My kids took the "Magic" out of the MK and all the other parks, too!

[NMAmy]

Well, you all have made me very happy that dd is an only child!

I remember my sister and I arguing our entire life--and my mom was a "tough love" proponent long before that even became a term. The funny thing is a few years ago my sister went to Disneyland with dd and I--we were both in our 30's and we're still squabbling. In an effort to keep the peace, dd and I drove separately, stayed at the DL hotel, and gave my sister the option of coming and going as she liked. It worked out much better. As an adult, I can separate from my sister when we're ready to tear each other's hair out--as a kid, that wasn't an option.

Going to WDW means a lot more time together--at home, siblings can each go to their own room and have some quiet time. This is a totally different situation than anyone is really used to on a daily basis. I, frankly, give parents a break when I see their kids arguing at WDW. I don't think it's due to bad parenting choices--I think it's just the nature of a family vacation sometimes.

 

[jann1033]

. The were awful! They fought over EVERYTHING all week long....most of it really STUPID stuff like who gets to pull a certain suitcase. They would hit each other and really made our magical trip less than magical. behind the They tended to focus on what we DIDN'T do!

The last day I broke down in tears, telling my kids are how horrible they were and that they ruined my vacation. I told them they are great individullay but together they are awful.
I also said I don't know if we'll ever come back to WDW, if we do they may not be with us, because I can't subject myself to the disappointment I felt all week! (And we are DVC owners!)

i guess i call "wild" unrestrained and unwilling to go by the rules not sure what you might want to call it but the shoe fits. this is obviously more serious than a 'spat" if it ruined their entire vacation

 

[tjmw2727]

Since you are back and can't change the past I will just say - hugs and I am sorry your trip was less than magical.

Although I bet in hindsight some of the bad behavior will fade away in favor of the good memories. Perhaps looking at the pictures and videos will help.

You did ask for comments so I wll tell you a few things I did/do and try to do to keep the kids from melting down in the parks and on other outings and vacations. My dd's are 8 and 10 and we have been doing lots of fun things including WDW as a family and just the two girls and I since they were born.

I am sorry to the poster above but I don't think fighting or hitting is ok or normal and I won't allow it. I do allow my kids to disagree but they are taught how to do it resectfully and reasonably. When my dd's fight it is usually for my attention so they get it. If they fight they both get spoken to or punished. They will tell you my motto is "it takes two to fight" so therefore if they fight they are both in trouble. As for hitting they know it will bring a consequence every time and IMHO there are just no excuses for it.

That said, and now that you know my stance, you may or may not want to read on!!

Vacation or just on a day trip or even errands, before we go out we talk about our plans for the day. This way I know what each kids hopes for the day and I can make reasonable expectations for all of us. It sounds complicated but it only takes a few minutes over say breakfast. This includes trips to WDW parks, Zoo, etc even the mall I make sure that we include at leat one must do for each kid. (Sometimes this just means a peice of cheese from the deli so its not as complicated as it sounds!)

They also know the consequence for bad behavoir ahead of time including leaving or not doing a favorite ride/attraction etc.

From experience they also know that I will follow through on both promises. We have left the zoo as well as MK but it only takes once or twice! Otoh even if I don't want to do something, if I have promised it I keep that promise as well. They don't need to pester and make sure I remember a promise and they don't need to test me anymore as they know I will follow through on both.

So while you can't re-do your vacation perhaps you can take a look at the situations that bothered you at WDW and see if you can't make things better for all of you at home and all the time.

eta -
I hope I didn't sound like a know it all because beleive me I don't and we still have our "days". All in all following a simple plan of discussion and follow through has worked wonders for me so I wanted to share.

