My fiance's parents wont be coming, how to word that in program

[soulmates]

I have no idea how to tactfully do this. My family will be there, however, my partner's family most likely won't be coming. They feel since we're having our ceremony on a Sunday, and leaving the next day, to fly out and stay in a hotel and not get to really spend time w/ us, their just not going to come. That said, I'm not too happy, as this means I'll have a TON of family there, and poor partner, will have no one. My father is even dancing with BOTH of us, so Christy won't feel left out. I'm doing everything I can to try to balance it all out. We're not having designated areas to sit during ceremony, infact, I'm having my parents, sister & brother on one side, and my children on the other, that way it won't be ALL of them and nobody on the other side. SO here is my question, how would we go about mentioning her family in our programs? I was planning on saying "Parents of Christina and Children of Christina...but how do we encorporate them, tastefully?

Thanks ladies!

Chris

 

[rpmdfw]

Chris, we ran into much the same issues because Scott's family didn't attend our wedding either. (In fact my mom danced with both of us, too!)

My advice to you is to word the invitation along the lines of "Chris and Christy ask that you join them in the celebration of their love and union" or some such.

Or even "Chris and Christy along with their loved ones, ask . . . "

Don't specifically mention parents at all. Especially since you're paying for the wedding yourselves.

 

[girli565]

I would word it from you as a couple, not from Parents. This is pretty common place now a days.

I'm sorry that they're not coming. She must feel awful.

 

[soulmates]

Chris, we ran into much the same issues because Scott's family didn't attend our wedding either. (In fact my mom danced with both of us, too!)

My advice to you is to word the invitation along the lines of "Chris and Christy ask that you join them in the celebration of their love and union" or some such.

Or even "Chris and Christy along with their loved ones, ask . . . "

Don't specifically mention parents at all. Especially since you're paying for the wedding yourselves.

Good tip, but I was thinking more on the lines of our programs. Since we are paying for everything, our invites don't mention parents. However, on our programs, I wanted to thank my children who will be doing a reading each. Do we not mention parents at all? Do we just say "Special thank you to all our familes"?? Just not sure. I hate to not mention my family, since their such big supporters...but then, don't want Christy too feel worse than she already will. There is a SLIM chance her sister will be there. IF she can make it, I'll have her do a reading as well. Also, how uncomfortable was Scott that he had no family there? I'm worried that even though she says she understands, and it's not a big deal to her, she never expects much from them...I'm thinking when it's here, and she has nobody there, it will hit her hard.

 

[rpmdfw]

Good tip, but I was thinking more on the lines of our programs. Since we are paying for everything, our invites don't mention parents. However, on our programs, I wanted to thank my children who will be doing a reading each. Do we not mention parents at all? Do we just say "Special thank you to all our familes"?? Just not sure. I hate to not mention my family, since their such big supporters...but then, don't want Christy too feel worse than she already will. There is a SLIM chance her sister will be there. IF she can make it, I'll have her do a reading as well. Also, how uncomfortable was Scott that he had no family there? I'm worried that even though she says she understands, and it's not a big deal to her, she never expects much from them...I'm thinking when it's here, and she has nobody there, it will hit her hard.

Well, Scott has been so widely accepted by my family (including all the cousins, aunts and uncles) that by the time we got around to the Big Fat Gay Disney Wedding, he was used to them treating him like part of the family (cuz he is). He wasn't uncomfortable at all. Plus we did have people who were his friends from before we met there.

As for program advice. Here it is: DON'T DO THEM! Honestly no one will miss them unless you're someplace hot and they need a fan. It's a lot of extra work and expense for something that people glance at and then don't bother with again.

We've never done them in my family. And no one has ever missed having them.

Thank your loved ones in person, on the day. It'll mean just as much to them.

 

[soulmates]

Well, Scott has been so widely accepted by my family (including all the cousins, aunts and uncles) that by the time we got around to the Big Fat Gay Disney Wedding, he was used to them treating him like part of the family (cuz he is). He wasn't uncomfortable at all. Plus we did have people who were his friends from before we met there.

