Moms. does it make you smile when a pregnant woman says this?

[cari12]

The reality is, until you have kids, you really have no clue. Opinions are fine, but in reality, they mean nothing.

I love the woman I used to work with who had a dog. Everytime the subject of kids came up, her dog would come up. Apparently her dog could read, write, speak, etc. lol. It was ridiculous that she thought it was the same thing.

Anyone who talks and treats their dog as if it were a human, has never had a baby! They are worlds apart.

 

[cari12]

Understandable, but what other posters are saying is that until you actually HAVE a child of your own you don't know anything. I fail to understand why the fact that I have not given birth to the child I spend 50 hours a week feeding, diapering, etc. means I don't know anything about children and how to take care of them.

I wouldn't say you don't know anything. You know a lot about the basic care of a child but what you don't get is parenting. Parenting is being responsible for that child 24/7 and not being able to give it back at the end of the day and go home to peace and quiet. As a parent you have to make every minute of every day and night work for both you and the child in the best way possible. That is a huge difference and gives you a whole different perspective on things. A perspective that those without children of their own could never have.

 

[5lilfish]

But people weren't talking about emotions when they said nannies and non-parents don't know anything. They were talking about diapers and making your own baby food. Nannies may not know the gut-wrenching feeling of letting your heart go walking around outside of your body, but child care is also an important part of the parenting experience. So saying they know NOTHING, as a few posters have said here, is absolutely untrue.

What I am saying is that all those childcare decisions are affected by Mom's emotion. Now it is not just a matter of whether X is better for the child than Y, but also the fact that baby wants Y more and is crying and breaking your heart. Add to it the emotion of feeling like every decision you make affects your child's future. So do you go with Y because it what makes your child happier or is X important enough to your child's well being that you really need to stick with it. All these desicions get swayed by things that a child care provider just doesn't have to deal with. Plus, Mom's shift never ends.

I took care of 4 kids for 2 days a week, as my job, all the way through college. I had LOTS of child care experience and knew a lot before I had kids. It helped, for sure, but I was amazed at how different things were when it was my own baby.

Jess

 

[cari12]

But people weren't talking about emotions when they said nannies and non-parents don't know anything. They were talking about diapers and making your own baby food. Nannies may not know the gut-wrenching feeling of letting your heart go walking around outside of your body, but child care is also an important part of the parenting experience. So saying they know NOTHING, as a few posters have said here, is absolutely untrue.

I think many of the posts saying non-parents know nothing are not referring to professional nannies, they are referring to the friends and family members (not nannies) who have no children telling them how they should raise their child and what they are doing wrong.
Nannies definitely know something about basic childcare or else they would not be employed for long. But for a parent every decision you make is filled with the emotions of how is this going to affect my child for the rest of his life? Is this the best thing for my child? Including the choice of nannies/childcare. As a nanny, you just need to get through the day with the child.

 

[michellev]

I would guess that you are a SAHM, which is wonderful and what you were able to achieve-fabulous. It's not always possible for everyone, well-most of us. We used cloth, then we travelled a lot and switched to disposables-cloth not practical on airplanes, long car trips. Our son was adopted-had to use bottles. I made my own baby food or bought organic from the local co-op almost all the time-again the travelling was a problem-not always having organics; it was 15 years ago. My son would not take a pacifier; I tried because he had reflux and needed something to soothe him at times. He ended up chewing on one of our cloth diapers for comfort because I inevitiably had over my shoulder due to his reflux. Babies can not be conformed; they are human beings and start using their brains upon arrival.
Schedule? Yeah, right. We managed night sleeping fairly well but the nap schedule...whoa, all of a sudden he'd wail and it was naptime-no schedule.

I am not a stay at home mom (but I did have a good maternity leave). Also, I was not comparing myself to anyone else, just suggesting to the OP that what her friend wanted to do was not that difficult to achieve.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I would just wish your cousin good luck. She will need it.

 

[tlbwriter]

I think many of the posts saying non-parents know nothing are not referring to professional nannies, they are referring to the friends and family members (not nannies) who have no children telling them how they should raise their child and what they are doing wrong.

I'm sure this is true, but the two posts I quoted were referring specifically to nannies.

 

[ccgirl]

This was me only it was baby #3.

BF is best but as you said what happens when you can't BF. I have a cousin for whom her milk never ever came in for all three of her kids. I also have another cousin who'd had surgery that caused her to be physically unable to BF. I have another cousin who was so set on the fact that she was going to BF until her DH told her it was repulsive and she had to make a tough choice - family harmony or BF.

I did BF all three of my boys - for 2 years each, let them wean on their own, wore #3 (but only because if I put him down he screamed), and I never gave them a bottle but it's not that they NEVER had a bottle it's that I never gave them one. And I think that's where the OP's cousin is unrealistic. Unless she never ever lets that baby leave her sight, never has an appt. etc where baby can't be there (never has to take DH to the ER at 10PM ) then that child will at some point have a bottle especially since she is running a business. At some point in time she's going to have to give in to the reality that you can't be all things to all people and that that baby is going to do things on it's own schedule.

