My Neighbors (vent)

[maymom96]

We live next to a middle age couple. The female has an adult daughter who used to live a few doors down from us. The daughter and her boyfriend had three kids and didn't work. They would brag how they paid their rent with thier foodstamps. The boyfriend would speed down our private road (posted 15 mph sign).
A few years ago, the boyfriend and I got into a spat about his driving. He went flying past my house as the kids and I were outside by the road getting the mail. I asked him nicely to please slow down and he told me to go [edited for word filter] myself. So things between us went sour fast.
They ended up getting evicted and I thought life would be grand when they moved. They hardly ever visited our neighbors so we never had to see them. Guess who got evicted again and was a month away from having baby #4? So the neighbors told the daughter and kids can stay a week but the boyfriend can't come. Two months later, they are still at the house and yes the boyfriend is there too.
One cold day, I watched the daughter stand outside with her 5 year old daughter. The child had no coat on and it was freezing out. Apparently the girl was in trouble and her punishment was having to walk around the yard with no coat on. When she was complain about being cold, she was told she had to walk longer.
On Thanksgiving, the daughter delivered the baby. I asked the neighbor where everyone was sleeping since it's a one bedroom cottage. The boyfriend is sleeping on the couch while the daughter and all the kids are sleeping on a cement floor with a carpet thrown over it. The newborn baby has no bed and is sleepig on the cement with everyone else.
I had enough and called Child Protection on the daughter. The social worker I spoke with asked me what I have done to help this family. I wasn't aware that I am required to help raise another family. Besides, isn't the foodstamps and cash assistance they get from my tax dollars enough help?
That was three week ago. Do you know that CPS never came to the neighbors house to investigate. Apparently the sleeping arrangements are fine, not having proper winter clothes and coats is fine and making a 5 year old walk out in the cold for punishment is fine.
On Saturday, my son looks out the kitchen door. He said that his school bus was parked at the neighbors house. We live in a private lake associations and the bus NEVER drives back here. The kids are picked up and left off at the front entrance.
Next thing you know, the daughter and her boyfriend walk off the bus carrying tons of bags from Walmart. Apparently the school district picked them as a family to sponcor for Christmas. I told my husband there is another way our tax dollars of helping this family.
What makes me mad is this is a family that chooses not to work because it's below them. It's easier for them to bum off everyone and get welfare so they can lay on their behinds and do nothing all day. They are neglectful of their children and yet nothing happens to them. And IMO, they are abusive but CPS won't even look into the situtation because the economy is bad and families are having to live together.
UGH!

 

[Justanopinion]

Keep calling. Call weekly if need be. Just keep calling.

I once called on a "friend" of mine. She never had food in her house. I'm not exaggerating(sp) when I say her refrigerator had ketchup only in it. At the time, I had every Friday off. She would come over every Friday morning after getting her two oldest off to school. As soon as she walked in her youngest(then 4) would start saying "I'm hungry". I fed that kid breakfast every Friday morning. It just broke my heart. What was she doing every other day of the week. This same "friend" would call every time her middle child(about 3rd grade) had a field trip. For field trips kids had to bring a sack lunch. She never had anything to make a lunch with. I would always put together a sack lunch and take it up to the school the morning of the field trip so her child would have something.

I finally called. CPS called her before they showed up. They even told her what the complaint was. So she knew ahead of time and stocked up.
Because she stocked up, there was nothing CPS could do.

 

[agnes!]

Keep calling. Call weekly if need be. Just keep calling.

I once called on a "friend" of mine. She never had food in her house. I'm not exaggerating(sp) when I say her refrigerator had ketchup only in it. At the time, I had every Friday off. She would come over every Friday morning after getting her two oldest off to school. As soon as she walked in her youngest(then 4) would start saying "I'm hungry". I fed that kid breakfast every Friday morning. It just broke my heart. What was she doing every other day of the week. This same "friend" would call every time her middle child(about 3rd grade) had a field trip. For field trips kids had to bring a sack lunch. She never had anything to make a lunch with. I would always put together a sack lunch and take it up to the school the morning of the field trip so her child would have something.

I finally called. CPS called her before they showed up. They even told her what the complaint was. So she knew ahead of time and stocked up.
Because she stocked up, there was nothing CPS could do.

