Moms gone Crazy

[TheZue]

Wait ten years. I'd be shocked if they are still together. This isn't all that new either. My mother in law loudly proclaimed that "hot tubs ruin marriages" when we looked at a house with one a few years ago Turns out a few of their friends were into Key parties in the 70s that involved hot tubs...they are divorced now (their friends; not my inlaws).

 

[PaulaSB12]

Your friend has a co-worker who tells her all the intimate details of her extramarital affairs and intimate details of what goes on in her bedroom? Then your friend repeats it to you in all the same details? Then you post about it on a message board?

I have some really close friends, and I don't know one sacred detail of what goes on in their sex life.

I worked at a university many years ago, I was given the computer account of the previous woman. She had a friend in the computer department (I worked in the physics dept) who had an affair with her married boss she left emails from this woman with every detail of the affair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Uncle Remus]

Maybe not a mental illness but something real close. If you cross a line and cheat on your spouse than I think that is a problem. I'll look at finding the right word I want to use. I guess if she did not have a husband and kids at home I would not be writing this post. I'm mad that some people find her behavior okay. The women at the Catholic School her daughter attends have also talked about how common this is. Affairs, shopping, the movies, there all the same? What's the big deal? The only area they disagreed with her on was telling her husband. Other than that what's the problem? Nuts, crazy, these words just keep coming to me.

If she didn't have the husband or the kids at home, would you still think she's mentally ill?

 

[luvmy3]

Maybe not a mental illness but something real close. If you cross a line and cheat on your spouse than I think that is a problem. I'll look at finding the right word I want to use. I guess if she did not have a husband and kids at home I would not be writing this post. I'm mad that some people find her behavior okay. The women at the Catholic School her daughter attends have also talked about how common this is. Affairs, shopping, the movies, there all the same? What's the big deal? The only area they disagreed with her on was telling her husband. Other than that what's the problem? Nuts, crazy, these words just keep coming to me.

Honestly why are you mad that some people find her behavior okay? The only one(s) that should be concerned with her behavior is her family. It really is nobody elses business what goes on in her marriage, that is between her, her husband and her kids. The husband knows, he has known she has had past affairs, why does that bother YOU so much?
You are free to have an opinion on their relationship but to be mad at other people because they don't share your's is a little crazy. All you can do is live your life the way you see as morally right, you can't expect everyone else to live the way you think is right.

 

[Uncle Remus]

Honestly why are you mad that some people find her behavior okay? The only one(s) that should be concerned with her behavior is her family. It really is nobody elses business what goes on in her marriage, that is between her, her husband and her kids. The husband knows, he has known she has had past affairs, why does that bother YOU so much?
You are free to have an opinion on their relationship but to be mad at other people because they don't share your's is a little crazy. All you can do is live your life the way you see as morally right, you can't expect everyone else to live the way you think is right.

Thank you for askin' her.

 

[rie'smom]

My SIL is nutty. She had an affair with my BIL while still married to her 1st husband. She told my husband at a family function that his brother doesn't want to "do it" enough. She sleeps around -A LOT.
At our niece's wedding last Friday, she told me she was going out to the bar after the reception to "get some"(not the language used). She also thinks that BIL may be seeing someone. The saddest aspect is that she has a 15 year old son from her first marriage. MY BIL had a vasectomy and loves this boy as his own. The son is at an age where he'll start hearing things about his mom. It is going to get very ugly.

 

[freckles and boo]

Oh, let's have a li'l fun today.

I wonder if this woman's husband is neglectin' her and that's why she has to have her online affairs?

That just about sent Pepsi out my nose.

Honestly, if the gender was reversed there would be at least a couple of posters making that suggestion.

I personally think being unfaithful is emotionally cruel unless that is agreed upon by both parties. However, you really don't know what is going on. If the husband is going to try to wait it out, it is his business.

 

[luvsJack]

Does anyone know a person that has lost their mind? My friend at work has a friend that is married with three little children. She has been having on line affairs and has now acted on them. She meets men and has sex. Her whole purpose at this point is to have sex. Her husband knows but is still holding out hope that she will work this out of her system?? Has the world gone crazy? Her friends have told her they have also had affairs and this is what keeps their marriage going? I'm talking about women with little children, educated, living in good neighborhoods. Most are stay at home moms. I just don't get how the values of people have gone down the drain. The friend now wants to install a pole in her bedroom and wants some advice from her husband on what men like?? I'm not even kidding. What husband would tolerate a wife like this? Both need some real help. I just wonder how common this is in other areas. I know that when my friend and I talk we are amazed at what people think is okay. A good night for me is my pajamas, pizza and a good movie. I might add that being with my husband and kids.

The part I have bolded, if meant literally, could in fact actually signal "mental illness". Meeting men and having sex is not just having an affair. If this woman's whole purpose in life is to find the next guy to have sex with; she has a mental problem; maybe she has an addiction to sex.

 

[Camicar]

What husband would tolerate a wife like this?

There are husbands who not only tolerate this, they get off on it. Voluntary cuckoldry. Some guys get off on the fact that other men think their wife is hot, some guys get off on hearing the details (voyeurism), some men get off on other more...intimate sharing of the wife which does not involve being in the same room at the same time, if you KWIM. I guess if a person knows their spouse is off doing this (and risking both their health) and chooses to stay with him/her, then s/he must get something out of it -- maybe it's the fiction that they have a good family life, maybe it's some sexual thrill, who knows?

