My Mother-in-Law Horror Stories...Just in time for Halloween, too!

[TrueEeyore]

Ok, I usually (try to) get along with my MIL, the selfish woman. Here's a little information.
My DH and I have been together almost 7 years (whew, long time!) and he is an only child. I know,

His mom always wanted that daughter...Guess what, that's me, obviously!
Ever since I met her, she's had red fingernails, red toenails. About three years ago, I got a french manicure and pedicure...The very next week, guess WHO ELSE got a french manicure and pedicure? (I'll give you three guesses, but you should get it right on the first.)

I got my hair dyed about 6 months ago, and it turned out this dark, dark red. Well, I don't particularly look good in auburn, so I pretty much let everyone know it wasn't supposed to be that color.
Come two weeks or so later, here's my MIL (usually dirty blonde) with dark, reddish hair.. AND she complains that it wasn't the color she wanted...A little strange, no?

Anyway, I got the tips of my fingernails painted black, not to spite her, I just really wanted something different. She turned her nose up at it, like it was really hideous, but I'll just freak out if she gets it done!

DH and I got married in May. THAT was an event, let me tell you. First of all, she booked a reception hall, without me even mentioning which one I might want (I made her cancel it, because it WASN'T the one I wanted.)
She bought my dress, after having tried on only SIX (who picks their dress that quick??) We were just looking at dresses, I really didn't intend to get one right away, I wasn't even engaged to my DH yet. But, come the very next day, she called and told me she was buying the dress that I said was my favorite out of the bunch. (key words: OUT OF THE BUNCH)
I ended up switching the dress.

She told me my bridesmaids shouldn't have black dresses, and hold pink flowers, that would be tacky. She had all of these plans for MY wedding, she even slipped up and said "My wedding...I mean, Heather's wedding." I KNOW!! That was so obvious.

The wedding comes, and we're at the reception. She asks did I get something white to wear for the wedding night. I casually say, yes I did. And move along. But then she says, "Well what does it look like, is it short? Long? See through?" Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, not for you to know, that's for sure.

She asks DH details about our 'personal' life...Like, serious details. She crosses the line!
DH and I were very fortunate, and got to build our house the way we wanted (MIL's input on every single detail, wanted or not) before we got married.
Well, we were all walking through the house, with my dad and MIL...We get to the bedroom, and my MIL says (this is very classy) "This is the room my grandbabies will be made in!" IN FRONT OF MY FATHER!!!! That's just not something you say in front of someone's dad!
And then, if that wasn't bad enough..."Or maybe they'll be made in the living room on the sofa." I was just in shock. DH was really embarassed, he just changed the subject and started talking to my dad about something else.

OH! And the best one...DH and I get home the night of the wedding, and we open all of our gifts and cards, then we left for our honeymoon (POLY AND DISNEY CRUISE! )
When we got back, my mom told me that MIL came over and went through ALL of our gifts, and read EVERY card, telling my FIL so-and-so gave us this much money, and so-and-so wrote a check for this much. That was seriously, seriously a no-no. That was obviously none of her business whatsoever. Nothing to do with her at ALL. What made her think it was perfectly ok to snoop through our gifts?? It would have been different if we had come home and she said, oh show me the gifts y'all got. But no, she took it upon herself to see for herself.

Last night is what compelled me to vent in this thread to all of you (are you really still here??).
MIL calls my DH to tell him we got an invitation to a Halloween party from DH's cousin. They didn't know our address, so they sent it to DH's old house. Ok, fine, that's good. DH's parents didn't get an invite, so how did MIL know it was for a Halloween party?.....
She held the envelope up and looked through the paper to see what it was. OUR mail. With OUR names on it. I really got aggravated, and I told DH to tell his mom to quit being so nosy, and to STOP reading our mail. That's a federal offense, being his mom or not. It's not the fact that it's even important mail, it's just the idea of it. That would annoy anyone, right?

