My 18yo ds doesn't want to go to his HS Graduation

[ckay87]

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

Again, I don't understand what the consequences are if the student doesn't attend. No diploma? Really? The kid completes all of the requirements, then goes out into the world as a high school dropout because they didn't spend a few hours in an auditorium? I still doubt that.

 

[Planogirl]

I just opened my mail from yesterday, and there's a letter regarding graduation from the HS administration. It basically states that there's a mandatory meeting next week for at least one parent and the graduate to discuss graduation and end-of-the-year activities. Graduation rehearsal is mandatory and will be for two hours on the Friday before graduation.

In addition, the letter states "Graduation is a formal ceremony. ....there's a dress code: young men will wear dress slacks, dress shoes, socks and a solid color dress shirt under their graduation gown. Ties are preferred but not required."

It also states that the ceremony is strictly voluntary, and that any student who does not wish to participate may pick up his/her diploma in the school office the following Monday.

From the tone of the letter, knowing how the principal is (ugh), and my son's desire to skip it, it looks like we're going to go out for a nice dinner and enjoy ourselves!!

I do my best to skip "mandatory" school meetings. Um, no.

I'm not a witch though. I go if it is something really important or if it somehow truly affects DS. We have a few years before we have to think about graduation though!

 

[bgirldeb]

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

!

 

[Metsfan520]

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

Interesting point of view.

 

[MichelleVW]

Well, you DO want him to do it for your benefit, since he has told you he doesn't care. Nothing wrong with thoping that occasionally a child will give something back to their parents, BTW.

What would upset me is that my kid was being selfish and self-centered. It's a small price for him to pay to do something for a couple of hours for the people who have loved him and helped him through school, to give them a sense of pride.

Ultimately, I'd let it be his choice. But he'd know full well that I was disappointed. If he's old enough to make these kinds of decisions, he's old enough to know about the ramifications of them...that being hurting and disappointing his parents. I wouldn't protect him from that. I wouldn't harp on it for a year, but he'd know I was disappointed.

And I know mine will not be the popular opinion, BTW.

Your opinion is my opinion!

My DD18 has been to 3 different high schools and is graduating this year with a bunch of kids that she doesn't really care about, but no way would she even consider not walking across the stage.

 

[Planogirl]

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

Wow....

 

[Camicar]

I attended my high school graduation, did not attend my college graduation and have mixed feelings.

On the one hand, graduation provides closure, a moment when you can say, "I've done this and I'm done here." It's a useful ritual. It's espeically useful when you've worked hard to get to that point.

So, therefore, I regret making that decision not to attend my college graduation, which was made largely due to disappointment that no one but my dh would have come to see me. My parents simply did not care that I was graduating with honors from a rigorous university which I had paid for myself. I see now that I foolishly allowed their indifference to ruin that experience for me, which I realized in retrospect was MY moment.

On the other hand, I remember little about my high school graduation except for the atypical situation in which our valedictorian got up and gave her speech and reamed out the principal and school board (sitting behind her) for spending the last 2 years in infighting, infighting which resulted in them raiding the school budget for lawyers and actually stealing our senior class' fund-raising account (so no senior trip). She just laid them out by name and we sat there, astonished and thrilled that someone had the guts to do what she did.

Now that, I would not have wanted to miss for the world. Most graduations, of course, are not that exciting. My dd works for a local television which tapes and airs the high school graduations and she thinks they are about as exciting as watching the History Channel, so it would not surprise me if she chooses not to go. She also has no interest in having a party. I have already offered her a trip to NYC or LA for her graduation present and she is much more interested in that than a party or the ceremony and that is fine with me, even though I have told her how I regretted not going to my college graduation.

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

Well, aren't you special.

 

[Serena]

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

response edited by me

 

[friendofgusgus]

BTDT

We went through this last year with my oldest DSD. She was just not going - and really, short of forcibly pushing her into that line as it started moving, we couldn't make her.

She had friends who also missed her that day but she wasn't interested in going for them, either - she just wanted no part of it. She also refused a party.

She got her diploma in the mail a month later and we rolled celebrating her graduation into our once-quarterly birthday celebrations. She did consent to that since she would not be the center of all the attention.

For her, high school is something she did because she had to, and now it's done. It wasn't a milestone to her, or something special. It was her work for 13 years and she wanted to walk off the job her own way.

In the end, it wasn't such a big deal once we got used to it.

The one that's coming up this year, however, won't be happy until we close down Main Street and hold a parade in her honor!

 

[Sandy V.]

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

It would appear that you're not as "high class'' as you seem to think you are. No real need to take potshots at the public school education system. I've seen plenty of "riff-raff" graduate from private schools. Heck, some of them even post here.

 

[LisaR]

I've had conversations with him that sometimes we need to do things in life that we really don't want to, but he's pretty adamant about this.

This part of your post stands out to me. You HAVE taught him that he needs to do things in life that he doesn't want to. He didn't like high school at all yet he sucked it up and did it even though he didn't want to. Kudos to you for helping him get through something he hated and kudos to him for sticking it out and coming out the other end more successful! But now it comes down to this: High school was a necessity. Walking across the stage is not.

 

[MichelleVW]

The one that's coming up this year, however, won't be happy until we close down Main Street and hold a parade in her honor!

That's my oldest too.

