My mummy passed away this morning. (Not an update, but some thoughts, post #133)

[Dan Murphy]

's Ember.

 

[Imzadi]

I am kind of actually shocked that people expect you to call back right away & go into details. I know they care and want to know what happened, but they should also know you need some private time to quietly grieve.

Can you ask one of your best friends to please call these people on your behalf and do the explanations? People really shouldn't require an explanation as to why you can't call them personally at this time.

 

[RadioNate]

I've been out of town so I missed this thread initially.

I'm very sorry for your loss. You were a great blessing to your mother.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

My mom said that the worse part of my dad's passing was the phone calls afterwards. We finally just shut off the phone and gave her one of our cells to call us if she needed to talk. Family/friends just want to help, but it definetely is something that is very hard to deal with. After you have the arrangements made, try to get a few good friends to do a phone tree for you. It does get better.

 

[momofrrr]

I am so sorry.

I understand how you feel but don't feel guilty for your relief. Caring for a sick loved one is so draining and there is nothing fair in their suffering. My sister lost a battle with breast cancer a couple of summers ago and as much as I miss her I know that there was no miracle on the horizon for her and nothing that could be done. I certainly did not want her to live that way. I was awful to watch. Focus on the good memories and keep putting one foot in front of the other..........

 

[Keli]

I just came across this thread and I wanted to express my condolences to you. I read your update also and my heart goes out to you.

 

[BLTtinkerbell]

I am so sorry for your loss. You were a wonderful daughter to your mummy. I am sure she is so happy with you and appreciates everything you did for her.

 

[Hedy]

 

[bumbershoot]

I would put an outgoing message on the machine stating that you're not taking calls right now. Or better, have your husband do that. Then send out an email, or better, have DH do it, givin only the info you want to give. And be done with that.

What is wrong with your relatives that they want *details*? I know they are grieving too in their own ways, but seriously, details? Bleah. I personally had a need to talk about how/why my mom died, but no one *wanted* to hear it. We each got the wrong relatives, it seems.


Right now you're in the "get it all done" mode. Once that is over, continue to be gentle with yourself.

 

[kimmar067]

...Can you ask one of your best friends to please call these people on your behalf and do the explanations? People really shouldn't require an explanation as to why you can't call them personally at this time.

...I was going to suggest the same thing... your way...

 

[teskak]

I had that with work colleagues who had some strange need to know everything about my father, his sudden illness and what happened. I had one trusted friend who had gone through the same thing at around the same time with her grandfather including a deathwatch where the pain was not adequately controlled.

We would have 'ptiy parties' where we would talk in private about the more graphic details of death, loss etc. We both understood exactly where the other one was at and were not trying to find out the unknown.

Maybe try talking it out with a girlfriend who has really gone through some of the same experiences. Unless you have watched somebody die you really cannot understand how it feels

 

[Jockaroo]

Ember, my deepest sympathy to you and your husband. Your mother was a strong, caring woman. She passed this to you--she lives in you. I'm sorry.