My MIL and FIL our in the planning stages of their new house. Guess what it will look like?
"I want bricks like Heather and Darren."
"I want shingles, like the kind Darren and Heather have."
"We have to have granite, like Darren and Heather."
"Heather and Darren have my DREAM house. That's the kind I always wanted."


My engagement ring has a diamond that is from DH's great-great grandma. He got it put in a setting and everything, I love it. What I don't love, is that MIL seems to think she has say-so over it. She's got the papers on it, and she wants to go with me every time I get it cleaned and checked. She's afraid they'll switch the diamond (how she could tell, I'll never know. I'd probably notice better than she would.)
I keep telling her to give me the papers on it, but she doesn't.
She also has the top tier of our wedding cake in her freezer (the one we're supposed to eat on our anniversary). I guess she wants to be a part of that celebration.
She actually wanted to keep my wedding dress at her house until the wedding came. I said, "No, I'll keep it at my house."
"Well, you can take it and show your friends or whatever, but then you can leave it at my house."
"NO, it's staying at my house."

This is too much stress for this early in the AM. I have to go get my hair done, I'll let y'all know if she gets hers done in the same way.

Sorry it was so long, I really needed to get some of this tension out. I will update when I remember other things, or *gasp* when something new happens.
Thanks for reading

 

[nhrenee]

Yikes! I surely wouldn't let that woman have a key to my house.

Sounds like you need to draw a line in the sand! Good luck to you.

 

[Oreo Cookie]

Wow. I don't know where to begin or what to even say. Your Mil is way over the line. She's living vicariously through you and her son, and she is wanting to control everything. This isn't healthy for you or your DH, and it's not healthy for Mil.

I think your DH has to have a serious talk with his mom, and address these controlling issues, and he may even want to suggest therapy for her. I think you need to define bounderies with your Mil and stick to them.

Oh, it's ugly now, and I think it will get worse before it gets better. I wish you all the luck.

 

[TrueEeyore]

She definitely does NOT have a key! She might come over in the middle of the night to see what I decided to wear to bed.

 

[bubba]

I thought my MIL was a PIA - you win, you poor thing !

 

[TrueEeyore]

Wow. I don't know where to begin or what to even say. Your Mil is way over the line. She's living vicariously through you and her son, and she is wanting to control everything. This isn't healthy for you or your DH, and it's not healthy for Mil.

I think your DH has to have a serious talk with his mom, and address these controlling issues, and he may even want to suggest therapy for her. I think you need to define bounderies with your Mil and stick to them.

Oh, it's ugly now, and I think it will get worse before it gets better. I wish you all the luck.

Thank you Oreo. I understand, and I do talk to DH about it. It is his mother, and I know he loves her. I love her too, she is a caring woman when she wants to be. And I agree, it will get worse, especially when we decide to have a baby. I can see it now. She'll force her way into the delivery room, and want to hold the baby before DH!

 

[TrueEeyore]

I thought my MIL was a PIA - you win, you poor thing !

Well, hey. At least something good came out of it. Go hug your MIL!

 

[mickeyboat]

Oh my dear. You will get many different opinions on your vent. Here's mine FWIW.

Let it go! Don't let this stuff bother you. It is almost all minor (although I think that her snooping through your gifts was pretty awful). Try not to take it personally, and instead for most of it, see it as a compliment that she appreciates your tastes.

Try to make sure you distance yourselves financially from her. The more she contributes, the more control she will think she has over you. Remove that link.

Do your best not to insist that your DH "take your side." It's not fair to make him choose. I have seen more marriages break up because the wife makes the DH choose her over his mother. In the long run, the mothers won. Try to keep the peace, while at the same time, keepnig your independence as a separate family unit. But don't start WWIII.

And you know, she just might have heard from DH's aunt or uncle that his cousin was having a Halloween party, and assumed that was what the invitation was for.

Good luck!