In so far as the wife, not being privy to her thought processes, I cannot really comment on them. Perhaps she has a high sex drive which her dh is not willing or able to meet, perhaps he does not satisfy her on any number of levels. Perhaps she is so bored she is spending way too much time on websites which make 'alternative' behaviors seem normal --I sure saw that when I worked in a pastoral counseling situation - people got intrigued by some curious idea, then got obsessed with it to the point of spending a LOT of time looking into and then started to think that behavior was normal. Perhaps she thought she wanted the picket fence life, when what she really wanted was a swinger life -- sometimes we start a road with the best of intentions and find out that we should not have gone down that path because it makes us terribly unhappy.

As long as her dh is willing to be with a spouse who is going down an alternative path, then that is his choice.

 

[Darsa]

This behavior absolutely CAN be considered a symptom of mental illness. Several of them, in fact.

Honestly why are you mad that some people find her behavior okay? The only one(s) that should be concerned with her behavior is her family. It really is nobody elses business what goes on in her marriage, that is between her, her husband and her kids. The husband knows, he has known she has had past affairs, why does that bother YOU so much?

And if someone brings a situation like this onto a public forum, asking for opinions, what's wrong with people giving their opinions? Isn't that what they're wanting? The thought of people cheating on the person they promised to love, cherish, etc disgusts me too. Not to mention the husband putting UP with it!

 

[themarquis]

it's true that sex addiction is diagnosable as a mental illness. It's not totally clear to me that the OP is describing someone who is actually a sex addict (rather than just someone who is going out and having affairs). But it does seem that the OP was gesturing toward ALL moms who have affairs as being somehow mentally ill (most of the OP's post was referring to a GROUP of moms who are all having affairs for whatever reason).

It's interesting -- I've seen several threads on the DIS like this and it does seem that there is some notion among (at least a proportion of ) disers that one (especially if one is a woman ) has to be mentally ill to sleep around and/or that it's such unbelievably strange behavior that a person who does it must be totally outside of the range of normal.

Interestingly, when you look at some numbers, it's pretty common. Depending on the source, we see about 30-40 percent of people have extramarital affairs at some point in their lives. I would think, then, that we would have to agree that extramarital sex is a variation of normal sexual behavior (whether or not we think it's a good or bad thing is a totally different story).

Anyway, I don't mean to pick on the OP. I just think it's interesting that it is treated as a shockingly abnormal thing, when it is actually very common.

As a side note, I would think that the reason that "moms" have affairs is similar to the reason that anyone else has affairs -- they're dissatisfied with their partner, they have a robust sex drive, they're bored, they're annoyed or angry with how their partner treats them, they're satisfying a momentary urge, etc. I wouldn't think that "moms" need to have "gone Crazy" to have an affairs.

 

[luvmy3]

This behavior absolutely CAN be considered a symptom of mental illness. Several of them, in fact.



And if someone brings a situation like this onto a public forum, asking for opinions, what's wrong with people giving their opinions? Isn't that what they're wanting? The thought of people cheating on the person they promised to love, cherish, etc disgusts me too. Not to mention the husband putting UP with it!

Maybe you should have quoted my entire post, I said that she has every right to have an opinion on it
I was just wondering why the OP is mad at people who don't agree with hers.

 

[luvsJack]

it's true that sex addiction is diagnosable as a mental illness. It's not totally clear to me that the OP is describing someone who is actually a sex addict (rather than just someone who is going out and having affairs). But it does seem that the OP was gesturing toward ALL moms who have affairs as being somehow mentally ill (most of the OP's post was referring to a GROUP of moms who are all having affairs for whatever reason).

It's interesting -- I've seen several threads on the DIS like this and it does seem that there is some notion among (at least a proportion of ) disers that one (especially if one is a woman ) has to be mentally ill to sleep around and/or that it's such unbelievably strange behavior that a person who does it must be totally outside of the range of normal.

Interestingly, when you look at some numbers, it's pretty common. Depending on the source, we see about 30-40 percent of people have extramarital affairs at some point in their lives. I would think, then, that we would have to agree that extramarital sex is a variation of normal sexual behavior (whether or not we think it's a good or bad thing is a totally different story).

Anyway, I don't mean to pick on the OP. I just think it's interesting that it is treated as a shockingly abnormal thing, when it is actually very common.

As a side note, I would think that the reason that "moms" have affairs is similar to the reason that anyone else has affairs -- they're dissatisfied with their partner, they have a robust sex drive, they're bored, they're annoyed or angry with how their partner treats them, they're satisfying a momentary urge, etc. I wouldn't think that "moms" need to have "gone Crazy" to have an affairs.

I certainly don't think that everyone who has an affair is mentally ill, but I saw the description the OP gave as something very different than an affair. Just going out to randomly meet people to have sex with is just not normal behavior.

While it is true that it is very common for one or both marital partners to be unfaithful, making someone's "whole purpose" to have sex (as said by the OP) is not common at all.

I think another reason for affairs and one that happens most of the time is an unhappiness with one's self. And that could also be the problem with this woman. She may be going from man to man trying to find a happiness within herself that just isn't going to happen.

 

[Tomader]

Maybe you should have quoted my entire post, I said that she has every right to have an opinion on it
I was just wondering why the OP is mad at people who don't agree with hers.

I'm not mad at people. I'm just mad that people take marriage and what it stands for so lightly. Marriage is work. I posted this just to see what other people's views would be on this topic. I'm glad to see so many people agree this is wrong on all levels.

 

[GothTink]

Maybe the husband doesn't leave because it does something for him. Maybe they're swingers...?

 

[SundancePass]

Hmmm..maybe they are Swingers. Don't Swingers have sex with lots of people besides their respective spouses? Would that explain her behavior?

And then that would bring up a whole other topic of discussion.

Personlly, I believe that having sex outside of marriage (when the couple IS married) is just wrong because of my personal belief system. Wrong for any reason - whether the other spouse knows about it or not.