moral question: would you have more kids?

[SandrA9810]

If you knew you had a genetic mental disorder (like autism), would you have more kids without trying to prevent the disorder from passing on??

I know there are a few mom's on here of disabled kids, and all of them would say they wouldn't change a thing about their child, that they love them no matter what. But I can't say I've met a mother of more than one genetically disabled kid (unless they adopted them). And i'm not talking about kids that wind up handicap because of something happening at birth time.

I personally don't want to have any biological kids because I know the risk I have of having disabled kids. I don't want to make their life any harder, or worry about their care when I can no longer care for them.

 

[HelenePA]

Everyone has a risk of having a disabled child! Some have a smaller risk than others. I knew after I had my first dd I had a higher chance of having another child with a heart defect.. Didn't stop me and I didn't have any more children with a heart defect. Also a child, heck ANYONE can become disabled at anytime not only at birth.

 

[kymmyk13]

my DD5 is special needs. I love her with all my heart but I wish she did not have the problems she has. If I knew she was going to have these problems before I conceived her, would I have tried to have another child......... I don't know.

 

[luvmy3]

No, I probably wouldn't have kids in that situation.

 

[happygirl]

Yes, that wouldn't even be a concern for me.

 

[worm761]

Autism is a bad example to use since they don't actually know if it is genetic. My son is autistic. My DD is the younger one and completely healthy. When having either child, autism was not what I worried about. My nephew has PKU, a genetic disorder. We know that the family has the gene to pass it on. I still had kids. If you always don't do something because of the what if, then you would never do anything at all. Don't leave the house today, you might get hit by a car. See....you would never leave the house. I think you have to take into account what you might pass on and what the quality of life would be for the child. I watch DD for signs of autism like crazy but she doesn't show any. Thankfully, DS is on the high end of the spectrum and is very high functioning. We knew it was a possibility with DD too.

 

[emma'smom]

We have a friend who went through detailed in utero genetic testing because they knew, from genetic testing with older child who is autistic, that there was a chance of another child who also had autism. I'm not sure what they would have done if the results had suggested that the in utero fetus also carried the genetic markings. It turned out fine and that baby (now age 2) is a typically developing child.

I never asked her, but I suspect (based on her other religious/political beliefs) she probably would not have aborted. However, she would have felt more prepared and ready to offer that child a the best support system possible as early as possible.

So...genetic testing is an option.

 

[golfgal]

If I knew I had a good chance to pass on something GENETIC to a child that would make their life very difficult, no I would not have children or more children. Autism isn't proven to be genetic so that probably isn't a good example. I know one family that has a DD with Cystic Fibrosis and went on to have an unplanned 2nd child who is perfectly healthy. I wouldn't have planned another child in this situation either.

 

[SandrA9810]

with an almost 100% risk for boys and probably about 75% risk for girls winding up with the defect. Although the girls would have a smaller chance of not showing signs of the problem, but would still be able to pass it along.

That's another issue with me. Even if I got lucky with a normal girl, why would I want to put her through the same torture I'm going through of passing it along?

 

[SandrA9810]

it's Fragile X, which has a lot of similarities to autism, but it's genetic. Most know what autism is, but not fragile X.

 

[BEloveDisney]

I very recently gave birth to a baby with major chromosomal abnormalities that led to his death only two weeks later. Since his birth, my husband and I have both had genetic testing. We discovered that he has a genetic condition and that there is a 30% chance of miscarriage in a future pregnancy and a 13-26% chance of reoccurance. We can't afford pre implantation testing.

That being said, we have some serious decisions to make. We're going to try again, but will need to decide whether or not to continue with a pregnancy if we discover the baby would have the same condition. I wouldn't change what happened (aside from the ultimate outcome of course). If we knew that the baby I was carrying wouldn't have any quality of life or would live only a short time we might consider terminating. If it were a more minor problem we absolutely would continue the pregnancy. There's a good chance (I think) that everything would be fine.

 

[wdwfan16]

it's Fragile X, which has a lot of similarities to autism, but it's genetic. Most know what autism is, but not fragile X.

Can you be tested to know if you are a carrier?

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

I think there are a lot of factors here.

What is the disability?

What are the odds?

What are my resources for caring for this child?

What are my other options for having a child?

I know many individuals with disabilities who live long, happy, productive lives, and others for whom the disability has daily devastating consequences. To me there's a big difference, for example, between Trisomy 13 (frequently incompatible with life) and Trisomy 21 (Down Syndrome, compatible with a long joyful meaning filled life). There's also a big difference between the odds of passing on something like dyslexia or autism (which has many factors and is difficult to predict) to the odds of passing on Cystic Fibrosis (1 in 4) to the odds of passing on Fragile X (almost certain).

There's also a difference between, for example, a condition passed on by the father (in which case banked sperm is an easy option) vs. one passed on by the mother.

Having said that I'm also the adoptive parent of a child who came home with the odds stacked against him (and has turned out not to have any of the things he was "at risk for") and have zero regets about that decision.

 

[krcit]

I very recently gave birth to a baby with major chromosomal abnormalities that led to his death only two weeks later. Since his birth, my husband and I have both had genetic testing. We discovered that he has a genetic condition and that there is a 30% chance of miscarriage in a future pregnancy and a 13-26% chance of reoccurance. We can't afford pre implantation testing.

