My DH doesn't like kids so.....

[cati]

He is 5 years old for goodness sakes!!!

If you DH does not like this child, why keep trying to make them be around each other. BUT, he should respect you when you want to spend time with your family.

Sometimes you cant have your cake and eat it too

 

[Micca]

We all meet people in life we don't care for. The appropriate response in this situation is to behave in a polite manner and make some effort to engage in conversation or activity to at least a minimal level such that the offender would never know otherwise. Follow this practice and occasionally, you'll find that the "undesirable" has some redeeming qualities. One may wish to give a 5 yr. old a little bit of margin-for-error.

 

[onecoolmama]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
I feel like I am in the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang saga.

LOL! I LOVE that movie!!!! Yup, that seems to be the case here.

 

[thatchicktrish]

Originally posted by Micca
We all meet people in life we don't care for. The appropriate response in this situation is to behave in a polite manner and make some effort to engage in conversation or activity to at least a minimal level such that the offender would never know otherwise. Follow this practice and occasionally, you'll find that the "undesirable" has some redeeming qualities. One may wish to give a 5 yr. old a little bit of margin-for-error.

I completely agree. Nobody is asking or trying to force your DH to suddenly be a "kid person" but he doesn't have to be mean or miserable when the kid is around IMO. Basically he should just understand that this is your family and they will be around so why not make the best of it for the time being. It is 100% ok for your DH not to be a "kid person" but geesh! the kid is 5 years old and family! I don't think he's wrong for getting mad at bad behavior but aren't some mishaps to be expected when a 5 year old is around? I think it is wrong for DH to put you in a position where you're stuck in the middle of it all when it comes to family. I also agree that maybe it is your sis that he should talk to when her son misbehaves. Just my 2 pennies.

 

[katerkat]

Honestly, I feel for your DH - I wouldn't want a kid spitting on me! Once is an accident, twice is being a brat. I can't stand hanging out with friends who have a spoiled brat.

Oh, and for the record, I don't get how people don't like cats.

 

[Kallison]

Well I remember really looking up to my Uncle and he pretty much ignored me and once made fun of me when I ran into a nest full of wasps and was crying! I'm 43 and it still bugs me. My Mom and I were just talking about it (her brother), she said -- you do realize your Uncle was a a self centered jerk don't you? So if you want to psychologically damage the kid just keep on acting like he is not worthwhile. I do think there should be some middle ground by all parties involved here. If I saw my Uncle now, I think I would spit some oreos on him. I try to make all my neices and nephew feel special and spend one on one time with them.

 

[onecoolmama]

Originally posted by katerkat
Honestly, I feel for your DH - I wouldn't want a kid spitting on me! Once is an accident, twice is being a brat.

Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought the kids was laughing and the food came out of his mouth. Then her DH said not to do that, and from what I understood, the kid laughed again. Have you ever laughed with oreo's in your mouth? If you are laughing, that cookie is not going to stay in there!

Also, if someone told me when I was 5 not to laugh, that would make me laugh harder, especially when I thought they were joking.

Like I said, maybe I read it wrong, but I think that is a typical child reaction, not an undisciplined kid.

 

[katerkat]

Originally posted by onecoolmama
Maybe I misunderstood, but I thought the kids was laughing and the food came out of his mouth. Then her DH said not to do that, and from what I understood, the kid laughed again. Have you ever laughed with oreo's in your mouth? If you are laughing, that cookie is not going to stay in there!

Also, if someone told me when I was 5 not to laugh, that would make me laugh harder, especially when I thought they were joking.

Like I said, maybe I read it wrong, but I think that is a typical child reaction, not an undisciplined kid.

I dunno - she said he laughed and spit once, then when her DH got mad, the kid thought it was funny and did it again. I assumed the kid spit Oreos on him again, thinking it was funny, not just the simple "laugh & spit." (Going from the fact that the OP admitted the kid was undisciplined to begin with.)

 

[onecoolmama]

Originally posted by katerkat
I dunno - she said he laughed and spit once, then when her DH got mad, the kid thought it was funny and did it again. I assumed the kid spit Oreos on him again, thinking it was funny, not just the simple "laugh & spit." (Going from the fact that the OP admitted the kid was undisciplined to begin with.)

