My DH doesn't like kids so.....

[wdwmom2]

HAGRED

I think that you have said the best thing so far. Couldn't have said it better myself!!!!

 

[auntpolly]

In my opinion.....

we treat kids with kid gloves too much and this is one of the reason that they are more spoiled and more undisciplined than ever. Didn't we all grow up with a relative that wasn't all that "kid friendly"? Did it kill us???? ("Oh no! He'll be emotionally scarred because Uncle Bob didn't let him 'be himself' !!!")

It sounds like your husband doesn't know how to deal with kids, and I think you can help him out here a little bit. The kid sounds, frankly, hard to love (people who put up with behaviour like his and take a "kids will be kids" attitude are in for a rude awakening when their kid gets older - and worse behaved!) and would probably benefit by seeing that not everyone thinks everything he does is adorable.

Your husband doesn't have to be mean but he doesn't have to put up with crap. Teach him how to be firm but kind with kids -- he'll probably run in to a few more of them out there in the world before it's over and this will be useful training! Your sister will not like this but be ready for that. But sounds like she could use a little wake-up call herself!

 

[luvindisneyworld]

I do not know where some people get off saying that he is a horrible person for not liking kids.Everyone is diffrent and not everyone worships children.There are kids out there that are hellions,plain and simple.When I see kids like that I am so glad we dont have kids.We do not like screaming,disrespectful non minding kids.Some parents will not make their kids mind and that in turn has alot of people that will not want to be around them.

I have several in my family that needs alot of discipline and they dont get it.But when they are at my house they go by my rules.It is my home and they will respect that or they are not welcome.I just have to say something one time and that is enough.My DSis is 11 and she is one that needs discipline and dnt get it but when I keep her she does what I say and I only have to tell her once,but if that were my DM saying something to her she would have ignored her.

It does not mean that we are mean and abusive it just means that some kids are BRATS.

We will have children one day as we Love kids.I will make sure my kids are repectful to their elders.

Misty

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by luvindisneyworld


I have several in my family that needs alot of discipline and they dont get it.But when they are at my house they go by my rules.It is my home and they will respect that or they are not welcome.

Exactly! And you know, the same goes for when you are visiting them, to a certain extent. You might not be able to tell them not to walk on the couch throw stuff around, but you can tell them to stop doing things that hurt some thing that belongs to you (like your ears!) You can say, "Put my keys down, I don't want to lose them." or "My camera is not a toy and you are not allowed to use it." or "Please stop screaming - you are killing me!"

 

[Shugardrawers]

OP here again.
Hagred--I have to say that is the best and most practical advice given here so far. Thanks!

Ok, I knew the question would be asked sooner or later LOL! No, he hasn't had a vasectomy but that's because I have been spayed. After a bout with uterine cancer I had a total hysterectomy years before I met him. He says that was one reason among many he was interested in me. Not the only one or the top one, but one among many.

Here's a shocker that I'm sure will stir up a lot of controversy: Are you sitting down? He has a daughter from his first marriage. He adores her and she adores him. She is 17 now but I hear from everyone that she was very well behaved as a child. He says it's completely different when you have a child of your own and the authority to do something about bad behavior. The story goes that his first DW already had a son when they married who has severe cerebral palsy. He says that's a completely different kind of child rearing and I'd have to agree though I don't have any direct experience. First DW wanted to try again for a "normal" child but he was against that. Unbeknownst to him she stopped taking birth control pills and was quickly pregnant with Mary Ann and yes, I agree, if he never wanted any he should have taken the bull by the horns so to speak and gotten a vasectomy years earlier but he didn't. Since her birth he's been a loving father and since their divorce he's never missed visitation or a child support payment and is quick to cough up whatever else she needs (like money for band trips to WDW!)

Anyway, I don't have any direct experience but I think that it's totally different when it's your own child and you have control and authority.

Oh, and just to set the record straight, Ian isn't a bad kid. He's sociable, smart and quite a charmer. He is, I agree, spoiled and in need of discipline but he's not a little terrorist. They laugh at his antics at home and so he thinks everyone finds them cute and funny, as does my sister. I'm afraid when kindergarten starts in a couple of weeks he's in for a rude awakening but that's a whole 'nother post!