That being said, we have some serious decisions to make. We're going to try again, but will need to decide whether or not to continue with a pregnancy if we discover the baby would have the same condition. I wouldn't change what happened (aside from the ultimate outcome of course). If we knew that the baby I was carrying wouldn't have any quality of life or would live only a short time we might consider terminating. If it were a more minor problem we absolutely would continue the pregnancy. There's a good chance (I think) that everything would be fine.

I'm very sorry for the loss of your precious son

 

[darwinsrule]

I was diagnosed as bi-polar (manic depressive) when I was 25 before I met my DW. I understand the fear probably better than most. DW was diagnosed with crhon's about a year after we got married. There is a strong genetic component to both illnesses. In the end you never know how the gene's are going to mix, or whether there would be some random mutation. DD's (6 and 2) the simply the most amazing thing that ever happened. Am I still concerned? Every single day. However given everything else they will be exposed to as we raise them, bi-polar or crhon's are the least of our worries.

 

[NotUrsula]

Almost every kid on the spectrum that I know has a neurotypical younger sibling -- Autism is a bad example.

Most chromosonal abnormalities are now predictable if you do the proper tests early in pregnancy, or have PGD done. (PGD is very expensive, but it is a viable way to avoid passing on a genetic syndrome.)

I have a suspicion that you're not speaking of something with a concrete genetic marker, like Down or Turner's or even Fragile X, but of something more like schizophrenia. Many conditions like that are very random in terms of inheritance. My mother was a schizophrenic, and due to our reckless fertility, we know that none of her children has it. Of her 6 grandchildren, three are old enough to be well past the point of typical diagnosis, and those 3 do not have it, either.

Updated: Now I see that it is Fragile X. In that case, I would recommend prenatal testing or PGD if it is a viable option, or perhaps using donor eggs.

 

[luvmy3]

I very recently gave birth to a baby with major chromosomal abnormalities that led to his death only two weeks later. Since his birth, my husband and I have both had genetic testing. We discovered that he has a genetic condition and that there is a 30% chance of miscarriage in a future pregnancy and a 13-26% chance of reoccurance. We can't afford pre implantation testing.

That being said, we have some serious decisions to make. We're going to try again, but will need to decide whether or not to continue with a pregnancy if we discover the baby would have the same condition. I wouldn't change what happened (aside from the ultimate outcome of course). If we knew that the baby I was carrying wouldn't have any quality of life or would live only a short time we might consider terminating. If it were a more minor problem we absolutely would continue the pregnancy. There's a good chance (I think) that everything would be fine.

I'm so sorry for your loss and what you and your dh are going through

 

[bookgirl]

Can you be tested to know if you are a carrier?

Yes, Fragile X shows up in family members without the actual problems associated with the syndrome.

I have a friend who is a carrier.


Having worked in special ed and having special ed kids that I love, I would not choose to have a child that would get a genetic sucker punch. For me, It's one thing to have a child with a 'random' problem and deal with it, it's another to know before hand.

 

[minkydog]

Since there is no "Yes, but" choice that is appropriate I answered "yes, with no reservations." As far as I know there are no in vitro tests for mental illness anyway.

I do happen to have a son with severe intellectual disability. His particular brand of chromosomes are NOT familial, therefore there was no way to prevent it from happening. There were no other family members within 4 generations who have any intellectual impairment. So, no reason for us to suspect there would be a problem. I was 40 when he was born, so of course, we knew there was the possibility, but we chose not to have amnio because we would never kill a baby anyway. Even though he is a LOT of work, he is nothing but pure, unadulterated love on a stick. I would do it all over again.

On the other hand, my family is rife with diabetes, ADHD, and depression. Should I have also not had children on the grounds that they "might" develop a disorder? I think not. When you look at my mother's side of the family, there are at least 8 people with history of depression, 4 with bipolar disorder. All of them are or were fully functioning members of society. My oldest son has bipolar disorder & ADHD, in fact. I have bipolar disorder too, diagnosed 1 year ago when I was at the ripe old age of 52. IN my children's generation there are several children with developmental disabilities though. No one knows why. I have a niece and a nephew with autism & ADHD, and another niece with schizo-affective disorder(similar to bipolar.) And a nephew with ADHD. But there are several who are unaffected completely. Should our family have been denied to pleasure of having *those* children?

I hope you mean this in the nicest way. There are a lot of people out there who really believe that disabled people have no place in society. I hope that's not what you are intimating. I try to believe the best in people. I believe that we have disabled people in our midst for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is the compassion and strength they bring to the general society. In a perfect world...

 

[cteddiesgirl]

That's somewhat of a loaded question.

What if you knew that your family has a predisposition towards cancer? Or some other disease? Does it mean that you won't try to have children?

Also, while your pg, the doctors sometimes still can't tell 100% if there will be something "wrong" with the child. My BFF was told that her youngest would probably have problems. Many people (including me, I'm ashamed to say now) were telling her and her husband to have an abortion. Everyone is happy now that she didn't. That child is a beautiful, caring child with abosolutely nothing "wrong" with her.

My mom had one child who was born deaf and I was born with a cleft palate and cleft lip. I'm sure she'd say she'd do it all again if she knew it would happen.


The question is something like asking a parent of a disabled child if they would have that child if they knew in advance their child would be disabled.