My child is SOOOOOOOO lazy!!!! (rather long)

[gr8tpanther]

OK, I have a "what would you do" question!

My daughter is 10 years old! TEN! She is THE laziest child and that is NOT an exaggeration by any means of the word!

The child pictured below on the end has ONE chore, 2 if you count the pig sty that I am tired of fighting over, and that is DO the dishes! I have a dishwasher, all she has to do is unload and load it and seeings how we eat out 4 times a week, there isn't THAT many dishes for the most part! Everyday I come home and they are NOT done! She has 3 hours to do the dishes between the time she gets home and the time I get home. And when she DOES do the dishes, she leaves EVERY cupboard door hanging WIDE open and the silverware is jsut THROWN in the drawer and there are dishes laying around that she "doesn't know where they go" HELLO... you been living here and ARE here more than I am!

Ok, enough on the dishes rampage, now the others.... she will NOT clean her room! She also will NOT pick ANYTHING up! Her stuff is all through the house and if she eats/opens/drinks, the remains are wherever she did this at. And if she drops somehthing on the floor (cereal etc) she will NOT pick it up.

GRRRRRRR, I am tired of picking up after her. I am tired of seeing the messes everyday when I come home.

ANY SUGGESTIONS??????????? (I am sure I have done most of them) but open to anything!

 

[POOH&PIGLET]

ANY SUGGESTIONS???????????

Punish her.

 

[Boo'sMom]

what would I do???


Time to start taking away some privileges...what's she doing instead of her chore??? Watching TV?? GONE Playing video games?? GONE

You've probably already tried those, but that's what I'd do.

 

[gr8tpanther]

For not cleaning her room.... I took EVERYTHING out of her room, put them in trash bags and put them in the attic, and I do mean EVERYTHING!!! And she NEVER asked for them back!!! She had 1 outfit for each day of the week and 1 pair of PJs.... socks and undies!

My COUSIN'S daughter came over to play and BEGGED me to give them the toys, so I asked my daughter to PROMISE me that she would keep her room clean, well, that lasted oh about a month! So when Christmas came, I went through and CLEANED house!

Well, I bought her Yugioh cards for Christmas, and they are NOT cheap, I went in to clean house in the room AGAIN and found them all over her room! So I TOOK them, this was maybe a MONTH after Christmas last year. I told her that if she wanted them back, she needs to keep the room clean for a MONTH to get them back. Well, her little friend wants her to have them back, so she started coming over to clean her room, and I said NO WAY, it is Heather's responsiblity, HEATHER needs to clean her OWN room! So then I said FINE, 2 weeks straight of cleaning... and that STILL hasn't happened, I STILL, almost a YEAR later have the cards!

I took away the allowance for NOT doing the dishes, and she gets VERY little... however her favorite thing is the DIS Channel and well, I feel a parental BLOCK coming on!

 

[CajunDixie]

Reminds me of an email I read once that was a spoof but had some good points. The kid in the story was going to call social services so the mom decided to go back to basics and get technical about what a parent is required to do for a child. For food keep to meals only no snacks/no desserts. For clothes forget buying anything new go buy 5 outfits at Goodwill/Salvation Army and have her do her own laundry as needed. Buy off brand shoes instead of $$$$$ in style shoes. Take away all modern conveniences.....TV, dishwasher, micro, lights after 9, radios, computers. No allowances and no school lunch. She can brown bag it with leftovers or sandwiches. I'm not saying do all these things of course but maybe remind her there are people out there that live without all the above things......think of the Amish that live without electricity. Added torture would be no more presents......buy savings bonds which she can't cash in until she's an adult.

 

[grinningghost]

Oh my - whatever you do, start doing it now. My 15 year old DD is still super lazy. She's a great student, a well behaved kid, but man, she is lazy when it comes to helping out around here. If I specifically ask her to do something right away, she'll do it, but if I ask her to do something like clean her room right after school, it generally doesn't get done.

I have found that the one and only thing that truly works is taking away her computer. You should see how fast her room gets clean when we do that.

 

[WDWHound]

This describes me as a child to a T. I was the lazyest kid to ever walk the planet. My parents tried every punishment they could think of, but I considered not doing the work to be worth the penalties, so it didn't work. I was unhappy to be grounded or to have things taken away, but not unhappy enough about it to do the simple and reasonable tasks my parents asked of me.

I continued in this mode until I finally developed some self esteem. Only later did I realize that I wasn't doing the work because I had a fear of failure that was intense (I was afraid I could not do anything well, so I didn't do anything) and I didn't see anything I did as worth the effort because I didn't think I was worth anything.

I know this sounds like pyshco babble, but it was true in my case. This does not mean I think you should change your approach with your daughter. She needs to learn there are consequences to her lack of action, regardless of the reasons she is not acting. That said, I would also look closely at her self esteem and see if there may be an issue there. If so, try to help her find something she enjoys that she is good at (success at singing is what cured me).

Or, she could just be a lazy kid (lol). She certainly wouldn't be the first and she may just grow out of it.

