Money for Report Cards

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Paying for grades is the easy way out. Rather than help a child develop intrinsic positive character traits, it teaches them to behave like dogs. Ring a bell, and get fed.

Nice.

In fact, I don't tie school to development of positve character traits.

School is for reading, writing, math, science and social studies. And PE, every now and then...

Positive character trait development is my job, and the rewards for both me and my children are far reaching and non-monetary.

Your clumsy attempt at associating a Pavlovian response with rewards for a job well done won't fly with me.

And what's worse, your post was *completely* unhelpful to the OP.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

Let me add one more thing (while successfully keeping the head of steam under control),

What is the difference between buying your kid ice cream and paying him 10 dollars for a grade? The difference is you take the control away from the child to determine his own reward.

The motivation for my two daughters (who are straight A gifted students, BTW, so I don't think we've been "taking the easy way out" ), is not the money, it is the CONTROL of the money. They want to decide what they do with it. They want to decide what their reward is.

They're also learning that money does not go a long way and it disappears with amazing quickness.

I am a big, big fan of teaching children early on to understand and manage money. By separating money from achievement, ie "taking them out for ice cream", without explaining to them that you are SPENDING money on them becuase they did a good job, is disingenous. It's like you're sanitizing their achievement by divorcing it from that nasty dollar bill.

But when they get to college (and isn't that the point), we just magically expect them to understand the value of a dollar, what it costs to go to school, and what the consequences are of not walking past that credit card desk with the free tee shirts and frisbees?

Just my 2c.

I'm totally cool with what other people want to do with their kids, I know what is working for our kids.

 

[mommytoone]

DH and I do not pay our DD for grades. We do however make a big deal that she is to get good grades, and reward when she does, like dinner, movie, etc. The grandparents are the ones who reward with cash. My DD is the only one on my side so my mom tends to give more. But as the OP stated it motivates her bigtime. She is in a gifted class and is getting all A's and still she is bored in school and needs motivation. I say whatever works for you, and this is clearly working for us.

 

[LVSWL]

Paying for grades is the easy way out. Rather than help a child develop intrinsic positive character traits, it teaches them to behave like dogs. Ring a bell, and get fed.

We pay our kids for grades, always have. I have to differ. I don't feel that making straight A's in one of the top high schools in the nation is behaving like a dog but whatever. We don't pay an allowance. Some people do, whether their kids lift a finger around the house, what does that teach?
Personally, I don't think that the OP's teacher had any business telling her what to do.

 

[dbmarie]

Thanks to everyone that responded. I am so tired of hearing from my dd teacher that "We praise and reward your dd for trying her very best and that's what you should be doing". But on the other hand telling me her grades don't reflect her ability. It's very frustrating and for a long time we listened to the school and tried their way but it wasn't getting us anywhere. Since we started rewarding her for grades she has gradually started doing better.

 

[4winks]

Each child is different and what motivates each child is different. We tried many differnet forms of motivation with ds(10). The best for him is money. I reward for A's & B's.

 

[maddiesmom0116]

I think she could have said a best prctice etc.. But not direct you what to do. Did they actually tell you to reward with money, did she give her thought also on how much while she was at it? I always got money for good grades, but I am not sure how I will handle it when DD5 starts school next year.
I never thought I will try to get good grades for the money. My Sister makes her kids pay her for bad grades and she in turn pays them for good grades- it is not overly motivational for my niece and nephew though either.
I really like the ideas above about rewarding with a special experience with the family like special dinners, mini golf etc... I will have to keep that in mind.

 

[michael's mom]

Okay, I may be off here, but the OP's question wasn't whether or not she should pay for good grades...but rather should she pay for good grades or best effort.

If that is in fact your question, grades vs. effort, I have to say I'd go with the effort. If you teach your children early on that working hard will pay off, they will be better for it in the end(and I am not on the side of monetary payment, but that's only my opinion and not my business what others do).

My example, a strong student, who earns all A's without trying, is sailing through life w/o a care in the world and getting rewarded for it. On the other hand, an average student is studying hours a day, seeking extra help from a teacher, and making social sacrifices to do this, and still can't make an A. I will tell you, in business, the hard worker will get the bonus before the sailor!

If we teach that A student early on to put in the effort (do extra work, challenging work, read more books), he/she will land a far more challenging job, become far more successful, and thus, earn a bonus probably better than the other student anyway.

Regardless of what type of motivation is used, as a teacher, I wish all of my students were like student B. Those are the students that I reward, with praise. It's not the student who is finished in 30 seconds, it's the one who is really working and has made great progress. Even if it is as simple as remembering a homework folder. For some this is hard, and when they remember it consistently, I tell them that I know they "worked" hard to remember that folder and I'm proud of them. The smile on their face from those words far surpasses any amount of $$ they'd receive.

