Mother-In-Law overstepping her boundaries...

[ols386]

The person causing the MIL to lose her job is the MIL. It was her choice to violate the law.

It's like blaming the cops for arresting you for committing a crime.

Whatever, I still would not turn-in my MIL.

 

[horseshowmom]

And she is not the 'super-caring grandmother' either that was looking out for her only grandson. When we announced we were expecting, she literally stomped out of the room in a fit. At the delivery, she pushed her way back into the room (after we had asked everyone to leave) as we were going in for a c-section and said "Why don't you get them to tie your tubes while you're in there?" I try to remain civil with her because she is my son's grandmother, but she keeps pushing the wrong buttons and is making that harder and harder to do!

She certainly does sound like a first class jerk. You have my sympathy. Based on this post, it does sound like her son needs to learn how to stand up to her.

 

[ccgirl]

I would not be upset that she saw the records. At our Drs. office, I signed a form that gave access to immunization, I think others have talked about it. It's not illegal for people to look at them, actually it makes some situations much easier, like playing sports outside of the school etc.
BUT, BUT, isn't there always a BUT, you need to talk to her about directly addressing your son with this problem. Hopefully DH will understand once you calmly explain why this is so wrong.

MY son is very close to my mother and father. My father told him tons of stuff before he passed. This little 8yo knew where his money stash was. SO wrong on many levels. Fast forward a few years and now my Mom is telling his stuff he doesn't need to know. Personal family stuff, friends lives stuff, really bad. I finally sat down and told her that my DS was the only person who visits her on a regular basis and does tons of work for her. He love to sit and do puzzles and watch TV with her. He is a teenager. This is really sweet and not common. I had to tell her if she continued to tell him all the stuff, his visits would stuff immediately, NO SECOND WARNING. She has slipped a little here and there, not enough to follow through, but enough to give her the "I know" eye. THIS is what I think you are headed for if she shares things already with him. Talk to your DH about this, use me as an example etc... My son knows when I became sexually active, when I took my first drink etc, things I did growing up. HE doesn't want to know, she overstepped the line.

Good luck, as I said, I would use the immunization as an example but ultimately she needs to have a grandmother/grandson relationship with him.

OThers can look at them if they have the NEED to, not simply the desire. The MiL had no need to look at them, she just wanted to and that is illegal.

 

[KiminChicago]

I agree with you. Its just not a big deal.

I know all about the laws--we have the same thing in education. But, just like I wouldn't really care if my MIL came here and looked at all my educational records, I wouldn't care if she looked up dd's vaccines.

Ah, but what if DD is 16 and Grandma starts poking around looking for prescriptions for birth control pills? It's none of her business, and if she was concerned, she could just ask the parents, that's what anyone else would do....

 

[Pigeon]

The person causing the MIL to lose her job is the MIL. It was her choice to violate the law.

It's like blaming the cops for arresting you for committing a crime.

Exactly. And the OP already confronted her about it once, and the MIL refused to admit that what she'd done was wrong. If she'd showed remorse at that point and promised never to do anything like it again, it would be one thing. But she didn't.

 

[Liberty Belle]

If my MIL did this, I would be angry. I'd tell my husband he absolutely needed to tell her that it was illegal and if she did it again she could be fired.

I would not report her, though. She's family and you only "know" (I suppose she could have been lying) that she looked up her grandson's record. I just wouldn't report her and cause her (or help it along, rather) to lose her job. We've had our differences (and that's putting it very mildly), but I still care about her and couldn't and wouldn't do it.

 

[tlbwriter]

Some keep saying they would report her. So you would be so vindicitive to your MIL that you would cause her to lose her means of support and income?

IF I had an issue with it, I would confront her and tell her to back off and not do it again. And I would remind her it was illegal. But, I don't think I could cause my mil to be without a job (and possibly not hirable to another one).

I said I wouldn't report her, because if she loses her job, the OP will suffer. But the person who reports the crime is not to blame. All MIL had to do was follow the law. Shouldn't be that difficult.

