My co-worker is a fountain of misinformation!! 5/14 the day has come page 130

[NewJersey]

Even more this afternoon...

She asked one of our vendors if he was one of those idiots that golfs in the rain.

Her granddaughter is sick and her son has asked that she and her husband look after the baby this afternoon and tonight, because he and the wife have to work. She told him no because "She doesn't want anything to happen to the baby and then he and her DIL would sue her and her husband."
If you are over 70 you shouldn't drive ever!!! (She only has 7 more years to drive if that's the case.)

Oh keep them coming!!!

 

[NewJersey]

These are so funny!!! You should ask her how mnay states there are. I love asking that question, you wouldn't believe how often people say 52 or 48!

Now, here's my story. When DH & I got married the movie Titanic was in the news, often. My Maid of Honor called:

Her: Aren't you so worried about going on a cruise for your honeymoon?

Me:No, why?

Her: Well, didn't you hear about the ship the Titanic? It just sunk of the coast of Florida!!!

She obviously hadn't seen the movie yet!!

That is classic!!

 

[Steffi]

My MIL is famous for mixing up words or just plain pronouncing them wrong. The diet pop Fresca, is pronounced Frescot and Tylenol is Tylanthenol. But the day we really just lost it with hysterical laughter is the day she came home from shopping and announced that she had had her gorgeous new bath towels Mammogrammed. I guess she found a lump on them??

Of course she meant monogrammed, but that is par for the course for her.

and

 

[ElizaB39]

These are just cracking me up!

I had a co-worker like her once on a 4 month temp job I took. I can't remember most of the "helen-isms" (as we called them), but one that stands out happened when we were talking about buying shoes. I have very small feet for an adult (size 4.5 to 5.5 depending on the style of shoe), so I mentioned that I often try kids shoes because I can wear some kid sizes. Well Helen just didn't get how that could possibly work. How could someone wear women's shoe size and still wear kids sizes? I explained that there's some overlap, and some places won't carry my shoe size in women's, but they will have kids shoes that are my size. This confused her even more, and she insisted that since I am an adult, I should just wear adult shoes, and not kid shoes, and it didn't make sense that I would even look in kids shoes because it isn't the same size at all.

Other coworkers were trying to help her grasp it, but she just got angry with us for "making fun of her" by insisting that I wore kids shoes. In her mind, once you were a certain age, your feet would be a certain size and then you just wore adult shoes. She could not believe that I could fit into kids shoes of any size because I am not a kid!

The funniest thing was the next day she brought in some of her shoes that were too small for her, and insisted that they would fit me because they were "small". Well, she wore a size 9 and these shoes that were too small for her were size 7.5 or 8, and were huge on me. I politely pointed out that they were too big for my feet, and she was angry that I said they wouldn't fit. I even took off one of my shoes and held it up to one of the "small" shoes to show her the size difference, and she told me that it was time I grew up and wore adult shoes!

From that day on she would get so mad if anyone even dared to mention shopping for shoes again, but she would still bring in "small" women's shoes and insist that they must fit my feet.

I can't stop lauging at this one!

 

[NewJersey]

The Hawaii story is priceless! I'm DYING here sitting at my desk, laughing so hard.

 

[Northstar]

Oh man I just read the whole 15 pages and I can't breathe, I'm laughing so hard!

My favorite is one my SIL told me about a former roommate, who got an overdrawn notice from her bank two weeks after opening her very first checking account... she said "I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left"
Now wouldn't that be a perfect world!

 

[Evil Genius]

OMG you guys are crackin' me up. Thank God I'm not the only one with a person like this in my life.


Today's gem. I bought some Croc knock offs from Payless this weekend. I wore them to work today. Now they are not the ones with the holes in the toes they are the closed toe clog looking ones. They look fine with what I wear to work.

She looks down at my feet and says "WTH is that on your feet?"

Me "Shoes"

MI "They're too ugly to wear, change them when you go home."

Me "Nope, I like them."

MI "Are those those cheap a** rubber shoes? Oh great now I'm going to have to smell your stinky feet all day."

 

[RUDisney]

Oh great now I'm going to have to smell your stinky feet all day."

At least you know that your feet stink. No more wondering and worrying.

