My 5 year old grandson says he is not going

[algg]

Taking my 5 & 8 year old grandsons to Disney with their other grandmother in 10 days. This has been planned couple months and now the 5 year old states, constantly, that he is not going. Help! Do not know how to get him excited and willing to leave Mom and Dad. Trip all paid for, have package deal and flights all set. Any suggestions?

 

[tourguide81]

I think you need to know why he doesn't want to go before you find a way to prepare him or excite him. My 5 year old likely wouldn't want tot go away w/o one of us either.

 

[Happyjen27]

I would let Mom and Dad try to find out why. Not sure my 5 year old boy would have gone away without me, either. My 5 year old girl would have gone happily!

I think my only suggestion is to prepare yourself for a child that does not want to go, and work toward acceptance that it may only be the 7 year old this time. If he changes his tune and comes, you'll be pleasantly surprised. If he doesn't, you'll be at peace with it.

 

[powellrj]

I am going to guess he is afraid of the unknown and just says he doesn't want to go. At 5, I think was soon as the adventure starts, I think he will be fine.

 

[SEA333]

I would ask him why, and work from there. The bigger deal the grown-ups make about it, the bigger deal the 5 year old will think it is.

If he thinks he will miss him mom, assure him that he can call her or video with her whenever he wants.

My kids at that age never wanted to do anything without me, either, BEFORE the actual event. We always made them anyway (we are not the coddling type) and they always had a TON of fun.

If you have already paid for your grandson to go, I would not give in to him backing out, but again, that is just my opinion of what I would do with my own kids. I would never give in to hysterics or no's from a 5 year old. By the point where you are in this trip-planning, the time for the child to decide is O.V.E.R. Now it's up to the parents to let him know he is going and that is that.

And, of course, because I know these boards, someone will bring up special needs or sensitive personalities. I trust that this is not the case in your situation or else it would have already been a consideration in your planning of the trip.

HAve fun!!!

 

[JamJamFam]

Yikes, that's a slippery slope! If I were you, I would speak with the parents and see how they are feeling about the issue. Ultimately, it is their decision to let him go or let him stay home. Is it an option for the parents to go too? That might work. If the parents are okay with the child going, then I would help the child by showing them videos of WDW on YouTube, letting the child help plan, etc. Sometimes kids just need to feel in control of something.

Personally, I have a four year old and I wouldn't make her go on a trip without her father or myself if she weren't totally comfortable with it.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[tourguide81]

I would ask him why, and work from there. The bigger deal the grown-ups make about it, the bigger deal the 5 year old will think it is.

If he thinks he will miss him mom, assure him that he can call her or video with her whenever he wants.

My kids at that age never wanted to do anything without me, either, BEFORE the actual event. We always made them anyway (we are not the coddling type) and they always had a TON of fun.

If you have already paid for your grandson to go, I would not give in to him backing out, but again, that is just my opinion of what I would do with my own kids. I would never give in to hysterics or no's from a 5 year old. By the point where you are in this trip-planning, the time for the child to decide is O.V.E.R. Now it's up to the parents to let him know he is going and that is that.

And, of course, because I know these boards, someone will bring up special needs or sensitive personalities. I trust that this is not the case in your situation or else it would have already been a consideration in your planning of the trip.

HAve fun!!!

Meh, it's more complicated than that I think. The parents should have been preparing him for the trip and getting him to a place where he wants to go. I don't think it's abnormal at all for a 5 year old to be anxious, worried, scared or even say they don't want to go. Pushing them to go really depends on the kid and it's not the grandparent's place to do so. This is a very young child and I think saying you wouldn't given in to hysterics or nos just isn't very useful. There is also such a thing as respecting your child's needs and worries. It's a balance…pushing them and letting them make decisions.

I guess I never would have agreed to letting my 5 year old do something like this b/c I'd be afraid they'd want to back out even though they don't realize the ramifications of doing so.

OP - has the child done overnights w/ you? Weekend trips? Have they been to Disney? Have they been prepared - talking about the hotel, plane ride, parks? Looking at you tubes?