 

[dfarner]

We have never paid our DD (second grade) for bringing home good grades. She is an excellent student academically (working above grade level in all subjects), but she tends to be chatty in class. If she goes a set amount of time (3 days, 1 week, etc...) without "pulling a card" for talking she does get some sort of reward, but never money. Sometimes it is an extra day at the rec center pool, having a friend over for a sleepover, etc...We praise her for her good grades and tell her how proud we are of her for reading nightly, doing homework without being asked, etc...She knows what's expected of her and holds herself to a high standard (sometimes higher than me and her dad do), so I don't think getting money for good grades has ever even occurred to her. Hopefully that doesn't change as she gets older .

 

[badblackpug]

Thanks to everyone that responded. I am so tired of hearing from my dd teacher that "We praise and reward your dd for trying her very best and that's what you should be doing". But on the other hand telling me her grades don't reflect her ability. It's very frustrating and for a long time we listened to the school and tried their way but it wasn't getting us anywhere. Since we started rewarding her for grades she has gradually started doing better.

Ok this clarifies it for me. In your original post it sounded like the teacher was trying to say that you are expecting grades that are beyond your child's means. To a degree, I agree with the teacher, in that, a child should be rewarded for doing their best, not the actual grade, as some children may not be capable of A's. I don't think it is fair to punish a child who works their butt off, but, realistically, a C may be his/her best effort. But...if you are saying your child is capable of better grades and is just not making the effort, and the school also says she is not working to her potential, then do whatever works!
Different children have different motivators. In motivating, or punishing a behavior you have to find what works best. For some it may be cash, for others TV time, video games, outing, privileges. Do what you gotta do....

 

[sanibelsettler]

Nice.

In fact, I don't tie school to development of positve character traits.

School is for reading, writing, math, science and social studies. And PE, every now and then...

Positive character trait development is my job, and the rewards for both me and my children are far reaching and non-monetary.

Your clumsy attempt at associating a Pavlovian response with rewards for a job well done won't fly with me.

And what's worse, your post was *completely* unhelpful to the OP.

If you have to pay your children to motivate them, then I guess that is what you have to do. We never found it to be a need.

Learning that doing their best feels good has worked best for us. Since most things that we do, and want to do well are not monetarily beneficial it makes sense. Too many kids want paid to breathe, and the current workforce sure is showing that theory sucks!

 

[Moeluv4u7]

We don't pay for good grades- I expect them to do their best AND I know when my kids ahve done their best or not.. i.e. late homework turned in, last minute project being done, etc- That is not their best- I encourage them to set priorities and take responsibility when their priorities are not set correctly OR if they feel friends visits comes before school work, family chores, then they are limited to what they are allowed to do until they rethink their priorities...

On the other note-
A teacher has no business telling you all how to reward your child for grades- That is up to you- It works for some kids and for some it doesn't
I say we don't pay for good grades...
We will occassionally set forth a reward- such as if they bring up a grade I will match their saved money and put it in the Disney spending fund, etc- This does not happen all the time-

A teacher should not dictate how a parent rewards a child- A child should want to do their best and see the accomplishments they have made with pride- If an "S" is your child's best then you deem fit of how they are rewarded...
I would let her know I don't think she has a place to tell us how to reward our child- Putting forth their best effort is expected and it is not up to her to decide the reward.

In the real life unfortunately it is not true of those who work harder get paid better or get the raise/promotion...
That would be ideal but it is not the way in many corporations! The guy who rubs shoulders is most recognized and he can be a jerk who takes credit for someone else's hard efforts... (This has not happened to me but it has happened to someone I work with- the worst part is the entire company sees it!) The boss seems to be blind or he is holding enemies closer... LOL
Didn't mean to takethis off topic-
Do what is in your best judgement for your child- whether it be monetary reward, a nice dinner, or a big hug and kudos for a job well done! It is no one's place to decide what the best type of reward is for someone else's situation. That is up to you to set forth and it should not be something that is expected of you but a genuine, I am proud of you and want to reward you for all you've done... Good Luck!

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

If you have to pay your children to motivate them, then I guess that is what you have to do. We never found it to be a need.

Learning that doing their best feels good has worked best for us. Since most things that we do, and want to do well are not monetarily beneficial it makes sense. Too many kids want paid to breathe, and the current workforce sure is showing that theory sucks!

We don't pay them to breathe, we pay them for excellent work.

We don't "have" to pay them, we choose to pay them because they like it and are very motivated by it.

Most of your posts smack of the "nobility of poverty" party line, and that's fine, I'm not dinging you for rejecting all things to do with money, you just need to chill when other people find it does work well.

 

[dbmarie]

Actually the problem is that everyone feels that my dd's grades are not representing what she is capable of. We had a neuropsychology, acheivement, etc... and all of the testing clearly shows that she is capable of good grades. None of her teachers disagree that she should be doing much better but she isn't. Her teachers feel that she is she doing her best and we should reward her. I guess our issue is how can she be doing her best and still be unable to be working at her grade level. I just don't feel accepting poor grades will help her later in life and I'm at a lose for what else to do.

