My college-age daughter doesn't understand why her Dad is so quiet

[JanetRose]

and doesn't seem interested in her life. I told her that he has always been that way. I also told her that things could always be worse. Do any of you have that same problem with one of your parents? Thanks.

 

[monarchsfan16]

I have the same problem with my dad. He's interested in our grades, but beyond that conversations with him are generally about politics (especially local since he's involved at the town level), the weather, and news in general. He doesn't know all that much about my life in general, and the only problems I ever call him with are car, computer, or money related (not "I need money" but "what's the best way to handle this" type questions) He HAS been better in the last year or so, but I'm kind of waiting for (and expecting) him to go back to the way he was. I don't think the situation is helped by the fact that he travels A LOT for work. It's not at all uncommon for him to be away 6-8 months out of the year combined. But when he is home he doesn't really put in the effort, and I gave up a long time ago.

 

[razzery]

It's actually that way for me with both of my parents. I'm an only child and they've just never seem interested in my life or tried talking to me about anything. Before I moved to college it just felt like we were roommates who kinda got along instead of family. It's terrible cause I want to talk to them about things but I really don't feel comfortable around them, and when I do they just kinda ignore what I have to say. I moved to Orlando for college 2 years ago and it was the best decision of my life, my parents never really call or visit but my friends and roommates have definitely become my family and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
I'm sorry I have no advice, but your daughter isn't alone. I'd like to see what other people have to say on this matter.

 

[Loves Disney]

My dad doesn't really engage conversation with me other than about my grades in school and that sort of thing. My dad and I are close - I love him to death, but he's not a real chatterbox and I understand that. Lately I've been trying to get him to talk more lol. I'll bring up topics like Disney and get him going about that. He doesn't say "I love you" much other than in cards, really, but I know that's just because he's not huge on expressing himself like that. Being in college, I've learned this by now...maybe just have your daughter spend more time with just him?

 

[tink576]

I told her that he has always been that way. I also told her that things could always be worse. Do any of you have that same problem with one of your parents? Thanks.

My Dad is just like that but the opposite, he could of cared less all growing up but when we left for college he freaked out. Apparently he noticed that we weren't going out of our way to talk to him because we just didn't have much to say with him because he'd never tried to form that bond with us. Now he thinks that because we've moved out of the house we will never talk to him again...It makes life awkward because he wants to talk about everything and anything now, to the point of pure annoyance, but he's trying to make up for not caring so what else could I ask for...Some Dad's just seem to be that way...

 

[Soarin08]

and doesn't seem interested in her life. I told her that he has always been that way. I also told her that things could always be worse. Do any of you have that same problem with one of your parents? Thanks.

Is she my long-lost sister?? My dad is the EXACT SAME WAY!!!!! My mom said the same thing you said.... maybe it's a dad thing.

 

[JanetRose]

i'm bumping

my daughter talked to me again last night about the same issue

 

[graygables]

It's hard for me b/c my Dad is the exact opposite. I talk to him several times a week and we are very good friends. I have always been his "Baby Bear" and he has always been my "Daddy Bear". He's the one who tucked me in, took me to the emergency room, came to my rescue when I needed it.

My husband, on the other hand, is exactly the opposite and exactly like your DD's father. I do not understand it AT ALL. How do you NOT love and respect your children enough to care about their lives??? It's unfathomable to me. I tell my girls, 'If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning' and I know they are learning what NOT to marry by watching my husband.

It's hard on a girl wondering if her Dad loves her and it makes me sad.

 

[ToddyLu]

I didn't have a problem with my Dad, but with my FIL. My FIL, wonderful man thaat he was, just wasn't very talkative or affectionate. Over the first few years of my marriage to his oldest son, I slowly worked at it piece by piece. Not only was "he just like that", but I was his son's second wife--so maybe he did not trust me? Amyway, over the years I hugged him whenever I go the chance and even though it made him uncomfortable. I made him a part of any conversation. He had a horrible childhood in Los Angeles and then just by shear luck and genius, moved to our state where he eventually managed a huge refinery.

Fast forward a few more years and he has Cancer. The weaker he got the more I (and DH) could help. We didn't really ask, we just did it. So the biggest compliment of my life was when I used to stay with him at the hospital over night. He just trusted me at that point and so did MIL. It helped my DH and our already good relationship--mow DH trusts me more.

He has since past and all the work I did has paid of. My MIL travel a lot and go to dinner weekly and talk on the phone almost daily. I had to make the decision it was worth it and work on it myself--then things just took of themselves.

Just continue to work on something you feel is worth it--if you want to foster a relationship---work, and work and work at it. We all have our issues and maybe jus the fact he comes home every night, provides for the family--he thinks tht is showing his love--maybe thinking about it like that would be helpful.

 

[sneekypeeks]

The only advice I can offer is to tell him to take your daughter on a "date". It is what me and my dad always did when we were drifting apart. Have them do it as a bi weekly thing that neither can get our. If they are alone, they will be forced to talk, and soon the forcing will become natural to them.

What does her dad say about this?

 

[Wall-E]