 

[SEA333]

Meh, it's more complicated than that I think. The parents should have been preparing him for the trip and getting him to a place where he wants to go. I don't think it's abnormal at all for a 5 year old to be anxious, worried, scared or even say they don't want to go. Pushing them to go really depends on the kid and it's not the grandparent's place to do so. This is a very young child and I think saying you wouldn't given in to hysterics or nos just isn't very useful. There is also such a thing as respecting your child's needs and worries. It's a balance&pushing them and letting them make decisions.

I guess I never would have agreed to letting my 5 year old do something like this b/c I'd be afraid they'd want to back out even though they don't realize the ramifications of doing so.

OP - has the child done overnights w/ you? Weekend trips? Have they been to Disney? Have they been prepared - talking about the hotel, plane ride, parks? Looking at you tubes?

I get your point, and agree with some of it -

Yes, the parents should be doing the "pushing" not the grandparents. The parents should have been the ones deciding whether the child should go in the first place, and now that the grandparents have paid for it, it is their responsibility to follow through. The concern about the child's feeling and concerns comes in in trying to find out why the child doesn't want to go and assuring them that their needs, emotionally and physically, will be taken care of and mom is only a phone call away.

As for pushing our kids to do something they are not comfortable with, as a parent of a 5 and 2 year old, I can see where you are coming from. I was the same as you when my oldest was that age. Now that I have a teenager and two school age kids, I have done more than my fair share of pushing them to do something that they don't want to do, and they have lived to tell the tale, and sometimes have even thanked me! So, respectfully, telling me that my advice is not very useful is in the eye of the beholder. Going to Disney with loving grandparents that the parents have decided to go along with until the final hours is not the worst thing that can happen to a kid, trust me. Just wait till Middle and High school!

OP - are the parents of this child willing to reimburse you for the trip if they decide not to have their child go?

 

[tourguide81]

I get your point, and agree with some of it -

Yes, the parents should be doing the "pushing" not the grandparents. The parents should have been the ones deciding whether the child should go in the first place, and now that the grandparents have paid for it, it is their responsibility to follow through. The concern about the child's feeling and concerns comes in in trying to find out why the child doesn't want to go and assuring them that their needs, emotionally and physically, will be taken care of and mom is only a phone call away.

As for pushing our kids to do something they are not comfortable with, as a parent of a 5 and 2 year old, I can see where you are coming from. I was the same as you when my oldest was that age. Now that I have a teenager and two school age kids, I have done more than my fair share of pushing them to do something that they don't want to do, and they have lived to tell the tale, and sometimes have even thanked me! So, respectfully, telling me that my advice is not very useful is in the eye of the beholder. Going to Disney with loving grandparents that the parents have decided to go along with until the final hours is not the worst thing that can happen to a kid, trust me. Just wait till Middle and High school!

Ha, yes, sometimes a little pushing is necessary, for sure! Though, of a different scale at their ages than older kids.

 

[ktlm]

I'm assuming this is his first trip? Have you tried showing him some youtube videos of Disneyworld?

Have a friend whose child said they didn't want to go...basically it was because he had no idea what Disneyworld even was. I think the kid thought they were taking him to another planet (i.e. world). They showed him some WDW videos, and he started packing.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

flights all set. Any suggestions?

Has he ever flown before?

 

[redrosesix]

I'm pretty sure my DD would have refused to go at 5...before the trip. If I had said "surprise you're going to disney today with Nanny" she would have happily gone (I think -- we didn't ever actually do it, so you never know).

It could be a lot of different things that would make a 5 y.o. refuse to go. My DD didn't want to stay for supper at my brother's house because they always served her chocolate milk and she was too scared to say she didn't like it -- so she would never go there, even with me, even when she wasn't going to have supper. It took a while for us to figure this out.

For this reason, sometimes you do have to push when you know that they'll be happier going through with it.