TJ

 

[kangaroodle]

First of all, I'd like to thank all those who have me me feel so much better! Secondly, to ECurto....If you really read what I wrote, I told my kids that they were both great individually but together they were awful....I really NEVER do tell them negative things. I ALWAYS use phrases like you "acted horribly" or "I love you but do not love the way you are behaving". I guess I didn't write that clearly enough. I am an RN...I know the drill. There's textbook and there's real life in every situation in life. Unfortunately, life does not follow the textbook! My sister is a psychologist as well and has helped me through many tough situations. Also...my kids were not wild and out of control! They were just bickering all the time! The kind that gets on your nerves and if you do not have children you JUST CANNOT have a real sense of what this is like! Their punishment for a lot of the trip was for one child to pay the other child one of their Disney Dollars when they caused the problem. A lot of the time it was hard to tell who started anything. It is hard to leave the parks when you are there. We did take time outs and breaks. Like I said it ebbed and flowed. It really wasn;t constant but by the end of the 10 days I was at my breaking point! PLEASE.....unless you have your own children, you REALLY cannot understand the agony and joy of parenting!

 

[DannyDisneyFreak]

It sound like you were let down by your kids not appreciating all the "magic" of WDW. Their just kids, I was 7 when i first went to WDW and I know I didn't make the trip easy for my parents, I complained that I was hot, that I was thirsty, that I was hungry, that I was tired, that my dad wanted to videotape us too much, that he wasn't videotaping the right stuff, I didn't want to go in the hall of the presidents, I didn't want to ride it's a small world THREE times ina row (serious), I didn't wan't to leave tom saywers island, if you watch the videos my dad took there are at least 4 times my parents had to yell at me for various reasons caught on tape and I had a good time.
Your family probaly thinks your wacko for having a meltdown but thats okay I think most of us here on the DIS know what it's like to want our WDW vacation to be perfect or at least a good "vacation" in other words- a good time. My recomendation is don't banish you kids from disney, talk with them about why you were disipointed and next time you go talk before you go about how you expect them to act and how you want it to be a magical trip for everyone.
Did you let your kids be apart of the planning of this trip? And each day did you discuss what everyone wanted to see and do and try to make sure everyone got to do what they wanted to? If not, I would try that next time. Maybe they could care less about being grand marshals or backstage tours, that sounds cool to me and you but you can't expect everyone to. I think you heart was in the right place but your family was looking at the trip to be something else and thats why they focused on what they "didn't" do.
For example, I could care less about the swiss family tree house in MK, I think it is so boring and a waste of time, but that was one of my wife's favorite movies as a kid so if we skiped it and did a bunch of other "magical" stuff she would be bummed that she didn't get to go.
Don't give up, kids will be kids, bye

 

[KCMiller]

I feel so bad for the OP - I know how sad that must have made you. And I know that you have lots of company - I see kids acting mean all the time, to each other, to their parents, and to others, and it breaks my heart.

That being said, I just wanted to say that I have 3 kids (DS 18, DD 16 and DS 13), and they don't fight. When they were little, and I mean from the moment they were born, we made that an unbreakable rule. No hitting, no whining, no tattling unless there was blood involved. No ALWAYS meant no. If one child got a punishment like no TV, there was no TV in the house (peer pressure is a wonderful thing). We loved the heck out of them, hugged the stuffing out of them, brainwashed them from the moment they were born about how much they loved each other and how important family was, and as a result (or maybe in spite of it all) they are 3 happy, well adjusted, loving kids who don't fight, who enjoy spending time together with us as a family, and who love and respect us. Get good grades in school, too. OH, they spat at times, of course - they're human. But we just got back from a 10 day trip to CA where we all stayed in one hotel room and drove from San Diego to LA and back, and never once did we have a cross word. Well, I was grumpy a few times, but I get that way .

Of course, that being said, you have to 'stamp them when they're small', to steal a phrase from Monty Python. As I've often said, if they won't mind you when they are 3, don't expect them to mind you when they are 10 - or 16. And I do think that my DH and I were blessed with the kids we got - we started with great material, you know? But I knew from the get go that I would go crazy if I had kids who fought with each other - so I made sure that I helped them learn not to, and my DH and I reinforced this learning with love every day for the past 18 years. Worth every second.


KC

 

[CarolA]

This is going to sound horrid, but here's an idea.... If you theraten the kids with "If you do XX one more time we are leaving" the FOLLOW THRU or be quiet. I don't have kids, but I was a camp counselor for years. Rule one was if I told you to do someting and what the consequenses were for failure I stuck to my guns.

