my first grader's pants were pulled down today--Update page 6

[Jen414]

by another first grader in the cafeteria when they were lining up for recess. Her underwear came down, too. Of course, being a first grader, she was too embarrassed to tell an adult so waited until she got home and told me. Of course, it was a girl that both of my girls dealt with all last year--constantly disrupting the class, being removed from the class, hitting kids, even biting. She is a huge behavior problem and has lots of baggage, so I know where her behavior comes from, but that doesn't excuse it. I requested both girls to not be in her class this year, and they're not. However, the fun continues, I guess. I left a voice mail for the teacher and have already spoken with the prinicipal. I am contemplating calling the girl's mother, but am not sure that I can be calm enough to be nice. This is a girl who left a welt on one daughter's back last year right around this time and I wasn't called. (That's another post altogether.) Hopefully, the principal will get back to me on Monday with something. I am going to tell him I do not want either of my girls near this girl EVER. I have also told my two that they are not to play with her at all or even talk to her except to say that they aren't allowed to be near her or play with her. I am just so annoyed about the whole thing.

 

[N&B'smom]

I am SO sorry that happened, I would be LIVID!!!

 

[zachnsamsmommy]

I'm sooo sorry to hear this. I am now 36, and had my pants, underwear and all, pulled down in 1st grade. Waiting patiently for the water fountain, but the little boy behind me wasn't so patient. I was in tears for weeks...

I honestly don't know what to tell you. I do think talking to the teacher and principle are a good idea...not so sure about the other child's mom. Maybe you can ask the teacher/principle if the other parents would be contacted. Surely they would feel very bad about it (I know I would if my child did something like that).

(((hugs))) since I have been there myself...

 

[HERSEY]

I am sorry your Daughter had to go through this

I would definitely discuss this with the principal or vice principal. I hope they can discuss a plan to help this child overcome her bulling

 

[Cindy B]

In our district that would be considered sexual harassment.. I would take care of that quickly!

 

[emdav]

I'm so sorry this happened. I think your school has a supervision problem if an adult did not notice. The girl should be watched like a hawk since she has a prior history.

My ds was urinated on in the restroom yesterday. He did tell an adult. What irritates me, is that they didn't tell me. It took ds 2.5 hours after school to tell me. The adult he told hand delivered him to me after school yesterday so there was no reason not to inform me. I sent a note to the teacher asking if this was true and she called me today very apologetically saying the incident was reported to her in writing and she found it on her desk this morning. I can't believe they wouldn't let me know immediately. I really don't want my kid sitting around in someone else's urine.

 

[Stitchnut]

How awful for your daughter! You did the right thing by calling the school. I would wait to call the parent. That may not work to your advantage to do that. It sounds like this little girl has history and that the powers that be know about it. Unfortunately the weekend doesn't help resolve things and the little girl will have thought nothing of it over the weekend. Our district has a zero tolerance policy for bullies as I am sure many do. Bullies come in all shapes and ages and you may need to pull that out when talking to the admin(principal). Good luck and gently remind your daughter that's it is ok for her to tell a grown up at the school when she isn't being treated the right way. That is a tough spot for your daughter to be in. Best of luck to your family on this.

 

[Ilike2Lurk]

Of course, being a first grader, she was too embarrassed to tell an adult...

You need to work on this. It has nothing to do with being a first grader. Most children are embarrassed by this. She has a "bad touch". Teach her that she must report this type of behavior RIGHT away.

I am so glad that she told you, though

The other little girl needs help. Bit your children should not have to suffer under her actions.

Please keep us updated as to what teh principal says.

 

[a1tinkfans]

by another first grader in the cafeteria when they were lining up for recess. Her underwear came down, too. Of course, being a first grader, she was too embarrassed to tell an adult so waited until she got home and told me. Of course, it was a girl that both of my girls dealt with all last year--constantly disrupting the class, being removed from the class, hitting kids, even biting. She is a huge behavior problem and has lots of baggage, so I know where her behavior comes from, but that doesn't excuse it. I requested both girls to not be in her class this year, and they're not. However, the fun continues, I guess. I left a voice mail for the teacher and have already spoken with the prinicipal. I am contemplating calling the girl's mother, but am not sure that I can be calm enough to be nice. This is a girl who left a welt on one daughter's back last year right around this time and I wasn't called. (That's another post altogether.) Hopefully, the principal will get back to me on Monday with something. I am going to tell him I do not want either of my girls near this girl EVER. I have also told my two that they are not to play with her at all or even talk to her except to say that they aren't allowed to be near her or play with her. I am just so annoyed about the whole thing.