 

[DISNEYNV]

This child is most likely afraid to leave mom and dad to go away on a trip away for a few days. I know my six year old would not want to leave even if it was with his Grandparents. Talk to the parents and see if they can find out why he does not feel OK with going away. Are the parents saying something to him to change his mind (maybe mom is saying she will miss him already or something to get him upset in his own mind)? Is there anyway the parents could go along with you? Disney is a great trip to take as a large family as well

 

[MSSANDRA]

I think it'd going to have to be up to his parents. I can certainly understand your frustration and disappointment, and we have kids that we have to push out of their comfort zones quite often, BUT neither would have been good for a vacation without us, a plane trip away for a whole week at 5, even with beloved grandparents and even to WDW. To force the issue might create a very rough trip for everyone! Now if he is use to being away from his parents for long periods of time and its some minor issue like being afraid he has to ride space mountain or something, I would reassure and gently push him to go. Can he tell you why he does not want to go?

 

[Pesky]

I agree that if the parents don't convince him, there is nothing you can do. The parents need to act as if this isn't a big deal, wow, I can't wait to talk to you about your first day! and so on. I think even for our DS, who we have left with our ILs before while DH and I got away, might be nervous about it. In the meantime, once they try to calm his fears, you can pick up with "oh my, I just don't know what I want to do first -- X, where should I go first? Could you help me look at the map and the rides and decide what I should do?" That might get him get excited about going as well.

 

[DakotaRose]

Hmmm. our youngest wasn't very willing to be away from us either. However, he would go with my parents, especially if his brother did, too. My folks were good about regularly doing things with them, and that relationship helped. They would play games, go to the park, or just visit over a can of soda. Keep being loving grandparents, and spending time with him. He will probably come around.

 

[algg]

We did give him an out the other night, explained to my son and daughter-in-law that if he was going to be really upset that I would eat airline ticket and change to one of other grandchildren, (he had just screamed for 1/2 hr. for his dad when his dad dropped him off for me to take to movie, so I took him home) but when it was time to go, if they did decided they wanted him to go, then if crying or not, he was going. They both talked to him separately and he told them he was going. We will be gone 4 nights and I have taken both to waterparks and they have been fine . Thanks for all great comments.

 

[mjkacmom]

If his parents agreed, and thought it was a good idea at the time, either the child goes, or the parents pay for his ticket. In our home, 5 year olds don't have much of a vote. Don't want to go to school? You are going. Don't want to go to the doctor? You are going. Don't want to go to Aunt Mabels for dinner? You are going. Mommy and daddy are going away for a few days and you are going to grandmas. You don't want us to go? We are going. Fortunately, my kids love staying with both sets of grandparents, because we fostered a strong relationship with them since they were babies.

Heck, I remember having to go stay at my great aunt's apartment when my parents went away - slept on the kitchen floor, and wasn't allowed to touch anything (aunt never married, never liked kids). I survived! My mom and her sister were send to live with wealthier relatives during summer vacation, to cook and clean.

Anyway, 4 days in WDW with people who love him dearly won't kill him.

 

[MomofIndigo]

maybe seeing some youtube videos of rides and the park might help?

It helped DD when she went for her 1st time to WDW. We showed her Haunted Mansion, Peter Pan, "honey pots" ride (sorry I cant remember the real name of it), and other things like parades, and character interactions. That way she knew some things that were going to happen and it helped with the "unknown".

 

[TipsyTraveler]

I definitely agree with the PP's who have suggested showing him pictures and videos of Disney and the attractions to familiarize him with it. Maybe it would also be a good idea to try to build excitement leading up to the trip by getting him involved in things like a countdown chain, decorating mouse keeping envelopes that he will be able to set out in the room each day once he's there, etc. Finally, using a little psychology like saying "Mom has her heart set on being able to have a picture of you in front of the castle, Dad is really excited to see what kind of Donald Duck souvenir you pick out for him" might make him feel like he's embarking on an important mission that only he can do. Good luck! I'm sure all his concerns will be forgotten once he's there.