I can't tell you how many times I have been at Disney and heard Mom and/or Dad say "If you don't stop climbing/hitting/running/screaming etc we are leaving" Of course I heard them say that about 10 times. The kids have you figured out, you are NOT leaving and they can get away with whatever they want LOL! Now some parents say it and mean it, but if you don't mean it don't waste your time and undermine your authority by making idol threats! My SIL used to do the "idol threat" until one of the elementary school teachers pointed it out to her and explained tha the behavior problem was only going to get worse. Major progress has been made, but SIL or BIL have left some fun events with the Princess to get there!

 

[vatmark]

TJ who said that when my kids fight they are not spoken to. Of course they are and they are sent to their rooms. I'm not saying that hitting is okay but it is going to happen. Someone was making it out like the kids are hitting each other because they are hit by their parents. What I call fighting is not an all out brawl. They are disagreeing. My children are extremely well behaved but they have their moments. They are extremely well behaved at school, very responsible, get good grades and are just all around nice kids. I must be doing something right.

My kids respect both me and my husband and love each other to death. But if one or the other or both are cranky they will bicker.

Annie

 

[LindaOwl1]

My oldest 2 kids are 1 1/2 years apart and when they were little I thought they would kill each other some times! One thing I found that worked great to head off fights was that we had a chart with each child getting every other day as "their day" - they got to choose the TV programs, get the best seat in the car, make all the kid choices of the day. The other kid would cooperate because the next day was THEIR day.
Of course now they are 31 & 32 years old and the BEST OF FRIENDS!!!
Next month I am taking my DGD (3yrs) to WDW for the first time, and I am trying to prepare myself for the times she will be throwing herself on the ground & crying over some little thing!!
Don't give up - I'm sure the next trip will be better.

 

[rosiejo]

I'm so sorry you feel your vacation was ruined - it must be awful for you having planned so hard - and it sounds like you got to do some MAGICAL unplanned things too.

You didn't say if you involved the kids in the plannig... maybe that would help next trip - get them to take ownership of where to go on a day or what to do in the park - involve them in the fun planning part too.

We're heading off in a couple of weeks with various family members - all over 25 - and I've planned the trip to the last inch - I'm really worried now that they won't appreciate it and I should lay off a bit but I love the planning and I don't want to miss anything!

 

[maxaroni]

Why do some feel the need to put down parenting skills? The OP is talking about normal bickering that happened. I think that the Child psychologists and all the so called experts are really reading way to much into this. Kids are kids. I'm sure the OP's children are normal children. We are seriously veering into things that are really not necessary. Kids can get cranky, they are people. People, all people get cranky. If kids are hungry, tired or hot, they act up, they don't know how to express it. Siblings fight, vacation or no vacation. What I think, most of the times, when we are on vacation, we expect a perfect trip and yet, we are all out of our element, not sleeping as well, perhaps. We are up early, on the go etc. etc. Things happen. Stop getting into bad parenting. I remember when I first had my ds, a friend had a 2 yr old and she said the best advice was to not judge others parenting skills. I have remembered that and it is so true.

 

[meandtheguys2]

Whether you like ECurto's opinion or not, in a lot of ways he's right. And before you ask, no I don't have children, in fifteen years of teaching preschool I've certainly seen a few, but I don't have any of my own. However asking a trained psychologist if he has children is like questioning an oncologist as to whether they've had cancer before you follow their treatment plan.

I'm not perfect either, but I've taken the time to "learn" the theories and research. I shared before in this thread that I told my niece we won't be taking her back to Disneyworld with her mother because she behaved poorly. I'm not sure that was appropriate, but I'm certainly willing to consider whether I did the right thing or not, taking the professional opinion into account. I wish others would do the same thing, and not feel the need to chastise someone about whether they have children or not, totally disregarding likely years of professional training.

Shelly

As someone else who is trained in the field, though, working pre-children as well as post, I will state that there is a difference in the depth of knowledge that I have re. child behavior now as compared to when I taught and counseled before children. It is simple to write a treatment plan, not so simple to consistently follow thru. When we had 10 staff enforcing rules etc., we had a belief the parent could do the same. This did not take into account all of the factors involved, because frankly, we just didn't get it.

