My Mom is back in the hospital

[Rustysmom]

My mom has stage IV pancreatic cancer. She was in the hospital a few weeks ago because she couldn't move her bowels, which is when they discovered the cancer. She has mets in her lungs and liver. Now she probably has something in her colon too.

They discharged her 2 weeks ago Monday and we had to bring her back in yesterday. She hadn't moved her bowels since she left the hospital. I tried to give her an enema on Thursday night, and then a nurse from the hospital tried on Friday and it didn't work, so her dr. told us to bring her in.

They tried to give her an enema today and again it didn't work. Now the dr. said her bowels are completely obstructed. They are going to put a tube down her nose and into her stomach to see if that relieves it (but I doubt it), then do a barium enema. After that, they will probably do surgery and she'll probably end up with a colostomy.

I really don't want her to go through this and neither does she, but what can she do? Go home and wait to die from not going to the bathroom? Either way she's probably going to die soon though.

Please say a prayer for Rose. Her 83rd birthday is Tuesday too. What a way to spend your birthday.

 

[Jcricket Fan]

Please know I will pray for your mom and you as well. It is so difficult to watch our loved ones be so sick.

Peace to you.
Colleen

 

[Rustysmom]

Thanks. I'm just really numb right now. We only found out about the cancer a few weeks ago. It just doesn't seem real.

 

[mommasita]

Prayers Said

 

[Mackey Mouse]

I hate Pancreatic Cancer. I hate it. I am so sorry your Mom is going through this, but I would do whatever I could to make her comfortable just as I would do for my husband who has this as well.. Try not to second guess yourself and just go forward with making her comfortable and painfree.... There is no cure for PC...it is about living with it for as long as you can painfree....

Big hugs..stay strong, it is a bumpy road for sure.

 

[Rustysmom]

She's such a bad patient though. They put the NG tube in last night and she ripped it out this morning after the stupid surgeon told her that he was leaving it in for a week. That's all she had to hear. Then once again she started ranting that she wanted to go home, to die in her own home. We told her yes, you can, but don't you at least want to see what's causing the blockage? For all she knows, it could be something simple. If not, it's up to her what she wants to do.

We spoke to the dr. about giving her a little something for her anxiety, and they are supposed to send a psychiatrist in to see her. I hope they give her a little something because they were trying the NG tube to see if it would relieve the blockage, and she didn't even give it a chance. She gets herself too panicky and then she can't think clearly. She thinks if she goes home that she can go about her business and even keep eating, without having bowel movements. Yeah, maybe for a few more days or even another week, but then she's going to be in severe pain and very sick. She thinks she'll just go to sleep and die or something and that's not how it is.

Then we told her, ok, then hospice is coming in right away, and she said what's that? So we explained how it works and she said "I don't want strangers coming to my house! It's my house". Oh brother. When she heard that, she agreed to stay for the barium enema, which is scheduled for tomorrow, to see what's going on.

God, please give me strength to deal with her! I love her with all my heart, but she's getting me mad now. I told her that little kids have to have NG tubes and they don't rip them out, why is she being a baby about it? Do what you have to do to try to get a little better!

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Oh Honey... Hugs to you tonight..

That NG tube.....the one in your nose, is the one that my husband had after his whipple procedure.... it is not pleasant and people hate them as they are uncomfortable.. This is what I do not understand.. why are they not giving her something for her anxiety. This is a lot to take in, knowing you are stage 4 PC is a lot to take in, add in the rest that is going on, she is probably so uncomfortable and in pain.

This is my advice.. take it from someone who is living with this disease and watching her husband have treatment etc.. I would ask to speak with a social worker and ask that she talk with your Mom and try to reassure her that the best place for her right now is the hospital...do they have a chaplain at the hospital or do you have a local clergy that can visit her, if she is religious, this might help.. I would ask that she have some medication to anxiety, I would have her speak to a psychiatrist because sometimes they are also depressed when fighting this cancer or any cancer for that matter.

I know you are feeling helpless right now and a bit angry with her at the way she is behaving, but I think she is frightened...you know it is scary to know that you have the worst cancer, it is inoperable, and you are stage 4.....You might want to talk to someone and believe me I am here for you, a pm away or just post here and I will come and respond when I can. At the hospital my husband goes to there are support groups.. also Pancan....you can call and they will talk to you about your options..