 

[gr8tpanther]

Originally posted by CajunDixie
Reminds me of an email I read once that was a spoof but had some good points. The kid in the story was going to call social services so the mom decided to go back to basics and get technical about what a parent is required to do for a child. For food keep to meals only no snacks/no desserts. For clothes forget buying anything new go buy 5 outfits at Goodwill/Salvation Army and have her do her own laundry as needed. Buy off brand shoes instead of $$$$$ in style shoes. Take away all modern conveniences.....TV, dishwasher, micro, lights after 9, radios, computers. No allowances and no school lunch. She can brown bag it with leftovers or sandwiches. I'm not saying do all these things of course but maybe remind her there are people out there that live without all the above things......think of the Amish that live without electricity. Added torture would be no more presents......buy savings bonds which she can't cash in until she's an adult.

My kid already wears "goodwill" clothes, for I can't afford the GOOD stuff and she already wears Kmart shoes, lol

However, she does have the TV/VCR and such, that I have already relinquished many times. I always get the same promises to get them back, but the last time, the promises didn't work, I just took it for said amount of time. Maybe next time it will be permanently? I hate to be cruel, BUT....

She would LOVE to "brown bag" so school lunch IS torture

And we don't buy presents, but I am putting her in Karate class with an instructor that will work her butt off! And she plays soccer, but she has to keep her grades up, and she is in Girl Scouts, but she hates the leader, so that is torture too, cause I make her go.

 

[gr8tpanther]

Originally posted by WDWHound
This describes me as a child to a T. I was the lazyest kid to ever walk the planet. My parents tried every punishment they could think of, but I considered not doing the work to be worth the penalties, so it didn't work. I was unhappy to be grounded or to have things taken away, but not unhappy enough about it to do the simple and reasonable tasks my parents asked of me.

I continued in this mode until I finally developed some self esteem. Only later did I realize that I wasn't doing the work because I had a fear of failure that was intense (I was afraid I could not do anything well, so I didn't do anything) and I didn't see anything I did as worth the effort because I didn't think I was worth anything.

I know this sounds like pyshco babble, but it was true in my case. This does not mean I think you should change your approach with your daughter. She needs to learn there are consequences to her lack of action, regardless of the reasons she is not acting. That said, I would also look closely at her self esteem and see if there may be an issue there. If so, try to help her find something she enjoys that she is good at (success at singing is what cured me).

Or, she could just be a lazy kid (lol). She certainly wouldn't be the first and she may just grow out of it.

I am going with JUST LAZY!!! She is a social butterfly and is very active, does well in school, that sort of thing. I have always promoted the good self-esteem thing, and she has PLENTY of that!

However, when she does do something, it is always sloppy, or JUST TO DO IT, not to do it RIGHT, that sort of thing! Even her laundry, and I have tested this theory... I don't care HOW many baskets are in my hallway, she ALWAYS throws the clothes IN FRONT of or BESIDE the baskets. I lined my hallway once from one end to the other with baskets, and she STILL wouldn't put the clothes IN the baskets... talk about MAD!!!!!!!!!! I was VERY mad!

 

[KimR]

Take away privileges that are important to her. If she is a social butterfly - ground her. She can't see her friends until chores are done. Make her earn the right to do whatever it is she wants to with her free time.

 

[CRB#33]

I had to do this only once with my son. I told him that whatever I found around the house that was not in its proper place, by a certain time would be thrown in the trash can at that time.

He didn't believe it. He lost pokemon cards and many other things.

He's never done it since. It killed me to do it, but it's been worth the lack of frustration I've had since.

Good luck.

 

[CRB#33]

I just went back over this thread a bit. I guess if she had to pay for the things that got thrown out. If she gets an allowance, she'll have to use that to pay for things.

I know it's hard to throw things out that cost money and it may not be a good solution for you.

Another thing I tried before my last resort was to put everything I found in a big pile in the middle of his floor. I told him he was going no where and doing nothing until that pile was gone and nothing was under the bed or stuffed under a dresser.

That sort of worked too.

 

[karebear1]

I think as far as the TV is concerned that it stays out of her room until she has kept it clean for however many days you deem reasonable. It gets taken out again if the room becomes messy for more then however many days you deem reasonable. Do not give her the tv as a reward for promises- but as a reward for chores done. She has proved too many times that she will not do what she has promised. It's really hard I know, but consistency on your part is essential. Also- I see you have a WDW trip coming up. My kids always did well with charting their progress. Can you make a chart and mark off the days she has a clean room? for every clean day she gets say.... $1.00 Disney Dollar and for every dirty day she gets -50 cents.? At the end of the week take her to the DS and cash in her money for the DD. Make sure she comes with you so she can see her money accumulating. Was she in on the planning of the decoration of her bedroom? That might help a lot too. A clean room with a new bedspread, and wall color of her chice might be just the thing to raise her sense of pride in her personal surroundings. There is a definite power struggle going on here. I finally resorted to telling my DD that her bedroom was her bedroom and I would close the door so as not to see the mess. BUT- it better not leak out into the rest of my house (which is what's happening at your house now) or she would be required by me and DH to have her room cleaned everyday. Even if it meant we had to stand over her to make sure it was done.