Ok. i see how you are reading it, but I still read it the as it was one motion. Maybe the OP will clear that up.

 

[Shugardrawers]

OP here. Ian was laughing about something and spit the oreos on my DH (accidentally). DH said something like "hey, you spit oreos on me" and he (Ian) started to laugh and it happened again. Whether it was out of spite or he thought it was geniunely funny is up for debate. I figure it was in the same vein as when little boys fart. It's gross to us but they thinks it's hysterical. I totally agree that DH needs to act the grown up here and have some tolerance but he just doesn't. But he says DSis just needs to discipline her kid (she does, I agree) and DSis says he needs to lighten up (I agree also). Like I said before, he's really a great guy, just not with kids. And to the person who asked if he was a child once, my MIL confirms he was born a 40 yr old with a cig in his mouth and a coffee cup in his hand so I guesss that's a no LOL! Actually, she says he never had patience for childish antics even when he was a child.

 

[Danauk]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
Now, that's just not fair! He loves the dog and the cat. Loves animals in general. He just can't relate to children and frankly, I can't either. I love Ian because he is my nephew and he's a charmer but I don't want kids of my own. It's not uncommon for childless adults to be that way by choice because they just don't enjoy children. It doesn't make you a bad person.

I agree, not everyone wants kids. This does not mean they do not like children. My husband and I do not have any children and do not plan to have any. I love children and so does my husband. I have the honour of teaching children (aged 7 - 11) and so does my husband ( he teaches 11 - 18 year olds.) However at the end of the day I am glad I do not come home to more children even if they would be my own. This does not make me a bad person.
P.S I also love animals ( see my siganture!) I have 3 bunnies too.

 

[airhead]

....And not liking kids is one of them. Don't get it. Please,maybe you could explain it. Sounds like you do "get it". How do you not enjoy children?????

 

[Shugardrawers]

I can only speak for myself and DH here. Personally, I'm not into kids because I can't relate to them on their level. Apparently, there is no inner child in me because I don't understand their jokes and just can't carry on a conversation with them. I was raised in a household where childhood silliness wasn't tolerated so that probably explains that. DH was an only child so that should be 'nuff said right there!

 

[Serena]

Originally posted by airhead
....And not liking kids is one of them. Don't get it. Please,maybe you could explain it. Sounds like you do "get it". How do you not enjoy children?????

airhead, you don't have to understand it, just accept it. People are different. I like kids, but I wouldn't want to be spit on accident or not. I can imagine someone that isn't thrilled about kids being spit on, not once, but twice.
It does not make him a bad person, just different than you.

 

[IMGONNABE40!]

I have friends who don't like kids. I also have a kid. On those occasions when I am with my kid and the friends who don't like kids are present, I do my best to steer my kid and his antics away from those who don't like kids. My friends who don't like kids have been very gracious and have not acted in any way inappropriate with my son.

My point is, if you know some people don't like kids, you can, within reason, keep them under control when around those people. In like manner, ADULTS who don't like kids realize that there is a pretty high number of kids on this planet and there may be times when they will have to have some contact and maybe even interaction with kids. There is no reason to be rude or inappropriate. If the kids parents are not controlling the kid to their liking, then they can choose to leave the situation or not. (I know my Grandpa spent a lot of time walking the dog when we were visiting )

 

[Beth76]

Originally posted by airhead
....And not liking kids is one of them. Don't get it. Please,maybe you could explain it. Sounds like you do "get it". How do you not enjoy children?????

I have two sons and two neices. I love them all immensely!!! But, I don't always like them. I have many friends with children. I like some of them and I dislike some of them. So, yes, I do like children. I can also understand why some people DO NOT like children.

 

[Gupsmom]

It is 100% ok for your DH not to be a "kid person" but geesh! the kid is 5 years old and family!

That's my take on it. Heck, I don't always care for my brother-in law but he's my family and when it comes to getting together it doesn't matter...family is family. I think your DH has to find a way to deal with it. This isn't some kid in the mall, it's his nephew. I know, technically, it's your nephew but I don't play the in-law game. You get married and your family is his family. He can dislike kids all he wants but he should understand that being anything less than friendly and respectful with family is just not an option.