One more thing.. and I will get off my soapbox.. live in today.. one day at a time... one hurdle at a time.. right now it is the barium enema that you have to get through and hopefully give her some relief....that and the NG tube....focus on helping her get those things done....Talk to the dr about giving her something for her anxiety.. ativan or something, just to take the edge off what she is going through..

HUgs, hugs and more hugs.. pm if you need to talk.. I am here most days early morning, afternoon and then some evenings... I will try and help....everyone here will do what we can to get you through.. Stay strong..

 

[Rustysmom]

Thanks. Hopefully the psychiatrist will go see her today. I don't know why they didn't call one when they first put the tube in and she said she was screaming and screaming. It's horrible, but I'm so glad we went home right before they did that because it would break my heart.

She's an anxious person in general and it's making everything worse. She doesn't like to go for car rides, she freaked out when the thermostat got stuck and her furnace kept running because she thought it was going to blow up. You get the idea. I think her fear of the doctor finding something wrong kept her from going when the pain and bowel problems first started. The anxiety is nothing new and it's gotten worse since my Dad died 10 years ago and she was all alone in the house.

We're going to see if DH can get a priest to go talk to her. She's extremely religious and maybe it will make her feel better. I doubt that she would listen to the social worker. The nurse was very kind and talked to her a long time trying to make her realize if she goes home in the shape that she's in what's going to happen, but she just blocked it all out and kept telling my DS to give her the bag of clothes because she was going even if she had to call car service!

We told her to just take it one step at a time. We said at least do the barium to see what's going on and then you can decide. DH told her to stop saying "what if" because what if the world ended today? So she said ok to the barium and then she wants to go home. Oh brother.

I hope that maybe it will be a miracle and the barium enema procedure will unblock her so she can go home like she wants and not need the surgery. I doubt it, but I can hope, right?

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Absolutely hope... always hope and pray.. I have her in my prayers. I think about my Mom a lot lately... she is now deceased, but she lost my Dad at a very young age...she was 47, he was 52... she lived to 72 without him, she was too young too, anyway it must be so hard to lose your life partner and be alone. It scares me sometimes that it could happen to me, but I have Hope that I will have my DH around for a long time. We are not giving into this dread disease.. Maybe since your Dad died she is just feeling so alone and overwhelmed...although she is not alone as she has her family, I think it is not the same....the everyday of it type of thing.

I hope she talks to the priest.....it might help, it wouldn't hurt especially if she religious.. Also, DH would take communion in the hospital and the chaplain there was wonderful to him.. so spiritual... that helped as well. Maybe they offer it at the hospital. I HOPE that the barium enema gives you some answers and maybe some help. Here is the thing, she is in control of her treatment unless someone says she is irrational and a doctor backs it up, she is in control. Sounds like she just wants to go home and I can understand that, but not with a bowel obstruction.........that would be horrific for her.

Keep your chin up. I am here, and will answer you when you need to talk or pm me..... you are in my prayers too. I hope that she maybe can calm down a bit to listen to what the medical professionals are trying to do for her. Hugs to you..

 

[Rustysmom]

Well, it seems that she has a tumor in her colon too. This just keeps getting worse and worse. I guess in the pancreas, liver and lungs wasn't enough.

They are doing a colonoscopy tomorrow and then probably operating, but I don't know when. She's getting some tranquilizers and they seem to be helping, because she's going along with the colonoscopy idea without crying that she wants to go home. She just said to bring some ginger ale and crackers tomorrow because she gets sick from the anesthesia.

I did tell her that they think something is there and they'll probably operate, and she seems ok with the idea. She's just hungry and not happy that she can't eat.

Tomorrow is her birthday, so I told her that when she gets out and if she can eat, I'm making her a big birthday cake because now we can't really celebrate it tomorrow, and she said ok.

Cancer really stinks.

 

[Jcricket Fan]

I was just checking back in to see if there was any news so sorry to read the cancer has spread again.

Please know I will continue to pray for you all especially with it being your mom's birthday tomorrow.

Peace be with you.
Colleen

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Cancer is a vicious disease and attacks anyone from little babies to our older generation. Everytime they think they are getting closer to finding a link to a cure, it mutates to something else.....

It is not fair, it is painful to the patient and their families to watch, but we have to have to hope and do the very best we can to help our loved ones through and keep our families somewhat normal while going through it.. Not easy..

I hope they can get in there and take away the tumor in the colon...maybe give her some relief there so that she can eat....and then just continue on trying to put out as many fires in her body as they can...

Stay focused.....you want her to live with the disease functioning as good as she can....and be with you as long as she can... that is really the bottom line. Big hugs..