My daughter's boyfriend broke up with her

[okeydokey]

A trip to Disney fixes everything!

No, it really doesn't.

 

[ols386]

I'm so sorry for your dd, and for you. As a parent, it's hard to see your kids hurting, whether they are young or adults.

I totally agree with the "don't say too much right now". That can definitely come back to bite you, as you said. Been there, done that.

I think all you can do is to make sure she knows that she has your full support and love, and just be there for her, as other posters have said.

 

[declansdad]

Of course it is all the guys fault despite the fact we don't know his side of the story. This place is nothing if not predictable.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but I'm not sure if second hand information from one of the party's family is enough to determine it is all his fault let along determine he will have problems forming lasting bonds with anyone.

Of course it is, that's how it goes here on the Dis.


Man - Bad, always wrong

Woman - Good, always right

Good for the op for not taking the easy shot, too bad others can't do the same.

 

[FINFAN]

awww man, so sorry that your DD is giong thru this. I have not dealt with it (yet) DD has been with her BF since 16...she will be 21 in June, and they are at college together.They each have their own places, tho DD basically lives at her BF's. One thing my DD has always and still says is "when there's no fun , it's done"...maybe the whole adult/apartment together thing felt more like walls closing in than doors opening? I have thought about how it will go if they break up...graduation coming, job offers could be anywhere...I did even ask DD about it once ( and only once) she said she would always view her BF as a great person and friend, and hoped I would too if they break up. So I guess, while my heart would be breaking if my DD were in pain, I would try to fill in that pain with anything that did not risk me tarnishing her relationship. I would actually talk Disney, school, tv shows, anything but the guy unless she brings it up. I would for sure see if she is busy with friends or something social this weekend...you know, too many girls think they are no one without their/a boyfriend, (not saying your DD is) but just let her know how perfect she is to you, just the way she is and that you are there for anything.

 

[focusondisney]

that stinks. No matter what you say it will be wrong. I would just stick with I'm sorry. Sounds like he just got scared and it was getting too serious (moving in) and he freaked.

I'm sorry for your DD. I agree with the others just be there for her and don't say anything negative about him. They could get back together.

Ditto to these posts. Good advice!

This sounds like what happened with my DD. She & the BF were "friends" for a year before they made it officially "dating". He broke up with her about a year after that. She was devestated. Luckily I somehow didn't say anything bad about him. Just was supportive of her & her feeings. But I also said things like "you never know what will happen " & "things happen for a reason" because I really believe that.

I am so glad I didn't say anything bad about the BF. It only took a few weeks til they were talking again. And he realized how much he missed her & cared about her. They met in 2002. He has been my DSIL for 18 months now. And he adores my DD & would do anything for her.

I don't know exactly what happened when he broke up with her. But it was something he needed to do & it brought him to the point that he could appreciate what they had & he could commit to DD fully. So "everything happens for a reason & you never know what will happen".

Hugs to you & your DD.

 

[FredinFL]

Of course it is, that's how it goes here on the Dis.


Man - Bad, always wrong

Woman - Good, always right

I like you, I really do.

 

[IdesOmarch]

"Need space" is sometimes code for I am interested in, or found someone else. She'll get over it. She is too young IMO to get that serious anyway. I would consider it a blessing. IMO the longer she can go without getting into a serious relationship the better. That way when she does mature more (and the boy) into their mid to late 20s. She'll have a much better chance at making it.

 

[Mermaid02]

Of course it is all the guys fault despite the fact we don't know his side of the story. This place is nothing if not predictable.

Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, but I'm not sure if second hand information from one of the party's family is enough to determine it is all his fault let along determine he will have problems forming lasting bonds with anyone.

Ya know what Frank- I didn't say it was all his fault. I didn't ask anyone to determine what happened- All I said was to her it was out of the blue and how could I help her without sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.

I don't have anything bad to say about him at all- I like him, he's a good guy.

Not everything is us vs. them.... but now you've set the tone for the thread.

 

[FredinFL]

Well Frank, I hope you're proud of yourself.

 

[onecoolpilot]

Well Frank, I hope you're proud of yourself.

Ya know what Frank- I didn't say it was all his fault. I didn't ask anyone to determine what happened- All I said was to her it was out of the blue and how could I help her without sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.

I don't have anything bad to say about him at all- I like him, he's a good guy.

Not everything is us vs. them.... but now you've set the tone for the thread.

If you'll go back and look, Frank quoted the post from LuvOrlando, I don't believe he was attacking Mermaid02

 

[Disney Doll]

Poor dear, having your heart broken is awful. Still, it sounds to me like she dodged a bullet with that one, a guy who is sending such mixed signals is not stable enough to form a lasting bond with anyone.

Why are all of you fellas getting your knickers in a knot over this post? Who said the guy was bad?

"She dodged a bullet" - yes she did if this young man was not as interested in forming a long term relationship as she was & could have felt "forced" into it. If they had continued along with a long term relationship, his feelings of being forced would have only intensified. if the situation was reveresed and the girl had done the breaking up, then the young man would have dodged the bullet.