So your 'friend' *could* indeed get food in the house, but chose NOT to?!? It sounds like almost all the time she let her babies go hungry because she just somehow couldn't be bothered.

That is one stone-cold female.

And I wonder what the kids thought when all that food suddenly showed up? Must have seemed like Christmas to them. I wonder if 'mommy' said something like "Don't eat anything, it's all going back so I can buy booze/cigarettes/dope?"

agnes!

 

[brockash]

Keep calling. Call weekly if need be. Just keep calling.

I once called on a "friend" of mine. She never had food in her house. I'm not exaggerating(sp) when I say her refrigerator had ketchup only in it. At the time, I had every Friday off. She would come over every Friday morning after getting her two oldest off to school. As soon as she walked in her youngest(then 4) would start saying "I'm hungry". I fed that kid breakfast every Friday morning. It just broke my heart. What was she doing every other day of the week. This same "friend" would call every time her middle child(about 3rd grade) had a field trip. For field trips kids had to bring a sack lunch. She never had anything to make a lunch with. I would always put together a sack lunch and take it up to the school the morning of the field trip so her child would have something.

I finally called. CPS called her before they showed up. They even told her what the complaint was. So she knew ahead of time and stocked up.
Because she stocked up, there was nothing CPS could do.

OMG, I totally agree. You need to keep calling. Having a 5 year old child stand/walk outside without a coat for punishment is child abuse. You need to keep calling, ask to speak to supervisors ect. If that doesn't work, I'd call your local news stations and see if they'd be interested in the story of CPS not willing to protect the children in your neighborhood. -It wouldn't be pretty, but at least something would get done, and you tried going about it the best way possible, but if they're not going to help, then you have to do what you have to do. As far as the CPS person asking you what you've done to help the family what the heck is she/he talking about? That is soooo not your job; their job yes, your's not at all. You did your job by calling CPS. I would just keep calling, and like I said if nothing gets done within the next week, I'd call you local news stations (I'd tell CPS that as well if they're still refusing.)

 

[Stacerita]

Like previous poster stated....keep calling.

 

[bumbershoot]

Leave the sleeping arrangements alone. Having kids all sleep in the same area is NOT abuse. In fact it's likely the way most of our great grandparents slept; conserves heat, is cozy, oh I could go on about sharing sleep. And if it's a cold area, then it's a GOOD thing to have them altogether so they can be warmer.

The other stuff, fine, but leave the sleeping arrangements alone.


And hey, maybe the help they received will actually bring some winter coats into the house.

 

[DVC~OKW~96]

If you see the child being abused again (and being set outside for anything in the cold is abuse) don't waste time with CPS, call the police. Preferably the state police, depending upon the laws of your state.

Tell them the child's life is being endangered (it is) and needs immediate intervention, not the time delay investigation that will come with CPS.

It is a form of domestic violence and should be reported that way.

The child protection laws in this country do not work. Period. If they did, we'd not have so many dead babies and children.

Call the police.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Leave the sleeping arrangements alone. Having kids all sleep in the same area is NOT abuse. In fact it's likely the way most of our great grandparents slept; conserves heat, is cozy, oh I could go on about sharing sleep. And if it's a cold area, then it's a GOOD thing to have them altogether so they can be warmer.

The other stuff, fine, but leave the sleeping arrangements alone.


And hey, maybe the help they received will actually bring some winter coats into the house.

I don't think the OP's issue was with "co-sleeping" at all but rather the concrete floor being the children's "bed" while the boyfriend gets the couch.

 

[Sinderelli]

Leave the sleeping arrangements alone. Having kids all sleep in the same area is NOT abuse. In fact it's likely the way most of our great grandparents slept; conserves heat, is cozy, oh I could go on about sharing sleep. And if it's a cold area, then it's a GOOD thing to have them altogether so they can be warmer.

The other stuff, fine, but leave the sleeping arrangements alone.


And hey, maybe the help they received will actually bring some winter coats into the house.

Actually, one of the things that WILL make CPS come out is if they know a child does not have his/her own bed (and rightfully so, in my opinion).

I don't see how the sleeping arrangements the OP described could be viewed as acceptable???

