My DD Feels Left Out

[MommaSnowwhite]

MY DD9 came to us crying tonight that she feels left out at school. None of the girls choose her to be their partner. She said she always has to be with the boys. If she asks to join in a group they let her join but she still feels like an outsider. She has been going to this school for a year and a half.

I really do not know what to tell her. She is doing what I told her to do - ask to be included. Now what? I wish I could have told her something really inspiring or something, but all I could say is that I would pray about it and we could talk in the morning.

Any suggestions. My heart is broken for her.

 

[Erin1700]

This too shall pass...
How many girls are in the class? We had 9 when I was growing up so one of us was always the odd man out.
Is she involved in any activities? Maybe getting involved in something with other girls in her class would give them a common bond and help matters.

 

[stacy2197]

My daughter had the same problem a couple of years ago. Now everyone loves her. Kids change so much from year to year. My daughter made friends with new kids and some of her best friends are boys. If the girls won't play with her she goes and play football or basketball with boys. Girls can be mean but boys don't seem to care about all the little stuff as long as they are having fun.

 

[powellrj]

Have her get involved with things outside the classroom. My DD has met most of her friends at things like student council, drama club, and her church youth group.

When they met outside of the classroom, they can get to know each other better without the stress of school work.

 

[jenrein]

I agree with the pp- get her involved in extra curricular activities. And I would suggest throwing a little "party" and inviting the girls over. My daughter loved to have parties, we once had an Un-Birthday party as an excuse to get everyone together. We had everyone bring a little gift and they all exchanged them, played games, etc. This way she could get to know them on her territory where maybe she is more comfortable, and they can get to know her.

At any rate, it will change in a matter of no time too- girls...jeesh.

 

[Stephres]

My son had this problem too. He always ended up paired with girls, sat with the girls at lunch and played with the girls at recess. He told me he didn't know how to go up and join the boys, sometimes they would tell him their game was full, etc. I spoke with the guidance counselor about it and his teacher. They were both really helpful. His teacher starting suggesting pairs and asked a nice sensitive boy to be my son's partner. The guidance counselor took a small group of boys from the class out during lunch (including my son) and talked with them about recess and how to include everyone. By the end of the year he was a lot happier and felt more comfortable just walking up to the boys and playing.

I know girls are different but if you have a sensitive teacher who you think would be discreet I would try talking to the teacher first. No teacher wants a kid to be sad at school.

 

[McKelly]

I am sorry to hear what your daughter is going through. My DS had similar problems and now, two years later, has finally made some friends and seems to be so much happier. It is amazing how much easier school can be when you have friends there, even for a boy. Now my DH wants to move and I said NO WAY, I can't put my kid through that again.

Anyway, I agree that you should try and put your DD in some sort of group, Girl Scouts (you could help co-lead) or basketball (you could stay and watch). Kids don't seem to be so mean when they think "Mom" is looking on. It might have to be something that you will have to lead up, since most opportunities require an adult to volunteer for it, but it would be worth it.

I don't know if you have already watched it, but there is a new movie out by American Girl - Chrissa Stands Strong, it is about moving to a new school and encountering some mean girls and fitting in. Maybe you could watch it together. It might give her some ideas on handling the girls when they don't let her play along.

 

[MommaSnowwhite]

Thanks for responding! My DD is on a traveling soccer team. She has one teammate in her class - DD said that her teammate will let her join in on her group, but they all live in the same neighborhood and so she still feels like a third wheel. I will look into the AG movie - good idea. I have e-mailed her teacher and I am waiting for her response.

Thanks again.

 

[ADisneyQueen]

Would you be willing to start a Girl Scout troop? Most only meet twice a month. I have been a leader fo 7 years and this has helped my dds meet friends, especially my oldest who tends to be shy. It would also help you to meet other moms. There are a lot of patches they can do about friendship and helping others and working as a team. This way you could do the organizing of partners and groups. It might make her more "popular" at school to have the nice mom that organizes fun activities and field trips. Sometimes a mom has to step in and help a child with friendships.

 

[cruizie]

What about her inviting just 1 girl over to play - do crafts, watch some Disney movie - Camp Rock, HSM, HM, have pizza, some other sort of fun activity where your dd and a girl that she likes from her class or grade could get to know each other better. Then the next week, another girl or even the same girl. It does not need to be any activity that costs money or anything but just get her one on one w/ someone and try to help her build a friendship w/ some of the girls in her class?