 

[auntpolly]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
They laugh at his antics at home and so he thinks everyone finds them cute and funny, as does my sister. I'm afraid when kindergarten starts in a couple of weeks he's in for a rude awakening but that's a whole 'nother post!

Just do me a favor and tell your sister how silly she sounds when she starts saying that the teachers are mean to him or that things aren't his fault or that some other kid started it.

 

[Amirah95]

OK, the situation has changed...he does like kids! He likes kids, but not "spoiled/undisciplined kids". I totally understand where he is coming from. My original advice was to keep your nephew away from him and you not get in the middle...stick with that. Your sister has to realize that she has to straighten her son out before he becomes a menace to society and that people wouldn't mind him being around if she takes the time to acutally do it.

 

[TheBellhop]

Here's a "shocker" for all of you saying kids are hellions and such...YOU WERE KIDS TOO!!!!! I'm sure you weren't the nicest little thing and the most respectful little girl/guy around! Geez! HE'S FIVE YEARS OLD!!!

 

[Amirah95]

I agree with you Bellhop, but you have to start teaching your children at young ages what's acceptable behavior and what's not...what's right and what's wrong. I think that the smallest error should be corrected when it is made. Her sister needs to start working with him in regards to his behavior more and very soon. It's not easy steering a child in the right direction, but I think parents should keep working at it because the payoff is well worth it.

 

[goofygirl]

Here's a "shocker" for all of you saying kids are hellions and such...YOU WERE KIDS TOO!!!!!

SO?? I was also unemployed once, so should I like ALL unemployed people??

Also, I guarantee that when I was a kid I didn't do things like spit cookies at people. I was raised better than that.

 

[TheBellhop]

you guarantee...

I'm glad you were so "civilized" when you were his age...I know I wasn't.

 

[goofygirl]

I agree with the vasectomy. I would hate having a child interrupt this union.

There's plenty of other ways to prevent procreation and I'm sure SD and her DH know how that works.

 

[goofygirl]

I'm glad you were so "civilized" when you were his age...I know I wasn't.

Then your parents should have done something about that.

 

[TheBellhop]

Oh so now you're blaming my parents! UGH!

 

[goofygirl]

How is saying "I don't like kids" any different from saying "I don't like dogs" or even "I don't like pie"? She wasn't trying to tell anyone NOT to have kids, she was just expressing her opinion. Not everyone has to like everything.

ITA


Unfortunately some people think that not liking kids=being evil, abusive, cold, etc, etc

 

[battricia]

Yes, I was a kid once. And my mom would have whacked me good had I spit on someone, let alone spitting with cookies in my mouth. But people can't do that kindof stuff anymore, so we've got a bunch of kids who go around doing whatever they want.


tricia.

 

[luvindisneyworld]

Yes I remember very well being a child and if I acted in anyway like kids do now,my butt would have been blistered more than it was.We were taught to respect our elders and if we did not then we got our tails wore out.Thats what alot of kids need now .Instead parents dont discipline at all and expect everyone to Love their hellions,Not gonna happen with me.

 

[goofygirl]

Oh so now you're blaming my parents!

Well... YEAH, I am. If a child is behaving in a bad manner, the parent is supposed to be in charge of the situation and correct the child if the child is doing something wrong.

I think that even those who always disagree with me will agree with me on that one!

 

[luvindisneyworld]

Originally posted by goofygirl
Well... YEAH, I am. If a child is behaving in a bad manner, the parent is supposed to be in charge of the situation and correct the child if the child is doing something wrong.

I think that even those who always disagree with me will agree with me on that one!

ITA

 

[meandtheguys2]

Originally posted by goofygirl
Well... YEAH, I am. If a child is behaving in a bad manner, the parent is supposed to be in charge of the situation and correct the child if the child is doing something wrong.

I think that even those who always disagree with me will agree with me on that one!

I am sure someone will disagree!