"A guy who is sending mixed signals is not stable enough to form a lasting bond with" - true again. In this case, the person who did the breaking up is a guy, so he is not stable enough to form a lasting bond with. If the situation was the same but the girl had done the breaking up, then SHE would not be the one not stable enough to form a lasting bond with.

OP- just listen and let her talk. Urge her to do things socially with her friends and not sit and brood. She needs other things to keep her occupied so that she does not perseverate on the relationship, the break up and her sadness. It's Ok for her to be sad, but she can't wallow in it. Also, keeping occupied shows us that life does, indeed, go on.

 

[Sanchez]

Ya know what Frank- I didn't say it was all his fault. I didn't ask anyone to determine what happened- All I said was to her it was out of the blue and how could I help her without sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.

I don't have anything bad to say about him at all- I like him, he's a good guy.

Not everything is us vs. them.... but now you've set the tone for the thread.

I don't believe the comment was directed at you. Seems to me it was directed mainly at the person he quoted who apparently has the magical ability to read a few lines and dissect the young man's ability/inability to EVER commmit to a relationship.

You have to admit, the DIS is overwhelmingly populated by women and in most instances fault in breakups and divorces is usually attributed to men.

 

[disneyfans95]

Of course it is, that's how it goes here on the Dis.


Man - Bad, always wrong

Woman - Good, always right

Good for the op for not taking the easy shot, too bad others can't do the same.

It gets old, really fast, all the man bashing.... Not saying the OP was going one way or the other.

But the comment about dodging a bullet by the one poster was just flat out wrong.

 

[FredinFL]

If you'll go back and look, Frank quoted the post from LuvOrlando, I don't believe he was attacking Mermaid02

Hey, dude, we don't need no voice of reason here! Yeesh.

 

[FredinFL]

Guys, FWIT, when this happens, you don't go all logic, you want to help someone who's hurting. If this means just comforting and being "what a jerk" about the dumper, you do it. LATER on, you try to work on sorting it out. The initial heartbreak doesn't need to have someone going "well, remember the time you ***** and the time you ****...." Time enough for that later.

Initial, total, unwavering support. This can be for a girl or guy. Who's ever heart is broken at the moment.

I don't know if guys prefer a different approach or not.

 

[FireDancer]

Ya know what Frank- I didn't say it was all his fault. I didn't ask anyone to determine what happened- All I said was to her it was out of the blue and how could I help her without sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.

I don't have anything bad to say about him at all- I like him, he's a good guy.

Not everything is us vs. them.... but now you've set the tone for the thread.

I wasn't directing that at you, it was at the poster who jumped to a conclusion without all the information. I was actually impressed with the neutrality of your OP.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

OP, I'm sorry your daughter is going through this. Break-ups are often a reality of life and almost always hurt. My Mom has always been there to quietly listen and offer many hugs during those times. She never asked any questions, which I appreciated.

I lived with a guy (engaged at the time) for two years (I was 23). Everything was pretty good, although we both worked a lot. We never fought or argued and he sent me flowers and gifts constantly at work, always saying how much he loved me. One day, two weeks before we were going to WDW, he comes home and just says he's tired of pretending to be happy to come home to me. I said ok (or something along those lines ) and called a moving van, packed my stuff, and went home (we were living in OH, I am from VA). Even though it stung to know someone was "pretending", I knew (even in the moment) that he was doing us both a favor. He's a good guy and deserves to be with the right person, as do I. A break-up (and even most divorces) doesn't mean one side is good and one side is evil. We all just try to do what we think is right at the time and to be happy, a much easier thing to do when kids aren't involved and having to be taken into account.

 

[punkin]

Ya know what Frank- I didn't say it was all his fault. I didn't ask anyone to determine what happened- All I said was to her it was out of the blue and how could I help her without sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong.

I don't have anything bad to say about him at all- I like him, he's a good guy.

Not everything is us vs. them.... but now you've set the tone for the thread.

The truth is that if it's my DD, then the guy's completely at fault because she is my DD. If it was my DS, it would be completely her fault (that horrible %^&9) because he is my DS. This is not a sexist thread. This is a "how do I support my child" thread.

Some people just have their own issues they bring to the board.

Good luck with your DD. My DD's boyfriend broke up with her a few weeks ago. She cried for an entire weekend and then she felt better. Yours will probably take longer because they were more serious, but eventually it will get better.

 

[Jennasis]

It's been my experience that when one sasys to their Significant other that they need "space", it is a cover for something else...whether they found another girl/boyfriend, or simply don't love the person anymore. It's usually invoked as a means of "sparing" the feelings of the one being broken up with, but the reality is that it hurts just as much, if not more.

OP, the best you can do is to hug her (when you can) and tell her that you love her. Listen to her cry, vent, yell scream etc. Don't offer advice...she doesn't want any. She wants her current feelings validated.

good luck.

 

[MUFFYCAT]

Mermaid, how's your DD doing?

I was afraid this would come but I got the call too. I thought at first she got into an accident so was relieved about that.

My DD is still in college has been seeing this boy for about a year and half.
Friday night she went out with the girls, he saw a picture on facebook posing for a picture with a guy he doesn't like and said they needed to talk. So they broke up over the phone then changed his staus to single.

I feel bad for her. It's hard because she's far away. She's stressed out with school and sports as he is feeling the same.