I just hope she's not setting herself up for a case of post partum depression when things don't go exactly as she planned.

Hmm..that was me by baby #1. The nurses were surprised when I agreed to let them take the baby. They said most 1st time mom's want to keep the babies with them. Both my 1st and 2nd babies were very different. My DD had to be worn. She had colic and reflux. No schedules worked for her. My son was also very independent and loved schedules. I dabbled in baby food making. It was pretty easy. My children started cereal and table food pretty early though.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Well, I'll bite. a professional nanny has skills. Not breastfeeding, lol. They have skills like "baby whispering." but that has nothing to do with parenting, etc. It is merely a job with hours, vacations and pay. Lol, motherhood usually includes none of the above. Since this thread is about parenting and not child care issues, those who haven't been parents and who think they have a clue are what we are amused by.

 

[disykat]

I have three children and cloth diapered them, didn't use bottles and didn't use pacifers. I don't think any of those criteria are particularly difficult to achieve. I also made my own baby food- some of it grown from my own organic vegetables..

I didn't use a schedule, but overall don't see anything wrong with what your friend is going to do.

I doubt anyone thinks her way is wrong - we're laughing at the "never" part.

 

[hambirg]

Well, I'll bite. a professional nanny has skills. Not breastfeeding, lol. They have skills like "baby whispering." but that has nothing to do with parenting, etc. It is merely a job with hours, vacations and pay. Lol, motherhood usually includes none of the above. Since this thread is about parenting and not child care issues, those who haven't been parents and who think they have a clue are what we are amused by.

I had to comment on the "baby whispering" comment. I think that just highlights the point we parents are trying to make. . . because those of us that are parents fully realize that the "baby" stage is a blink of an eye in the life of parenting our child. When you are a tween-teenage-young adult making bad decisions-adult who has made some poor life choices whisperer" then you will fully understand the parent perspective. Being able to change diapers and make baby food does not a parent make. JMHO.

ETA-

I doubt anyone thinks her way is wrong - we're laughing at the "never" part.

Exactly! I can just imagine how many people have said that their children will NEVER. . .get picked up for shoplifting. . .take drugs or drink too much. . .marry the wrong person. . .have a child out of wedlock. . .etc. . .but even with all the best intentions in the world, it happens. Never say never.

 

[DVC-Don]

I remember the neighbor who while pregnant with twins that said she'd never be caught in a minivan. Both her and her husband drove little VW Jettas back then. Later we'd sit on our porch and watch them try to load all the baby stuff and double stroller in the trunk and two car seats in the back. They had a Honda minivan before the kids were one year old.

 

[spacemountainmom]

Thanks for understanding. I think it's awful they are putting so much emphasis on those statistics. Being able to not breastfeed (it does happen as you know) or choosing not to breastfeed should not be a failure in any way. When I couldn't exclusively breastfeed my DD I was made to feel like a failure from most of the nurse's and LC's. The Dr. reminded me the most important thing was the baby was getting fed. I repeated this to one of the nurses's and she actually said, "what does he know he is a man". I was shocked and I absolutely did report that. I had one nurse I remember fondly. Tearing up thinking of her. SHe would just hold me when I cried because I wasn't BFing so well. She echoed the words of the doctor and let me know a happy mommy is a happy baby. She let me know I did have a choice. I left there feeling much better thanks to her. It's amazing how much better that nurse made me feel. I requested her when I had my son. I went in there much more confident and let each nurse know if they had a problem with my decision they were free to move on to another patient because I wasn't hearing another word about breastfeeding.

Sorry to get so off track.

WOW! I have heard a few stories like yours and they make me so angry. I feel that the choice to BF is up to the woman. She is the one who has to deal with everything.

I had a friend whose dh told her that she WOULD BF. I told her to tell him when he grew some B's, he could make the decision. She ended up deciding to BF and then her dh and his brother would constantly refer to her as the "milk truck". I told them both that they were completely rude and disrespectful to her.

I also would not have delivered at a hospital that did not allow an expectant mother the choice of how to feed her child.

 

[bettymae1121]

I'm going to be a 1st mom in about 9 months (yay!). Even though I don't have kids of my own, nor do I have a lot of child care experiance...I do know better than to say "never". Or to put it another way - "Battle plans never survive the first engagement with the enemy"! So while I have a list of things I want to do, I'm wise enough to know that I need to be flexable.

I want to cloth diaper. I want to breastfeed. I have no problems using pacifiers or bottles (bottles espeically because I"m sure DH will want to feed the baby too!). But if cloth diapers become too much or if BFing doesn't work out, I'm not going to sweat it too much (it's not like if we wind up using formula, we're giving the kid crack. BF is best but formula is ok too). Oh, and I do want to make my own baby food, but not out of my organic garden - just the organic produce section at the store!