 

[Kath2003]

WTH? She's lucky you don't report her for making inappropriate comments at work

 

[CapeCodTenor]

When I got married two years ago, a mutual friend of ours who attended the wedding had offered, before the wedding, to take me and my wife to the hotel near the airport. This was great. Our wedding was held on Cape Cod, and she lived in the Boston area, roughly a 60 mile drive. And by offering to take us to the hotel, she saved us from having one of our family memebers make a special trip. Well, the end of the part came, my wife and I got changed and we walked outside with out luggage. This friend of ours looked at us and said, "If I knew you were bringing luggage, I would have cleaned out the trunk." I know this was a honeymoon, but we still have the need for some clothes. We love her dearly, but that was a blond moment.

 

[laurie31]

"If I knew you were bringing luggage, I would have cleaned out the trunk." I know this was a honeymoon, but we still have the need for some clothes. We love her dearly, but that was a blond moment.

So you're going off with no shampoo, no toothbrushes, no make-up, and yeah, no change of clothes! Great way to start things off! Hey, at least you'd want some sexy lingerie, right? And I don't think there are any "clothing optional" airplanes...

 

[gradtchr]

I love your coworker ok not really but she does make me laugh daily!

 

[CapeCodTenor]

So you're going off with no shampoo, no toothbrushes, no make-up, and yeah, no change of clothes! Great way to start things off!

Hey, we wanted to travel lite. We thought we'd buy the toothbrushes there. And as for the clothes? Well...

Hey, at least you'd want some sexy lingerie, right? And I don't think there are any "clothing optional" airplanes...

We just packed the sexy lingerie into my wife's purse and my backpack.

 

[NewJersey]

When I got married two years ago, a mutual friend of ours who attended the wedding had offered, before the wedding, to take me and my wife to the hotel near the airport. This was great. Our wedding was held on Cape Cod, and she lived in the Boston area, roughly a 60 mile drive. And by offering to take us to the hotel, she saved us from having one of our family memebers make a special trip. Well, the end of the part came, my wife and I got changed and we walked outside with out luggage. This friend of ours looked at us and said, "If I knew you were bringing luggage, I would have cleaned out the trunk." I know this was a honeymoon, but we still have the need for some clothes. We love her dearly, but that was a blond moment.

I think you are being unreasonable. Suitcases? For a trip?

Maybe she thought since it was a honeymoon, no clothes were needed.

 

[NewJersey]

OMG you guys are crackin' me up. Thank God I'm not the only one with a person like this in my life.


Today's gem. I bought some Croc knock offs from Payless this weekend. I wore them to work today. Now they are not the ones with the holes in the toes they are the closed toe clog looking ones. They look fine with what I wear to work.

She looks down at my feet and says "WTH is that on your feet?"

Me "Shoes"

MI "They're too ugly to wear, change them when you go home."

Me "Nope, I like them."

MI "Are those those cheap a** rubber shoes? Oh great now I'm going to have to smell your stinky feet all day."

Stop....can't....breathe....too...funny.

 

[CapeCodTenor]

I think you are being unreasonable. Suitcases? For a trip?

Maybe she thought since it was a honeymoon, no clothes were needed.

I know, what was I thinking. Clothes on a honeymoon, who needs it.

 

[#1MMFan]

Oh gosh, I always get this... when people try to tell me medical stuff as if I'm not aware of it... or more as if they are the authority on the subject. LOL. That really bugs me!!!

 

[hopemax]

My favorite is one my SIL told me about a former roommate, who got an overdrawn notice from her bank two weeks after opening her very first checking account... she said "I can't be overdrawn, I still have checks left"

That reminds me of my college roomate. Her checking account had "overdraft protection." So she interepreted that as, "If she didn't have money in the checking account, the bank would pay the bill, and she wouldn't have to."

Another friend and I were there when she came home steaming that the bank said she owed all of this money. The other girl and I just stared at each other not knowing what to say to our friend.

Needless to say, I was happy the phone bill was in MY name. The next year, I moved to my own apartment, and the bank and collections would call looking for her.

 

[Jennifer48]

MI "They're too ugly to wear, change them when you go home."

Me "Nope, I like them."

MI "Are those those cheap a** rubber shoes? Oh great now I'm going to have to smell your stinky feet all day."

Awww thats just not nice at all! You should have said, "if you think they are ugly, don't look at my feet!"

 

[Evil Genius]

Awww thats just not nice at all! You should have said, "if you think they are ugly, don't look at my feet!"

You are under the assumption that I really care what she thinks.