As for program advice. Here it is: DON'T DO THEM! Honestly no one will miss them unless you're someplace hot and they need a fan. It's a lot of extra work and expense for something that people glance at and then don't bother with again.

We've never done them in my family. And no one has ever missed having them.

Thank your loved ones in person, on the day. It'll mean just as much to them.

You are a wise man Rob!! Your SO right, and the 2nd person to say it. NO PROGRAMS. No need. Your sooo right about thanking my family in person and even sending thank you's later. My family also loves Christy. In fact, while she was job hunting here, my dad said there was NO need to live off her savings, but to come stay with them. She was there for 4 months. I'm SO proud of my parents. They've come a long way. They treat her like she's their 3rd daughter. So I know she'll feel loved and surrounded by family & friends who love her and appreciate her. I'm still holding out hope, that her sister will come. She can either come to the ceremony, or meet us in DW w/ her hubby & son. Either one would be great.

 

[rpmdfw]

Chris, I just tried to send you a PM, but I got a message saying your inbox is too full to accept any new messages.

Just a heads up

 

[soulmates]

Chris, I just tried to send you a PM, but I got a message saying your inbox is too full to accept any new messages.

Just a heads up

I'll go fix now, thanks~

 

[Scrap_Vamp]

Hey, I justw anted to send you a hug as we know how this feels - my husband's parents didn't attend our wedding, and then on the day of our at-home reception they called to say they weren't coming to that either

We didn't have programmes as it was such a small ceremony, but on the invitations we worded it that we would like our guests to join us, and made no mention of parents. At the reception we also had to rearrange the top table - in the end my younger brother and his wife joined us with their children, in addition to my mum and dad, older brother (best man), his wife (MOH), and their kids.

I hope your partner isn't too upset by all this - it's really made me not want to have any contact with my husband's parents as a result.

 

[Lindsay22]

I'm so sorry that your DF has to go thru this. In our programs, we only included the people walking down the aisle. We had DF's maternal grandparents and his mother listed because they walked. His other grandparents and father were not in the program and I don't think anyone cared. (if they did, no one told me)
If you are planning on a long drawn out ceremony I would have a program (i like to see how much more I have to suffer thru before I get to eat ) If you are having a short and sweet ceremony, I'd skip the program all together.

 

[soulmates]

Hey, I justw anted to send you a hug as we know how this feels - my husband's parents didn't attend our wedding, and then on the day of our at-home reception they called to say they weren't coming to that either

We didn't have programmes as it was such a small ceremony, but on the invitations we worded it that we would like our guests to join us, and made no mention of parents. At the reception we also had to rearrange the top table - in the end my younger brother and his wife joined us with their children, in addition to my mum and dad, older brother (best man), his wife (MOH), and their kids.

I hope your partner isn't too upset by all this - it's really made me not want to have any contact with my husband's parents as a result.

Thank you SO much! I have a VERY hard time when she tells me things about her childhood. It's so very obvious to me, how her parents only love her under certain conditions. Once she came out, the conditions became SO obvious. For years, she never brought anyone to her parents house, but her sister was allowed to live w/ her husband before they got married and that was okay. This family is VERY religious. So to me, to look the other way on certain things, and not others....well, I get upset. I was SO angry when she told me they spent $10k, 15 years ago on her sister's wedding and they bought her dishes, for her commitment ceremony?? Who does that? And the kicker is, I really like her mother. She's very kind to me and my children. I'm told I'm the ONLY g/f Christy has had that her family has accepted. So of course I am happy about that...I can see they've taken steps, however small, they've taken steps to be closer...it's just hard when your on the outside looking in. I have MANY staight friends' who experienced this as well. I just will never understand it. As a parent I could never treat my children like that...thanks for letting me vent!

I'm so sorry that your DF has to go thru this. In our programs, we only included the people walking down the aisle. We had DF's maternal grandparents and his mother listed because they walked. His other grandparents and father were not in the program and I don't think anyone cared. (if they did, no one told me)
If you are planning on a long drawn out ceremony I would have a program (i like to see how much more I have to suffer thru before I get to eat ) If you are having a short and sweet ceremony, I'd skip the program all together.