 

[LVSWL]

Like I mentioned in a previous post, my kids do get paid for good grades. That being said, I don't think that is in the back of their minds each day/week as they pay attention in class, prioritize their assignments, stay on task, turn in their work on time, study for tests, work on projects, strive to prepare an A project rather than a B or C project. This is all done because of their own work ethic which we have encouraged (no-not just with $$), but because they want to succeed. We have always stressed to them that if they are successful in their academics then they will have more choices when it comes to college and also choices in what they want to do with their life. The $$ is just the icing for them. Many times they forget that we are going to give it until we write the check.

 

[dbmarie]

We have always stressed to them that if they are successful in their academics then they will have more choices when it comes to college and also choices in what they want to do with their life.

I guess our issue is she is only 8 and we are having a hard time making her understand that school is important.

 

[Kickapoo Joie Juice]

I guess our issue is she is only 8 and we are having a hard time making her understand that school is important.

The only advice I think I would have here is that we try and show the kids how important school is-I can talk at them all day and it won't make much of a dent but the fact that we sit down with a snack and their books as soon as we get home and work on their homework together, and I check their school agendas daily, sign stuff that has to do with school, and they can see that I make it a priority, so they tend to, as well.

They also see me coming into school when I'm not working to each lunch with them and occasionally chat with their teachers. They also know the teachers and I email back and forth. I also check the teachers' websites to make sure the kids don't forget upcoming tests/reports/weird stuff.

We also go over all the homework/tests they get back to see if they felt that there were parts of the work they didn't feel strong with and wanted to talk about with us.

We also talk about the future, going to college, what sort of things they'd like to study, what middle school might be like. We talk about education in the sense that it creates opportunities to do what you want in life. The harder you work, the more opportunities you create for yourself.

My 4th grader wants to be a geneticist right now (wants to create chicken sized dragons), so one of the summer camps I signed her up for is a biological science camp.

My third grader wants to be a roller coaster engineer, so she's taking a rocket scientist camp.

Don't worry, I also signed them up for Rock Star camp.

But what I'm trying to say is, we as parents make their school a really big deal, so they think school is a really big deal.

Is it insanely time consuming? Yeah, and I remark to my husband sometimes that I feel like I'm back in school all over again (when was the last time you had to divide with decimals? Yep, that's what the 4th grader's working on now, oh joy.)

So, it's one option that works for us...

 

[LVSWL]

The only advice I think I would have here is that we try and show the kids how important school is-I can talk at them all day and it won't make much of a dent but the fact that we sit down with a snack and their books as soon as we get home and work on their homework together, and I check their school agendas daily, sign stuff that has to do with school, and they can see that I make it a priority, so they tend to, as well.

They also see me coming into school when I'm not working to each lunch with them and occasionally chat with their teachers. They also know the teachers and I email back and forth. I also check the teachers' websites to make sure the kids don't forget upcoming tests/reports/weird stuff.

We also go over all the homework/tests they get back to see if they felt that there were parts of the work they didn't feel strong with and wanted to talk about with us.

We also talk about the future, going to college, what sort of things they'd like to study, what middle school might be like. We talk about education in the sense that it creates opportunities to do what you want in life. The harder you work, the more opportunities you create for yourself.

My 4th grader wants to be a geneticist right now (wants to create chicken sized dragons), so one of the summer camps I signed her up for is a biological science camp.

My third grader wants to be a roller coaster engineer, so she's taking a rocket scientist camp.

Don't worry, I also signed them up for Rock Star camp.

But what I'm trying to say is, we as parents make their school a really big deal, so they think school is a really big deal.

Is it insanely time consuming? Yeah, and I remark to my husband sometimes that I feel like I'm back in school all over again (when was the last time you had to divide with decimals? Yep, that's what the 4th grader's working on now, oh joy.)

So, it's one option that works for us...

WOW! I feel like I could have written that! This is great advice. The kids that I worry about are the ones who's parents say "why do they need to know about ....?" Support her, help her, praise her and she will respond in kind. But being involved will help you to stay in touch with what is expected of her at each grade level. I know that it is tough when parents work, but helping her to establish good study habits and be proud of her work will follow her throughout her life.

 

[disneymamaof2]

My DD7 school has award assemblies and they get small prizes and how many prizes they get depends on where they are on the honor roll (honors, high honors, highest honors) and they are in the process of putting a school store in and the kids can earn "money" to buy things from the store, so the school feels rewards are important. I should also mention that our school was a "blue ribbon" school, our test scores have always been high.

 

[sk!mom]

One question... Why is the teacher giving an opinion on this parenting issue?

I'm a teacher and a mom. Different families have different viewpoints on this and different incentives motivate different children. The ultimate goal would be for your child to be intrinsically motivated. One of my children is completely intrinsically motivated- she has her own goals and always pushes herself. The other needed a bit of extrinsic motivation to do his best.

Bottom line- I don't think it's any of the teacher's business. Do what works for your child and your family.