My DH doesn't like kids so.....

[Shugardrawers]

My DH is a great guy, really he is. He's not fond of children though. That doesn't make him a bad person, some people are just not kid people. Now, here's my dilemna and I hope you can shed some light here for me.

DSis has a 5yo son that's pretty darn cute. Spoiled rotten, but cute. She's always wanting my DH to hug him or kiss him and be all chummy with him. Not gonna happen. I've tried explaining that he's just not a kid kinda guy but she always whines about how could anyone not love her son because he's so cute. She says he's just gonna have to get used to it because they are family. NO, he's not. DH gets kind of irritated at normal kid stuff too. Like the other day, Ian was eating oreos here at our house and standing near DH. He laughed about something and spit oreos on him. DH said not to do that and he did it again thinking it was funny. Now, granted DH's grossed out and irritated reaction was out of line and I told him that but you'd have thought he hit him or something the way my sister was carrying on. Now she has her son scared out of his wits of my DH and all the while demanding DH apologize and learn to love him. Again, NOT gonna happen.

I'm stuck in the middle of this because I truly love all parties involved. The kid really is adorable though undisciplined. But I can't convince my DSis that not everyone is going to worship her child the way she does. Heck, I don't even like to babysit him because he's so spoiled and demanding. There's no talking to either one of them. DSis just can't get it through her head that not everyone loves her child and that her child should learn to behave more appropriately in other peoples homes and DH will not ever learn to love this child. I've tried seeing them at their home w/o DH but he gets mad if I'm gone all the time. Holidays are hell because no matter who's house we are at, Ian is going to be there.

He's not abusive to Ian. He wouldn't lay a hand on him ever. He doesn't verbally abuse him. He just gives him a look and a demeanor that says "don't mess with me". I just want this crap to stop so I can actually enjoy family time without worrying about whether Ian is annoying DH or DH is annoying Ian. What do I do?

 

[Bob Slydell]

Sounds like all parties involved need to grow up just a little bit and meet somewhere in the middle ground.

 

[Beth76]

I'm sorry, but "cute" and "undisciplined" do not go together. I can probably understand why your DH doesn't like him. I don't like "undisciplined" kids either. I would hope that for your sake your DH could go to family functions with you, but just stay away from the kid. There's no reason that this kid (and his unruly behavior) should be forced upon your DH, or anyone else for that matter. If your sister can't realize that not everybody is going to "worship" her child, then that's her problem really. And acutally, it's going to be her son's problem in the near future.

 

[Serena]

Your sister is out of line. Your husband doesn't have to like the kid if he doesn't want to, and frankly just by your post, your sister would really get on my nerves too.
I would visit at her house, but make sure it's not all the time. Your hubby has a choice, either you visit at their house, or they visit your's.

 

[Boo'sMom]

and which one is the child???

 

[Amirah95]

If I was your sister I wouldn't care if he didn't want to do have anything to do with my child. How does he wanting to kiss and hug your nephew making her life any better? And for you to get in the middle, makes no sense. What you should do is stay out of it.

 

[onecoolmama]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
Sounds like all parties involved need to grow up just a little bit and meet somewhere in the middle ground.

This is exactly what I was thinking.


This is your nephew, so you can shut him out of your life completely, not saying that you do this, and your DH needs to understand that.

If I was your sister, I wouldnt want my kids around someone that doesnt want to be around them...do you know what I mean. So, she needs to recognize that.

As far as babysitting. If you dont want to babysit, tell her you dont want to. If you blame your DH (and I am NOT at all saying that you do this) but if you do, dont. If you dant want to babysit your nephew tell her that it is you, not him.

 

[BoyLovesBuzz]

First off, if a 5 year old is undisciplined it is not the childs fault its your sisters. Your husbands beef should be with your sister. If your husband would dis-like the kid even if he was perfectly behaved, then its between him and you. He is disrespecting you by behaving in this way towards you nephew. If you want to toloerate, thats your choice, but to me it would be unacceptable. There are a lot of people I don't like, that does not give me the right to be mean.