 

[luvsJack]

I said I wouldn't report her, because if she loses her job, the OP will suffer. But the person who reports the crime is not to blame. All MIL had to do was follow the law. Shouldn't be that difficult.

No it shouldn't. But, I find it very hard to believe that every poster on here as followed the law TO THE LETTER at all times. She didn't look up her neighbor's kid's records and start discussing them on facebook. She looked up her own grandchild.

You are right the person that reports her isn't to blame. BUT, the OP should weigh the pros and the cons here of reporting her. And how would her dh react? Is it worth all the heartache it could cause?

It sounds like this lady may be a real piece of work. but does the OP want to have to start supporting her? I sure wouldn't. So, I may tell her to knock it off but I wouldn't report her.

 

[tlbwriter]

No it shouldn't. But, I find it very hard to believe that every poster on here as followed the law TO THE LETTER at all times. She didn't look up her neighbor's kid's records and start discussing them on facebook. She looked up her own grandchild.

You are right the person that reports her isn't to blame. BUT, the OP should weigh the pros and the cons here of reporting her. And how would her dh react? Is it worth all the heartache it could cause?

It sounds like this lady may be a real piece of work. but does the OP want to have to start supporting her? I sure wouldn't. So, I may tell her to knock it off but I wouldn't report her.

I agree that there are many good reasons not to report her (and in the OP's shoes, I wouldn't do it). I just think that "I would be responsible for her losing her job" isn't one of them.

 

[luvsJack]

Ah, but what if DD is 16 and Grandma starts poking around looking for prescriptions for birth control pills? It's none of her business, and if she was concerned, she could just ask the parents, that's what anyone else would do....

I guess that would be between grandma and dd. I would want to know my dd was on birth control so it wouldn't bother me, but it may bother dd.

Its not any of her business but its not hurting the family for grandma to know either.

You are also right that she should have just asked what she wanted to know. I am glad she is not MY mil, that is for sure.

 

[tlbwriter]

Its not any of her business but its not hurting the family for grandma to know either.

You don't know that. I can think of some meddlesome or judgmental grandmas who would have a field day with that information. I know of one, for example, who upon finding out her 16 yr old granddaughter was on birth control, would immediately start calling the girl all sorts of rude names that are probably not appropriate for this board, and would be on the phone all day spreading the news and blaming her DIL for the child's "immoral upbringing."

Again, if Grandma needs that information, she should ask the parent or the child. And if she can't ask them, she should ask herself why she feels entitled to have that information in the first place.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

OThers can look at them if they have the NEED to, not simply the desire. The MiL had no need to look at them, she just wanted to and that is illegal.

Actually I signed off on them fully knowing that they can be looked at by anyone. I am sure someone signing in from a clinic is not going to raise any red flags when the community rec center has also signed in. But this was a personal choice I made, just thought the OP might want to know this exists in case that is how her MIL was able to get them. AND I FULLY disclose that I think MIL is WRONG.

But, I think getting her fired won't solve anything. Either the OP or her husband has to sit down and speak with her regarding stepping over the boundaries before it gets too late.

I guess you can put me with the group who doesn't feel an eye for an eye is needed in this case, just a stern talking/warning so that a good relationship can be created with the whole family.

I grew up with no grandparents as they were either dead or one of my parents refused to speak with theirs. I felt like I was missing something. If the OP gets her MIL fired I would foresee a divide in the relationship that may never be healed. It's not little Johnny's fault and he deserve's Grandparents unless they are abusive.

 

[dzorn]

I would not be upset that she saw the records. At our Drs. office, I signed a form that gave access to immunization, I think others have talked about it. It's not illegal for people to look at them, actually it makes some situations much easier, like playing sports outside of the school etc.


BUT, BUT, isn't there always a BUT, you need to talk to her about directly addressing your son with this problem. Hopefully DH will understand once you calmly explain why this is so wrong.

