Motherhood.

[CRB#33]

There is a repeat on Oprah today about the hidden side of new motherhood.

There are mothers on here who say there are days that they wish the were never a mother......one says that it's awful 80% of the time.....and many other things...feeling like sending their baby back.

I have to say that I never felt those things . That doesn't make me special or them bad, but I was shocked at this. I had my share of frustrations and sleepless nights, but never once did I wish I never was a mother or that it was much more bad than good. Being a mother was always and still is who I am. It was the first time I ever felt whole!

How about you?

 

[aprincessmom]

Never had any regrets once she arrived. Before she got here it was a whole different story. Since then, I can't imagine life without her nor would I want to live my life without her.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

I have seen the show before and the follow up show they did. I thought they were pretty good.

While I have never regreted having DD there have been days where I have been ready to pull my hair out. Or where I just wanted to go into a room and close the door. But, of course, I did not and got through it.

On the follow up show the Mother who said that it was bad 80% of the time said that was an exaggeration.

I think the point of the show was that Mother's feel guilty for feeling this way. And think they should hide these feelings because they will be judged by other Mother's/Women. No one ever told them that it is normal to have those feelings.

Well, I think it is normal anyway!

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Honest to God where do they find these people?

Could you imagine being the kid whose Mother made you famous in the neighborhood by going on Oprah and proclaiming that 80% of the time she wished you didn't exist?

All Mothers get tired and occassionaly wish for a vacation. All Mothers sometimes lock themselves in the bedroom or run a bubble bath. That doesn't equate to wanting to send them back.

 

[disykat]

My oldest was a very fussy baby and when I was sleep deprived I had lots of negative thoughts about motherhood. I think it is very natural. The problem would have been if I felt that way when I was reasonable rested! I saw that show when it was on before and think it is very important to be able to express those feelings.

The only support I had was from people who kept insisting parenting was bliss and "this is the most special time for you as a mother". I was in agony and that isn't what I needed to hear. I would have loved to hear from others that some babies are really tough and that this phase will pass. Although dh and I laugh now about those days, we both agree it was the hardest several months of our lives.

There have been other times when parenthood has been tough, but never to the extent of when by oldest was an infant. Most things that are worth having are a lot of work. The notion that motherhood is easy and constantly joyful is false IMO. However, I believe motherhood is worth it and an overall joyfull experience -the kind of joy I never experienced prior to motherhood.

The up side of having survived a highly senstitive infant is that I will never forget the hard times and can empathise with people going through it. I think it's very easy for many of us to forget the negative emotions we may have had - because in the long run those aren't important - and only remember the overall joyful experience.

 

[RitaZ.]

proclaiming that 80% of the time she wished you didn't exist?

If I recall, that one mom said that 80% of the time being a mom s***ed. She didn't say that she wished the baby didn't exist.

Frankly, I'm grateful that this show was done. It's time that women really express what they feel about the journey of motherhood. It's not all about wonderful feelings and feeling "high"with happiness. It's a life changing experience, it would be unrealistic to think it is all positive.

The "hush-hush attitude" that many women have about the realities of being a mom is what has created so much of the competition between us. Most women want to be perceived as really "having it together" as a mom, even if it means that they have to struggle with these internal negative feelings and struggle to maintain a happy facade.

I have 3 children, my oldest is 11 and my youngest is 5. For me, there have been times where motherhood has s***ed and times when I have felt pure joy. There is good and bad in everything, yes, even in motherhood.

No one told me that breastfeeling is difficult, I learned the hard way. Naturally, that doesn't mean that every woman has run into problems, many haven't. When my first child was born and friends visited me, they told me that they never had any problems with breastfeeding. Some even made comments about how little milk I was producing. Being a first time mom, who had read a bunch of useless books in preparation for breastfeeding, I figured that something must be wrong with me and how I was trying to do it. At the time, I didn't get any useful advice from my friends, only comments to reaffirm my feelings of inadequacy. Fortunately, I got in touch with a lactation consultant who really helped me through the problems with breastfeeding.

My martyr days are over, have been for a while and I'm never going back. My sanity means more to me and my children than keeping up appearances of being perfect.

Few people like to admit any weakness and inadequacies in public, even among friends. Women are especially critical of themselves and other women. When we stop bashing each other for our choices and our true feelings, then we will have really made progress.

For those of you that haven't seen this show before, there is a second/follow-up show. You'll see what I mean by bashing one another.

 

[Val]

There are days (well, okay, mostly moments) that I would gladly sell my four dear children (DDs 15, 11 and 5, DS 7) to the first willing and able buyer......thank goodness that about the time I am ready to sell them NO ONE would even think of buying them!!!!!! I'm thinking of things like the the exploding diaper on the boat from BW to Epcot, the barbie beach with a 5 pound bag of sugar in the carpet, the painting each other with the dry erase marker the day before picture day, the pre-adolescent sleep over involving a paint fight, the late night oh-gee-did-you-mean-10:30-and-not-midnight-curfew-extravaganza (and that's just the kids)!

It IS okay to admit that there are moments and even days when you are ready to strangle (or insert your preferred method here) your children, husband, wife, pet, etc......but the really important aspect is that you DON'T! My guess is that there are moments when your family members aren't all that happy about their role, either. But, you get over it, move on, and enjoy the times that all your significant beings in your family charm the pants off of you. Life is not easy, marriage is not easy, and parenting is CERTAINLY not easy. But savor the good times, and write down those stories from the bad times. Think of the great stories you will have to tell your grandchildren. Besides, at least in my family, we are cursed. Our parents cursed us with children just like ourselves!

 

[binny]

I have to say I was glad to hear this too.

I think it took a lot of guts to say what they did!!

regretting your kids and saying its tough to be a mom are two totally different things IMHO.

Being a mom IS hard, I have 3 kids, the oldest didnt sleep till he was 3 the youngest still doesnt. in the last 8 years I have had probably 3 weeks total of nights that I was able to sleep through.
Having a special needs child just adds to that.

Besides, there is the guilt, there is the worry, the sicknesses, the pain of watching your child getting hurt by others.

It is TOUGH to be a mom!!!

BUT and this is a big BUT it is So worth it!!

ON the follow up show the moms on this show made sure that people understood that they didnt regret having kids, they just wanted to say it wasnt all a bowl of cherries. I think we can all agree on that cant we?

I mean when youre covered in spit up, cleaning up the floor after your childs first rendevous with spagetti.... it really isnt all that fun at that moment right?

I know that we all love our children, and their love in return makes all of the tough times and sleepless nights worth every sacrifice.

 

[Pin Wizard]

I've always wanted DS...every single day. I can't imagine the poor women with postpartum depression. Thankfully, I didn't have that. DS is the biggest blessing of my life!

 

[sap1227]

I HATED this show. All I could think about was how those children must have felt knowing what their mothers think of them. I think Oprah should have distorted the faces of those women for the children's sake. I have a 16 month old DS and he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me Sure it was hard when he was a little infant and was up every 2 hours and cried ALL THE TIME, but I never wished he was not here. It breaks my heart that these women would be willing to go on TV and let their children see this show