 

[CEDmom]

Originally posted by Bob Slydell
Sounds like all parties involved need to grow up just a little bit and meet somewhere in the middle ground.

I completely agree. Your DH needs to realize that he should be kind to this child because he is your nephew and doing so means a lot to you. He also needs to lighten up when accidents happen. Your Sister needs to realize that behavior she might find tolerable is not always so to others. Your nephew needs to learn respect for others. There's no reason you or your DH can't say that in your house you have certain rules like cookies must be eaten at the kitchen table and absolutely no spitting food.

Finally your DH can't have it both ways. Either he has to learn to be pleasant around this child or be w/o you for periods of time.

Good luck.

You could always just lock them in a room together and see what happens .

 

[battricia]

I disagree that her husband needs to grow up. Why does he need to grow up, because he doesn't like kids? If a kid spat oreos on me, I'd be pretty angry too. I agree that he should be mad at his sister for not disciplining the kid, but the kid spit oreos on him, he said not to do it again, and what does the kid do, SPIT ON HIM AGAIN?

I guess I can understand his side because I'm not fond of kids either. I also don't like to be touched that much, and ESPECIALLY not by little kids who've just stuck their fingers up their nose, in their mouths, in the toilet, etc. etc.

tricia.

 

[mrsgus06]

I love all of my children dearly, but there are days when I don't like them at all. Some people are not kid lovers and your husband just happens to be one of them. Your sister needs to respect that fact and move on with life and not hold it against your husband. If I am around someone that does not like crumb snatchers, I make sure none of mine suck the life out of them as most kids will do. Who knows, maybe in 13 years and a lot of discipline on your sister's part, Ian and hubby may grow very fond of each other as he gets older.

 

[airhead]

Probably doesn't like dogs or cats either,right??? Sorry,I don't get that....

 

[Tuffcookie]

How long have you two been together? It's one thing to not care for kids, another thing to resent time you spend over there visiting family so you can keep them out of his hair. This is just my opinion, but I think you are walking on egg shells to please your husband who is very immature.

TC

 

[TheBellhop]

Your husband was a kid at one time, right?

 

[Shugardrawers]

Originally posted by airhead
Probably doesn't like dogs or cats either,right??? Sorry,I don't get that....

Now, that's just not fair! He loves the dog and the cat. Loves animals in general. He just can't relate to children and frankly, I can't either. I love Ian because he is my nephew and he's a charmer but I don't want kids of my own. It's not uncommon for childless adults to be that way by choice because they just don't enjoy children. It doesn't make you a bad person.

 

[nativetxn]

You know what? If everyone involved just ignores the situation, your husband and nephew will work out their relationship.

You can't force someone to love someone else. When they get to know each other better they will work it out. I hope your sister can relax about this, she isn't going to help things by trying to pressure your husband into making public displays of affection with her son.

Let them work it out between themselves.

Katholyn

 

[Deb in IA]

Originally posted by airhead
Probably doesn't like dogs or cats either,right??? Sorry,I don't get that....

Hate to break it to you, airhead, but there are some DIS'ers here who (gasp) don't like kids . . .

Shugardrawers, sounds like a question for "Dr. Laura"!!

 

[WDWHound]

Originally posted by airhead
Probably doesn't like dogs or cats either,right??? Sorry,I don't get that....

Judging from this comment, there are a lot of things you don't "get".

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I feel like I am in the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang saga.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
I feel like I am in the Chitty Chitty Bang Bang saga.

As my former therapist used to say, "you'll have to unpack that one for me". 'Splain to me about Chitty Chitty Bang Bang please.

I suppose not liking kids is like people who don't like cats or dogs. Their proponents will never understand how you could not like them. Now animals, we can both relate to very well. Not sure why because they are a lot like children LOL!