Muppet Humor

[AngieBelle]

Direct from the Muppet Show- really funny gags to make you laugh!


NURSE PIGGY: "It's too late, Doctor Bob. We've lost him."
DOCTOR BOB: "Well, he couldn't have gone far. He was under the sheet just a second ago."
*******
Gonzo: "Kermit, are you busy?"
Kermit: "Yes, Gonzo, but I can give you my ear for a moment:"
Gonzo: "What would I do with your ear?"
Kermit: "Van Gogh impressions."

********
Fozzie: "Would you lend me a fiver till payday? ...I gotta pay my writer, the legendary 'Gags' Beasley."
Kermit: "The legendary 'Gags' comes pretty cheap, doesn't he?"
Fozzie: "Well, we worked out a good deal."
Kermit: "You pay him by the line?"
FOZZIE: "No, I pay him by the laugh."
KERMIT: "Oh- then he owes you money."

*****
Gonzo: “Hey, Fozzie, what's on stage next?"
Fozzie: “I don't know -what's on stage now?"
Gonzo: “Nothing."
Fozzie: “NOTHING'S ON STAGE?”
*****
Statler: “You know, they can improve the whole show if they just change the ending.”
Waldorf: “How?”
Statler: “Put it closer to the beginning!”
******
Door Guard: "Liberace uses no chickens in his concert."
Gonzo: "Then maybe he’ll see me."
Guard: "He's only seein' birds."
Gonzo: "I'm a bird! Yeah, I'm a, I'm a turkey."
Guard: "You're not a real turkey."
Gonzo: " Are you kidding? Have you seen my acts?"
*****
Kermit: "I just want to know more about this wedding sketch. I mean, I've got to learn my lines."
Miss Piggy: "Well... you only have one line."
Kermit: "I do?"
Miss Piggy: "Exactly."
************
Kermit: "Hey, Bo -I've got a job for you!"
Bo: "Oh. good!"
Kermit: "Just look at this mess."
Bo: "Okay, that sounds easy enough."
********
Lesley: "You know, Kermit, I thought you were the only person on this show who wasn't crazy."
Kermit: "Me not crazy? I hired the others.”

 

[JohnTBap]

I love the Muppets! Especially Muppet Treasure Island.

 

[olena]

I think they're putting more Muppet Shows on DVD.....

 

[helenabear]

I love the Muppets!!! These are classic lines!

 

[DaveH]

 

[nativetxn]

I love the muppets

 

[Kermit]

LOL

 

[WDWHound]

Its time to play the music
Its time to light the lights

 

[dizneenut]

LOL!