My brother's girlfriend committed suicide

[lizandjason]

We're all in shock. Eliza was beautiful, accomplished, and as sweet as can be.
We just found out she was bipolar and had just gotten out of the hospital. She sounded fine on the phone when she talked to my DB today, and then she was found dead with a 'goodbye' note.

My DB is distraught. They shared an apartment and had been together 3 years.

I don't know what to do for him other than 'be there' but he lives in Chicago, we're in Ohio. He's with us at home right now but I will worry about him constantly when he goes back. Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm so sad for my poor DB I can't stand it.

 

[wdwmom0f3]

I am so sorry. I have no advice, but I am sending prayers to your brother and her family.

 

[java]

So sorry to hear that. Bipolar is a horrible mental illness. The swings are tough and really it's so tough for the people that want so badly to help but can't.
As someone I know battling with suicide once told their parent- "It's a daily struggle to stay alive. One day I won't be able to fight the urge anymore. There is nothing you can do to stop that. I am working everyday to try to find the path away from that fate."

I hate mental illness so much.
So sorry for your loss.

edit to add my brother is bipolar and what's so tough is that things can be going so normally and then something out of the blue hits. He's thankfully doing very well now. Hoping that sticks.

 

[lakelandgal70]

I am so sorry for your DB loss. The best thing you can do is what you are already doing. Be there for him. Listen if he needs to talk. Do you think he might need counseling? If so gently push him towards that. Living with someone that is bipolar is very hard and he might need some counseling. My sis is bipolar so I know how hard all of this must be.

 

[DianeV]

I dont know what the note said but I would be sure to stress to your brother that if she wanted to do this there was nothing he could have done. Alot of times survivors feel they should have known, or seen something or done something and from someone who lost a brother 15 years ago to suicide you have to realize the person must have been psychologically ill (even for just that moment) to do something like that. We cant always know everything about someone and how they really feel deep inside, especially with bipolar involved such as with his girlfriend.

 

[weheartdisney]

I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how heartbroken your brother feels. I will pray for you all. I hope he doesn't blame himself.

 

[Swan4Me]

A few years ago my son's former Girlfriend's brother killed himself -with a gun in his truck-horrible-and it was over a girl who had just broke up with him

The family was devestated

 

[QVCshopper]

So sorry for your family's loss. My mom is bi-polar and it is an awful disease, especially when figuring out the meds. Thankfully she's a manic more, so she thinks she's descended from royalty during episodes rather than becoming suicidal. Will send prayers for your brother; I suggest trying to help him realize it's the disease, not him, that causes these things to happen.

 

[lizandjason]

Thanks, everyone. It helps to have a forum like this to post and get responses from so many wonderful, compassionate people.

Thank you for your prayers for our family, my brother... and dear Eliza who will never be forgotten. She was an amazing person.

 

[EvoldicA]

When I was a teenager an ex gf of mine attempted suicide. This hits quite close to home.... Fortunately she survived. My deepest sympathy is with everyone who is touched by this tragedy.

-B

 

[rentayenta]

nami.org

 

[Plannin'Shannon]

First of all, let me express my deepest sympathy.

I am a suicide survivor. I don't like to post much about it on a public forum, but if you need advice about anything, specific questions, anything at all, please don't hesitate to send me a PM. If my experience can help in any way, just let me know.

Remind your brother that he is not alone.

 

[Kat77]

I'm so sorry.

 

[mlittig]

I am so very sorry for your loss and especially for your brother My thoughts and prayers are sent to you all.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

There are a lot of great resources on the web about surviving suicide. When he's ready, there are local support groups that are specific to suicide. He may want to get involved with a group like that. They typically meet once a month.

 

[DisneyFan32WI]

Here is a group I found...

CHICAGOGroup Name & Mailing Address:
Surviving the Loss of a Loved One by Suicide
Contact:
Robyn Kaplan Seidman, L.C.S.W., 708-446-5520, rkseidman@gmail.com
Meeting Place: 2105 N. Southport Ave., Suite 203, Chicago, IL 60614
Meeting Day(s)/Meeting Time:
Groups are organized for a 6-8 week series several times per year
Facilitated by: Professional
Charge: A small fee with sliding scale available
Counties Served: Chicago area
Last Updated: 7/13/11

http://www.afsp.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=home.viewPage&page_id=9DA11F71-D13D-400D-353E670775EFB78A

 

[Oreo Cookie]

I am so sorry for your loss and for your DBs loss and Eliza's family too.

One of my brothers committed suicide a year ago this past November, and he too had suffered with mental illness his entire adult life. The aftermath is very difficult to deal with, and I agree with a previous poster who mentioned support groups for the family to help your DH and anyone who is affected. There is so much pain, confusion, anger and sadness when someone commits suicide. A support group really helps you work through all of the emotions.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

 

[Princess Dolly]

I'm so sorry. You and your family are not alone. In fact my family is dealing with this right now as recently we had a family member commit suicide. Death is bad enough, but suicide, horrible. Prayers to your DB, your family and Eliza's family.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Disneyhenry]

1st off, I am sorry......
My DD just lost her BF of 3 years, it happen in March, he actually died of an asthma attack. It has been a rough year and it will be, all the 1st are very hard, he past away on the 3rd, so the 3rd of every month is hard, he died on a Thursday, so Thursday's continue to suck, they declared him dead at 12:11 pm, so another hard time.

Just be there, try to talk to him as much as possible, grief counceling is a big help. There is a big defference in reg counceling and grief counceling, they are trained on what to say and what not to say. People will say horrible things thinking it will help, try to explain that to your brother.

We got tired of hearing "You will find someone else" sorry my DD is not crying because she thinks she will be alone for the rest of her life, she is crying because she lost someone that she loved very much. Calling a stage may also be hard, or saying he will move on may be hurtful and not comforting.

Just being there to listen, give hugs or just sitting by his side is what is helpful. They next year will be a hard one, people heal all very different, it may take a few months, or a few years.
Odd enough my daughter is handeling it better then I am right now, I loved him like a son, Christmas was hard on me

Sorry I didn't have to much to offer, but hope this helps.......