My family needs pixie dust :(

[Grandma Bear]

Love and prayers for you and the kids.

 

[Pop Daddy]

hey

 

[AuntRoeRoe]

 

[astarr]

 

[talicskai]

It is good to receive so many prayers and pixie dust. I have know for about a year how unhappy he is but thought it was a phase (he's only 36). He told me in July that he can't live like this anymore. I agreed because I thought separation might do him good. He wasn't able to move out right away because his pay covers most of our expenses. He refused counselling but I went for a year (still am) to my minister. He is a wonderful man and very helpful. We have been together since we were 16 ~ high school sweethearts and never been with anyone else. It is very sad. We are still friends and have kept things very amicable for the sake of the children. We live in a small town (10,000) so everyone knows everyone else's business. That has been tough, but also wonderful. My family is amazing and I have a tremendous support system in my friends. I just am heartbroken for my children ~ they will be devastated. The good thing he is staying in town and we will have joint custody. We are going to trade the kids every Friday for a week. I am going to miss them like crazy but as they grow they will be able to ride their bikes over to see me and visit whenever they like. I have only worked part-time since they were born and will probably have to go back full time in the new year to make ends meet. I hope to stay in our home for about a year to help them adjust. We built it six years ago "our dream house" and they have never lived anywhere else (except DS8 was two when we moved in). I will update in a few days to let you know how the weekend went. We haven't told them yet because DH is still sleeping in the basement. I am going to wake him up soon because my stomach is in knots and I just want to get this over with.
Thanks again for all the kind thoughts.
Teresa

 

[chris1gill]

I have a sensitive question.... so while I ask... If your DH has been so unhappy, why wouldn't he see a marriage counselor? Why not consider it for the sake of the children?

You sound so together, no matter what, you sound as if you will be fine... but why won't your husband consider counseling?

 

[talicskai]

We went to two sessions about 18 months ago and he didn't like the guy or what he had to say. We have a handicapped son and the counsellor was mentioning that a lot of couples have trouble when they have extra stress on the family unit. Well he was furious to think the guy was "blaming" our son. That is not what he was inferring but that was the way DH took it. He is a wonderful father and very involved so I know my kids will be okay their weeks with him but I am just very very sad that it has come to this. Thanks for your concern.

 

[chris1gill]

I'm sorry that your husband didn't take to the counselor, would there be a female counselor somewhere that might be a better fit?


Hugs to you and the children, my heart really goes out to you, but I can sense you will be strong for the children. Good luck when you tell them.....

 

[jetsetter90]

and plenty of Pixie Dust.

 

[talicskai]

I'm sorry that your husband didn't take to the counselor, would there be a female counselor somewhere that might be a better fit?


Hugs to you and the children, my heart really goes out to you, but I can sense you will be strong for the children. Good luck when you tell them.....

He won't even consider it ~ he says it is too late..........

 

[kimisabella]

Wow, you are a STRONG woman, I don't think I would be able to handle it as well as you.. You seem like such a wonderful, kind, mature woman - Good luck during this time.

 

[April in Disney]

Teresa,

Many prayer and pixie dust for you and your children. It seems from your post that you are a strong, caring mom. Things are going to be all right. I am glad to hear that your family is behind you and you have good friends to support you. Take time to get to know yourself and what you like and dislike. Since you have been together for such a long time you might have forgotten who you really are without him. It is ok to be upset. It was your dreams that are being shatter also.

 

[VSL]

 

[ToTLaugher]

and prayers for you and your children.

 

[Grandma Bear]

My love and prayers are with all of you. I am glad you are able to get help for yourself which will help with the children. It's goos to know you have lots of support. It will be a tremewndous help in the days to come.

 

[momsgoofy]

We went to two sessions about 18 months ago and he didn't like the guy or what he had to say. We have a handicapped son and the counsellor was mentioning that a lot of couples have trouble when they have extra stress on the family unit. Well he was furious to think the guy was "blaming" our son. That is not what he was inferring but that was the way DH took it. He is a wonderful father and very involved so I know my kids will be okay their weeks with him but I am just very very sad that it has come to this. Thanks for your concern.

You made me think of something I was told when I sought counseling when I was hit with the "can't live like this anymore". I turned to the only person I could think of, the chaplain on base, whom I'd never met. He was my saving grace given that I was in a foreign country and knew very few (6 people). The chaplain told me in his role serving the military members he was taught there were 6 major reasons that could cause stress enough to divorce....

-new baby (DS was 8 months old)
-new duty station (the ex had been assigned here for 5 months)
-move to a foreign country (we'd all been in Puerto Rico for 4 months and the ex's first time living outside of the US)
-major illness in the family (the ex's mom almost died and we were sent home on Red Cross leave 3 months after moving to PR)
-separation from family (we had no phone yet so we couldn't just "reach out and touch" nor was there instant messaging yet)
-death of a family member (okay, this was the only one we hadn't been dealing with)

So, what the counselor told you two is valid. Because my ex was in the military he was ordered to go to counseling...he didn't care for the chaplain for whatever reason and said counseling wasn't for him, but he stuck with it long enough to get DS and I moved back to the states so he could have his life...he never wanted to be married or have children. So, if one's mind is made up that counseling isn't for them, you can't make them want to go...it's like addicts...they have to recognize they have a problem in order to work on it.

You sound very grounded in all of this, and I pray that you are able to maintain it...your support network is doing their job for you ...you are blessed in that. Like you, we were from a small town where everyone knows your business so I really feel for you. It took me a long time to realize, I can speak my mind, even if it means a few toes are stepped on...I am entitled to my life and not everyone's nose in it. Tell them that....here's a nice way to put it..

"I appreciate your concern for my family, but right now is not the time for me to discuss my personal life with you. I'm sure you will understand and would want the same."

I will continue to keep you and the boys in my thoughts and prayers...especially today as you prepare to talk with your boys.

 

[talicskai]

Well, the kids took it pretty good ~ considering all we told them. They cried (as did I) and told their dad they didn't want him to leave but are now talking about decorating our house for Christmas. We both love them very much and they will be okay but boy was that hard. DD6 wanted to know if she could have bunkbeds at Daddy's house. In all of this ~ somehow ~ I promised them a cat! I don't even like cats but if they need a pet to make them feel more secure I'm all for it ~ Dad is taking the fish tank ~ thank Goodness!

Thanks again and I will update when I can.
Teresa

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it might be impossible, but is there anyway that you guys can "fake it" until the holidays are over, for the kids sake? I wish you all the best in getting through this difficult time.

 

[talicskai]

He has not purchased a new house yet ~ the reason we told them now is to help them understand why I won't be going to his family Christmas and vice versa. We have agreed to spend Christmas morning here together and then I will take the kids to my parents after lunch. We told them it won't be happening until Jan/Feb or whenever Daddy finds a new house. It is hard having him here in the house with me but it about the kids right now and we are friends. He has been living in the basement since July and the kids honestly had no clue this was coming. They are too young to get it. anyways I hope to make the holidays as normal as possible for them and then I am taking them to Disney in February with my sister and parents! That should give them a lot to look forward too. Me too........

 

[VSL]

anyways I hope to make the holidays as normal as possible for them and then I am taking them to Disney in February with my sister and parents! That should give them a lot to look forward too. Me too........

It'll probably be a great way to get away from it all and just have some fun too.