So sorry to hear this happened to your child.
There is NO EXCUSE why this behavior should continue and the school is RESPONSIBLE to make sure that your child is safe while in their care. I would have been livid and called the riot act when I spoke with the principal. Where were the lunch aides??? How did this happen at all???
This is a Serious issue when it comes to Touching another person in this manner.
I would NOT contact the other mom, but I would DEFINITELY drop a short letter to the Principal (cc'ing the district) confirming your conversation with them and letting them know they should be aware that You will not tolerate ANY behavior against your child, be it physical or emotional, AND you expect swift action to be taken regarding this very disturbing latest incident against your child (I would then very briefly explain it) which occurred during XYZ time period/lunch etc....I would also indicate that you will ..."take those steps necessary to protect your child including, but not limited to seeking legal council" for what you consider a serious issue. Ask them to acknowledge receipt of your letter by XXX date (usually ten days).
As parents we find it horrifying, so imagine that child not even feeling comfortable enough to seek the help of an adult, just awful!
There are bullies everywhere and bullying of all kinds and this is worse by far IMHO.
I am outraged for your daughter and truly hope the the district, not Just the principal acknowledge the seriousness of this situation. It seems to already be a pattern of behavior they were aware of, which is even worse....Something should be done to not only protect your child, but others as well.
Best of Luck to you. Please let us know how it was handled at school. And to you and your daughter,

 

[Jen414]

Thanks everyone for the support. Luckily, she does not seem that upset about the whole incident and has already moved on.

Although I didn't necessarily encourage a friendship with this girl last year in K, I did tell my girls that they needed to be polite to her and could not be mean. They didn't even want to invite her to their birthday party, but the teacher part of me could just not invite every other girl in their class and exclude her and so we did invite her. She was at every birthday party last year and her behavior there, at school events, and any time I saw her at any community type event is awful. Unfortunately, she's somewhat of a leader because she fools around all the time and so the kids think she's cool. She's the type of kid that is very difficult to have in a class.

As far as doing things like cc'ing the superintendent--that's where it gets pretty sticky. I know her personally--she was my gym teacher in middle school and then before I had the girls, she was the vice-principal at the high school where I coached for 9 years. My husband is the juvenile detective in town and is the school liason. He has to work with these people--meaning all principals, vice-principals, central office staff, etc. on a daily basis and needs to have a good relationship with them. He would have no problem whatsoever going to her with anything to do with our children--last year, he brought the 2 "Welcome to Kindergarten" letters to her--they each had about 10 typos/grammatical errors!! I don't want to go above the principal's head yet. He knows who my husband is (obviously) and knows he has a direct line to the superintendent. We'll see what kind of a response I get on Monday. I do think, though, that after speaking with him, I will send him an email, just to officially document the situation.

I'll tell you--being on the other end--meaning being the parent instead of the teacher--puts a whole new spin on everything.

 

[TinklednPants]

In our district that would be considered sexual harassment.. I would take care of that quickly!

Inappropriate behavior? Ansolutely.

Sexual harassment by a first grader? That may be a stretch.

 

[FireDancer]

So now being pantsed is sexual harassment

This happened many a time growing up, it was just something that kids did. Someone pantsed someone else at or end of year softball party a month ago. When I was in school it was mostly a boy thing. It would get a scolding and nothing more.

There is a difference between inappropriateness and kids being kids. I'd chalk this up with making kids wear helmets every time they ride their bike, being over protective.

Just my opinion.

 

[torinsmom]

I'm so sorry this happened. I think your school has a supervision problem if an adult did not notice.

I just had to butt in here. I have 20 kids in my class and if I turn around to tell one not to run(or pinch, yell, hit, burp obnoxiously), it is very easy to miss something like this. Children like this one will watch and wait for adults to be dealing with something else and then they will strike. Parents of more than 2 children know how fast something happens, one is crying and you have no idea what happened. Imagine that times 10!

The OP's daughter should have let someone know. I understand she was probably embarrassed, but it is a big deal. That was definitely sexual harrassment and at my school, the child that did it would be suspended for 1-3 days(depending on her record). In addition, I can't believe that other kids did not see it. We need to make sure all kids know that it is their responsibility to let an adult know when something like this happens, EVEN WHEN THEY ARE NOT THE VICTIM. I have always told my son that if there is a problem where someone is being hurt physically or emotionally, he needs to let an adult know. That is part of being a good citizen.

OP, I would really have a heart to heart with your DD. Find out why she didn't tell(was she scared, embarrassed or what) Make sure she knows that anyone who touches or exposes your(or others') private parts, or exposes theirs to you(or others) needs to be reported. Hopefully, this will get easier as she gets older.

I would not call the parent. The principal will contact her, and HOPEFULLY the child will be suspended. You may want to ask your DD who else saw this happen, and report that info to the principal. That way he can talk to the witnesses.