You are SO right and I've decided NO PROGRAMS. Just not worth it. The way the room is set up, we won't have anyone walking down an aisle. There is none! We'll have all our guests seat themselves and she will stand by the fireplace and that's where the ceremony will be. Simple.

Thanks everyone, I KNEW I could get the answer I needed!!

 

[malibustacey]

Oh im late on this!

I agree with everyone, perhaps the programs wont mean that much to people so i wouldnt bother waste the money. Its sad for Chris parents to not want to come, its strange- as they have shown to you that they like you, and your children, and the least they could do is come along and show their support and be there for you both on your day. I think thats so nice of your Dad to do a dance with both of you too, it will mean a lot to her.

Im sure if Chris is in any need of extra people to come along to be there for her side of the family.... ahem..... I am here!! hello! I could come and be her family hehe

 

[Scrap_Vamp]

Thank you SO much! I have a VERY hard time when she tells me things about her childhood. It's so very obvious to me, how her parents only love her under certain conditions. Once she came out, the conditions became SO obvious. For years, she never brought anyone to her parents house, but her sister was allowed to live w/ her husband before they got married and that was okay. This family is VERY religious. So to me, to look the other way on certain things, and not others....well, I get upset. I was SO angry when she told me they spent $10k, 15 years ago on her sister's wedding and they bought her dishes, for her commitment ceremony?? Who does that? And the kicker is, I really like her mother. She's very kind to me and my children. I'm told I'm the ONLY g/f Christy has had that her family has accepted. So of course I am happy about that...I can see they've taken steps, however small, they've taken steps to be closer...it's just hard when your on the outside looking in. I have MANY staight friends' who experienced this as well. I just will never understand it. As a parent I could never treat my children like that...thanks for letting me vent!

No problem I hate hearing about my husband's childhood as his parents are inherently selfish. I'm so glad they did have kids, or else I wouldn't have my husband, but they really shouldn't have done! They already drove his older sister away, and she is now married with three children they have never met. His dad is convinced I'm trying to take him away from them but they have continually moved further away from us (we still live in the area where I met my husband) and will not come to visit - they always expect us to go to them. Feel free to vent anytime!

 

[soulmates]

No problem I hate hearing about my husband's childhood as his parents are inherently selfish. I'm so glad they did have kids, or else I wouldn't have my husband, but they really shouldn't have done! They already drove his older sister away, and she is now married with three children they have never met. His dad is convinced I'm trying to take him away from them but they have continually moved further away from us (we still live in the area where I met my husband) and will not come to visit - they always expect us to go to them. Feel free to vent anytime!

 

[figment fan21]

Awe chris i'm sorry you two are going through this. Its tough. I agree on not having programs. Nobody needs them and they just get thrown out anyway. My DF's family is being mean about our wedding and are threatening not to go... but DF told me he doesn't mind because the day of the wedding it'll seem like we're the only two people in the world. It will be hard on your partner leading up to the wedding but i have a feeling that the actual day of the wedding she'll be so focused on you and how pretty you'll look that she won't even notice whose there just like my DF said.

 

[soulmates]

Oh im late on this!

I agree with everyone, perhaps the programs wont mean that much to people so i wouldnt bother waste the money. Its sad for Chris parents to not want to come, its strange- as they have shown to you that they like you, and your children, and the least they could do is come along and show their support and be there for you both on your day. I think thats so nice of your Dad to do a dance with both of you too, it will mean a lot to her.

Im sure if Chris is in any need of extra people to come along to be there for her side of the family.... ahem..... I am here!! hello! I could come and be her family hehe

You can SO be Christy's adopted daughter, anyday Stacey!

Awe chris i'm sorry you two are going through this. Its tough. I agree on not having programs. Nobody needs them and they just get thrown out anyway. My DF's family is being mean about our wedding and are threatening not to go... but DF told me he doesn't mind because the day of the wedding it'll seem like we're the only two people in the world. It will be hard on your partner leading up to the wedding but i have a feeling that the actual day of the wedding she'll be so focused on you and how pretty you'll look that she won't even notice whose there just like my DF said.

Your DF is also wise...thank you for the kind words. You all are amazing!