My co-worker is a fountain of misinformation!! 5/14 the day has come page 130

[speedydisteen]

Even more this afternoon...

She asked one of our vendors if he was one of those idiots that golfs in the rain.

Her granddaughter is sick and her son has asked that she and her husband look after the baby this afternoon and tonight, because he and the wife have to work. She told him no because "She doesn't want anything to happen to the baby and then he and her DIL would sue her and her husband."

If you are over 70 you shouldn't drive ever!!! (She only has 7 more years to drive if that's the case.)

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

These are just cracking me up!

I had a co-worker like her once on a 4 month temp job I took. I can't remember most of the "helen-isms" (as we called them), but one that stands out happened when we were talking about buying shoes. I have very small feet for an adult (size 4.5 to 5.5 depending on the style of shoe), so I mentioned that I often try kids shoes because I can wear some kid sizes. Well Helen just didn't get how that could possibly work. How could someone wear women's shoe size and still wear kids sizes? I explained that there's some overlap, and some places won't carry my shoe size in women's, but they will have kids shoes that are my size. This confused her even more, and she insisted that since I am an adult, I should just wear adult shoes, and not kid shoes, and it didn't make sense that I would even look in kids shoes because it isn't the same size at all.

Other coworkers were trying to help her grasp it, but she just got angry with us for "making fun of her" by insisting that I wore kids shoes. In her mind, once you were a certain age, your feet would be a certain size and then you just wore adult shoes. She could not believe that I could fit into kids shoes of any size because I am not a kid!

The funniest thing was the next day she brought in some of her shoes that were too small for her, and insisted that they would fit me because they were "small". Well, she wore a size 9 and these shoes that were too small for her were size 7.5 or 8, and were huge on me. I politely pointed out that they were too big for my feet, and she was angry that I said they wouldn't fit. I even took off one of my shoes and held it up to one of the "small" shoes to show her the size difference, and she told me that it was time I grew up and wore adult shoes!

From that day on she would get so mad if anyone even dared to mention shopping for shoes again, but she would still bring in "small" women's shoes and insist that they must fit my feet.

 

[belle_of_the_ball]

If you are over 70 you shouldn't drive ever!!! (She only has 7 more years to drive if that's the case.)

hmmm...my grandmothers have gone well over this.


Hey just 7 years and we'll have find other co-workers to talk about (shouldnt be too hard......)

 

[SandiH]

I just need to subscribe to this thread. She cracks me up! You can't make this stuff up!

 

[MagicalMom]

These are so funny!!! You should ask her how mnay states there are. I love asking that question, you wouldn't believe how often people say 52 or 48!

Now, here's my story. When DH & I got married the movie Titanic was in the news, often. My Maid of Honor called:

Her: Aren't you so worried about going on a cruise for your honeymoon?

Me:No, why?

Her: Well, didn't you hear about the ship the Titanic? It just sunk of the coast of Florida!!!

She obviously hadn't seen the movie yet!!

 

[jemiaule]

I once worked with a woman who wanted to "change her money" once she arrived in .......... Honolulu.

Oh man, this reminded me of somethng that happened to us in Hawaii year before last.

Our bank decided to put a fraud hold on our credit card. After a week of charging away they suspected fraud. Ok, no biggie I give them a call.

After being reprimanded by the bank rep for not calling them in advance informing them I was going to be travelling I said fine, I am informing you now. The resp said well I need to ask you some questions:

Rep: Where are you traveling to?

Me: Uh, I am in Hawaii...we have been discussing that for the past 10 minutes.

Rep: How long will you be there?

Me: Another week

Rep: Did you drive or fly?

Me: ..........huh??

Rep: Did you drive or fly?

Me: Uh, you know I am in Hawaii right, we just covered this, it should be pretty obvious.

Rep: Ma'am just answer the question, did you drive or fly?

Me: (At this point I can't resist being a smarty-pants) We haven't finished the submergable conversion on the mini-van yet. But hey next year who knows!

Rep: Excuse me? Could you please answer the question!!

Me: Considering Hawaii is a chain of islands in the Pacific it is impossible to drive here. We flew.

