My DS had a major 'meltdown' at Discovery Cove

[kazzie]

I don't know why I'm posting this really exept to ask if anyone has suffered a very embarrassing humiliating incident like this when you literally wish you were dead

My DS who is 14 and very big for his age, has Asperger's,suffers from depression and 'challenging' behaviour and when he is anxious/depressed.

I mentioned on another thread how successful our day at Universal was,in contarst to a terrible meltdown day last October.

I wasn't worried about Discovery Cove as it's a stress free environment there.But while we were there last week on the lazy river I remembered our dolphin swim (we have been twice before and only lay out this money as DS loves Discovery Cove and the dolphin swim) We should have checked in 10 minutes before and we were as far away from it as we could be

So we rushed to get there and this is when warning bells should have rung loud and clear because if we are late he will already get very upset and distressed ,the rushing and stress only make it much worse.

Basically he said he wouldn't do the swim with his sister so my DH ran around there.As he become more and more upset I said lets get around there and try to make the swim later ( I should have done this immediately) .As we got to the waters edge my DH and DD were about to start the swim.My son become beside himself asking his sister to get out of the water, she was rude back.He then screamed a swear word at her in the loudest voice imaginable.Every person on that area went quiet and stopped and looked at us (over a hundred poeple or more) ,I felt like I wished I was dead seriously.Because he looks 'regular' not obviously speciall needs he would just look an abusive disgusting kid.But in his defence I handled the sitaution so badly I knew he would explode,I just didn't think her would do it so publicly.

We literally all ran off the beach grabbed our things and left.I didn't even get to see the photos that had been taken around the park of us.

This was the low point of the holiday,the rest of the time he was 100% better and calmer than he'd been last October.

If you ever see a kid behaving in what you think is a disgusting way,think for a second,the parents might not be bad parents or even the child/teen a 'bad' person.Just a family struggling to make the best of having a teenager who means their life isn't like the life of all the people they know who have 'regular' children

I feel better just with sharing that

 

[SandrainNC]

I am so sorry that happened to you. You make a good point at the end of you post. Sometimes things are not as they seem so people shouldn't be so quick to pass judgment (sometimes anyway ).

We are going to Discovery Cove on Nov. 26 with my 3 year old son who has Down syndrome. He pretty much acts like an out of control toddler (which is what he is) so I'm sure we will get a couple of looks! My sister, her husband and my nephew are meeting us in Orlando that evening (they are flying in from Sweden and aren't coming to DC with us), and my nephew who will be 17 in December has Asperger's syndrome. They only diagnosed it about a year ago (it was hard for them to diagnose I guess). He does pretty good with crowds. His main thing is he doesn't like enclosed places very much and sometimes people make him nervous. Of course, I don't see him as much as I would like so there are some other things I'm sure. He looks "normal" too so when he acts a little different (holding my sister's hand for example) people don't understand.

I'm glad to hear the rest of your trip went well! Take care. Sandra

 

[SueOKW]

I'm sure some people did understand - probably not why, but simply knew that he was exhibiting unusual behavior. I know better now not to judge a book by its cover or a situation by the appearances of the participants, and I hope more people than you realize do too.

Perhaps this post will help educate some people to recognize meltdowns caused by conditions vs those caused simply by bad parenting.

I do feel for you - sometimes I've felt stares that made my neck feel like it was on fire...

 

[kazzie]

Thanks to you both for taking the time to reply and for understandning

 

[SueM in MN]

In some ways, I feel lucky that everyone can see that my DD is disabled. At least, when she does something that is not socially acceptable, people do understand a little bit that she (and we) are not in control of the situation.

We all do the best we can.
{{{hugs}}}}

 

[leise]

Hi Kazzie, glad you had a good holiday, but sorry to hear about your less-than-fun day at DC. I agree with Sue OKW that I'm sure some of the people there understood that all was not what it seemed. If they didn't, I'm sure they didn't give it a second thought after it happened. Funny how these things always happen at the places you least expect it......

 

[JudithM]

If there is one thing this bb has taught me is to be more tolerant, more accepting, more understanding, etc. of people. You just never know what someone else is thinking, is suffering, is experiencing, etc. Kazzie, I am glad you felt comfortable sharing your experience with us.

 

[missypie]

Under some circumstances, visible disabilities can be an advantage over invisible ones. I hope you didn't leave the park just because of the swear word he yelled. (I think it was to calm him down, wasn't it?) Think of all the "normal" kids who behave in a beastly manner whose parents wouldn't think of leaving!

I can certainly relate. My DS, who is an Aspie, is 13 and his meltdowns have diminshed greatly over the years. But other things are bothersome, too. For example, just about everybody knows that when an elevator arrives, you let the folks in the elevator get out first, then you get in. When we're at hotels, I have to repeatedly tell DS to wait to get in, or else he charges right in, bumping into people trying to get out. I'm sure people think "What a rude young man." He just doesn't pick up on the "social rules."

 

[wide awake]

We had the same type of incident happen to us in Hawaii in March. We were at a breakfast/intro tour thing and DS...13 and ASD, said he wanted ice cream and he was done with breakfast. I didn't pay attention because I wanted to hear about the tours and we hadn't had a meltdown in a LONG time...he finally reached across the table, hit DH on the face and screamed he wanted to leave. DH and I were so embarrassed...we left the restaurant, took DS to the gardens and got him the ice cream, and it was fine. It was our fault...we tell him all the time to verbalize and he'll get what he wants/needs, and then we ignored it. We were all on the beach later that day and an older gentleman walked by and said "Your son had the right idea, it was boring", which almost made me cry. It is hard when your child looks completely normal, has beautiful table manners, and like most ASD kids is very attractive. Then there is the fine line of giving in to EVERY verbal request...we work all the time on normalizing our responses.

 

[kazzie]

Thank you once again.

Very heartening to read your kindness and support.

We DID leave the park after the 'incident',we were all so upset Never mind you live and learn

 

[mbb]

...we're all doing the best that we can....

Words to live by, Sue

Please don't blame yourself..."I should have"..."why didn't I"..."If I had just"...

It's ok...I remind myself in those situations - when one or both boys are having a moment - that really, they're just being loud...and not hurting themselves, or anyone else...and the best part - they are expressing their feelings appropriately, using their words, and not getting physical.

...at least, that's what I tell myself LOL!!
....I'm just doing the best that I can...just like my boys are...

 

[kazzie]

A bit of an update,and I'd like to give credit where it's due

I contacted Discovery Cove to ask if there was any chance I would still be able to buy the photos we had had taken earlier in the day,and briefly explained the circumstances of our abrupt departure! An extremely nice person from DC guest services called me this evening in the UK and said he was off to find my photos and would post them to me free of charge.He then e-mailed me to say the photos couldn't be found but if and when we visit DC in the future he would look after us and make sure my son got his swim with the dolphins that he missed,with the complimients of Discovery Cove

What fantastic customer relations is that

What a lovely refreshing attitude and service

 

[SueM in MN]

Thanks for the update.
It's nice to hear when someone does something nice.

 

[Nik's Mom]

I can totally sympathize. DS 5 has an autistic spectrum disorder. Meltdowns can be embarassing. People just think the kid is a brat and the parents are rotten. What else can we do but ignore their stares. I feel for you.