I'm sorry this happened to your DD. I'm glad she seems to have gotten past it though.

Marsha

 

[Redheaded Sunshine]

So now being pantsed is sexual harassment

This happened many a time growing up, it was just something that kids did. Someone pantsed someone else at or end of year softball party a month ago. When I was in school it was mostly a boy thing. It would get a scolding and nothing more.

There is a difference between inappropriateness and kids being kids. I'd chalk this up with making kids wear helmets every time they ride their bike, being over protective.

Just my opinion.

OK...I don't think a 1st grader being pantsed is sexual harrassment, but in no way is she being overprotective...nor am I by making my kids wear a helmet when he rides his bike. I can personally attest to how thankful I am that he does wear a helmet since he had a bike accident 2 days ago and his HELMETED head bounced off of the pavement. Off topic, but I had to say that.

 

[C.Ann]

This happened many a time growing up, it was just something that kids did. Someone pantsed someone else at or end of year softball party a month ago. When I was in school it was mostly a boy thing. It would get a scolding and nothing more.

There is a difference between inappropriateness and kids being kids. I'd chalk this up with making kids wear helmets every time they ride their bike, being over protective.

Just my opinion.

This is more than inappropriate behavior.. No child should ever have to be publicly humiliated just because some people see it as no big deal..

I don't care how often it happened when you were growing up.. It still doesn't make it right.. I would be furious - and rightly so.. Hopefully the child who did this will receive some sort of significant punishment..

 

[maleficent1959]

I think Torinsmom has a good, balanced approach to the situation. I'm so very sorry that your daugher is going through this. We had a bully situation in 2nd grade (and a bit in third) and it is no fun. It's even harder when they don't want to tell an adult at school about it. I wish I could give you some good advice or words of wisdom about dealing with that girl but I think you're doing right by talking to your daughter and limiting any contact. But I would expect that the school counselor is working with that girl on an individual basis.

I also don't think that this is sexual harassment but I understand that many districts have become very broad in their definitions because of litigation fears. My nine-year-old DS got in trouble in kindergarten for hugging a girl in class. Just a hug, no touching or anything inappropriate. He was just an affectionate boy and how many of us have children that love to hug their friends? The teacher didn't think anything of it, but when her parents heard she had been hugged they called and complained of sexual harassment and unwelcome touching. So he had to visit the principal and the school counselor and get reprimanded.

 

[dawson5]

So now being pantsed is sexual harassment

This happened many a time growing up, it was just something that kids did. Someone pantsed someone else at or end of year softball party a month ago. When I was in school it was mostly a boy thing. It would get a scolding and nothing more.

There is a difference between inappropriateness and kids being kids. I'd chalk this up with making kids wear helmets every time they ride their bike, being over protective.

Just my opinion.

I just wanted to add that my brother is a paramedic. Bicycle injuries are pretty common for him to deal with. Whenever he comes to visit he is pretty vocal about my boys wearing helmets and nicely, not graphically, tells them what he deals with. Probably 95% of the time my kids are in helmets, except for my 16 year old. He seems to think his hard head with protect him from everything.... he's a teenager, he knows everything.

OP Good luck. I know it's a hard row to sow. I have three boys and two are dealing with kids just doing screwy things. What happened last week is another eye-opening, shocking thing. It would be totally off-topic. All I can say is have her stand up for herself and loudly say that she does NOT want her near her/do things, etc. It seems audiences are great when they are for you but not when they are the subject. Never let them back down. Good luck and lots of good vibes.

 

[Missy1961]

So now being pantsed is sexual harassment

This happened many a time growing up, it was just something that kids did. Someone pantsed someone else at or end of year softball party a month ago. When I was in school it was mostly a boy thing. It would get a scolding and nothing more.

There is a difference between inappropriateness and kids being kids. I'd chalk this up with making kids wear helmets every time they ride their bike, being over protective.

Just my opinion.

Not only were her pants pulled down, but so were her underwear, thus exposing her private parts. And it was done to humilate her. That's harrassment, and since it involved her private parts, that's sexual harrassment. This is not an overprotective mother. Plus there is a history with this girls bothering the OP's daughter. And I'm sorry, but even I wear a helmet when I ride my bike and I'm 48 years old--that's safety.

How many kids do you have? I'm betting you don't have any.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm sorry that happened to your DD. I hope the principal takes the history of this girl into account along with the seriousness of her recent escapade.

It's so hard as a parent, coaching our children from the sidelines. But even with all the coaching in the world, we still need reinforcement of rules to keep our kids safe.

I hope all goes well. Please keep us posted!

 

[happygirl]

OMG how horrible. I can't even image how horrible that must have been for her. I would demand to know why the kids weren't being watched