My friends are Shallow- Please Read

antnee

Chasing Amy
Joined
Feb 17, 2000
Recently I have been hanging with my buddy and his friends on the weekends at the Jersey Shore. And the conversation always about women who dont take care of themselves. It bother me cause they always comment and say"Oh she shouldnt be out drinking, she should bea the gym working out" Or when we saw a girl jogging one night someone said "See, she know she is fat and is working on it" I thought how shallow. My friend is always up and down the scale and he eats more than anyone I know. Now he has a job that enables him to go to the gym everyday and he eats light, but c'mon. His friend asked "If your wife gained 30lbs after 3 years would you still be attracted to her??"" I thought HELL YES, I mean I might be concerned when he mentioned she always worked out, but c'mon maybe she is depressed or has no time because she takes care of you I said.

I just cant figure people out soemtimes. I tried to relate it to if she was hit by a bus and deformed would you still be attracted, to which I was told "Oh thats something you can't control" Oh you can always control your weight I quipped.

What is wrong with people???

Maybe this should go to the debate board????

 

Ricola

Enjoying my family!
Joined
Jan 30, 2001
Antnee,

You are right, people can be shallow sometimes, especially guys when they are "hanging out". It's unfortunate. :(. I think wea all sometimes say things in casual conversation that upon further consideration we would not.

I applaud you for not just letting conversation like that slide without challenging it. :)
 

kamgen

DIS Veteran
Joined
Aug 3, 2000
When I see people walking in the neighborhood or jogging, especially those who are overweight, I think "good for them, getting out and getting some exercise.:

Those people who talk smack are insecure with themselves. Weight is a touchy issue. People need to realize that not all of us are made the same and if you want a skinny person in the first place, don't expect to change someone. If you are overweight, change for yourself and your own self esteem, not because someone wants you too. JMHO!

And the number on the scale does not matter, it is how you feel. All people are healthy and active on a different level.

Kamy :)
 

glo

<font color=green>"Has a heart bigger then all of
Joined
Aug 18, 1999
Shallow is about the nicest thing I could say about them. I have been on the recieving end of insensitive comments like that. It can be so embarassing and devastating. Feeling fat and comments said never go away. I have lost 55 pounds, and I still feel fat. I still see myself as fat...People like that are insecure and have to take it out on others. I am sorry this is just a sore subject for me :(
 

Goofyposter

Director of Farmland Defense
Joined
Oct 18, 2001
antnee....you are right on! Having been there, done that, bot the tee-shirt, video, written the book, made the movie....I can tell you that those people making those comments are the one's that need help.

In my book, it's beyond 'being shallow'....it places them right down in the waste of space department...it *might* be one thing...if they said something like that in a display of poor judgement and taste (trying to be "funny")...but if they *truely* believe it.....I pity them - and not the targets of their ridicule. JMGO (just my goofy opinion).

When I see people walking in the neighborhood or jogging, especially those who are overweight, I think "good for them
Kamy - we share this reaction. I'd MUCH rather offer encouragement and support positive action than to tear down others.
 

Saffron

Palm Tree Hugger
Joined
Apr 28, 2001
I often wonder why some people think, that the way someone looks, is any of their business. Why does it matter in the least bit what anyone looks like??? Why do some care one way or the other?

:confused: To quote thefman, who I haven't seen for awhile, "I don't get it?"
 

newmousecateer

Babcia Extraordinaire/B-Elder YaYa
Joined
Sep 5, 2001
Antnee

Subject: shallow people....please read

When I first read the topic, I thought you wanted "shallow people" to read the thread and I was hesitant to click on it. :rolleyes: :D

But seriously, I find it sad that people can be so judgemental about other people's appearances. Granted, some people do "let themselves go" when they do have the ability to control it. But I don't feel that is the way it is for the majority.

My mother gained a lot of weight after major surgery. She would cook and bake for us, but she ate like a bird and was never able to lose the weight. I saw the look on her face many times when she overheard someone make a remark about her weight, and I would never want to inflict that kind of pain on anyone else. :(
 

Disney Doll

DIS Security Matron
Joined
Nov 5, 2000
You know what always mazes me is that the people who are commenting on someone's appearance are not exactly what I would consider Greek gods!!!!!!

I hear that kind of thing at work a lot...many of the docs will sit in our nurse's station and pass comment about this or that person. Most of them are fat,balding,middle-aged men and not exactly the stuff of fantasies.I think the "MD" after their name makes them think that they are above it all. The problem is, sometimes there's just not enough money in the world, if you know what I mean!
;)
 

DocRafiki

<font color=teal>Really is a doc!<br><font color=d
Joined
May 24, 2000
I find it sad that people can be so judgemental about other people's appearances

As it is sad to judge someone for one fault (not taking care of themselves), it is likewise sad to judge this guy for his one fault that was mentioned, without knowing him.

