alsobrook]

I hope the approach that the OP took will work. I suspect it may also prolong things and ultimately result in some hurt feelings and awkwardness, but the hunt is at least now on.

I got the sense from the original post that the OP had a very good sense of what the smell was and exactly where it was coming from. Accordingly, I'm not sure I completely understand the email invitation to start a wide and thorough search when the OP knows what the problem is. Then again, if I've misunderstood the original post, so be it.

I also get the sense from the follow ups that there's more going on... i.e. some general oddities and weirdness. Been there, done that, got the T-Shirt. I gather this may ultimately be the tip of the iceberg....

Are we now on the road of "how do we get rid of her?"

 

[lizabu]

If she's a bigger girl there may be nothing she can do about the odor. I know a few larger ladies and they all have the same strong "lady odor". If you use the bathroom after them there is a strong smell in the bathroom. I tend to think larger ladies have more hormones or something that makes that smell.

 

[3disfans]

Having worked in a hospital, some larger patients, both male and female, def had an odor. It was usually yeast growing in folds, not something that can be easily bathed away.

Also, for the time being, you could pool money and get all the carpets cleaned in the house. Using the approach, let's try this and see if it helps. It would force her to clean up so the carpets could be cleaned..

That being said, bowls of vinegar are good odor eliminators, but if it's coming from her room, one would have to go in there as well.

Good luck!

 

[ebtbmom]

Is anyone else reading this thread and sniffing around themselves to make sure they aren't smelly too? Stuff like this always makes me paranoid!

Has she seen an OB/GYN? It sounds like she has some sort of chemical imbalances down there. I've seen charcoal liners for underwear, I think it was for people with excessive flatulence, but it might help her too.