Anyway- good luck. Just remember being consistent and NOT giving in because you want her to have fun or be comfortable or whatever- is essential in order for whatever you decide to be successful.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

Sounds like a power struggle to me.

What if the 2 of you sat down and talked it over. Clean slate. Get her input on the rules/consequences. Tell her what you expect-dishes put away correctly, laundry in basket, (resonably) clean room. Then have discuss what the consequenses will be for first offense, second offense, etc. Maybe she gets a reward for extra work done. Or maybe if she does the dishes correctly for a month you will reward her (don't tell you you might, just do it if you think she deserves it, a surprise.) Maybe write it all out so you both know the rules. Then stick to it. Follow through is the key! :0

Good Luck!

 

[Cindy B]

Get a large Hefty bag (multiples if you need to) and just pitch. I did this over the summer, and wound up with about 6 Hefty's from my sons room. I have also removed everything as well. The only things out were clothes and undies!

That worked too.

We have also boxed up the Xbox, and hid that also.

 

[piratesmate]

DD was going through the bit where she'd empty the dishwasher & either skip the silverware completely or toss it in the drawer willy-nilly. It was a pain (much easier to just do it myself) but I made her come back to finish. I'd stand there to watch her if I had to call her back a 2nd time. Boy, did she HATE that!

We had similar issues with leaving empty bottles on the counter, not refilling ice cube trays, setting the table, putting away her laundry - you get the idea....anything we asked her to do.

We also started giving her MORE chores to do. "You think we give you too much to do? Just wait!"

Hang in there...it's largely a matter of whose will is stronger. Can she stand to sit in a room with nothing to do but clean it up for weeks on end? No friends, no cousins, etc to give you a reason to lift a restriction. If you need to have the cousins over to help out your sister, cousin gets entertained elsewhere while/until DD finishes cleaning.

 

[QueenTrident]

My friend just went through this with her DD (11). My friend just went "on strike". Refused to do anything for her DD, since DD wasn't doing anything for her - no rides to school (the DD had to bike it), no rides to dance class or soccer. No special foods in the house (her DD loves to bake). Nothing. It took a while, since her DD figured she wouldn't stick to it (since dance and soccer were paid for), but eventually her DD caught on and 6 months later is still doing beautifully.

My friend also did the clean slate/make clear, consistent rules things. That has helped.

 

[mrsgus06]

My dd, 7, was like this. She shares a room with another dd, 9. Mind you, this is a 750 sq foot room so they are not on top of each other. Kelsey would not pick anything up. Wherever she was done with something, that is where it stayed. I finally got fed up with asking her to clean up so I made her clean the entire house BY HERSELF. She cried the whole time. I told her that when I was folding her clothes, she would come stand by me and I would cry the whole time I was doing it. She told me, I don't want to hear you cry. Gee Kelsey, do you think I want to hear you cry? She got the picture . I went into each room with her and made her clean closets, floors and under each bed (except for the teenage boy's room for fear of what she may find under his bed . She wanted to know why she had to clean up everyones room. The answer she got: it is a whole lot easier to clean up after one than to clean up after seven.

It has been about 4 months and sometimes she slips but all in all she likes cleaning up after only 1! SHE CAN BE TAUGHT!!

 

[got2lovedisney]

When my niece Tegan was around that age, she was the same way. If you wanted a bowl to eat in, you had to dig through her room to find one. She was so bad...she missed Christmas. She was warned repeatedly to clean her room or "Santa" wouldn't come. Well...she didn't bother. Her mother withheld her gifts for about a week until Grandma caved and helped Tegan clean-up her room so she could get her gifts. What finally go her on the straight track? She got involved in an activity she REALLY wanted to do at school. That was the leverage. Now she's 17and she now has a boyfriend so she's more selfconsious about things.

A thought...if she can't manage to get her clothes in the baskets...stop washing her clothes. She's old enough where she can learn to wash her own clothes. If all she has is dirty smelly clothes...she'll have no choice but to wash her own. Also...don't clean her room. If you can, "plant" nasty smelly things in her room so she'll be embarrased when her friends come over. That might get her to try to clean her room.


What about negotiating a different chore for her? Like taking out the garbage? Bathing the dogs? Washing the cars?

If that doesn't work...take away priveledges

PS My DD16 has to do the dishes manually. If they aren't cleaned well, I put them back in the sink so she can wash them again. If she doesn't put the dishes away and leaves stuff on the counter...I assume they're dirty and put them back in the sink so she can wash it again. If the dishes aren't done by the time I get home from work...I might take away her internet or something. She's learned.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by KimR
Take away privileges that are important to her. If she is a social butterfly - ground her. She can't see her friends until chores are done. Make her earn the right to do whatever it is she wants to with her free time.

I was thinking this too. When I was a little kid, being grounded was the only punishment that ever worked for me. When my parents tried taking stuff away, I just daydreamed and I could amuse myself that way for days.

But not seeing my friends got boring after a while. Grounding worked.