It sounds like your friend is preoccupied with getting in shape. It's easy to do when you're trying to do it yourself and putting a lot of effort into it. Since I've never been an exercise freak, I can't relate. But I do know when I have been on strict diets, I get to the point where I'm thinking about food all day -- what I'm going to eat next, what I wish I could eat. You look at what someone else is eating and think -- could I eat that on my diet?

Now, what did your friend say about being attracted to his wife if she gained 30#?

Another thought... relaxing is all about shallow conversations, if any at all. It's not like talking about sports, soap operas/reality shows, or celebrities is profound. But if the subject is getting old and tiresome, no matter what the subject is, I'd tell him it's time to let it go!
 

glo

<font color=green>"Has a heart bigger then all of
Joined
Aug 18, 1999
Antnee...he said that about his wife? I would have liked to have asked what he would have done then? Dump her and get a better model? I am sorry ...I do not mean to rank down your friend. But many people including me struggle with weight. I have a friend who eats two BIG meals twice a day, and even breakfast. If I did that I would weigh 200 pounds again. I am sorry I would love to eat that way. It is my metabolism...how I am put together. I eat one meal a day, and keep that small, and I am still not skinny. The only time I do eat is on vacation.

I know I am ranting, but if you have ever been on this side of the fence, then you know the hurt feelings and damage that comments and feelings like that cause :( :( I have heard them all, and it really is something that stays with you.

Sorry to rant
 

DocRafiki

<font color=teal>Really is a doc!<br><font color=d
Joined
May 24, 2000
I find it sad that people can be so judgemental about other people's appearances

As it is sad to judge someone for one fault (not taking care of themselves), it is likewise sad to judge this guy for his one fault that was mentioned, without knowing him.

It sounds like your friend is preoccupied with getting in shape. It's easy to do when you're trying to do it yourself and putting a lot of effort into it. Since I've never been an exercise freak, I can't relate. But I do know when I have been on strict diets, I get to the point where I'm thinking about food all day -- what I'm going to eat next, what I wish I could eat. You look at what someone else is eating and think -- could I eat that on my diet?

Now, what did your friend say about being attracted to his wife if she gained 30#?

Another thought... relaxing is all about shallow conversations, if any at all. It's not like talking about sports, soap operas/reality shows, or celebrities is profound. But if the subject is getting old and tiresome, no matter what the subject is, I'd tell him it's time to let it go!
 

antnee

Chasing Amy
Joined
Feb 17, 2000
He said he couldnt be attracted to her. I tried to educate but being that my wife is bulimic and has a Body Image Disorder I didnt want to sound to biased
 

Beauty

DIS Veteran
Joined
Feb 1, 2000
I have been skinny and overweight and am in the process of dieting as we speak. I met my DH when I was very small and cute and now I'm rather large and cute;) My DH loves me just as I love him and the only thing he would ever say about my weight is that I am doing good trying to diet because of health reasons. He said he would still love me if I weighed 600 pounds....and I can honestly say I would still love him is he weighed 600 pounds. Hes my soul mate. He reaches in my heart where no one else could ever dream of going. Looks are on the outside and my husband is on the inside. There is nothing that he could change about himself that would make me stop loving him more than the world.
 

Pin Wizard

<font color=deeppink>I now have a new favorite at
Joined
Jan 8, 2002
Originally posted by Beauty
I met my DH when I was very small and cute and now I'm rather large and cute;) My DH loves me just as I love him.
I was the opposite when I met DH. I was heavy then. In the year before we were married I lost 70 pounds. Amazingly, I STILL felt big. Even in the black velvet dress which was a size 8, I was convinced they cut the dress large. :rolleyes: I never felt small.
 

Ranatra

Elliott Fan
Joined
Sep 17, 2000
antnee,
I liked you when I first met you! You're Real and you're not shallow. :)
Wouldn't it be great if we all weren't judged by our appearance?
My sister has had a weight problem her whole life and she struggles with it. It bothers me if I hear people make insensitive comments.
 

cotye

<font color=green>Resident Mariah Expert<br><font
Joined
Sep 6, 2000
Moronic! Who gives them the right to decide who's more beautiful??? Just steams me up to think that these people think they're flawless themselves and can just pass judgmenet on anyone else. :mad:
 









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