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

I see two allegations:

-One child was outside without a coat in cold weather once. She was with her mother at the time, and she was outside as punishment.

-The family sleeps on the floor in a small, heated home.

Unless the child was outside over an extended time or in weather where there was real danger of exposure, I can't see CPS taking the report.

 

[Mskanga]

This makes me angry beyond belief , first of all because children are suffering but second because people like this is the reason why it's so difficult for people who really need it to get the help.
My daughter was diagnosed with cancer and I had to quit working so I could care for her , we had one less income and triple bills. I called every agency I could think of to see what kind of help my daughter ( not us ) may have been eligible for , I explained the situation and found out quick that she was eligible for NOTHING , no foodstamps , no social security , NOTHING , all because my husband worked and suposedly made too much money. Social Security even told us to apply in two years and she would be eligible then because my husband's income would not be taken into consideration.....but she needed the help this year not in two years from now. And yet you see this kind of people bleeding the system and nothing is done about it.....makes me sick !

 

[tileman]

What makes me mad is this is a family that chooses not to work because it's below them. It's easier for them to bum off everyone and get welfare so they can lay on their behinds and do nothing all day

Yep see it here to why work they think. And the kids see it to and most of them grow up doing it to sad very sad.


Wow I fell sorry for the kids

Just try to keep calling Maybe since it's a one bedroom cottage there's a fire safety thing ?

Maybe video tape how they live and treat the kids might just work.

Ron.

 

[disneyjunkie]

OP, How do you know children services hasn't responded to the report?

Have you seen the sleeping arrangements?

It's possible the grandmother was lying. I can see someone being offended by the sleeping arrangement question. Perhaps she felt you were prying so just gave a crazy answer. I can't imagine grandparents allowing their grandchildren (including a new born )to sleep on the floor, while the sorry dad sleeps in the sofa.

Maybe they have rollaway beds?

It's possible that the couch is a sleeper sofa. Maybe the older kids sleep there. Baby in a basinet and parents on the floor.

I think it's great that the school district picked this family. Sure the parents are lazy, but those babies really needed the items.

 

[luvsJack]

Leave the sleeping arrangements alone. Having kids all sleep in the same area is NOT abuse. In fact it's likely the way most of our great grandparents slept; conserves heat, is cozy, oh I could go on about sharing sleep. And if it's a cold area, then it's a GOOD thing to have them altogether so they can be warmer.

Our great-grandparents slept this way with their families in a big feather bed with homemade quilts. I see nothing wrong at all with a mom sleeping with her kids-I do it myself; but sleeping on a cold floor is neglectful especially for the newborn.




These type of situations are why I am not so sure I agree with every organization under the sun adopting a family or families for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I think its a wonderful thing and would hate to think of these poor children not getting anything for Christmas, but sometimes schools and groups like that don't find out what the real needs of a family are and buy toys and things (which is great, but. . .) when what the family needs is a bed or two.

I can't imagine why child service is not doing anything; even if only getting the woman a crib for the baby. I can't understand her asking what you have done to help the family either, unless its just one of those questions they have to ask for their paperwork.

I agree with everyone who said keep calling and maybe keeping an extra watchful eye for other things that may need to be reported. I seriously doubt that was the only questionable punishment she doles out.

 

[brockash]

If you see the child being abused again (and being set outside for anything in the cold is abuse) don't waste time with CPS, call the police. Preferably the state police, depending upon the laws of your state.

Tell them the child's life is being endangered (it is) and needs immediate intervention, not the time delay investigation that will come with CPS.

It is a form of domestic violence and should be reported that way.

The child protection laws in this country do not work. Period. If they did, we'd not have so many dead babies and children.

Call the police.

I agree, if you see the child being abused again (or if they're neglected at any time) call the police, so they can come respond immediately. I would keep calling in the meantime.

 

[Camicar]

These type of situations is why I am not so sure I agree with every organization under the sun adopting a family or families for Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I think its a wonderful thing and would hate to think of these poor children not getting anything for Christmas, but sometimes schools and groups like that don't find out what the real needs of a family are and buy toys and things (which is great, but. . .) when what the family needs is a bed or two.