Denae

 

[Maleficent13]

Well, I think that you may get some responses about how you have it good, quit complaining. But I understand how annoying it is. Sure, it's petty stuff, but it gets old quick.

Having said that, she doesn't sound completely evil. As it sounds like you haven't eaten the left over wedding cake yet, I'm guessing you've been married less that a year. It's an adjustment and it'll take time. I don't really read anything insurmountable there. I think maybe your DH (not you) needs to ask his mother for the papers for the ring.

BTW, I bet your dad knows you have sex.

 

[TrueEeyore]

Oh my dear. You will get many different opinions on your vent. Here's mine FWIW.

Let it go! Don't let this stuff bother you. It is almost all minor (although I think that her snooping through your gifts was pretty awful). Try not to take it personally, and instead for most of it, see it as a compliment that she appreciates your tastes.

Try to make sure you distance yourselves financially from her. The more she contributes, the more control she will think she has over you. Remove that link.

Do your best not to insist that your DH "take your side." It's not fair to make him choose. I have seen more marriages break up because the wife makes the DH choose her over his mother. In the long run, the mothers won. Try to keep the peace, while at the same time, keepnig your independence as a separate family unit. But don't start WWIII.

And you know, she just might have heard from DH's aunt or uncle that his cousin was having a Halloween party, and assumed that was what the invitation was for.

Good luck!

Denae

Thanks. I understand what you're saying, and honestly I try my hardest not to complain to DH, because like I said, of course he loves his mother, and he wants me and her to get along, which we do most of the time. I try to let it slide, and I never come right out and call her out on it. But I probably will if she takes it too far. So far, my tongue has been bitten more times than I'd care for!

And no, she actually told DH that she looked through the envelope.

 

[TrueEeyore]

Well, I think that you may get some responses about how you have it good, quit complaining. But I understand how annoying it is. Sure, it's petty stuff, but it gets old quick.

Having said that, she doesn't sound completely evil. As it sounds like you haven't eaten the left over wedding cake yet, I'm guessing you've been married less that a year. It's an adjustment and it'll take time. I don't really read anything insurmountable there. I think maybe your DH (not you) needs to ask his mother for the papers for the ring.

BTW, I bet your dad knows you have sex.

No, we got married in May. I told DH to get the papers from her, and he will eventually.

And the sex comment was BEFORE we got married...While I was still living in my dad's house. So yeah, I'm sure he didn't want that image in his head!

 

[mickeyboat]

Thanks. I understand what you're saying, and honestly I try my hardest not to complain to DH, because like I said, of course he loves his mother, and he wants me and her to get along, which we do most of the time. I try to let it slide, and I never come right out and call her out on it. But I probably will if she takes it too far. So far, my tongue has been bitten more times than I'd care for!

And no, she actually told DH that she looked through the envelope.

I am glad to hear that. Sometimes we all need to vent, because it just gets too much for us.

My FIL is a little like that. He adores my kids, which means he wants to be around them all the time. He comes down for dinner 3-4 nights a week, he picks them up after day care, he takes them to the dump, he comes to their soccer practices, and he wants desperately to come to their open house next week. Bugs the crap out of me because sometimes that means he is taking precious time with the kids away from DH and I.

He also has some strong opinions about how we are raising our kids, and is very nosey about DH's business and our finances.

I really have to pick my battles, and balance my discomfort with some of what he does with my desire to foster a strong relationship between him and the kids, and him and DH. That means I let a lot of stufff go, and stew about it later.

What helped me a lot was talking to DH's sisters about it. They were apalled by some of the things they heard he was doing, and have interceded on my behalf. His behavior has improved dramatically since they have talked to him, and they warned him that if he does not behave, we will start limiting the amount of time he spends with us.

You have a lifetime of hassle to look forward to with your MIL. Do your best to find a way to deal with it that works for everyone! And good luck. It sure isn't easy!

Denae

 

[TrueEeyore]

I am glad to hear that. Sometimes we all need to vent, because it just gets too much for us.

