My DH doesn't like kids so.....

[Tigger&Belle]

There is a BIG difference between not liking children and not wanting to actually have children. I would never want people who don't want to make the sacrifice that children deserve, to have children. Doesn't mean they don't *like* children.

Also, nothing wrong with not being especially crazy about children, as long as both people in a marriage agree not to have children.

As far as the child being a brat, boy have I had to change my tune on that one. My sister is quite a bit older than me and before I had children her youngest was 5yo. Her older three children had been very well behaved children, partially because that was their nature, but also because the treat of the wooden spoon convinced them to tow the line. Well, her 4th was the biggest brat, or so I thought. He was demanding, rude, would only eat certain foods, and was a general pain in the butt. He is now a wonderful young man, an astro-physics major at BYU, and a real sweetheart. Looking back I realize that my expectations were not fair and he was jealous of me and the time that I took from his mom when I was visiting. My payback has been my own 4th child, who can be as sweet as pie, but also a handful. Joke is on me...

Personally, I would never had married a person who didn't like and was not good with children. I always knew that I wanted children, so that was a big priority. had I not have wanted children I don't know how much of a priority that would have been. Hard to even speculate on that one.

T&B

 

[ZachnElli]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
I've tried seeing them at their home w/o DH but he gets mad if I'm gone all the time. Holidays are hell because no matter who's house we are at, Ian is going to be there.

This speaks volumes to me about your husband. Holidays are hell because the child will be there? Do all your relatives have one room houses? He can't just go to a different room? I have in-laws from Hades, but I suck it up and go. I can't avoid all of them at once and I breathe all their cigarette smoke (ALL of them smoke) and smile. It's family. He's the adult, so he should act like one. He sounds like he is very disrespectful to your family. He doesn't have to like the child even, but to make your holidays hell and to get mad when you visit without him IS selfish.

 

[campingcorgi]

It sounds as if your husband did the scaring, not your sister. Remember--child abuse is not just physical or verbal. A controlling person can use intimidation (towards YOU or a child) as a form of abuse. If I were your sister I would not allow your husband to be near my child. If you want this to stop perhaps you need to leave your husband.

 

[Bellamia4]

I don't normally post on these types of threads, but was I the only one who is concerned by the following statement by the original poster? And the quote that ZachnElli just posted also raised red flags with me.

He's not abusive to Ian. He wouldn't lay a hand on him ever. He doesn't verbally abuse him. He just gives him a look and a demeanor that says "don't mess with me". I just want this crap to stop so I can actually enjoy family time without worrying about whether Ian is annoying DH or DH is annoying Ian. What do I do?

When someone posts "He's not abusive to Ian." I want to ask, "who is he abusive to? you?"

I hope I'm reading more in here than is there, but I felt I had to say something.

 

[clh2]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers

DSis has a 5yo son that's pretty darn cute. Spoiled rotten, but cute. She's always wanting my DH to hug him or kiss him and be all chummy with him.

EEEEWWWWW!

This is absolutely where I draw the line with my daughter. I don't want her hugging/kissing even relatives where it is not a mutual thing. Forcing either party to hug/kiss the other, be it aunts/uncles/ great-grandparents is not appropriate - unless the hug/kiss would be appreciated by the other. I don't think I gave any of my nephews hugs or kisses after they were about 3.

 

[goofygirl]

I disagree that her husband needs to grow up. Why does he need to grow up, because he doesn't like kids? If a kid spat oreos on me, I'd be pretty angry too. I agree that he should be mad at his sister for not disciplining the kid, but the kid spit oreos on him, he said not to do it again, and what does the kid do, SPIT ON HIM AGAIN?

I could have written this myself!

How do you not enjoy children?????

How can you not enjoy cats (or insert an animal that you dislike here)???

 

[FayeW]

Originally posted by campingcorgi
It sounds as if your husband did the scaring, not your sister. Remember--child abuse is not just physical or verbal. A controlling person can use intimidation (towards YOU or a child) as a form of abuse. If I were your sister I would not allow your husband to be near my child. If you want this to stop perhaps you need to leave your husband.

Are you for real?? The kid spit cookies on him, once by accident, the second time, on purpose when being told not to. If the husband scared the kid, good for him. I would have told him to knock it off too!. Maybe what scared SIS was the notion that not everybody on the planet loves her kid.

Now, to be fair, I think that hubby's problem is that he was an only child, probably got way more attention than is healthy, and doesn't like children because they get more attention than he does.

There is always the possibility that he doesn't like this particular child, because he is insufferable. We (my DH & I) don't care overly much for children, and we have 2 of our own! We enjoy them, and a few select others, but frequently, children are a pain in the ***.

 

[momof3disneyholics]

Originally posted by airhead
....And not liking kids is one of them. Don't get it. Please,maybe you could explain it. Sounds like you do "get it". How do you not enjoy children?????

You took the words right out of my mouth!! I couldn't agree more!

 

[goofygirl]

Now, to be fair, I think that hubby's problem is that he was an only child, probably got way more attention than is healthy, and doesn't like children because they get more attention than he does.

Now I agree with everything in your post except for this part.


I am an only child. I do not care for children. But its not because of the "attention" thing at all! I will say that as an only child I am used to a lot of quiet time and personal space, and children DO infringe on such things.

 

[browneyes]

It sounds like your dh and your sister are the ones that need to straighten this out. It's like a control contest between the 2 of them, and you and your nephew are caught in between the 2 of them.