 

[McDISer]

Wait a minute...how on earth is it "mandatory????" What are they going to do to you if you don't go? Arrest you? Keep you another year? Deny you a diploma you spent 13 years earning? With all due respect, I'm doubting this. But maybe I'm overlooking something. Would love to hear.

The OP said, her son has to attend the practice which was manditory.
In WI, practice is held during the school day, usually in the morning and graduation is either that evening, or the following Sunday. The practice is probably considered a school day yet. I know it is in my town. After the practice, the Seniors are officially done. So then they have the option of attending the actual graduation or picking up their diploma.

 

[angwill]

OP,
I am in the same situation with my DS only Jr. High graduation. He doesn't have any interest in going and says he graduation will be a boring waste of time. He can't stand his school but has good friends in his grade.

I talked to another mother with twins in his class and found out all the kids are upset and lots want to miss graduation because they changed the graduation date to a week later so they can make up their snow/cold days. The issue is that they let the 8th graders in the past graduate without having to make up snow days and they always got to miss the last day of school. My DS did mention this reason and I had to agree that it isn't fair but it is not something we can control.

I am letting him miss graduation and get his diploma mailed to him. I told him I am proud of him and that he has done very well which is a great accomplishment. I did get him to agree to go to academic award night which is seperate so he can get awarded for being on honor roll all year.

Honestly, all I remember of my 8th grade graduation is how hot it was in the gym and how boring it was. I also remember getting a blank paper for a diploma because they were not done printing them yet which I thought was dumb then.

You are not alone.

 

[JPN4265]

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

You do understand that all parents shell out thousands of dollars to send the kids to school. We call them TAXES down here!!!!!!!!!

 

[blissventure]

I don't agree with the "its their day " line.... thats what creates bridzillas...

now we have gradzillas....

There is nothing wrong with Family rights of passage....
family, community are what gets us thru good times and bad....
celebrate all that you can in life with everyone you love ....life is too short!!!

You put it perfectly! Thank you! Sometimes adults (and aren't high school seniors venturing into young adulthood?) do things for reasons other than making themselves happy.

This is a great teachable moment. This young man would benefit from understanding that he didn't get through 12 years of school all alone. There was a loving family behind him. One of the best ways for a student to say thank you is to be gracious at the graduation.

And about bridezillas---they are well loved by divorce lawyers.

 

[stego]

It sounds like your son has allready started making adult choices from what you have shared. This is one of them. High school graduation is about the individual and the hard work they have put into it. He went to the classes, did the homework, the projects etc. The time has come for him to make that choice. As a parent, I'd be more concerned with "hating it" at high school. Maybe in time, he will reveal to you in depth why he feels this way. If college is in his future, then the emphasis is less on peer pressure. It can be harder in universities and fraternities, etc. I never got peer pressure at the local community college. I think it is ok to feel disappointed as a parent, but in time, you'll get over it. As an adult many years passed since high school; I recognize it as a rite of passage into adulthood. But I had attended 4 different high schools and didn't have the opportunity to build friendships over that time. As I have found out, high school quickly goes into the rear view mirror of life. It was way more important to me to attend my college graduation. It took me 6 years as a single parent to get a 2 year degree. But it was MY accomplishment. Who I shared it with was important to me, but the event itself did not consume me. It was one evening, and just like that, it was over. Right the next day career, parenting etc. was in front of me and college was in the rear view mirror. Today I have a career, I am a husband, I am a father. I'm not defined by how I earn money to provide for at home and really don't want to be remembered in life as that. Rather, I'd much rather be remembered for being the right kind of father and husband by simply being there for the people I love. In the past few years I discovered a sport and incorporated many facets of that into my life. I have shared this with many people, but not forced it upon them. In March of 2004 I was close to 300 lbs. and my physical health was in serious decline. In time, I rededicated myself and this past November I became willing to do the work. I am THIS close to claiming the 100 lb. weight loss total and see this as an opportunity to motivate others. All around us, everywhere you look, the reality of obesity among our children is apparent. How I choose to be an advocate and be an example to others can be my legacy. It appears your son has started on his journey to discover life...and discover what his legacy his is up to him.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

Well, I guess I'll be in the minority, here, but I would never give my kid the out. Of course I can't physically make them go, but I would never tell them it was ok not to. This is one of those things they owe to their parents, grandparents, etc. whether they feel like being there or not. Not an option here.

It's just a couple hours. It's not going to hurt them to not be selfish in this instance.

 

[blissventure]

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

Hmmm....Many private and public schools have high expectations of honesty, courtesy, kindness, personal ethics, and respect for others--both of the parents and the students.
I guess people do what pleases them. Sadly some lessons miss the mark, I guess.

 

[Pigeon]

Private School. The expectations are higher when parents have been shelling out thousands$$ a year for a quality education, I guess.

Today, in public school. it seems parents and kids do what pleases them.

I've got a niece who's in an MD/Ph.D program, another in a Ph.D. program at an Ivy, a third who is senior managment at a major pharmaceutical company at age 28, two nephews with Ph.D.'s in electrical engineering and nanotechnology, and very high paying positions in chip design with IT companies.

How is this remotely possible? None had a "quality" private school education, just an obviously substandard public school experience, where they did anything that pleased them.

Maybe I'll call them later today and tell them they have no futures and should just hang it all up and dig ditches.