Rep: (in an indignant tone, like I am an idiot) Ma'am, many people drive to their destinations, including Hawaii.

 

[laurie31]

Rep: (in an indignant tone, like I am an idiot) Ma'am, many people drive to their destinations, including Hawaii.

Tha tmust be one heck of a toll bridge!

ImarriedGrumpy - I have the opposite problem. My DD wears a 6 1/2 ladies shoe!! Try finding appropriate church shoes for a little girl in that size! I guess "Helen" would tell me I'm letting her grow up too fast by buying her ladies shoes!

 

[ImarriedGrumpy]

ImarriedGrumpy - I have the opposite problem. My DD wears a 6 1/2 ladies shoe!! Try finding appropriate church shoes for a little girl in that size! I guess "Helen" would tell me I'm letting her grow up too fast by buying her ladies shoes!

I think she probably would! Oh that would be a funny conversation to have with her!

 

[Stacerita]

This thread is cracking me up!

 

[Disneyfan63]

The bridge (or tunnel) toll might be prohibitive. Because Hawaii is at least 2,400 miles from land, the bridge (or tunnel) needs hotels or other accomdations along its length in which people may spend the night, as it is illegal or impossible to drive that entire distance in one day.

Jim

 

[laurie31]

LOL!! Yeah, it would take 24 hours if you averaged 100mph the whole way (probably not a good idea - lol!)

I'm still shaking my head over the idea that anyone thought it was possible to drive to Hawaii...I guess that was the next question on their computer screen and dang it, they needed an answer!

 

[bntlyclg89]

QUOTE from Babytrees "Though I will agree with her on the older people driving..... my Grandpa's driving is going to kill me one of these days. I don't want to take licenses away at some arbitary age...like 70...but there has to be a way to get the people who shouldn't be driving off the road. "


That reminds me of a sign posted on a co-workers desk: :When it's my time I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my Grandpa. Not screaming like the other people in his car"

eta: sorry I messed up the quote thingy so it won't set off in the box like it should....

 

[kaytieeldr]

I got one for you. Friend of mine went to nyc with another couple. They did the site seeing thing and of course that entails the statue of liberty. While standing at the statue base Miss Information asked "did anyone ever figure out where that thing came from?"

Ancient Druids erected it after they practiced with Stonehenge. How else would Columbus, Vespucci, not to mention the Pilgrims - be able to find America?

Miss Information is going to Vegas. Doesn't say too much about her trip, won't even tell you where she's staying. Very curious.

Oh, PLEASE! You've GOT to get information from her about her trip!!! I know almost as much about Las Vegas as I do about Walt Disney World - and I simply MUST know what Miss Information "knows" about that city!!!!!

I have a good one. DH loves badgers. Why? Because they are mean and surly and he thinks he is mean and surly. (Um, no but you go ahead and think that).

Thanks for the tip. Sounds like the perfect pet for one of my siblings

This one lady says "That's why I don't bother going, I just vote online" Maybe she was confused with AI!!!!!!

Scary! Maybe it's a good thing she DIDN'T vote in a political election!

Then she comes out with this classic, "You're beautiful and voluptuous - you could be a centerfold!"

I couldn't take it anymore, and I burst out laughing. We tried to tell her that she really should watch what she says - lots of people wouldn't understand that she meant it as a compliment. We couldn't convince her that people might actually be offended by this sort of comment.

Somebody (e.g. your supervisor) should tell her she's at risk of being accused of sexual harassment. I know, I've been through the class. I therefore know everything about it - NOT. But seriously: "You look nice today" or "That's a pretty dress"? No problem. "You look hot today" or "That's a sexy dress"? Not so much.

The show Planet Earth coming up on Discovery channel. Why would anyone want to watch that, we live here so we know enough about it. And why is it 11 parts? There's not that much to talk about.

Still ignoring questions about her upcoming Vegas trip. Not quite sure what's up with that.

OMG, that show sounds absolutely amazing!! Can you get the rest of your coworkers to watch it so you can all discuss it in front of her after each episode? That should give you a whole new batch of MissInformations for us!

