Mulan Is Back

[Mulan'sWarrior]

the counselor talked with the kids and had a good talk, she addressed the cat issue- she asked me "intentional or accidental?" DD says accidental. I told the counselor I wasn't sure- I hope accidental, but I will keep my eyes open...
I think I am hypersensitive to every action they do because of the issues with DAMM. I am trying to dismiss 'normal' bad behavior. but boy it sure is hard
Mulan

 

[momx2]

the counselor talked with the kids and had a good talk, she addressed the cat issue- she asked me "intentional or accidental?" DD says accidental. I told the counselor I wasn't sure- I hope accidental, but I will keep my eyes open...
I think I am hypersensitive to every action they do because of the issues with DAMM. I am trying to dismiss 'normal' bad behavior. but boy it sure is hard
Mulan

Good job! It is hard to do even when parents don't have the issues you and the kids face. I don't think it ever gets easier.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

I earned my first stripe on my belt yesterday You have to earn so many to get to test for the next belt level. Physically, I am doing better and mentally I am wanting to get better and improve myself.
DS is doing awesome- he is using his manners more and more and really focusing and less talking in class. DD is talking more and being a smart eleck in class but her skills and timliness and focus on skill games is improving
Overall, Karate has been a big improvement for all of us
Mulan

 

[cherjp]

HAPPY 4TH JULY TO MY US BUDDIES

 

[ilovejack02]

Woo we are a quiet bunch around here!
Everyone must be busy.
Hope everyone had a happy 4th!

 

[graygables]

Sorry...finance and accounting is kicking my beeeeehind! We also just got back from being on the road for 2+weeks, so it's settle back in time.

Mulan, you're doing great! I so wish I could convince my 12yo to go to karate, but with her problems, I don't see it happening. I'm glad the counselor addressed the cat-thing and I'm glad that you can start to see that some of it is just normal kid stuff. I remember watching my DDs for "signs" of wacko behavior b/c certainly they got some of ex's wacko genes so they were going to grow up to be some kind of, well, wacko! While my DDs have problems, they can be directly traced back to MY family tree, however so after awhile, I realized that I have the dominant (and pretty) genes and quit worrying about it.

I honestly believe it will boil down to you doing the right thing. If YOU are doing the right things and no one can speak against you, then the kids will see that. I can almost promise you there will be a time that they will not appreciate that and you will go through a horrible stage, but if you keep your head up and nose clean, they will see that and respect it again some day.

I'm working on my first speech for Toastmasters and it's an autobiography (in 4-6 minutes... ). It is called "When I Grow Up" and how it took me years to find the answer to that question. I did finally find it and my answer is, "When I grow up, I want to be a hero. I want my DDs to be able to see a strong, capable woman who has weathered many trials and still stands tall. I want to show them that it's OK to pursue your own dreams and not just the dreams that others have for you. On our last trip, my 9yo told me I was their Fairy Godmother. When I asked her why, she said, 'You work so hard and you try to make all our wishes come true." I'm sure my feet were off the ground because my heart was flying. For the first time, I finally felt like a hero." (and you will, too!)

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

....
I'm working on my first speech for Toastmasters and it's an autobiography (in 4-6 minutes... ). It is called "When I Grow Up" and how it took me years to find the answer to that question. I did finally find it and my answer is, "When I grow up, I want to be a hero. I want my DDs to be able to see a strong, capable woman who has weathered many trials and still stands tall. I want to show them that it's OK to pursue your own dreams and not just the dreams that others have for you. On our last trip, my 9yo told me I was their Fairy Godmother. When I asked her why, she said, 'You work so hard and you try to make all our wishes come true." I'm sure my feet were off the ground because my heart was flying. For the first time, I finally felt like a hero." (and you will, too!)

DITTO! I Love it...you know, at Halloween, DS told me I was his hero and he wanted to be like me. But, I just want to strive to be a better person and self improve and keep that image- it feels so good!
HUGS AND HUGS TO YOU AND ALL OF YOU!
Mulan

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Apparently, DAMM read the letter because I received no call from the 1/2 way PD asking why we weren't there Fri night.
I keep praying the the Judge in co will be patient and hear from my atty what stunts DAMM has been pulling and I sure hope that JUSTICE will finally be served.
I emailed my atty the issues I want addressed, but also told her I understand that the Judge has a very busy docket and that all issues can't be addressed.
I asked her that Visitation and my phone visitation be addressed- since Feb, whenever the kids were with DAMM, I called every night and only got to speak with them 2x. DAMM lost his phone visitation, but the kids would ask to call him- they called him 10x and only got to speak with him 3x because his answering machine was off and they could not leave even a message. (The Judge asked me, to allow the children to talk to him when they wanted- I agreed)
The other issues I hope to get addressed is the Custodial Interference charges x2- when he failed to return the children and lastly the vet bill for Little Climber.
And lastly, I am wondering if maybe she were to ask JTB to transfer the case, if he would I haven't asked her this yet- what do you guys think
Mulan

 

[graygables]

lastly the vet bill for Little Climber.
And lastly, I am wondering if maybe she were to ask JTB to transfer the case, if he would I haven't asked her this yet- what do you guys think
Mulan

Just my opinion...I think you need to leave vet bills out of it. The cat is in YOUR household and it will make you seem petty if you take it to court. I'd drop that entirely and just suck it up since he's YOUR pet.