I have a few things going for me. One is that I'll have a full 12 weeks mat leave to get a routine going (not schedule...routine! big difference!) so that (hopefully) once I go back to work I have a good idea of what works and what doesn't. Second is that I work from home full time, that allows me to run a load of laundry over my lunch hour or puree some baby food on my coffee break. I'll have more time than the average mom that works outside the home. In case you're wondering, the plan is to have a p/t nanny in the mornings while DH sleeps (he works 3rd) and I have to work in my office, the afternoons DH will take over baby watch until I'm off of work, then I get the evening/night shift.

The one thing I'm playing by ear is the whole "sleep" thing. As I said, my DH works 3rd shift so I'll be on my own with the baby at night. I may decide it's easier to co-sleep rather than have to get up 3x a night and go into the nursery to take care of things. That's something that I think will wind up being trial-and-error and what ever seems to work best (really, whatever allows ME to get the most sleep! ha ha!) is what we'll wind up doing.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Bettymae, congrats. Lol, if you not to say never youare ahead of where I was. I love hearing that someone is going to have a baby. We smile as moms because we know what is going to happen to a heart. I wouldn't change it for the world. Good luck!! I hope that everything works out wonderfully for you.

 

[3boymthr]

I'm going to be a 1st mom in about 9 months (yay!). Even though I don't have kids of my own, nor do I have a lot of child care experiance...I do know better than to say "never". Or to put it another way - "Battle plans never survive the first engagement with the enemy"! So while I have a list of things I want to do, I'm wise enough to know that I need to be flexable.

I want to cloth diaper. I want to breastfeed. I have no problems using pacifiers or bottles (bottles espeically because I"m sure DH will want to feed the baby too!). But if cloth diapers become too much or if BFing doesn't work out, I'm not going to sweat it too much (it's not like if we wind up using formula, we're giving the kid crack. BF is best but formula is ok too). Oh, and I do want to make my own baby food, but not out of my organic garden - just the organic produce section at the store!

I have a few things going for me. One is that I'll have a full 12 weeks mat leave to get a routine going (not schedule...routine! big difference!) so that (hopefully) once I go back to work I have a good idea of what works and what doesn't. Second is that I work from home full time, that allows me to run a load of laundry over my lunch hour or puree some baby food on my coffee break. I'll have more time than the average mom that works outside the home. In case you're wondering, the plan is to have a p/t nanny in the mornings while DH sleeps (he works 3rd) and I have to work in my office, the afternoons DH will take over baby watch until I'm off of work, then I get the evening/night shift.

The one thing I'm playing by ear is the whole "sleep" thing. As I said, my DH works 3rd shift so I'll be on my own with the baby at night. I may decide it's easier to co-sleep rather than have to get up 3x a night and go into the nursery to take care of things. That's something that I think will wind up being trial-and-error and what ever seems to work best (really, whatever allows ME to get the most sleep! ha ha!) is what we'll wind up doing.

First one I always got up to nurse second one started out that way but one night I was just soooo tired and DH was out working. I brought the baby into bed with me. I found it was definitely easier to co-sleep when BF. I would let baby nurse and I'd lay on my side in bed and doze. I'd roll over switching sides with baby and then put him in the middle when done.

 

[HelenePA]

its so much easier to co-sleep and bf... why get out of bed if you dont have to?

 

[SaraJayne]

its so much easier to co-sleep and bf... why get out of bed if you dont have to?

I BF and co-sleeping was something we never even considered. It wasn't even an option. Getting out of bed to BF was my quiet, private time with the baby and I didn't mind it.

Our bed was for us, the crib was for the baby and everyone had their own private space.

YMMV

 

[torinsmom]

If you guys really think you knew NOTHING about babies, you must have been really bad nannies. No, being a nanny is not the same as being a parent, but a good nanny knows a LOT about children.

I was a great nanny; I actually still nanny part time after a full day of teaching preK/K. I knew a lot about the physical and developmental part of raising a child before I had my own, but I had no idea about the rest. It is just impossible to explain to someone who doesn't have kids.

WOW! I have heard a few stories like yours and they make me so angry. I feel that the choice to BF is up to the woman. She is the one who has to deal with everything.

I had a friend whose dh told her that she WOULD BF. I told her to tell him when he grew some B's, he could make the decision. She ended up deciding to BF and then her dh and his brother would constantly refer to her as the "milk truck". I told them both that they were completely rude and disrespectful to her.

I also would not have delivered at a hospital that did not allow an expectant mother the choice of how to feed her child.

My sister BF my first nephew for 6 months. She had a horrible experience. Her tatas were totally raw and she was in such pain. Her DH wanted her to continue. She asked him how he would feel if he had to let someone (paraphrasing here) suck his private part until it was raw and bleeding and then have to let them suck it some more every 3-4 hours. I think that made him think about it differently

 

[Conservative Hippie]

I doubt anyone thinks her way is wrong - we're laughing at the "never" part.

Like I said, if it's important to you, you will stick to "never." I made my mind up before I was ever pregnant to "never" use formula, and I never have, and never will.