As for the child's behavior....not much you can do there. When and if (not sounding likely) you have children then you'll get your chance to do it your way. Unfortunately, this kid's your sister's. That's not to say he can be disrespectful to you or your property but how he's disciplined just isn't your business.

Jess

PS...I do feel for you. It doesn't sound like you're in a fun position. It's just for me, I'd have to say that I wouldn't have much sympathy for my DH if he acted this way toward a member of our family.

 

[grlpwrd]

I have 4 kids and sometimes I can't stand kids either.

Seriously, though, I think there should be some middle ground and mutual respect for both parties concerned. I think it is rude to disrespect an adult (like how your nephew continued on), I also think it's time for your dh to learn that kids will be kids, and your sister needs to teach your nephew better manners and to know that not all people are kid-friendly. I like to remind myself that we as parents are the one's who think the world of our kids, but not all people feel that way.

It's not uncommon to have house rules for kid visitors. I have rules for the kids who come over to our house and they know they have to abide by them.

In most cases, though, I don't like ill-mannered kids and I blame their parents.

ETA: OP, I just noticed you're in Yorktown and I am in Hampton. Yorktown is known for their excellent education system and intelligent kids.... just wanted to add that in.

 

[Robinrs]

I try to understand what others do not LIKE because there are plenty of things I don't LIKE and lots of people don't understand.

I have a sister and a niece who do not like kids. I basically keep my son away from them. I think children instinctively know who don't like them and they tend to react two ways towards them, with distrust or with "in your face" disdain. Which one depends on the child's self esteem and nerve.

It's good that you two are on the same page with kids. I had a very good friend who doesn't like kids, and he married a woman who LOVED them, she was employed as a nanny, no less! Needless to say it only lasted a few years, this is something that needs to be agreed on before deciding to make a life together.

As for the original subject I agree that mutual respect is tantamount to any relationship and that the two parties involved should be tolerant of each other realizing that the adults are the ones with control and command. I totally agree that the parent should be the one in charge of the discipline and responsible for it, but your DH should also realize who is at fault and like mentioned earlier, his attitude can affect this child. He's already made, this child is in the process of being "made", and he's more impressionable. Patience is the key, and I find no LOL in an adult who has no patience and we ALL were kids once.

 

[LuvTigger]

Originally posted by IMGONNABE40!
I have friends who don't like kids. I also have a kid. On those occasions when I am with my kid and the friends who don't like kids are present, I do my best to steer my kid and his antics away from those who don't like kids. My friends who don't like kids have been very gracious and have not acted in any way inappropriate with my son.

My point is, if you know some people don't like kids, you can, within reason, keep them under control when around those people. In like manner, ADULTS who don't like kids realize that there is a pretty high number of kids on this planet and there may be times when they will have to have some contact and maybe even interaction with kids. There is no reason to be rude or inappropriate. If the kids parents are not controlling the kid to their liking, then they can choose to leave the situation or not. (I know my Grandpa spent a lot of time walking the dog when we were visiting )

I like this response and appreciate that you understand that not everyone loves children. I do not have children. While I wouldn't say I love children as some do, I do like children, and I expect to have children in the future.

I think I can relate to the OP's situation. My belief is that everyone has a different idea of what proper behavior is in regards to children.

BF's brother has two children. Cute, but seriously lacking discipline, and it is because of their parents. And honestly, even people we know who really love children have said that these kids are not a joy to be around. Their parents feel that everyone has to love their children. One of my friends, who sounds like your DH in terms of not really liking children, was over, and these children were allowed to literally climb over our friend. BF's brother and SIL did absolutely nothing to stop this behavior even though our friend was obviously uncomfortable. Their poor behavior is not limited only to situations with people who do not care for children, but just a lack of discipline in general (allowed to play around during dinner at a restaurant, etc.).

Personally, I don't blame your DH for feeling the way he does, and from the sound of it, I'd bet that even people who really enjoy children might not enjoy being around DSis's child. However, I doubt your DSis will change her attitude about the situation. I think Imgonnabe40's suggestion that DH make himself scarce when the child is around is a good one.