MY son is very close to my mother and father. My father told him tons of stuff before he passed. This little 8yo knew where his money stash was. SO wrong on many levels. Fast forward a few years and now my Mom is telling his stuff he doesn't need to know. Personal family stuff, friends lives stuff, really bad. I finally sat down and told her that my DS was the only person who visits her on a regular basis and does tons of work for her. He love to sit and do puzzles and watch TV with her. He is a teenager. This is really sweet and not common. I had to tell her if she continued to tell him all the stuff, his visits would stuff immediately, NO SECOND WARNING. She has slipped a little here and there, not enough to follow through, but enough to give her the "I know" eye. THIS is what I think you are headed for if she shares things already with him. Talk to your DH about this, use me as an example etc... My son knows when I became sexually active, when I took my first drink etc, things I did growing up. HE doesn't want to know, she overstepped the line.

Good luck, as I said, I would use the immunization as an example but ultimately she needs to have a grandmother/grandson relationship with him.

Yes it is illegal for an unauthorized person to access these records.

Denise in MI

 

[dzorn]

No it shouldn't. But, I find it very hard to believe that every poster on here as followed the law TO THE LETTER at all times. She didn't look up her neighbor's kid's records and start discussing them on facebook. She looked up her own grandchild.

You are right the person that reports her isn't to blame. BUT, the OP should weigh the pros and the cons here of reporting her. And how would her dh react? Is it worth all the heartache it could cause?

It sounds like this lady may be a real piece of work. but does the OP want to have to start supporting her? I sure wouldn't. So, I may tell her to knock it off but I wouldn't report her.

If she's looked at one persons records she has looked at others.

Denise in MI

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

Yes it is illegal for an unauthorized person to access these records.

Denise in MI

I am not saying what she did was legal, all I was saying is that "I" "me" "my children's" immunizations are in a database that "I" have give authorization for providers (aka a clinic) to pull at any time without me signing or giving my authorization every time it is needed.

 

[luvsJack]

If she's looked at one persons records she has looked at others.

Denise in MI

We don't know that. Why would she want to? Why would she care if some total stranger's kid has had his vaccines?

 

[dzorn]

We don't know that. Why would she want to? Why would she care if some total stranger's kid has had his vaccines?

Oh she would probably go for little johnny down the street and other she knows.

Denise in MI

 

[chicagoshannon]

This is why HIPPA was enacted in the first place!

Yes it was only immunizations ONLY because that is all that is available online. In the future that will not be the case. I'm sure if the other records were available the MIL would have looked at those too!

 

[Wishing on a star]

I just think that "I would be responsible for her losing her job" isn't one of them.

EXACTLY!!!!!!

My one and only reason for not reporting this kind of illegal behavior would be my husband.... As long as one is married... they do have some responsibilty to their spouse.

For me, these things are never, ever 'inlaw issues'...
They are marriage issues.

As long as the OP's husband is under his mother's thumb and is completely unwilling/unable to protect his wife and children from this kind of violation... she pretty much has to limit how she can deal with the situation.

OP, as long as you are in the middle here, I would suggest that you re-read my posts about protecting your information/boundaries, and take it very seriously.

There is simply NO question... If the MIL would knowingly violate federal law in this case, and has also boldly and blatantly disrespected the OP's wishes and legal personal boundaries... she has done things like this before, and she will continue to do things like this the future. ( a good talking to will do absolutely NOTHING to change this... Believe me, this kind of thing is something that can and will not change... Like 'a talking to' will make any difference???? Ummm, yeah right... ) I am saying this with 100% certainty....

 

[daisax]

Giving the gender of one of your patients for the purpose of balloons is not a HIPAA violation.

Even acknowledging that a patient is a patient is a HIPAA violation, sometimes. You have to keep in mind that there are patients who have restraining orders out against other people (often family members). Somebody posing as a florist wanting to know whether Betty Smith has been discharged yet is one of the oldest tricks in the book for finding out if Betty Smith is in that hospital. If the answer is "we have no record of that patient" they just call the next hospital.

Sometimes even without an actual legal restraining order, people want to have their baby in peace and maybe not involve the inlaws, or a difficult sibling. There are all sorts of reasons to protect patient confidentiality, and the most basic is whether they're there at all.