Categorically blaming parents is just as silly as categorically blaming a child's diagnosis. There are many factors involved, some as simple as being well rested and fed, some a bit more indepth, including parenting isssues, hormaonal issues, and the regular stressors of vacation.

 

[robinb]

after reading ther est of this thread i do think it's interesting that as of yet everyone who has successfully dealt with this type of problem has said the same basic thing... they set up rules for behavior and stuck with them which makes me think this is the norm for them, not just something they do at wdw and hey it must work!

Gee. Don't hurt yourself patting yourself on the back so hard! You deserve a charter membership into the DIS Practically Perfect Parents Club. I was wondering when the PPP would show up to this thread and it took 6 pages! What restraint!

Let me say this once: all children are different. What works with your kids may not work with other kids.

Raising my child has been and will always be a battle. My DD is very independent and strong willed. I set up rules and she tests them constantly. That is her nature. Sometimes she bends the rules and sometimes she breaks them. On our last trip it was no different. We reviewed the behavior expectations every morning and Tinkerbelle would leave presents at night for good children. When she acted up, I would give consequences to her actions. We had to remove her from lines, we took away swimming while her cousin went, we went back to the room, she didn't get a Tinkerbelle gift, etc, etc, etc. We used cause and effect (and stuck to every threat!) but she still tested us. She still crossed the line.

Let those of us who are not perfect parents and who do not have perfect children vent a little.

 

[erinz]

Boy, all of this is giving me a flashback to 37 yrs ago when I was 12 and my sister was 14. My mom planned this great vacation to Palm Springs for the three of us. When we got to the hotel room, all my sister and I did was complain. About the hotel, about the heat, about how bored we would be.....
It eventually got so bad that my mom sat down on the bed and cried her eyes out.

I will never forget how bad I felt after that.

And now I have a daughter who has inherited my moodiness, and our trips to WDW have become progressively more challanging. The last time we went, in 2003, our first park was MK for MVMCP. I was SO EXCITED and filled with all these wonderful images of the magic my DD was going to experience!

For the first few hours, she didn't care about what we did. She didn't feel like doing anything, wasn't impressed with anything, thought the fireworks were horrible because they were so loud, thought Country Bear was boring, and did everything in her power to let Mom know that she was just there because we made her go.

I remember starting to cry (to myself) and realized at that moment that I needed a massive change in expectations to survive the trip (and the rest of her growing up years).

So, I just let her go and decided that she was going to experience the trip however she was going to experience it. But that DH and I were going to have fun!

Luckily she turned around and actually enjoyed the rest of the week. And we had a wonderful time together.

But this trip (in Dec) will be interesting. She has fallen head first into pre adolescence and has made it her life mission not to get enthusiastic about anything her parents are enthusiastic about.

So, I'm just going to go expecting her to be moody the entire time. Then, if she ever actually enjoys something, it will be a special surprise!

 

[bopper]

First, you must set your self up for success. Don't be all commando all the time. Schedule in "off" days...just to hang out at resort and go to pool.

Second, don't think they will love everything...that they will love CRT and Hoop-de-doo and everything.

Third, when the behaviour starts getting out of hand, stop it then and there. Sit down until it stops. Go back to the hotel and sit in room with no TV. They don't realize the privilige they have.

 

[jann1033]

robin b...if you read anything i wrote a) how am i patting myself on the back by saying everyone else who posted applied consistancy and got positive results? b) the op asked what others would have done and i told her what we did and the results. sorry it bothers you that we happened to be successful at it but really if it hadn't worked what use would there be in telling her? tell her what not to do?

so in other words, if you don't have kids but are a professional in child development you don't know what works so don't bother to post. if you successfully raised kids you don't know what works either so don't bother to post. only those with kids that have not as yet raised said kids successfully as they have had what under 10yrs,... should we set a limit, maybe the less time the better?.. of experience as parents or only those with kids with serious behavioral problems should post???

 

[tjmw2727]

TJ who said that when my kids fight they are not spoken to. Of course they are and they are sent to their rooms. I'm not saying that hitting is okay but it is going to happen. Someone was making it out like the kids are hitting each other because they are hit by their parents. What I call fighting is not an all out brawl. They are disagreeing. My children are extremely well behaved but they have their moments. They are extremely well behaved at school, very responsible, get good grades and are just all around nice kids. I must be doing something right.