Your dh needs to cut Ian some slack. He's 5 years old, for Pete's sake. Your sister needs to stop involving you in the battle with your dh.

 

[browneyes]

Originally posted by goofygirl
I am an only child. I do not care for children. But its not because of the "attention" thing at all! I will say that as an only child I am used to a lot of quiet time and personal space, and children DO infringe on such things.

So do pets, inlaws, and people in general.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Just have to weigh in again here.

I do agree, it's DH's responsibility as the adult to rectify the situation with Ian and to cut him some slack. Ian is only 5 and not able to make the kinds of judgements an adult can. I also agree that telling him to stop doing something once should be enough but that's a matter of discipline and not our business. He gets away with this at home so why should he think anywhere else would be different? I agree, DH needs to lighten up. It's the being caught in the middle that is really getting to me.

I have LOL at those who suggest that DH is abusive to me and that I should leave him. To begin with, the man is nothing but kind and generous to me. He's never been abusive in any manner to me and believe me I know what abuse looks like. I lived it at home with my mother and with my first DH. I'll never tolerate it again. I've seen DH take an intimidating tone and manner with other people and I've told him many times that if he'd have been that way with me on our first date he wouldn't have gotten another! That goes with every day of our life together afterwards as well. HE IS NOT ABUSIVE.

After DSis and Ian left I jumped all over DH about the matter and more than once. I may not have the patience to spend hours with him at a time but I love that kid. I'm not asking him to love or even like the boy, just to tolerate him. His idea of tolerance is to avoid spending any time with the boy which is a good idea it seems. I just don't want to hear him whine about how I spend all my time at my DSis's house (he might be right about that) and I don't want to hear my DSis whine about how she can't come to my house and why doesn't he worship my son.....blah blah blah.

At any rate, it's certainly interesting and informative to read all the diverse opinions on the matter. And opinions are what I asked for LOL! I don't have to agree with them all but I do respect your right to have a differing one.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
At any rate, it's certainly interesting and informative to read all the diverse opinions on the matter. And opinions are what I asked for LOL! I don't have to agree with them all but I do respect your right to have a differing one.

:thewave: :thewave: :thewave:

Sorry, just had to do that -- you're one of the few people lately that I've seen say that around here!!

Sounds like you're on the right track with this situation. Hopefully everyone will give and inch and family gatherings will be more peaceful in due time.

 

[Amirah95]

The phrase "I don't like kids" is very harsh, comes off as selfish and should be kept to oneself or if anyone is going to say that then don't say it around children. Saying that you don't plan on having children or having children of your own is not for you is a better way of saying it. When I responded earlier I took it as a minor family situation, but if your DH is actually saying and doing mean things to this child regardless of how the child acts are very hateful things to do. Since he doesn't like children keep him away from your nephew because he is teaching him how to treat people harshly and what even sad is that he doesn't even know the damage he is doing to that child.

 

[phillybeth]

How is saying "I don't like kids" any different from saying "I don't like dogs" or even "I don't like pie"? She wasn't trying to tell anyone NOT to have kids, she was just expressing her opinion. Not everyone has to like everything. And she never said her husband was 'saying and doing mean things'. Telling a kid not to spit his cookie all over the place is NOT being mean. And even if it was- guess what? Not everyone in life is nice, not everyone is going to treat you nice.

I've met plenty of people in my life who didn't like kids- some of them when I WAS a kid. It did me no permanent harm.

 

[MHopkins2]

Originally posted by campingcorgi
It sounds as if your husband did the scaring, not your sister. Remember--child abuse is not just physical or verbal. A controlling person can use intimidation (towards YOU or a child) as a form of abuse. If I were your sister I would not allow your husband to be near my child. If you want this to stop perhaps you need to leave your husband.

FTLOG, people. (And not just this post, although this is the most egregious so far.) The man doesn't like kids, and people who don't like kids generally REALLY don't like undisciplined brats. It's not a difficult concept, and it sure as all get out doesn't indicate a need to divorce. Cripes.

 

[MichDISer]

Let's get to the important question here.......

Has he had his Vasectomy yet?

 

[Serena]

Originally posted by MichDISer
Let's get to the important question here.......

Has he had his Vasectomy yet?

 

[Robinrs]

I'm glad you like hearing opinions, SD, after all you came to a Disney board with a subject somewhat anti a community with LOTS of parents.... sounds like you had a purpose here.

I agree with the vasectomy. I would hate having a child interrupt this union.

 

[Hagred]

A possible solution to your problem - I'm not even going to get into the whole "How could someone not like children?" thing.

When your sister says something about not being able to come over to your house with her child, simply tell her, "This is the way it is and this is the way it's going to be. He doesn't like kids and he doesn't like kids being around him. I love him and I'm not going to keep subjecting him to something he doesn't like. Especially in a place where he comes to get away from the world and spend loving time with me."

When your husband complains about you spending time with your sister at her house, tell him, "This is the way it is and this is the way it's got to be because you don't like kids. She's my sister and I love her and her family. I'm not going to write her out of my life. This is the only compromise I can make because of the choices you two have made (him not liking kids, sister having kids). "

If you hate feeling like you've been placed in the middle, then get yourself OUT of the middle. It would appear to me that you can't make everyone happy, so do what you can to make yourself happy and let them work it out.