As for Las Vegas? Maybe she's not really going? You could try telling her each visitor is limited to five gallons of water per day for everything - drinking, bathing, flushing... and if she plans to use more than that, she'll have to bring her own. Hey, if she can give bad information, so can we!

 

[lajones81]

This thread is cracking me up!

 

[dolphinrescuegirl]

These are so funny!!! You should ask her how mnay states there are. I love asking that question, you wouldn't believe how often people say 52 or 48!

Now, here's my story. When DH & I got married the movie Titanic was in the news, often. My Maid of Honor called:

Her: Aren't you so worried about going on a cruise for your honeymoon?

Me:No, why?

Her: Well, didn't you hear about the ship the Titanic? It just sunk of the coast of Florida!!!

She obviously hadn't seen the movie yet!!

So much for that keyboard. That one had me crying!

 

[Nancy]

These are so funny!!! You should ask her how mnay states there are. I love asking that question, you wouldn't believe how often people say 52 or 48!

Now, here's my story. When DH & I got married the movie Titanic was in the news, often. My Maid of Honor called:

Her: Aren't you so worried about going on a cruise for your honeymoon?

Me:No, why?

Her: Well, didn't you hear about the ship the Titanic? It just sunk of the coast of Florida!!!

She obviously hadn't seen the movie yet!!

Wait, they have icebergs off the coast of Florida? Talk about global warming!

Oh man, this reminded me of somethng that happened to us in Hawaii year before last.

Our bank decided to put a fraud hold on our credit card. After a week of charging away they suspected fraud. Ok, no biggie I give them a call.

After being reprimanded by the bank rep for not calling them in advance informing them I was going to be travelling I said fine, I am informing you now. The resp said well I need to ask you some questions:

Rep: Where are you traveling to?

Me: Uh, I am in Hawaii...we have been discussing that for the past 10 minutes.

Rep: How long will you be there?

Me: Another week

Rep: Did you drive or fly?

Me: ..........huh??

Rep: Did you drive or fly?

Me: Uh, you know I am in Hawaii right, we just covered this, it should be pretty obvious.

Rep: Ma'am just answer the question, did you drive or fly?

Me: (At this point I can't resist being a smarty-pants) We haven't finished the submergable conversion on the mini-van yet. But hey next year who knows!

Rep: Excuse me? Could you please answer the question!!

Me: Considering Hawaii is a chain of islands in the Pacific it is impossible to drive here. We flew.

Rep: (in an indignant tone, like I am an idiot) Ma'am, many people drive to their destinations, including Hawaii.[/quote]

Wow, now that I know many people drive to Hawaii, maybe I can get my DH to go there.

 

[lucyanna girl]

I think DD has a future "Miss Information" in her freshman class.

In Science class friend told the teacher that astronauts had traveled to the sun. Teacher patiently pointed out that she must mean the moon because the sun is much too hot. Friend gave the teacher a not as patient look and replied, " Well, of course it's hot, that's why they went at night!". DD insists she was serious.

Penny

 

[mimif1]

I've just spent the last bit reading this entire thread, and I've been cracking up! It reminds me of the e-mail I received from my FIL this week. He's been having bad headaches and sinus problems. He was just letting us know that his doctor had sent him for a CT scan and we didn't need to worry. They confirmed that his head was empty! I'm so glad there is nothing in there!

Keep those stories coming! They're gold!

 

[lyzziesmom]

OMG Mimif1, my mom did the same thing! She tends to be a little, um... forgetful sometimes (as well as a bit of a Miss Information to boot) and we will jokingly make a remark about needing her head examined, and she says, "Yeah well they already did that and they didn't see anything!"

 

[SamIAm21]

My MIL is famous for mixing up words or just plain pronouncing them wrong. The diet pop Fresca, is pronounced Frescot and Tylenol is Tylanthenol. But the day we really just lost it with hysterical laughter is the day she came home from shopping and announced that she had had her gorgeous new bath towels Mammogrammed. I guess she found a lump on them??

Of course she meant monogrammed, but that is par for the course for her.