My kids respect both me and my husband and love each other to death. But if one or the other or both are cranky they will bicker.

Annie

\

Sorry you felt called out Annie - that was not my intention. I was just responding with my ideas based on the posts already written.

Honestly, some people do let their kids fight - it dosen't bother my SIL but it does bother me. Diferent things push different peoples buttons. I didn't mean to sound judgmental and I treid to carefully word my post. The OP talked about her kids fighting at WDW, it sounds like it bothers her so I shared my ideas.

I was really just trying to give the OP some ideas that work for me. I don't usually respond to this type of post because no matter how you word things someone accuses you of either not understanding or thinking your perfect. I try and understand and I don't need anyone to tell me I am not perfect I know that LOL.

I have gotten lots of great advice and ideas on this board and I was hoping to contribute. I do like to share ideas that work and I am still figuring out how to word my posts to convey that. Evidentaly I haven't got it quite yet.

TJ

 

[robinb]

so in other words, if you don't have kids but are a professional in child development you don't know what works so don't bother to post. if you successfully raised kids you don't know what works either so don't bother to post. only those with kids that have not as yet raised said kids successfully as they have had what under 10yrs,... should we set a limit, maybe the less time the better?.. of experience as parents or only those with kids with serious behavioral problems should post???

Those are your words. Not mine. Of course anyone should post, but smug comments about how people who have a difficult time are bad parents and how easy it is to have a perfect, well behaved child are uncalled for. Neither the OP, nor the rest of us who posted that we too had trouble, needs to hear about it.

 

[FionaLovesShrek]

Just got back on Saturday from 10 days at WDW. We only did the 4 major parks on 4 days plus MNSSHP one evening. We went to Blizzard Beach and Typhoon Lagoon, too. My kids re DD9 and DS6. The were awful! They fought over EVERYTHING all week long....most of it really STUPID stuff like who gets to pull a certain suitcase. They would hit each other and really made our magical trip less than magical. There would be good moments then bad ones all week long. We even had magical things happen to us like being chosen as Grand Marshalls of the Halloween Parade and also being chosen to ride Dinosaur as special guests and then a little behind the scenes tour of it. They tended to focus on what we DIDN'T do!

The last day I broke down in tears, telling my kids are how horrible they were and that they ruined my vacation. I told them they are great individullay but together they are awful. I told them I put alot of work into this vacation and no one even cares how hard I worked at our plans. I told them that I do have feelings even if I'm a "mom". I also said I don't know if we'll ever come back to WDW, if we do they may not be with us, because I can't subject myself to the disappointment I felt all week! (And we are DVC owners!)

What would any of you done? Anyone have similar problems? I need to know I'm not alone!!!!

We got back late Sat night too. What was in the water?! My DD9 threw the worst temper tantrum I've ever seen at AK Even in her worst toddler days she never screamed and stomped and yelled and cried like she did there! I wanted to crawl into the hippo pool and pretend I was with them! I started noticing everywhere children were crying and yelling. While we were standing in line at Splash Mountain one girl about 8, gave her parents the smartest mouth I'd heard..course this was before my DD gave the performance of a lifetime. Anyway, you are not alone. I've already told my DD I'm going without her next time

 

[KCMiller]

ALL of us have perfect children - all of us have parenting difficulties with our wonderful, perfect, flawed-in-many-ways-just-like-their-parents , amazing children.

I do think, though, that if you don't have children of your own, and I mean that you are responsible for raising them, whether you are a mom or a dad or an aunt or grandparents (I happen to know a fantastic aunt and grandparents who are doing a stunning job raising a fine young boy I know) or a loving live in partner or what have you, then you really can have all the book learning and PhD's in the world, and not really know what it's like to parent them (the old saw about walking a mile in someone elses shoes . . . .). Being day to day responsible for a child puts any theory to the test! Being a teacher would help some, but that's not taking responsiblity for ONE child, THAT child, YOUR child. What works for some won't for others, and heaven knows, some kids are more challenging than others. But we all love our perfectly wonderful children, and that's something we can ALL agree on.

KC