I'm also not sure that I would ask the judge to transfer the case just yet. You are asking him to deal with a lot of stuff and he may feel it more appropriate for it to remain in his jurisdiction until it's settled. Granted, the more DAMM does, the longer that will take, but you need to wait for a calmer time to ask the judge to transfer.

 

[haley's mom]

I would also suggest being careful about the vet bills. I understand that you have invested a lot of money into a cat you did not buy, but it is your son's cat at your house.

If you require ex to pay all medical bills for the cat, he may demand for the cat to be returned to him. If so, your DS will be heart-broken. And you know that DAMM would be sure to point out it was your fault.

You've already spent the money on the cat. If you did not want the additional expense this should have been straigtened out immediately when DS showed up with the cat.

It's been a few months and even though we all know that you did not do anything to make the cat sick, can you prove that in court? Can you prove that your other pet did not make him sick?

Just my 2 cents.

 

[maymom96]

Just my opinion...I think you need to leave vet bills out of it. The cat is in YOUR household and it will make you seem petty if you take it to court. I'd drop that entirely and just suck it up since he's YOUR pet.

I agree. You decided to keep the cat. So any bills you have acquired are your responsibility. Asking to be refunded will make you look petty.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Just my opinion...I think you need to leave vet bills out of it. The cat is in YOUR household and it will make you seem petty if you take it to court. I'd drop that entirely and just suck it up since he's YOUR pet.

I'm also not sure that I would ask the judge to transfer the case just yet. You are asking him to deal with a lot of stuff and he may feel it more appropriate for it to remain in his jurisdiction until it's settled. Granted, the more DAMM does, the longer that will take, but you need to wait for a calmer time to ask the judge to transfer.

Your're right, good points.

I would also suggest being careful about the vet bills. I understand that you have invested a lot of money into a cat you did not buy, but it is your son's cat at your house.

If you require ex to pay all medical bills for the cat, he may demand for the cat to be returned to him. If so, your DS will be heart-broken. And you know that DAMM would be sure to point out it was your fault.

You've already spent the money on the cat. If you did not want the additional expense this should have been straigtened out immediately when DS showed up with the cat.

It's been a few months and even though we all know that you did not do anything to make the cat sick, can you prove that in court? Can you prove that your other pet did not make him sick?

Just my 2 cents.

Yes, I have all the health records- Lucky has been a very healthy cat from day one. Little Climber has been sick from day one- but your right, he is our cat. Period. DAMM would NEVER ask for the cat back. He hates cats. Even to spite me, he wouldn't take the cat back.
I will drop the vet bill stuff....
Mulan

 

[hematite153]

I emailed my atty the issues I want addressed, but also told her I understand that the Judge has a very busy docket and that all issues can't be addressed.
I asked her that Visitation and my phone visitation be addressed-...
The other issues I hope to get addressed is the Custodial Interference charges x2- ...
And lastly, I am wondering if maybe she were to ask JTB to transfer the case, if he would I haven't asked her this yet- what do you guys think

What do I think? Broken record time....

I think you should tell your attorney that you are wondering whether you should ask for the case to be transferred and then ask for her advice about which items should be addressed now.

My guess is that this court date was scheduled with regards to the custodial interference and visitation problems. Therefore, you aren't likely to do anything else.

But, trust your attorney. Tell her ALL of your possible issues/concerns, ask for her advice and then do exactly what she tells you.

Good luck.

 

[2poohbears]

My guess is that this court date was scheduled with regards to the custodial interference and visitation problems. Therefore, you aren't likely to do anything else.

But, trust your attorney. Tell her ALL of your possible issues/concerns, ask for her advice and then do exactly what she tells you.

I completely agree with this. Your attorney will be the best person to help you determine your next actions.

Keeping you in my thoughts....

 

[daisy2]

Hey Mulan was just thinking about you and your little ones. I hope all is well.

 

[Mulan'sWarrior]

Worked at my job Monday and Tuesday- the bosses left me alone but an aide told me that the boss asked her about me- she told her how awesome I was, I thanked her but why is the boss asking about me what she got up her sleeve, I wish they would just leave me ALONE!
I'm working at my new job tomorrow
Today was an awesome day with the kids and a good day of Karate
Court is on Monday- my atty is confident all will be fine
Keep up those prayers for the judge....
Mulan

 

[klj27]

I think it makes sense that she would ask about you. This is like your "probationary" period. It is nice that the boss values the opinion of the aid/support staff. I am glad she gave you a good recommendation!!

 

[LoveKermit]

My atty DH said right away when I first told him about this thread that because you are living somewhere new, the case should be moved. Now, he doesn't know any details since he doesn't read these boards. But I'd definitely ask either atty in either county what the protocol is on that (you could probably research some of that yourself too--not to be demanding, but to be ready for the answer).

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

My atty DH said right away when I first told him about this thread that because you are living somewhere new, the case should be moved. Now, he doesn't know any details since he doesn't read these boards. But I'd definitely ask either atty in either county what the protocol is on that (you could probably research some of that yourself too--not to be demanding, but to be ready for the answer).

I know that in NJ, the children have to live in the new location for at a minimum of 6 months prior to the case being moved. I believe the law varies by state.

 

[JoiseyMom]

My atty DH said right away when I first told him about this thread that because you are living somewhere new, the case should be moved. Now, he doesn't know any details since he doesn't read these boards. But I'd definitely ask either atty in either county what the protocol is on that (you could probably research some of that yourself too--not to be demanding, but to be ready for the answer).

The problem is the judge in county....he WON'T let the case be transferred.