My FIL is a little like that. He adores my kids, which means he wants to be around them all the time. He comes down for dinner 3-4 nights a week, he picks them up after day care, he takes them to the dump, he comes to their soccer practices, and he wants desperately to come to their open house next week. Bugs the crap out of me because sometimes that means he is taking precious time with the kids away from DH and I.

He also has some strong opinions about how we are raising our kids, and is very nosey about DH's business and our finances.

I really have to pick my battles, and balance my discomfort with some of what he does with my desire to foster a strong relationship between him and the kids, and him and DH. That means I let a lot of stufff go, and stew about it later.

What helped me a lot was talking to DH's sisters about it. They were apalled by some of the things they heard he was doing, and have interceded on my behalf. His behavior has improved dramatically since they have talked to him, and they warned him that if he does not behave, we will start limiting the amount of time he spends with us.

You have a lifetime of hassle to look forward to with your MIL. Do your best to find a way to deal with it that works for everyone! And good luck. It sure isn't easy!

Denae

Yikes! Sorry about your FIL.

DH doesn't have any sisters I can vent to! He's an only child, which is most of the problem there. I try to understand, I think, DH is her ONLY child, the ONLY thing she has to worry about. I even gave her a card before the wedding, telling her and my FIL that I wasn't taking their son away, I was becoming a part of THEIR family. And we would spend time with them, and I could never replace them.
But she has to cut that cord eventually, and realize he is making his own life, and everything he does really isn't her business like it was when he was 5.

 

[eh24fan]

Thank you Oreo. I understand, and I do talk to DH about it. It is his mother, and I know he loves her. I love her too, she is a caring woman when she wants to be. And I agree, it will get worse, especially when we decide to have a baby. I can see it now. She'll force her way into the delivery room, and want to hold the baby before DH!

Wow...you have a doozy on your hands! I'm sorry and I thought my MIL was a trip. She's reliving her youth that she lost when she had my sweetie at the age of 16. But anyway, the bolded part is exactly why I LOVE the hospital where I delivered our son in January. They have a rule...only 3 support people in the room, you have to choose those 3 when you come in and you can't do a round robin deal. You give their names and until that baby is born and you are past the delivery stage, they are the only ones allowed in. Once you've had the baby you can have visitors all you want. I was VERY happy about that. It allowed he and I to put down him and my mom and until the baby was born, too bad. When his parents showed up, sorry, can't come back there. He had to go out to the waiting area to see them. Made my life so much easier and less dramatic.

 

[Camicar]

in re ILs - the reason why we are still married is that we moved half a continent away from them.

No, I'm not kidding. Even though my dh was the most supportive dh ever and on many occasions ceased all contact with them due to how they treated me (and OP, I'm sorry but my IL stories make yours look like a trip to WDW), they still managed to find ways to make our lives miserable. (Like showing up at dh's workplace to yell at him in front of his coworkers and boss to the point where security had to be called, etc. or showing up at our house and pounding on the door and yelling at our neighbors.) If we'd had to stay within driving distance of them, I would have eventually left because I deserve better than the constant harassment and verbal abuse.

We thought it would get better when his mother died since she seemed to be a major instigator. Unfortunately, FIL married a new wife who at 75 years old is obsessed with sex like no one I have ever met. She is also a homophobic bigot because she is a repressed lesbian. Yup, she has hit on me multiple times then says, "Oh, I didn't mean that!" while licking her lips while staring at my chest. Oh and then there is the time she told my 10 year old the graphic details of the first time she and my FIL had sex. My dd refuses to be in the same room alone with her.

So, OP -- I tell you this because I can sympathize and because I wanted you to know that it really can be worse. At least your MIL errs because she loves and cares for you and her son, not because she hates you or because she's wombat whoopsidoodle crazy.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Here is my take...

I also am married to an 'only son' with overly involved inlaws!!! BTDT!!