I used to work for a church that did an Adopt-A-Family every year for 4 yers, then stopped for just this issue. Every family was absolutely huge and expecting another addition (I'm talking 15 kids, expecting a 16th) and yet the kids were all asking for super expensive video games and Lego sets, Ugg boots, etc. There were no other items on the wish list but the expensive stuff. Oh and a crib. Let's see, you don't have a crib for the 16th kid but your teen wants Ugg boots and only Ugg boots? Yeah, yeah, people could pool their money and buy the expensive items, but it just left a really bad taste in people's mouths. The last straw was the year one of the younger boys asked for Hot Wheels and the giver gave him mini cars that weren't Hot Wheels brand and the family showed up at church and complained that we were being cheap.

 

[disneyjunkie]

The last straw was the year one of the younger boys asked for Hot Wheels and the giver gave him mini cars that weren't Hot Wheels brand and the family showed up at church and complained that we were being cheap.

 

[ZPT1022]

Leave the sleeping arrangements alone. Having kids all sleep in the same area is NOT abuse. In fact it's likely the way most of our great grandparents slept; conserves heat, is cozy, oh I could go on about sharing sleep. And if it's a cold area, then it's a GOOD thing to have them altogether so they can be warmer.

The other stuff, fine, but leave the sleeping arrangements alone.


And hey, maybe the help they received will actually bring some winter coats into the house.

I don't think the issue is co-sleeping, but rather that the kids are sleeping on a cement floor with only a thin carpet as a barrier, and the "father" is taking the couch. Granted, there's probably not room for five on the couch, but the answer wasn't "they all sleep together" or "they have an aerobed". A NEWBORN BABY, ON A COLD FLOOR! IN WINTER! I just don't find that acceptable. I'm sure my great grandparents slept with their siblings, heck my mom and her sister had to, but there were two of them in a full sized bed- an actual bed, brass bed, box spring and mattress, with sheets, pillows and comforters. HUGE difference.


OP, I'm sorry that this situation is nagging at you- I wish CPS would have taken you more seriously. And no, I don't think you have any obligation to help beyond reporting the abuse, which you did.

 

[maymom96]

Op here. First off, I am not against co-sleeping. My family could be the poster family for family bed. I still have a 6 year old in bed with me. The issue is that 4 children (1 that is a newborn) are sleeping on a cement floor. The issue is that 4 children do not have a bed to sleep in. They have to sleep on a hard cold floor and I find that so sad and neglectful.
I have not seen the sleeping arrangements. My neighbor told me everything one day when he was complaining about the family destroying the carpet in the living room and the computer screen because the parents sleep all day while the kids run wild in the house.
I asked the neighbor a week or two later how things were. He said the same. I asked if CPS had paid a visit and he said no. I did tell him that I reported what I knew because I am a mandated reporter. He told me he was glad someone did.
Part of me is happy that the children will get something thanks to the school district. But I also look at all the other kids who won't get anything for Christmas. These are kids whose parents were laid off or got sick and lost their job. They are just as deserving and chances are will appreciate the items more. The neighbors daughter will leave everything behind when they move with the belief that the state or some other agency will replace items for them.
Another example of what "wonderful parents" these two are. They have 4 children all in carseats yet they drive a 5 person jeep. I always ask my husband how 6 people fit in that jeep. We can only guess that the two oldest children (5 & 4) share a seatbelt while the newborn and the 2 year old are in carseats.
I have called and reported the family again. I again was blown off. I will not call again because I get the feeling that unless there are marks on the children, CPS will not do anything.

 

[contemporarymom]

Leave the sleeping arrangements alone. Having kids all sleep in the same area is NOT abuse. In fact it's likely the way most of our great grandparents slept; conserves heat, is cozy, oh I could go on about sharing sleep. And if it's a cold area, then it's a GOOD thing to have them altogether so they can be warmer.

The other stuff, fine, but leave the sleeping arrangements alone.


And hey, maybe the help they received will actually bring some winter coats into the house.

Okaaaay. Where in the OP's post did you see an opinion stated regarding co-sleeping? Besides, sleeping on a cold, hard cement floor is not any sane person's idea of a positive co-sleeping situation. This is neglect plain and simple.

As far as our great-grandparents co-sleeping, yes it was very prevalent in their times but unless they were raised by a wolf pack I'm betting a cold, hard floor wasn't part of the equation, especially with a newborn.