Also, the above poster is right. There is a psychological thing going on here where your MIL seems to be living vicariously thru her son and DIL (you). This is NOT good or healthy. But, you really can't do anything about it.

1. You must create your own personal boundaries!!! Your husband must be onboard.... If your MIL wants to copy your hair or your home, etc.. Well, nothing you can do. Remember, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery!!!! Just 'LET IT GO'.

2. Make it almost impossible for her to cross any other lines. She is doing what you have enabled her to do... ( invite her wedding dress shopping... she will become overly involved...) (allow her to handle your wedding gifts, and the top of your wedding cake, she will become overly involved...) etc.. etc.. etc.. etc... etc... You must realize that YOU have been enabling these behaviors, and you must now realize that it is up to YOU to stop setting this stuff up.

3. Your HUSBAND is the one who must handle this, or you will find out really quickly that blood is thicker than water. Your MIL is doing these things to say overly involved in her son's life. She is a parent who simply is not letting go. If it ever appears that it is YOUR doing that there is any pulling away by her son, LOOK OUT. I am giving you a serious warning here. Take heed!!!

Your HUSBAND needs to be the one to handle these things. HE needs to stop by his mother's house and walk out with your wedding cake. You should not say one word, You should not be involved. He should not mention YOUR name.

Your HUSBAND needs to step up the plate here and establish some boundary lines with his mom. I am not talking any big 'discussion' here. But, as I have just described, he should be aware of the situation and actively join with you to NOT make it possible for her to intervene. You both have been enabling her. And, now he must take the lead in not letting these situations even happen.

I totally disagree with the poster who said that a wife should not insist that her husband be on her side and be as one with her and protect her feelings and her interests. If there are husbands who have left their wifes to stay united with their mother, then they were not much of a husband, and it was never a 'marriage' to begin with!!!

 

[jagafen]

"This is the room my grandbabies will be made in!"

You're right...very un-classy....EVERYONE knows you don't end a sentance with a preposition. She should have said "This is the room IN WHICH my grandbabies will be made!"

So sorry you have to deal with that. I was blessed with a meek MIL and don't really have to deal with these issues... my heart goes out to you. I don't think I'd be able to control my tongue if I had your MIL!!

 

[Wishing on a star]

OMG, Camicar, you take the prize!!!!

 

[TrueEeyore]

Wow...you have a doozy on your hands! I'm sorry and I thought my MIL was a trip. She's reliving her youth that she lost when she had my sweetie at the age of 16. But anyway, the bolded part is exactly why I LOVE the hospital where I delivered our son in January. They have a rule...only 3 support people in the room, you have to choose those 3 when you come in and you can't do a round robin deal. You give their names and until that baby is born and you are past the delivery stage, they are the only ones allowed in. Once you've had the baby you can have visitors all you want. I was VERY happy about that. It allowed he and I to put down him and my mom and until the baby was born, too bad. When his parents showed up, sorry, can't come back there. He had to go out to the waiting area to see them. Made my life so much easier and less dramatic.

That's a good idea. For our first baby, it's going to be just me and DH in the room. I don't think it's very fair to let my mom in, but not his. So it will just be us two.

Off topic, but wow! You got a tag and you have less than 200 posts! I never saw that before, congrats!

 

[TrueEeyore]

Most of the stuff is not toobad. Read the DIS and see posts about hateful MILs-might make you think twice about complaining.
If you don't want your MIL to butt in about say your ring cleaning or anything else,, DON'T tell her when you're doing stuff.
My dad was an only child and my mom was a _itch to my grandmother. She made it a tug-of-war. Be careful.
If you don't want her in the delivery room,specify that, and she won't be because the nurses won't let her in the room.

You're right, it could always be worse. I have to tell her when I get my ring cleaned, because she has the papers on it. That's the reason she wants to keep the papers. I have to have them to get it checked, to make sure it's not loose or anything.